towerofanimus

Entry tags:

006

Characters: Riku/"Tamas" and open/closed/open
Setting: Anywhere over the month of June
Format: Action preferred, but I'll match!
Summary: Riku during June, also having your powers forced out of control really, really sucks
Warnings: Darkness, Angst, possibly violence at one point, but nothing all too graphic

[A - 5th to 19th June - Floors 32 & 25 (Daytime), all around the tower at night]

[Even with cafeteria, restaurant and the power down, Riku only alters his routine to fit the circumstances - he isn't all too worried about himself; he's more than capable to manage himself. Every now and then he can be found gathering food or hunting on Floor 32 - he isn't above using the monsters as food source, but if he could manage otherwise, well... - but if he isn't, he's most likely continuing with studying... with less and less result as the month goes by admittedly.

At night he is out on the hunt though, clearing out groups of monsters where he knows he can take them... though he is even more cautious than usual. With all supplies limited, he really can't effort being reckless after all.]

[B - 20th June - Floor 13 - closed to Kairi]

[He has noticed that something has started to go wrong, that Soul Eater summoned itself, that his Dark Firagas flare a little more strongly than he intends them to. It's not the first time that this has happened; he recognizes it from just a few months ago, when the collars had gone haywire...

But it's getting even worse this time, because he's been feeling his grasp on the darkness inside him slip more and more in the passing week, has felt the part of it that's not his own swell and push and despite his best tries to regain control of it and himself while going on - he is slowly starting to lose himself.

Today, it's growing bad enough to make him dizzy, to the point where he just stumbles over his feet and against the wall - cold, strong stone maybe slightly soothing - breath shuddering as he reaches up, his right hand settling over his heart while his left clings to the wall. Maybe if he rests here for just a moment, he can get the Darkness back in check.]

[C - 20th to 24th June - all around the tower]

[Even though Riku would never admit so out loud, his transformed state does have some upsides. First and foremost that he can think more clearly again; though he feels slight bouts of dizziness, they are far, far less distracting now. (There is also the very clear upside of finer control over the Darkness around him and the increase of physical strength, but honestly... he would prefer being himself. But then again... this has never been about his preferences.)

Even with Kairi knowing, he cannot help but distance himself from who he had been, from who he might never be again, if things went wrong... The last time the tower had messed with his powers, he had transformed back when things had returned to what the tower considered normal, but things had been different then. The Darkness inside him hadn't been as steep.

It's alright though, he supposes... it's all about adjusting, it's just about separating his now-self from who 'Riku' had been. And getting used to the new (in his opinion, well enough fitting) name he has chosen for himself. After all, what else was he now but 'Darkness'...

He has altered his movements now, wandering the tower randomly and staying away from the places Riku is known to linger at, the hood up hiding his face. But he still spends his night on fighting. Or well... practicing just what he can do with his Darkness now. Who knew when that would get handy after all.]

ooc: If you haven't, please take a look at Riku's permissions post!

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[She does understand, she does know - it's just so foreign and strange a thought, on some level. She'd never though herself worthy of such things back then, her difficulty with the idea stemming from her view of herself rather than her view of him. But... he deserves her belief, she realizes. He deserves better than to be doubted, even if that doubt was of herself rather than of him.]

[He needn't say it. She watches him for a long, long, feels that touch, and-- the smile that happens is small, but there, and full of understanding, accompanied by the slightest of nods and warm eyes. Her hand holds his more tightly again, and she lets out a quiet sigh, her face lowers - she looks little more relaxed now. Her head turns slightly toward where their hands are, and maybe if they were higher, it seems she almost might rest her cheek against them, but perhaps it only feels that way.]

['Thank you.']

[He exhales slowly, letting go of the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding - and now he wishes even more fiercely he were himself, his true self... because then he wouldn't worry about hurting her quite as much as he is now, on top of worrying about crossing boundaries.

There is a second of indecisiveness before he moves, before he slowly, gently pulls one of his hands free and moves it just as slow and gentle as he settles it around her shoulders, careful as he tries to pull her closer, ready to let go again, to let her have her space, the moment she shows any sign of discomfort with the gesture.

'You are welcome.']

[Her eyes open when he moves - they'd started to close before - turning up toward him questioningly. She lets his hand go free without any resistance, raising her head. Even then, it takes her a little while to realize what's he's doing. She straightens slightly at the realization, eyes widening.]

[Her response otherwise isn't immediate, but... at his encouragement, she moves closer, as much so as he means to draw her. It's true that this is especially strange given his current form - but now just as before she knows precisely who it is under that coat, and she knows that she can trust him, and so she does not fret. Any and all instinctive discomfort is nudged aside by her understanding of the situation.]

[It's probably selfish of him to seek comfort like this, he thinks belatedly, even though he intended this gesture for her, even though this was supposed to comfort her.

Nevertheless he holds on for another moment, before he disentangles himself from her, takes a step back. He's maybe really not quite looking at her.]

[And it does, in its own way. She only hopes it comforts him, too. She makes no move to draw away of her own volition, just allows this and in fact settles into it, just a little, but before she can get too comfortable, it's over.]

[She looks up at him uncertainly, but then she sees how he isn't quite looking at her. It's not hard to tell he's feeling awkward about it. She is too, in her own way, but-- but he shouldn't have to. He didn't do anything wrong - not that doing things like that is necessarily right, either, not because she didn't appreciate it but because, as in many things, she is not certain that she is worthy. Her brow knits slightly, her lips pursing.]

[And then before she knows it she's stepping after him - she needs more than one little step to make the distance because his legs are so much longer right now - and then somewhere along the line her arms end up around his middle because that's about as high as she can reach right now. Maybe that's her, 'it's okay', for both of them.]

[He'd consider it comforting, usually - if he were himself, if neither of their powers were moving utterly out of control, if only...

He doesn't even notice her stepping closer, not until her arms are around him and he can't help the gasp that escapes him, the surprise in his eyes - this is about the last thing he'd have expected her to do. A moment later he is relaxing into the hug though, one arm settling around her shoulders again and he desperately wishes he were back to his old height, his true height... then at least he would be able to hug her back properly.

There's no way to change this though, no way but to wait this out, and maybe if they are patient for just a little longer, it will really be okay. Maybe.

They'll just have to keep hoping, won't they?]

[There are a lot of 'if only's in lives like theirs. Maybe this'll just have to be good enough for now.]

[She doesn't cling to him too tightly, doesn't squeeze, just keeps a firm but breakable hold on him that strengthens just a little when he places his hand on her shoulder again. Even she's a bit surprised at herself, it's true, but-- this just seemed right. They both need the comfort, though she's more focused on providing it for him than for herself.]

[But soon enough it's over, and she moves to gently let go of him and give him his space once more, unless there's any objection to doing so offered.]

[It will be. It's probably more than Riku is allowed to ask for anyways ~~or... at least that's what he thinks~~.

He bows his head lightly, fingers twining slightly, gently into her hair-ends, combing through slowly them. They both need it indeed - though Riku would argue that she needs just as much, that she shouldn't just give, but also let herself be given.

When she moves to let go, he does too, slipping his arm off her shoulder again, now no longer looking away.]

Edited 2012-11-06 22:36 (UTC)

[~~Perception is everything, and all that, but she'd readily disagree with him on that point.~~]

[It's such a strange feeling, having her hair touched like that. It's rarely been given any attention at all, and never quite that sort. She finds it oddly comforting, likely more so because of who it's coming from.]

[Alas, most things must come to an end. She's pleased to see that he's looking at her, even if she can't help feeling a little shy and embarrassed at her-- does it count as an outburst? But still she smiles up at him, the curve to her lips small but sincere.]

[~~They'll have to agree to disagree then.~~

Well, it's sort of a physical outburst, probably. Not an unwelcome one, far from really. His eyes narrow as he looks at her fondly, the corners of his lips twitching up into a light smile as well.]

...Thank you.

[~~Gladly. Unfortunately, that's probably not an arrangement she'd play fair with. He will be encouraged, so help her--~~]

[True. His reaction is about as good as she could have possibly hoped for, and she is quietly relieved.]

... You're welcome--... no. Thank you, Riku.

[~~Hey! :|~~

He is too... relieved and glad.]

...You are welcome, too.

[~~It's for the best, okay. Don't make her break out the Looking.~~]

[A positive outcome all around then--]

[Here, have a nod and a very warm smile. At least for now, her powers seemed to have calmed, but she's almost totally certain it's merely temporary.]

[~~Break it out; he can handle! 8|~~ ~~Okay no, he can't. /sob~~

Seems so.

Maybe it's only temporary, but ~~at least she gets a break~~ there is no reason to enjoy it while it lasts. Which really, she should do. Without a reminder of all things bad around (which is essentially what he has become by being forced into this form, isn't it?).

He takes another step back, reaching up to tug at his hood back into his face, making sure that it is still in place, that it can't be dislodged easily.]

[~~Yeah, that's right. And unless he wants to start weeping too he'd better behave. 8|~~]

[It is quite the relief, that much is true, and she does savor it while she can. The sigh she lets out is quiet, but perhaps tells of her not!feelings on the matter in something about the way her shoulders move through it. When he moves, her eyes are focused completely on him, waiting to see what he'll do. She's quiet a long few moments once he's raised his hood, watching him, then,]

... You never have to hide from me.

[It's quiet, without any accusation or demand. It's just a statement, and one he's free to ignore, but there it is and there it will stay.]

Edited (HTMLLLLL) 2012-11-13 23:11 (UTC)

[~~Y-yes, ma'am. He'll be good. ._.~~

While he keeps his eyes on her, he isn't really quite looking, not keeping eye contact... Not that she should be able to tell, given that the hood is hiding them now. There is a second of hesitation before he answers, head turning slightly.]

...I know.

[He knows that he doesn't have to hide with her of course, but he still can't quite help it. Or well, hiding from everyone except her.]

[~~Good boy. <3 That's how to get smiles.~~]

[She may not be able to tell properly, no, but she does have a feeling. Or not!feeling, as the case may be, and it's confirmed when he turns even slightly like that.]

....

[She shifts her weight subtly so that he's looking directly at her again and smiles so placidly you'd think she didn't just have to do that.]

Good. I'm so glad that you understand.

[~~ajdsdjkdaj Yay, smiles?~~

There is really no escaping her, is there? Not that Riku would really want to - she is still the one he is most comfortable around, as he is right now, and even as himself... she is the one who knows him best.

A hint of a smile reappears on his face... there are no words to describe his thankfulness - it is probably for the best that she reminds him that distancing himself does never really work, that there will always be somebody to pull him back, as much as he might think they shouldn't.]

[Not if she has anything to say about it, no. She may have faith in his competency as a fighter, as a person, as a friend-- but when it comes to looking after himself, well... maybe he could use a little help. It's up to his own friends to take care of that... and that applies to her, now, doesn't it? Sometimes it's still strange to think. Even if it didn't - she'd owe him that much. And so no, there is no escaping her, not as long as he needs her, no matter how small that need is. Because she does know him best, because she knows his strengths and his weaknesses and the blemishes and scars on his heart, the things that make him behave the way that he does, which is not always 'well'.]

[Her smile increases by a slightly larger amount, just a quiet encouragement. Someone will always pull him back, whether it's her or another. Too late to run, Riku. You shouldn't have made such good friends if you wanted to actually manage to get away. Perhaps to drive the point home, she takes a tiny step that closes just under half of the distance he added with his own previous step, more an illustration of the unspoken principle than because she thinks she needs to be any closer.]

[If this were anyone else, he might argue that just a little maybe. There is not much sense in arguing it with her though... not with her.

It definitely drives the point home, even though his first impulse is to pull back - it isn't safe to be with him while his Darkness is so unstable, just as it isn't quite safe to be around her while her memory powers are going wild ~~not that he had been stopped by that before, hypocrite he is~~. Even so he stays where he is, even lifts his hand just slightly, as if to reach for hers again, but then thinks better of that.]

[It's probably not a fight he could win - especially not completely enough to affect any sort of change. ~~It's difficult for one boy to stop a wave, after all.~~]

[And she just looks up at him calmly through that impulse (she might have had to compensate for it if he'd actually acted on it, but as it is, she can stay still a few moments). That movement of his hand, though, that gets the attention of her eyes. It's not hard to tell what he'd intended. ... Well. They're both dangerous, but so far nothing like it has caused too much trouble, so what's one more little touch? She reaches out at an unhurried pace, in case he should change his mind on the subject, then... gently takes his much larger hand in one of hers before bringing over the other to help hold on. Then,]

... We're going to be okay. Both of us. Things like this-- they pass.

[In the Tower, anyway. She's done not having faith in that - they both need it right now.]

[It isn't, and if there is one thing he has learned here it's this: Pick your battles. ~~Meaning yeah, this is definitely one to walk away from~~.

What's one more indeed... but how often can that be said until 'just one more', becomes 'one too many'? This one is not that one though and so Riku just sighs quietly and gently squeezes her hand.]

...Right.

[He just hopes it's going to pass sooner rather than later... beyond this he really doesn't know what consequences will follow.]

[Another lesson she'd gladly approve of.]

[Fortunately, she'll not push it long enough to find out. Her smile is soft and meant to be encouraging, and it gains a little momentum when he responds. A nod, and then she regards him quietly a moment as if to make sure the point is driven home.]

[A hope she very much shares. She suspects it might be best for both of them to get moving again soon, because she can practically feel her powers beginning to threaten another outburst at last, but the comfort of his company makes it a bit harder to let go than it should be, and she falters, eyes falling toward their hands.]

[Neither is he and yes, that point has been driven home ~~for now anyways~~.

Still, glancing down, he can see the shadows deepen even more again, and if he is interpreting her faltering correctly... Staying much longer is just tempting fate again, isn't it?

Even so he can't help squeezing her hand once more before he pulls away again.

He can't leave like this though.]

...Not much longer. We'll just have to hold onto that.

[A pleasant development, to be sure. 8|]

[She raises her eyes once more, a sincere apology in them. That squeeze is returned very lightly, and then she lets go as well.]

... Right. Not much longer at all. We'll see each other again soon.

[And she smiles an intentional but not unmeant smile before at last taking a step back, eyes still on him.]

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DW, don't post while I'm not done! D:

DDDDDD: !! DW WHY

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