When a Good Man Goes to War...

[spacehipster]

Characters: The Doctor and everyone! Even all you new blokes.
Setting: Flour Twelve
Format: Action!
Summary: The Doctor is thinking about the voices, and it's breaking his hearts. Both of them.
Warnings: ANGST seriously, guys, Linkin Park could write a song about this.

[The Doctor watched the planet explode.

And then reform.

And then explode.

Over and over. Again and again. He hated it. He absolutely hated it. He shouldn't be there. He should go somewhere else...but the voices. He didn't want to see anyone while they were still affecting him.

His face was gaunt, and rightly so, considering the things he'd be hearing, thinking, feeling. He wasn't sure how much the voices were saying and how much he was saying. He couldn't differentiate. Not anymore. His memories, thoughts, were getting the better of him. The voices didn't even bother anymore. The ghosts of his past were enough.

Maybe he was talking out loud. Maybe he wasn't. He didn't know. There were too many voices, ones from before the Tower were there too.

"Doctor, am I dying?"

Yes, you are. And even The Doctor couldn't save you. The Doctor couldn't save anyone. The Doctor was useless.

"Doctor, why did you leave?"

I'm sorry. No, you're not, Doctor. If you were sorry, you'd visit.

"Doctor, why did you let me die?"

I didn't meant to--

"Do you remember me, Doctor? I just wanted to see you. I did everything for you. And I'm dying. It's your fault."

I know.

"Silly, silly, Doctor, always thinking you can save everyone."

Shut up.

"Doctor, why don't you ever visit?"

"Doctor...did you ever love me? ...Or was I just 'another companion'?""

"You're not my Doctor."

"Doctor, please."

"I'm too old for the Doctor."

"Why did you say five minutes?"

"Doctor, don't go!"

"The Doctor l i e s.'"

"Funny. Your fairy tale 'hero' Doctor can't save anyone. But you know what? Neither can your scary Doctor. Both of you are useless.''

"You're not capable saving anyone.'''

"The last of the Time Lords."

"Murderer."

You're wrong.

"Am I, Doctor? You killed them. You murdered them, so you're a murderer by definition, right Doctor?"
 

He was just starting to...get better, to think he was fixing things.

But he wasn't.

He was as far from fixing things as possible. People were dying. Children were dying. And he couldn't save them. He couldn't save anyone.

"Do you miss me, Doctor?"

Yes, I miss you. I miss all of you. That's why your rooms are still on the TARDIS. Even if they're empty. Even if I'm alone.

"Are you ready to die, Doctor?"

No.

"But you know it's coming. You saw the date. You know what you must do. You know you must die."

That doesn't mean I have to want to do it.

"How selfish."

I am selfish.

"And dangerous."

And dangerous.

"And useless."

Completely useless.

"And alone."

All alone.

"At least you're aware of yourself."

He couldn't let himself fall apart, not here.

But even The Doctor's emotions are clearly shown on his face sometimes.]

Comments

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

[There is the sound of very heavy footsteps entering the room. Fawkes is unaware that this is a new addition, given his time of arrival. He'd been a bit curious about other planets and such - especially given one of the stories the Lone Wanderer had told about being abducted by aliens. Some might dismiss it as insane ranting, but he'd had no reason to doubt his friend.]

[This, though... This was distressing. He'd walked in right before the destruction of worlds had started, and found himself staring silently as it happened.]

[Once it finished, though...]

This is a horrible place!

[spacehipster]

[Ah, another person. The Doctor put on his best smile.]

Very much so.

Not to mention how inaccurate it is. As if I'd let this happen.

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

[Curious. This one was not scared or intimidated by his appearance. That could be good or bad, especially given with the confidence the seemingly human man seemed to have.]

What do you mean?

[spacehipster]

I mean that I would have saved that planet like I always do.

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

[There's a grunt as he looks up at the simulation.]

I wonder what my world would have turned out like if someone had been able to stop us from destroying ourselves.

[spacehipster]

...I'm sorry for your loss.

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

While it is... disheartening to a degree, for the loss of life involved, perhaps my world is better off. To have jumped to violence so quickly, I hold out optimism that perhaps we will eventually learn to not be so hasty to hurt each other. One learns more from defeat than victory, after all.

[spacehipster]

I suppose you're right. My own race could have used a small defeat or two to teach them a lesson.

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

[Fawkes notes that use of past tense.] I suppose the saying about hindsight is all too true, then.

[And given the man's appearance, Fawkes' curiosity is piqued.] Humans are scarce in your world, then?

[spacehipster]

Oh, no. There are plenty of humans on earth. Loads of them. Everywhere. Breed like rabies, they do. Always growing and thinking and changing.

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. So you are not human, then...

[spacehipster]

No, I'm Time Lord. Humans look like us. Or rather, me.

[lucidmutant.livejournal.com]

I am... Unfamiliar with such a race. Then again, I am unfamiliar with a great many things in this place.