towerofanimus | Where Will You Go?

Entry tags:

Where Will You Go?

Who: Sou "Kit" Kigetsuki, and anyone who happens to cross his path.
What: Sou's recovery was a swift one that wasn't without consequence.
When: After the Shadow Event
Where: Cafeteria.
Format: Prose but I'll match.
Warning: violence (tentatively)

Sou pretty much had forced himself into one of the fastest recoveries from a broken ankle ever by putting a bullet in his own head. He wasn't about to let anything stop him and he certainly didn't want anyone's help or pity.

Like the natural actor he was, he pretended that nothing bothered him. At least publicly. He raised his brow at the display of energy bars and it reminded him sorely of those bars he had back at the lab during his refinement which brought to the surface terrible memories of the harsh experimentations he endured.

It was almost disgusting how the Administration would think that they are nothing more than rats and even worse, he was starting to see the big picture. It was enough to make him lance the festering wound of discontent and maliciousness through violent action. His hands at his sides in tight fists, the heat in the general area of about ten feet was becoming increasingly unbearable.

"STOP MESSING WITH ME!"

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Why was he being so angry? There was nothing offending about what she was saying. At least, she wasn't trying to. She didn't understand why he was so mad. She only wondered what the hell did that thing say to him, and sure enough, he said it. The part that she didn't want to hear. That thing had twisted its words and now she was paying for it.

Ishtar's eyes looked downcast for a moment, "It's not like that," she quietly muttered, "I..." just what was she going to say? That she didn't want to deny it? That she wanted to accept it but she was too scared to? She was still too shocked to even admit that. In the end, she just accepted it, all of it.

"I denied her existence for a time...that's why people got hurt...and that's why I'm paying for it right now, but I told her that she was part of me, even though I...what am I even--" she didn't even know what she was starting this again. Ishtar ran a hand through her hair, her tone became a little more serious, "I'm sorry. I don't know what she told you specifically, but it's probably the truth. At least, most of it was," she paused for a moment, before speaking again since the next words that came out of her mouth sounded strange but she wanted to ask just in case.

If he wasn't hurt by her then...maybe it was something else that was making him mad, "Were you friends with her?" she mused quietly with all seriousness lining her voice. She wasn't sure what she was asking anymore but it seemed like it made sense to ask it. She didn't want to push anything on this guy she barely knew but it bothered her that he was suddenly so upset with her about something. If he refused to say anything, then she wouldn't push him any further than this.

Edited 2012-09-17 09:20 (UTC)

"Yes." Sou's response was simple. He hadn't been this direct since meeting with Ryuho that day. There was no sense in hiding that he had actually felt attraction toward a nonexistent being that toyed with him and left him cold and wanting. It was infuriating him to the point of anger and the repression was increasingly intense.

He didn't know what else to say. What could he say? He ruined the cafeteria and nearly destroyed the first floor over what? Because he felt abandoned again. That noose around his neck was the loneliness that he suffered from that he caused from his time as a dictator. He didn't know how to let go of his past.

"You don't need to apologize. You didn't spend your life destroying because you can. You locked away something I can't." He stepped back again. "Don't approach me. I may end up hurting you too."

"I see...I guess I can understand why you were upset a little," she replied with a nod. It made sense. The Shadow that was part of her managed to make a friend before she disappeared was definitely something Ishtar could not simply brush aside. It seemed like she wanted to assist the stranger a little more because of that.

There was an awkward pause from Ishtar as she gave him a worried glance. She wasn't sure how to approach this anymore but she allowed her words to remain honest and sincere as she could make them.

"I couldn't destroy anything even if I wanted to. I'm sure that was said somewhere by her. I don't have the will to those kinds of things. Somehow, it seems like you might have had a reason for what you did. At least, from the way you sound."

She kept her distance. She didn't want to cause him too much distress.

"That's not the first time someone's said that to me, but knowing me, I'll probably do it anyway. I've gotten hurt so many times, I've lost count, so it's not really a big deal if I get hurt again," she replied, letting a small smile line her face, "I still think you need medical attention. You really look like you are hurting."

"Just my pride. The rest are just bruises that will fade in time." Sou was finding himself honestly responding to her. It could be because she is the shadow's true form that he didn't fight all that hard.

He invested into a creature that wasn't real which wasn't anything new to him. At least he discovered that he had the capacity to show compassion which was something that he never thought he could do again. He didn't move this time.

His own vanity was pushed aside and those bruises served as a reminder of what he could do and decided to keep them for now. It still angered him deep within that he dropped his guard to something so dangerous yet captivating.

"In that case of you allowing yourself to get hurt, it appears that we're equally matched."

"You can always rebuild it. I know it must be painful, but it's not the end of the world," she replied softly. It was suppose to sound reassuring but she wasn't sure if it came out right at all, "Ah...I see."

She didn't want to make him feel pressured, so she tried to stray away from this subject the best she should, but she could definitely sympathize with it. She took a couple of more steps towards him, though still issuing that she was willing to assist with his injuries, because she felt responsible for it and at the same time she was worried for him.

"I mean, I'm used to it, seeing it happened often in a place I was stuck at. I don't see why it would be any different here. Everyone has their reasons, you know?" she mused softly, "So please let me help you."

Sou inhaled deeply, he nodded his head. If denying the shadow meant denying the true person, he wasn't about to do the same thing that Ishtar tried to do. What else did he have to lose? Sou didn't move. It was a silent agreement to allow himself to accept her willingness to help him.

It was strange. He denied acceptance of any assistance for so long that he had forgotten what it was like to be touched by anyone. "I accept."

Ishtar lowered to her knees when she got close enough, giving him a small smile when he finally complied. She didn't want him to return with the injuries by himself, even if these meetings were a little awkward right now. Ishtar straightened herself and lowered her arms on his injuries.

"Thanks. I know I'm being kinda pushy, but I don't want to see you or anyone go back injured when I can fix it somehow. It won't hurt or anything, I promise. So, give me a few minutes," she replied with a nod of her head, content that he finally agreed to her assistance.

Sou's dark blue eyes appeared almost black in the shadow as he lowered his head to watch her movements which he thought was a little strange. He nodded in acknowledgement to take a seat at a nearby chair.

"You're a healer. Healers are naturally pushy." He recalled the time that there was one he rescued from the Facility that he was refined from that did the exact same thing only she gave a part of her life to save him after he was shot the first time and died protecting him.

Lavina was the only person he ever loved and her loss made him harden his heart even further to protect himself from that sort of arrangement.

Ishtar raised her arms so they were focused on his form.

"Where does it hurt the most? I think we can start from there, and haha, we are kinda pushy aren't we?" she replied laughing a little at that. Ishtar never did that kind of thing for anyone, but she could if she had to. If he ever told her that story, she would empathize, seeing she somewhat understood what it was like to watch someone die protecting others.

"My neck." Sou lifted his head and lowered the collar of his shirt to reveal the darkened bruises above his indigo collar. "Since she is you, the grip was relatively tight."

Death wasn't unusual for him to witness. The time he had gone ballistic was around the point Lavina had died. He practically felt her life leaving and with his already shattered mind, the situation quickly escalated out of control. "It's not as painful as it looks."

She brushed her hands gently over the bruises that formed, furrowing her brows as she did so.

"...I'm not usually that strong," she replied almost in a low whisper to Sou, "I'm sorry...this wouldn't have happened if I just accepted things from the start," she added closing her eyes. She couldn't stop thinking about how painful it must have been for him to have to deal with that kind of strangulation.

"...It still..." she paused shaking her head. Instead, she allowed herself to repeat her magic words, letting a small illuminating light hover over the wound and carefully fixed the bruise so that there was no sign of bruising or pain, but perhaps a little strain.

"Stop lying to yourself. That's why the Shadow existed in the first place." Sou's voice was still soft but the edge was a bit harder.

"It's part of nature, an act of self preservation. I was seen as a threat. It's that simple."

He noticed her struggle with her magic and lightly gripped her wrists. His unnaturally warm hands fed a new kind of energy into her. It was almost as if he was giving her a boost somehow that felt almost like a natural, primal force of nature at the same time life-giving and dangerous. "Relax."

"I'm not lying," she replied in a blunt response, "I'm hardly a warrior type, nor do I possess any abilities that are beyond a normal human being," she replied. The magic didn't count since it wasn't her physical strength but rather a source of power that she had been given the luxury of using. Ishtar looked at him with a small, quiet look.

"I guess you have a point," she replied nodding.

After replying to that, she resumed with repeating the foreign words almost casually. It was strange how they flowed almost naturally to her now. It had been so long, and she never expected to be able to possess this kind of ability to memorize such elaborate spells.

His hand was strangely warm when they touched her, though she couldn't stop to ask him why since spells like this required immense amounts of concentration. One slip and the spell would be turned around and that would not be a good thing. She only heard his words before trying to calm herself down. She had been through one experiment with Shadows before but not quite on the level where she had to do much more to keep it away from people.

After a few minutes, she removed her hands, the wound on his neck was no more, and it seemed like he was never hurt in the first place. She gave him a small smile, "Err...thanks," because she was a little emotional, she almost lost her concentration a few moments ago.

"Thank you." Sou felt the bruises disappear even though he wasn't sure what to make of the magic he had witnessed. He was used to direct contact, one without words. His eyes cast down for a moment, his hands still on Ishtar's wrists, he finally released his hold.

"I was a bit harsh to you when I shouldn't have. I'm...sorry." He looked away and inhaled deeply to survey his damage. "What a selfish act I had committed."

Ishtar wiped her forehead a little. It had been a while since her powers had been accessed at its full potential. She still didn't have the stamina to work with ti completely. The words were always the hardest thing about these spells. They had to be said correctly and carefully. On slip up and the results could be more than just disastrous.

"You're welcome. I'm glad that I could help," she replied with a small smile still lining her face. Ishtar looked at him confused for a moment as he finally spoke, "Ah...it's alright. I wasn't expecting you to be calm about it. I mean you met someone who was kind of me, and now she's gone. I'm used to it, so it's fine," she replied laughing. He wasn't that bad of a person once she spoke to him.

Thankfully, his insanity is at bay. He's not under a great amount of stress any more for that voice to start pestering him. He shook his head and pointed toward the damage. "I was talking about this. It's not alright that I did this. Thanks to me, it looks like hunting and gathering is the basis of survival instead of relying on god awful energy bars that have the texture of gum paste. The latter would taste much better."

He looked toward Ishtar again, dark blue eyes scanned her face. "We all have our demons. Hopefully, you'll never have to see mine."

Sou really wasn't deep down. He lived a lonely life from his early childhood on and never truly understood what it was like to live with others and interacting with them only complicated matters.

Ishtar glanced at the damage. Somehow she couldn't approve of violence over things like that, but people had different outlets, and his happened to be well the destruction that was done here.

She rubbed the back of her head softly, "Well, no it isn't but I guess it's understandable when it happens sometimes," she replied before adding, "It's okay though. Don't worry. I know what you mean. Those things taste just as bad as those food bars that I had to eat back at that place."

She mused nodding her head. She didn't find him that hard to get along with once they got talking. He seemed like a pretty okay guy.

Sou laughed softly with a touch of darkness hidden underneath. The fact that she implied a place that was just as unsavory as this one would have ignited him again, but instead he suppressed the memory and decided on a more diplomatic approach as he leaned back against one of the tables.

"Understood. I was never fond of them in the first place and seeing them again, heh, it was irony in the waiting to fuel a much needed desire to ruin them just as they had ruined me. I used to be," Sou shook his head with his eyes closed, "it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I'm here now when I should be dead."

"Oh, you finally laughed," even though it sounded a little off, it was nice to hear him laugh. It was better than moments ago when he was angry and hurt. She always like people better when they were content or at least smiling, even if if there were other reasons for it.

"So, it brought back things you didn't want to remember?" she mused tilting her head again, "What...?" she mused glancing at him in confusion, "dead?" she mused pausing before speaking again, "Did you pass away in your world?"

"Assassinated. The cause was a just one on their part." Sou wasn't going to sugar coat anything. He was cruel, heartless and very hard to get close to back home. He kept people at a distance for a reason and it wasn't just because of his power.

He never learned how to love until he met Lavina. He had a warped sense of the world after his refinement that had driven him insane. "For a short time time, I was a laboratory subject by choice and my choice would be something that I would come to regret."

The fact that he wasn't seen as a very strong individual back home that no one took seriously, he didn't anticipate the insanity refinement would give him in place of power. "I was nineteen at the time of death. I'll be twenty come Novemeber."

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have asked you such a personal question," she replied looking down. She didn't know what else to say, other then being able to relate in some way. It wasn't as bad as his and she surely didn't die yet, but the thought of being assassinated was something she was used to.

If only she knew, she would probably try to help him out even more, "What were...you doing at a laboratory?" she mused. Was he a scientist, a researcher or perhaps...he was also a subject? The question kind of slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it, but she didn't press it. If he chose to answer he could, if not it was fine with her.

"You're only maybe a year older than me," she replied frowning. He was so young, "but I guess you must have had something for people to assassinate you," she mused holding in a long pause before replying, "I'm sorry," maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ask him these questions.

Sou's eyes fixed on Ishtar for a moment. His body language depicted his attention and how he should respond. "There is nothing for you to apologize for. You didn't try to destroy a city simply because you can. As I said, their reasons were justified and if killing me ensured their survival, I have nothing to return back to even if I was redeemed."

He inhaled deeply to think about her question about the lab. Now that he was calm, he could address it without inviting back the insanity. "I subjected myself to an experiment to boost my power. Instead, I received more. I started hearing voice, seeing things, they still happen from time to time. Since I saw your shadow, I was sorely reminded just how screwed up I became from letting those technicians play god with my DNA. I can't take back what has happened and I sure as hell can't go back to the way I used to be."

He lowers his head with a sad smile. "I don't fully remember who I was before I became a walking nuclear bomb."

"Even if you deserved it, it's not right to be taking people's lives. People may have done things that are wrong, but no one really deserves to die. Life is precious, compared to anything else. Whether you've committed a crime or not, you should always value your life," she replied softly, "even if there isn't anything to come back to. You can always find it again."

She finished, though of course just saying what she was thinking off the top of her head. She didn't expect him to believe what she had to say. In fact, she was prepared for him to reject it upright. Ishtar's view of people was different from many others. She didn't think anyone should deserve to die, even though sometimes there were things that would lead up the person being bad and doing bad things. People had a reason most of the time, anyway.

She folded her arms as she listened, "You're strong, despite endearing such things," she replied with a soft voice, "I'm sorry that things didn't turn out the way you wanted, and it's alright, I guess. The past is the past, right? You are here right now. You should try to make the best of it."

She smiled softly.

"Maybe you can find yourself again."

Sou's head leaned back to look up at the ceiling. His eyes closed for a moment. If everything that Ishtar said is true, then he had a hell of a time believing it. His jaw tightened down a bit before his lowered his head to fix on Ishtar's face. "Finding myself. Heh, that's a luxury that some can afford. This is the last stop for me. What I want is irrelevant. What I need I can't have by simply taking it. Time isn't an option for something like that to grow and I'm already dead, so why should it matter."

He pulled himself off from the table and placed his hands behind his back. Despite his chaotic nature, the turmoil he was feeling was equally as intense as his discipline. He could destroy everything in this place but his need for survival is just as strong and his will to live was higher still.

"This second chance, eventually it will destroy me too."

Ishtar gave him a quiet look as he closed his eyes, wondering if she said something wrong. Was it strange that she could say something like that? She thought it was an opportunity of gaining a second chance. She always thought about it that way since she found out she wasn't exactly who she thought she was. Ishtar lowered her eyes as he spoke again.

"I still think it matters, whether you think so or not. Even if you were dead in your world, you're alive and breathing here."

She mused looking off a bit, "What do you need? Is it really that hard to obtain?" she questioned still keeping her tone even as she asked him those questions, "How so?"

She added after a long moment of silence.

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