[OPEN] How much of it's genetics? How much of it is fate?

[chronomancer]

Characters: jade!Eridan & YOU! 
Setting: Workshop
Format: Starting with action, but I'll match you.
Summary: Eridan emerges from his self-imposed exile for a while to clean his rifles.
Warnings: Eridan's deadpan. Potential violence if he gets pissed; lots and lots of rifles. Gamzee. Gory, ironic death via Gamzee. Goddammit, Gamzee.

[He started off with one. And then he doomed himself a few times. And well. It wasn't like he could just let them go to waste, when they started piling up.

Laser rifles need a different type of maintenance than the usual kind, but it's still maintenance in the end.

So there's a sullen troll, half hidden behind a pile of guns, carefully cleaning one by one. It's a methodical and repetitive process, but it's not like Eridan seems to mind too terribly. He's just minding his business, but hey. Maybe if you ask very nicely, he'll give you one.

Maybe.]

Comments

[terreifying]

Okay, so how do you want it written? I mean, I can use fancy words, but I don't really like to use them.

[chronomancer]

[Dryly.]

Oh, I don't know. But you might want to put your name on it.

[terreifying]

Rei Ayanami. It's spelled R-e-i, space, A-y-a-n-a-mi. You'll know it when you see it on the paper.

[chronomancer]

...right.

[WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HIM. Sob. Human interaction, how does it work.]

[terreifying]

[Oh silly. Even if you knew about human interaction, you'd still need another guide on Rei interaction.]

[And that would read like Time Cube.]

What about you? Do you have a name?

[chronomancer]

[Eridan sighs again and finally puts down the rag.]

Yeah, I do. Name's Eridan.

[WHY ARE YOU SO WEIRD.]

[terreifying]

Okay. Since you have so many guns, I'll invite you along next time I go monster-hunting!

[chronomancer]

Er.

[Staring.]

...sure?

[WTF]

[terreifying]

Yay! We'll be the best of friends and kill monsters together! I should show you my other friend Tohko too! She's awesome! Ooh, and Sayaka and Rise and Illya too!

[She sticks out her hand, expecting him to shake it.]

[chronomancer]

Uh.

[sdflkjghsdlfg HE NEEDS AN ADULT, HE NEEDS AN ADULT, WHAT THE HELL.]

...sure.

[After a moment of hesitation, he tentatively takes the offered hand.]

[terreifying]

[She gives him a very quick and firm handshake.]

Glad to meet you!

[See? She's not bad--just hyperactive.]

[chronomancer]

L-likewise.

[He's not sure he's built to handle hyperactive, sorry.]

[terreifying]

Okay, wait for me while I write that paper!

[With that, she dashes off to find pen and pencil. Will he still be there when she gets back?]

[chronomancer]

[He'll be there. And he'll be just as confused because. What. The hell. Just happened here.]

[terreifying]

[She runs back, with the pen and paper in tow. She gives it for him to read.]

["I, Eridan, of sound mind and body (I hope), now solemnly swear that any and all responsibility for death, injury, and property destruction will now belong to Rei Ayanami upon transferring into her possession 1 of my awesome guns."]

[Underneath the body of the text is a signature, likely Rei's.]

[chronomancer]

[Eridan stares at the paper, at Rei and at the pile of guns. Mostly just at the expression on her face. He lets out a very loud sigh and puts the sunglasses on his hair so he can rub his eyes a little. Then he grabs one of the clean rifles and puts it in her hand.]

...now get out of here before I rediscover common sense and change my mind.

[terreifying]

YAY!

[She scoops up one of the guns. And then she scoops him up in a big bone-crushing hug.]

[chronomancer]

[The sound Eridan made is comparable to a cat being throw into a pond of freezing water. He goes rigid and sort of just waits for the horrible, horrible thing to end. Oh god.]

[terreifying]

[Finally, after five minutes or so, she lets go.]

Thank you very much.

[chronomancer]

[A little unintelligible noise is her only reply. Oh god, never hug him again. Please.]

she just failed paleflirting forever. someone get the gold star

[terreifying]

Mm! I'm sure we'll be good friends from now on, Eridan. Come over when I get Go-kun back. I'll give you a ride and we can kill monsters together.

D Y I N G

[chronomancer]

[This is the sound a whimper becomes when you choke on it repeatedly.]

...sure thing.

[OH GOD JUST GO AWAY.]

He can have a Moirail and a Moistress--how lucky

[terreifying]

[She gives him an eager nod.]

Then, we can hang out later. If I find any cool monsters, I'll knock on your door. Wait, where is your door?

Um. U M. thanks but no thanks?!?

[chronomancer]

Er. 1-10.

[...oh damn, he shouldn't have told her that.]

Coming to theaters near you this Winter: Pale Seduction

[terreifying]

3-15 for me. See you later, now.

[She starts walking off, still holding that gun.]