[OPEN] you waste your time with hate and regret

[chronomancer]

Characters: Jade!Eridan Ampora('s half dead carcass) and YOU.
Setting: Floor 12.
Format: Action, but I'll match you.
Summary: Nobody told Eridan sleeping in this cold is a bad, bad idea. What did you expect from him? He knows how to survive extreme heat, not extreme cold.
Warnings: Jadeblood popcicles. Jadeblood popcicles for everyone. Also Eridan sliding down the slippery slope of murderously batshit crazy, yay.

[Watching the universes ending and stars imploding and the whole thing... it's rather soothing. Sort of. Eridan was in dire need of soothing things, to put his mind back together. He'd intended to maybe sit there for a couple hours, watching the stars dying, and trying to calm himself down from an abrupt, nonsensical rage that even he could tell was irrational. He'd been pushing down a bubble of hysteria for the better part of four days now, mostly because hysteria meant bad, bad things for all involved, but maybe if he went at it slowly, it wouldn't be so bad. Because meltdowns totally work that way, obviously. Though even he had to admit that he couldn't keep on pretending everything was right and peachy. Putting on a smile and going through the motions was getting almost physically painful, but he didn't want anyone to get hurt. (And of course, being a responsible troll and asking Jade for a feelings jam was not an idea that occurred to him, either, because what is doing the right thing, haha, you must have confused him for someone else, Eridan Ampora never does the right thing unless Paradox Space has him at metaphorical gun point about it.)

Eridan watched the cycles of destruction repeat over and over again, while he tried to put order to the mess that is his head, but it wasn't long before he started feeling sleepy instead. Not really knowing any better, and given the alternative was thinking more about Rei and such, he started nodding off, fueled by the cold.

Which is why you'll find him tucked away in a corner of the room, face buried into his knees, arms around his ankles and limbs already stiff. The sleeves of that jacket have been brutalized already, but hey. At least there isn't a single bloodstain on this floor.

Yet.]

Comments

[chronomancer]

[But that's like... trusting someone. It's terrifying. Holding onto Equius the way he is, Eridan is also metaphorically holding onto what little self-control he still has, giving a physical sense to the anxiety building up.]

God, please don't be.

[He should probably let go, but he didn't want to.]

It's not your fault.

[The fault, of course, is his. It's always his. He fucks up everything. Every single thing he comes in contact with. Bam. Fucked.]

[geometry]

[It is terrifying, that whole mess. He knows. Really, he does. He’s done it before (albeit not to Eridan’s level of fucked-up). Which is why he is pointedly not going to let go of this jadeblood, ever, and that has nothing to do with the fact that Eridan’s claws pretty much will not let him do so.]

It’s not my fault. But... that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t feel bad for you. Because I do. [That last bit came a little like a revelation. It was actually the first time he’d been able to vocalize a feeling like that.] I’m sorry that you’ve been driven to this and I’m sorry that you don’t think you’re worth anything without something to destroy, because that’s a lie, and you are. And I’m sorry that you want me to leave, because I can tell you right now that it’s not going to happen. I’m not going anywhere.

[Equius is clinging a bit tighter himself, as if this will at all help the situation; maybe if he holds on to Eridan’s physical body parts tight enough to keep them in place, it will keep the fragments of his mind together too.]

[chronomancer]

[For your efforts, Equius, you are going to be handsomely rewarded with the earth-shattering price of listening to Eridan whine like he's being killed. It's a long, strangled, pained sound and he just sort of burrows it into Equius' shoulder, whole body shuddering.]

Don't do this to me.

[I'm sorry about the clenched claws. Ow.]

[geometry]

[Not that it matters, but Equius kept a poker face, able to ignore even the claws that were definitely starting to hurt. At least, he kept it until Eridan made that noise. He sounded like he was being killed -- and that, in turn, sliced through Equius’ gut like he was the one on the chopping block. Needless to say, it didn’t at all convince him to see Eridan’s side of things.]

[Instead, feeling the shaking and horrified troll in his arms, Equius saw nothing he could do but scoop the boy in tighter, tucking his own neck into the gap between Eridan’s head and shoulder. Surely, all of his problems could be resolved if they just sat there together for long enough, right? The galaxy would make it so.]

[chronomancer]

[And then those claws started to move, even without much conscious thought. You know, almost like those affectionate scratches of his, except not at all as soft.]

I won't forgive myself, if you get hurt.

[And you don't understand how much he's trying not to hurt you, Equius. He's trying really fucking hard, okay. To reign in that urge to hurt something and then there you are, right under his hands, and what he's supposed to do?]

[geometry]

I can handle it. I promise.

[No, he didn’t understand. He probably could never understand for as long as he lived. Even if he did, he’d probably still stay here instead of leaving Eridan to his misery, just... not with as much certainty as he had right now. He knew the damage that Eridan was capable of, but he had no gun; without a gun, the wounds Equius would get from him would be no worse than the ones from all the other irrationally angry trolls on Alternia. And even if he was wrong and they were worse, well... then it was just him being a dumbass and he probably deserved it, taking the whole thing into consideration.]

Don’t worry about what happens. I can handle it.

[chronomancer]

I don't care.

[Eridan jerks back, one hand releasing Equius' back to hold his chin. Wanna see how close he's skirting the edge of sanity? Sure, let him glare down at your eyes, Equius, almost nose to nose. It's like he's vibrating with barely restrained violence.]

I don't care if you can, you fucking shouldn't have to.

[With all that snarling, you'd think he's about to bite Equius' face off or something.]

[geometry]

[As one moves, the other moves. With surprisingly quick reflexes, Equius pulled his own head back, enough that they were staring eye to eye when Eridan grabbed for his chin. This procedure wasn’t new either, and he was doing what he wished he had done all the other times someone had grabbed for his face and snarled -- that is, not screaming and pleading for his life. (That seemed kind of redundant now.) His expression had already hardened quite a bit over the course of this miserable excuse for a conversation, and it didn’t falter at all when Eridan pulled him up; in fact, it might have gotten a bit harsher, if only because he was now staring deep into the dark and batshit-crazy recesses of the Furthest Ring.]

I’d rather you take it out on me than you take it out on yourself!

[chronomancer]

[Eridan snarls at him, eyes crazed.]

No.

[geometry]

Why?!

[chronomancer]

Because.

[This is the most eloquent conversation in the history of ever, isn't it.]

[geometry]

Why?

[More forcefully this time.]

[chronomancer]

[Hang on, he needs to growl first before he gets back to words, you're making him angry and frustrated and this is not okay.]

[geometry]

[It's okay, he'll wait.]

[chronomancer]

[Stop being so frustrating. He's angry at you and angry at himself for being angry at you and this is not okay.]

Because it's not fair, grubfucking dammit!

[geometry]

And taking it out on yourself is?

[chronomancer]

Yes.

[Well, d'uh.]

[geometry]

No!

[That came out really, really loud. Louder than he intended it to. And he intended it loud.]

[chronomancer]

[He flinches from that, wincing at the volume that very nearly makes his ears ring. But then:]

Yes, it is.

[Yeah, we're back to the feral snarling, here.]

[geometry]

[YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, PUNK??? ...oh.]

[Wait.]

[We. We can’t. Take it outside. Can we.]

[Oops.]

No! No it’s not! And you want to know something else? If you’re so terribly concerned about fairness, then I’d suggest you stop right now, because all this bullshit you’re piling on yourself has gone far, far past the realm of fairness!

[chronomancer]

[Dude, we're in outer space. Kind of. There's no more outside than this.]

It is. I'm not piling anything on me, I'm getting exactly what I fucking deserve. Because I'm a lying, backstabbing coward that can't do fuckshit right.

[geometry]

You are piling things on you, precisely because you think you’re a lying, backstabbing coward! And that-- that’s not even true, goddammit, so there’s no point!

If you need to take it out on anybody, take it out on me, because clearly you’ve already beaten yourself to a pulp!

[ >:U ]

[chronomancer]

You don't even know what I did.

[geometry]

It doesn’t matter!

[That... yeah, you know what, not even going to hide it. That’s screaming. Equius is screaming.]

[chronomancer]

It matters to me!

[Yeah, let's just. Solve our problems. By screaming at the top of our lungs. That'll help. Definitely.]