towerofanimus | ITP: Meandering

Entry tags:

ITP: Meandering

Characters: Arturia Pendragon [AU5] and anyone
Setting: Dorms, Floor One, Floor Twenty-~~three~~four, and Floor Thirty-eight.
Format: Prose
Summary: Arturia wakes up in the tower after what must be countless centuries of forced combat.... and has no idea what to do with herself!
Warnings: DEATH! WOOHOO! In the first post, too! \o/

[Room 03-17]
It was with a jolt and a gasp that she finally sat up, hand going to her neck only to find the collar there but all the same she could move. She could move. She could breathe.

"W-what?"

She could speak.

What was this place? Yet another battlefield in which she'd be made to slaughter guilty and innocent alike endlessly, an angel of death garbed in blood-stained white for all to see? It made no sense to her. None whatsoever. She glanced around the room for any sign of what she was meant to do but only found other beds like the one she laid on and a trunk much like the one at the foot of her bed. Her eyes finally fell on the notes and she snatched them up, reading them thoroughly, her heart squeezing with every moment.

The world was.... gone? She was free? Free from her punishment?

Arturia had no idea how to feel about this. On the one hand even she could be grateful of the reprieve, but on the other hand it had been at the cost of who knows how many lives? And what if the world itself was still in tact? Would she go right back to fighting endlessly as soon as she returned? Questions. So many questions she didn't understand, but she balled up her notes and placed them in the trashcan. With barely a thought she summoned what was now her normal attire, sans the collar. Apparently the collar placed on her here superseded it. No matter. It wasn't like she was really attached to anything beyond her sword at this point.

And so Arturia headed out of her dorm, wanting to know just where she'd wound up and where to go from here.

[Floor One]
If there was one indulgence she would allow herself, it was food. Naturally when she'd read she'd have to eat some oatmeal before she could eat anything else she'd been fine with it.

There wasn't much of a spread in the cafeteria, simply eggs for breakfast, and once she was done with her oatmeal she tore into them like a hyena. It wasn't very kingly or knightly or even as lady-like as her appearance would suggest, but it was something. They were not the best made nor would it have been memorable otherwise--but it was food! Real food! And a delicious smell beyond the smell of blood and steal she never knew she'd grow tired of.

Part of her mind went back to those meals in Fuyuki, how warm the house had been, how Shirou had insisted she eat at the table with everyone else despite her and Rin's protests.

How delicious the meals had been, cooked with a care and pride not common in her time. Arturia found her appetite gone, the food tasting like ash, but not wanting to waste it, she forced herself to finish, though she no longer looks happy about it.

[Floor Twenty-Two to Floor Twenty-Four]

Wait, had she lost count of the floors? Arturia thought back for a moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, she could have sworn she just went past the twenty-third floor to explore, so why could she not remember it. She turned on the stairs to check again. She needed to be thorough in creating a mental map of this place and the dangers it could present.

Except she bypassed it again! What was wrong with her? Had she been controlled for so long her senses were completely dull?! With a frustrated sigh she turned again to go up the stairs--

--and again she missed the floor entirely! And again! Again again again she kept missing it. This tower would not make a fool of her! She turned yet again, this time counting the number of stairs to make sure she didn't miss the floor, a determined look on her face, and unaware of how her body was slowly becoming vaguely transparent time she passed the twenty-third floor.

[Floor Thirty-Eight]
Her body didn't ache after climbing so many stairs like a normal person would, but Arturia knew there was only so much time in the day. The elevator would be a few flights up and then she could see about returning to her dorm to become further acquainted with her roommates. But for now this room seemed as good enough place as any to rest and gather her thoughts.

The elation of being able to move freely, to speak freely, to make her own choices was starting to lose its novelty. Arturia sank into a bean bag chair, for once in her now-long life not caring how dignified she looked in doing so. If the world had, indeed, ended and she had, somehow, been saved, it left one question on her mind that she couldn't hold back any longer. For so long everything had been clear before her, her path marked with a vivid certainty she could not take her eyes from.

Only now it was gone. Gone not just in the world itself being gone, but her Kingdom, her friends, every last person had been lost to her by coming here; destroyed by her own hand. For so long she had believed there was no escaping her fate, her punishment, and now here she was, completely and utterly alone and lost.

"What do I do now?" she asked aloud both for the novelty and because some part of her mind was beginning to settle into a sort of malaise of "who cares"?

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[That look of surprise and quiet disbelief just added to Irisviel's confusion. She knew something strange was going on here, but it was hard to judge what exactly this strange thing was just yet. Was this some new experiment by the administrators? If not, then the real answer is obvious...

Hm. But how to go about this. She needs to be delicate, in case the other option is the true answer to this confusion. Better start off small.]

Are you feeling all right, Saber?

"I.... I am fine, Irisviel," she said, the name a sweet nectar on her lips as she sounded it out again. Talking was still something she needed to get used to, but then again she'd only been able to move on her own for barely an hour.

"How long have you been here?"

The letter had said one and only one from each world could be brought here. In her heart of hearts she knew this was not the same Irisviel von Einzbern who had been her master, her Lady, in the Fourth Holy Grail War. And yet, somehow, she could not bring herself to care. All that went through her mind was that awful, awful singsong voice whispering "failure. failure. failure." in her ear.

"And are you well?"

[... Ah. So that answered that, didn't it? Unless there was an experiment that manipulated the appearances, attitudes, and memories of the residents - and there would probably be a sign of such an experiment at this point wouldn't there? - then the Second Magic was at work here. There was no other explanation.]

I am well, yes. I feel much better than I was not too long ago. [A vague response. It could refer to both how she felt in her final moments in their world, or how she had been feeling recently here in the tower. Falling horribly ill, suffering from nightmarish hallucinations of her husband, her daughter, her knight, and others dying in horrible, bloody ways...

Her time here was a bit rough, but her optimism hasn't suffered at all. Yet.]

And... well. I've been here for almost two months now.

[... Has it really been that long? It certainly doesn't seem it.]

"Two months?" Two months in this place with the dangers she'd heard of and with the end of the world being required to be brought here? Two months of uncertainty as to her fate?

Two months with what sounds like another version of herself. As little as Arturia thought of herself, she thought highly enough of Irisviel to believe she would be happy to see anyone she hadn't seen in a long time.

As for the "much better" Arturia could only guess. It could have been anywhere from just starting to break down to having become the Grail. Even, given Arturia's own status, after her death.

"I see," she managed a smile that could not reach her eyes, "I'm glad to see you are feeling better."

[Uncertainty? Oh, no. She was quite certain of her fate. She never spoke of it out loud, to the tainted Saber or to Archer, and certainly not to Illya... but she knows that there's nothing but death waiting for her upon her return to her own world, her own time. Which is why she can't really let this place get to her. It was a second chance, of sorts, and she was determined to make the best of it.]

And how are you doing, my knight? [It's a subtle way of trying to see if she can find anything out about this Saber. She won't pry, she won't try and force Saber to talk about herself if she doesn't wish to... but she wants to understand. Even if this isn't the version of Saber she's familiar with, she's still Saber. Someone she deeply cared about. She wants to be close to her.]

"I am well, now that I know you are safe," she said without thinking. Old habits were easy to fall into, comforting even. Arturia may not be able to trust herself and her actions when tempted, but that did not make seeing Irisviel once more any less precious.

"Tell me...." she began only to pause, clearly at a loss for words. What should she even say? It'd been so easy to sound so proud and sure of herself before, to speak her mind, but her thoughts were going into so many different directions at the sight of the woman she had called her Master, her Lady, that she couldn't get everything together. It was, to Arturia's embarrassment, much like how she imagined running into her own wife would turn out, only with less teasing and jibing to her words now that she htought about it.

"I apologize. It is good to see you again. It's been a long time. I never thought I would."

[A look of concern crosses Irisviel's face at the way Saber cut herself off. If this Saber was worried about something, or if she had any sort of questions... Irisviel needed to make it clear that she could come to her. With the Second Magic at work here, things may be different between them, but she didn't want that to get in the way too much.]

I'll tell you anything you wish, Saber. You just need to ask.

"It's nothing," she said, trying to assure Irisviel, "For once I'm at a loss for words and don't know quite what to say, that's all." Because how many heart attacks could she have in one day? How many painful reminders of the past? She didn't deserve Iri's concern, not after how she had betrayed her ideals, her kingdom, and even the man she thinks she might have been falling in love with.

Perhaps this really was meant to punish her, all these reminders of the past.

"You need not worry about me, Irisviel. I am well," she said even if she knew how hollow that sounded. Irisviel had pulled the same tactic on her and Arturia had no doubt the woman could see right through her attempt at hiding just how painful the reminder of her past was.

You know, when someone says that, it's very rare that they truly mean it.

[Yep, it wasn't terribly hard to see through that. Yes, it's true that she had used that same tactic... but this isn't the first time it's been used on her here in the tower. Archer seemed to like that excuse.... a lot.

Still. She'll point it out in hopes that Saber will reveal what's bothering her, but she won't force her to speak if she really doesn't want to.]

"I know," she said and could not bring herself to assure Irisviel she was all right. Arturia knew she wasn't, but she also knew it'd be a very long time before she could be, if at all.

How could she even look Irisviel in the face? After what she'd done--murdered Kiritsugu's son for the sake of the Grail?--how could she even bring herself to look her in the eye?

"This place is rather unsettling. That's all." Not the whole truth, nowhere near the truth at all but Arturia knew if she was asked directly she'd likely tell Irisviel everything. Her only consolation was the fact Ilya had been the Grail Vessel in the Fifth War and not Irisviel's daughter. At least, if the subject came up, she could tell her Lady that her daughter had not shared her fate.

Or so she believed.

It is. Many of the floors here put me on edge in a way that I've never felt before. [Considering all that she's seen during the Grail War, that's saying a lot. Even so... she still smiles. That's one thing she can't let herself stop doing.]

But we must endure. Stay strong... we can't let those who trapped us in this tower believe that they've won.

"Do you honestly believe I would allow whoever brought us here to think they have won?" she asked, giving Irisviel a look that said the woman must clearly be joking.

It would have been one thing if this Tower had purely been a safe haven as the letters described, but between the experiments, the monsters, and other things she had heard of in her short time here, she was unsure as to the true purpose of the tower, even if she did believe the part about their worlds being gone.

Of course not. [She could never believe such a thing. The knight was not so weak that she would give in to the horrors of this tower. They might exhaust her, like what happened recently with the Saber she was more familiar with, but she just can't see them breaking her.

Irisviel lets out a chuckle, sounding somewhat tired as she does so.]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply that. I suppose... I wished to reassure myself as well. It helps, saying that out loud.

"I understand," Arturia said as she continued to eat, but noted how tired Irisviel sounded. Two months? Two months in this place with a darker version of herself?

"I would say the same sort of thing at times to my men when we went to war after I first gained my throne for the very same reason. I had never seen war before and they expected me to lead them into it? I could not even get the dog to listen to me before that and to this day I still have no idea how I managed those first few years."

She'd forgotten how easy it used to be to open to Irisviel. If Arturia thought back to what she could remember, she realized the only other person she'd mentioned something like that to had been her wife. Huh. Odd. She hadn't even mentioned little things like that to Shirou.

My my, I cannot imagine how stubborn that dog must have been! And how shameful it must have felt, to have known it ignored the commands of the one who would soon be king...

[Irisviel can't help but laugh at that. Ah, what a mental image...!]

"If anything it got more stubborn after I took the throne," she said glumly. Then again, it had been Kay's dog and, as much as the memory makes childish aggravation rise up in her it is nice to hear Irisviel laugh again.

"That beast could not recognize just who was its king."

Yes it did. It just wasn't Arturia.

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ITP: Meandering

Saber get ahold of yourself, a heart attack is the worst way for a Servant to go

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aaaand real quick before I have to run errands!

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