Counter Guardian Arturia @ Tower of Animus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
no_longer_a_king) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-01-06 06:41 pm
no_longer_a_king) wrote in towerofanimus2013-01-06 06:41 pm
ITP: Meandering
Characters: Arturia Pendragon [AU5] and anyone
Setting: Dorms, Floor One, Floor Twenty-threefour, and Floor Thirty-eight.
Format: Prose
Summary: Arturia wakes up in the tower after what must be countless centuries of forced combat.... and has no idea what to do with herself!
Warnings: DEATH! WOOHOO! In the first post, too! \o/
[Room 03-17]
It was with a jolt and a gasp that she finally sat up, hand going to her neck only to find the collar there but all the same she could move. She could move. She could breathe.
"W-what?"
She could speak.
What was this place? Yet another battlefield in which she'd be made to slaughter guilty and innocent alike endlessly, an angel of death garbed in blood-stained white for all to see? It made no sense to her. None whatsoever. She glanced around the room for any sign of what she was meant to do but only found other beds like the one she laid on and a trunk much like the one at the foot of her bed. Her eyes finally fell on the notes and she snatched them up, reading them thoroughly, her heart squeezing with every moment.
The world was.... gone? She was free? Free from her punishment?
Arturia had no idea how to feel about this. On the one hand even she could be grateful of the reprieve, but on the other hand it had been at the cost of who knows how many lives? And what if the world itself was still in tact? Would she go right back to fighting endlessly as soon as she returned? Questions. So many questions she didn't understand, but she balled up her notes and placed them in the trashcan. With barely a thought she summoned what was now her normal attire, sans the collar. Apparently the collar placed on her here superseded it. No matter. It wasn't like she was really attached to anything beyond her sword at this point.
And so Arturia headed out of her dorm, wanting to know just where she'd wound up and where to go from here.
[Floor One]
If there was one indulgence she would allow herself, it was food. Naturally when she'd read she'd have to eat some oatmeal before she could eat anything else she'd been fine with it.
There wasn't much of a spread in the cafeteria, simply eggs for breakfast, and once she was done with her oatmeal she tore into them like a hyena. It wasn't very kingly or knightly or even as lady-like as her appearance would suggest, but it was something. They were not the best made nor would it have been memorable otherwise--but it was food! Real food! And a delicious smell beyond the smell of blood and steal she never knew she'd grow tired of.
Part of her mind went back to those meals in Fuyuki, how warm the house had been, how Shirou had insisted she eat at the table with everyone else despite her and Rin's protests.
How delicious the meals had been, cooked with a care and pride not common in her time. Arturia found her appetite gone, the food tasting like ash, but not wanting to waste it, she forced herself to finish, though she no longer looks happy about it.
[Floor Twenty-Two to Floor Twenty-Four]
Wait, had she lost count of the floors? Arturia thought back for a moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, she could have sworn she just went past the twenty-third floor to explore, so why could she not remember it. She turned on the stairs to check again. She needed to be thorough in creating a mental map of this place and the dangers it could present.
Except she bypassed it again! What was wrong with her? Had she been controlled for so long her senses were completely dull?! With a frustrated sigh she turned again to go up the stairs--
--and again she missed the floor entirely! And again! Again again again she kept missing it. This tower would not make a fool of her! She turned yet again, this time counting the number of stairs to make sure she didn't miss the floor, a determined look on her face, and unaware of how her body was slowly becoming vaguely transparent time she passed the twenty-third floor.
[Floor Thirty-Eight]
Her body didn't ache after climbing so many stairs like a normal person would, but Arturia knew there was only so much time in the day. The elevator would be a few flights up and then she could see about returning to her dorm to become further acquainted with her roommates. But for now this room seemed as good enough place as any to rest and gather her thoughts.
The elation of being able to move freely, to speak freely, to make her own choices was starting to lose its novelty. Arturia sank into a bean bag chair, for once in her now-long life not caring how dignified she looked in doing so. If the world had, indeed, ended and she had, somehow, been saved, it left one question on her mind that she couldn't hold back any longer. For so long everything had been clear before her, her path marked with a vivid certainty she could not take her eyes from.
Only now it was gone. Gone not just in the world itself being gone, but her Kingdom, her friends, every last person had been lost to her by coming here; destroyed by her own hand. For so long she had believed there was no escaping her fate, her punishment, and now here she was, completely and utterly alone and lost.
"What do I do now?" she asked aloud both for the novelty and because some part of her mind was beginning to settle into a sort of malaise of "who cares"?
Setting: Dorms, Floor One, Floor Twenty-
Format: Prose
Summary: Arturia wakes up in the tower after what must be countless centuries of forced combat.... and has no idea what to do with herself!
Warnings: DEATH! WOOHOO! In the first post, too! \o/
[Room 03-17]
It was with a jolt and a gasp that she finally sat up, hand going to her neck only to find the collar there but all the same she could move. She could move. She could breathe.
"W-what?"
She could speak.
What was this place? Yet another battlefield in which she'd be made to slaughter guilty and innocent alike endlessly, an angel of death garbed in blood-stained white for all to see? It made no sense to her. None whatsoever. She glanced around the room for any sign of what she was meant to do but only found other beds like the one she laid on and a trunk much like the one at the foot of her bed. Her eyes finally fell on the notes and she snatched them up, reading them thoroughly, her heart squeezing with every moment.
The world was.... gone? She was free? Free from her punishment?
Arturia had no idea how to feel about this. On the one hand even she could be grateful of the reprieve, but on the other hand it had been at the cost of who knows how many lives? And what if the world itself was still in tact? Would she go right back to fighting endlessly as soon as she returned? Questions. So many questions she didn't understand, but she balled up her notes and placed them in the trashcan. With barely a thought she summoned what was now her normal attire, sans the collar. Apparently the collar placed on her here superseded it. No matter. It wasn't like she was really attached to anything beyond her sword at this point.
And so Arturia headed out of her dorm, wanting to know just where she'd wound up and where to go from here.
[Floor One]
If there was one indulgence she would allow herself, it was food. Naturally when she'd read she'd have to eat some oatmeal before she could eat anything else she'd been fine with it.
There wasn't much of a spread in the cafeteria, simply eggs for breakfast, and once she was done with her oatmeal she tore into them like a hyena. It wasn't very kingly or knightly or even as lady-like as her appearance would suggest, but it was something. They were not the best made nor would it have been memorable otherwise--but it was food! Real food! And a delicious smell beyond the smell of blood and steal she never knew she'd grow tired of.
Part of her mind went back to those meals in Fuyuki, how warm the house had been, how Shirou had insisted she eat at the table with everyone else despite her and Rin's protests.
How delicious the meals had been, cooked with a care and pride not common in her time. Arturia found her appetite gone, the food tasting like ash, but not wanting to waste it, she forced herself to finish, though she no longer looks happy about it.
[Floor Twenty-Two to Floor Twenty-Four]
Wait, had she lost count of the floors? Arturia thought back for a moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, she could have sworn she just went past the twenty-third floor to explore, so why could she not remember it. She turned on the stairs to check again. She needed to be thorough in creating a mental map of this place and the dangers it could present.
Except she bypassed it again! What was wrong with her? Had she been controlled for so long her senses were completely dull?! With a frustrated sigh she turned again to go up the stairs--
--and again she missed the floor entirely! And again! Again again again she kept missing it. This tower would not make a fool of her! She turned yet again, this time counting the number of stairs to make sure she didn't miss the floor, a determined look on her face, and unaware of how her body was slowly becoming vaguely transparent time she passed the twenty-third floor.
[Floor Thirty-Eight]
Her body didn't ache after climbing so many stairs like a normal person would, but Arturia knew there was only so much time in the day. The elevator would be a few flights up and then she could see about returning to her dorm to become further acquainted with her roommates. But for now this room seemed as good enough place as any to rest and gather her thoughts.
The elation of being able to move freely, to speak freely, to make her own choices was starting to lose its novelty. Arturia sank into a bean bag chair, for once in her now-long life not caring how dignified she looked in doing so. If the world had, indeed, ended and she had, somehow, been saved, it left one question on her mind that she couldn't hold back any longer. For so long everything had been clear before her, her path marked with a vivid certainty she could not take her eyes from.
Only now it was gone. Gone not just in the world itself being gone, but her Kingdom, her friends, every last person had been lost to her by coming here; destroyed by her own hand. For so long she had believed there was no escaping her fate, her punishment, and now here she was, completely and utterly alone and lost.
"What do I do now?" she asked aloud both for the novelty and because some part of her mind was beginning to settle into a sort of malaise of "who cares"?
no subject
But this woman wore Saber's face, and she seemed to have Saber's memories, and she'd once had Saber's wish. He could not deny her anything she asked for.
Archer refused to lower his head, though. He stared hard at her. "There's no other end when an unknown hero bargains with the world. You knew that when you made the deal, didn't you?" And then the bitterness slipped out, as hard as he tried to conceal it. "I thought you knew better than a fool like me."
no subject
Or, the gears in her mind working, was that exactly why he'd been summoned in the Fifth Grail War? As a way to stop the corruption from ever taking place. If so, then she had done more than betray the sacrifice he'd made for their sake by facing Berserker alone: she'd betrayed the duty he held and she'd sworn herself to before even taking up the mantle.
"You were right to call me a fool, Archer," she said. Part of her wished, so desperately wished, she knew of his circumstances, wished to know how he'd come about his deal and just what had he given up to attain the status she held. But no. She did not have the right to ask anything of him. Not anymore.
"If I'd have understood the full extent of it I.... I would have tried to find another way."
no subject
Or that would have been the case, had she been anyone else. Had she been nearly anyone else, he could have agreed that she was a fool and turned his back on her. But to hear that from Saber--
"It's true I always thought you were a fool, but a knight as well..." He kept his gaze level. "Now you're just a fool." His voice betrayed only the slightest unsteadiness when he said it, only the slightest hint of what it really meant when he spoke those words. Saber had always wished for things he wanted her to give up, had always dreamed too big and had an idiot's ambition. But she was beautiful and pure and true when doing it in a way he never could be. The world had stripped that from her, leaving her only her pain and her sorrow.
Seeing her like this made him glad that the world was gone now, even though it meant that he had failed in his duties. He tried to keep that realization from his expression, but perhaps it glimmered a little in his eyes.
"I'm surprised," he finally said. "That Grail should have been too tainted to grant a wish like yours."
no subject
But before she could even begin to form a sentence, Archer brought up the Grail and its taint and how it should not have granted a wish like hers and she began to laugh. There was something so funny about what he said even if she had no idea what. So funny it felt like a thousand knives were stabbing her heart at once and it was hard to tell if she was crying or not. It was like a damn inside her heart had burst, centuries upon centuries of pain pouring out against her will:
Too tainted? Too tainted to grant her wish?
"Why would it not grant my wish when that very wish meant that filth could consume Camelot, Archer?"
no subject
The thought troubled him. It really troubled him to see Saber in this position. He'd already failed to save her once, long ago, so what could he do now that her situation was even worse...?
But those thoughts were blasted away at the sound of her laughter. It should have been a wonderful sound, but the way she did it made it terrible instead. His eyes widened, and he stepped back on the stairs, looking genuinely frightened for her.
It took all he had in him to calm himself again, and it was a good thing he managed it, too, because what she said touched him like a knife. "I see. We really are a pair, aren't we, Saber? Did you just watch all you'd fought for die because of you, or were you made to rip it apart with your own sword in the name of what you'd believed in?"
no subject
Arturia tried to contain her laughter, tried so hard, took great gasping breaths that sounded more like sobs as she doubled over, tried to press it back in. Now that someone had said it out loud, the pain was fresh, new, the slight distance she'd been keeping it at since awakening here ripped away and she was made to feel it all at once. And in front of Archer.
Better him than Gilgamesh, she supposed. It murdered what little pride she had left, but at least she wouldn't have to deal with that bastard's taunts as she finally broke down.
Somehow, she managed to calm herself, had to physically restrain herself to stop it and even then she took in shaking ragged breaths. When she spoke, no matter how hard she tried, she sounded as if she had just wept bitterly and her entire body felt empty and cold.
"I'm shocked.... I'm shocked I can even still hold Caliburn.... after I used it to...."
And she covered her mouth, feeling nauseous just thinking about it but still fighting to contain her emotions. She was no stranger to killing, no stranger to death, but there was a huge difference between an enemy out to kill you and being made to massacre the very people she had sworn to protect for her own foolish mistakes.
At the very least when she had ruled, it had ended with the people at least alive, at the least the land would go on to prosper. Not hollowed out as she had been made to leave it to contain that corruption she'd unleashed on her own people.
no subject
She wasn't supposed to be this much like him.
"I can't offer you any comfort." He meant the words to be cold and remote. At first, he thought he might have succeeded in making them that way. He nearly did. But his voice shook on the last few, and then his hands curled into fists.
And he glared at her. He was angry. He couldn't stop the words from spilling out. "You idiot, why...? Why did you make that wish?" He didn't sound like the cool, collected guardian anymore. In fact, he sounded remarkably like the boy who summoned Saber so long ago. "I told you a million times it was stupid, and you should use your wish to help yourself instead! Why didn't you listen to me, Saber? I know I was a stupid kid, but in this much, I was right. You deserved better!"
He finally stopped, stunned and shamed that he'd said those things, and lowered his gaze in regret.
no subject
Of that much she was certain. She'd been willing to give up her very soul to save Camelot. Still would in a heartbeat if she had the chance, if she would know for certain Camelot would be safe afterward.
But there were things he said, the way he said it that only twisted the knife deeper. Haughty and prideful and forever looking down on everyone, that's how she remembered Archer from what little she knew of him. Not this, voice trembling and upset and so much like Shirou it only made her stomach twist further. That downcast look didn't suit him and for a brief second some part of her could almost see him as Shirou, but that was wrong. wrongwrongwrong. This sort of life wasn't suited to Shirou. Her mind refused to believe it, refused to accept it, even as it felt like her heart was being cut out of her chest and it got harder to breathe.
The only thing keeping her upright was sheer stubbornness and a need to prove, somehow, she deserved every bit of hell she was given. Anything to distract herself (or impale herself) on the knife twisting horribly through her heart.
"...If.... if I could have saved someone--anyone--I would do it all over again. What happens to me doesn't matter." Because who, in the end, did she ever save if all she did was damn everyone who came into contact with her?
no subject
This Saber, though--she was tainted and darkened too, but in ways he understood all too well, and the only way it showed on her was in her eyes. He couldn't look at those eyes anymore. "There won't be a chance to do it over again, Saber," he finally said. His voice was cold and distant as before. "But it's not so bad, since every world, every timeline is destroyed now. It's like it should have been from the start...you don't have to fight any longer."
no subject
It was that line that finally shattered what was left of her heart and her knees gave out. She had enough grasp of herself she thought to sit on the steps rather than let herself fall down them. Arturia pressed her face into her hands as she felt the tears begin to well up. Somehow, someway, she'd been trying to hold out hope the worlds hadn't been destroyed even if her very presence here meant otherwise. Yet hearing someone say it out loud was like a fist to her gut and she couldn't try to ignore it any longer.
Was everything she'd done, everything she'd given up, every sacrifice she'd made, for nothing? At first she'd thought this place a chance to fix her mistakes but now that the shock was wearing off and everything was finally sinking in it was impossible to deny.
A sob, just one from the very core of her being that shook her entire body, escaped her. Why? Why of all people had a wretch like her been saved? Why someone who could only destroy the things she held dear be the one saved out of the possibly trillions of people across the universes?
Had everything really pointless? What did she even do now? All she'd had for her entire worthless life had been fighting for something! Take that away and what's left for her?
no subject
And then she let out that wrenching sob, and his mouth twisted. He felt sick.
Saber was not supposed to break. It was one thing if she was tainted. It was one thing if she was hurt. But she was everything he chased after; she was beyond such human things as sobbing. He wanted to offer comfort, but that was beyond impossible. So he just stared, struggling to will the mask back into place.
It took a while. But finally, his face was dispassionate again. "You're going to have to get up eventually. I'm not going to sit around here and wait for it." He couldn't, he couldn't watch her like this--but he didn't say that. He just turned to walk away along the steps.
no subject
Still, she couldn't look him in the face and instead stared straight forward as his footsteps grew more distance before she spoke in a tone with the steel only someone who had commanded battles as much as she could manage.
"I promise you this, Archer: you will never have the privilege of seeing me in this state again."