towerofanimus | Water won't do a blessed thing.

Entry tags:

Water won't do a blessed thing.

Characters: Enoch and anyone
Setting: Various places in the lower tower and dorm floors 1-3
Format: Doesn't matter!
Summary: Enoch's been away at home. He had to bury his best friend's/lover's corpse. And lots of other corpses. He's kind of lost now.
Warnings: Enoch may be a little unhinged in spots? Also mentions of a suicide attempt in the linked fic and minor hallucinations from isolation, trauma, and despair if that's a warning.

Room 3-18 to dorm hallways/men's restroom floor 3/elevator

Enoch had thought as he lay there on Meridian's beach, long-since dry but unwilling to move, neither to attempt to die at Armaros's side nor leave the sea he was now interred in. He'd wondered, did this mean Earth was like this too? It was too grave a thought, but one that somehow seemed more likely after this. Emotionally exhausted long after the physical exhaustion had worn off, Enoch had simply stayed sprawled on the sand, the tide washing up deformed shells around his feet, and eventually his waist. They barely registered in his mind as he drifted in and out of sleep, cradled by the waves, the only sound that could bring comfort. Half-mad(at least) with loneliness and grief, just as he had heard the trace of a voice, sometimes the wind felt like the brushing of familiar fingertips on his body, and he moved, only slightly, turning onto his side to cup his hands over his chest as if holding a hand there, as he had when Armaros had pressed his hand there to show his affection while he was still alive.

He cried, but it was subdued. Tears silently fell from his closed eyes, his heart and mind too drained to send him into another panic. There was nothing left to tear up. Eventually, he slept again.

This time, he woke without his armor, wrapped up in too-warm cloak and blankets. With a collar around his neck. But the walls were metal and the bed was clean, and...he was back in Animus.

Enoch curled onto his side and held his hands against his chest as if still trying to cradle a hand there. He stayed there for several hours - there was no telling how long he might have stayed if he didn't once again have a body with a bladder that needed to be emptied and a stomach that needed to be filled. He got out of bed, and padded out numbly into the halls, heading first to the restroom and then up to the elevators, taking the stairs in an unhealthy-looking halting manner.

Floor 1, late morning

He had missed breakfast time, of course. So he stood in the kitchen, looking at the ingredients and trying to muster up the motivation to cook. Maybe waiting until midday would be a better idea.

Floor 11

Until then, he could be found, bundled in his cloak, sitting on top of his folded blanket on the still-icy eleventh level, the waterfalls frozen in huge columns of ice (his back was against one of them), the floor slick with what was normally a lake. Rainbows played off of the icicles that were water-encased dead flowers. It was strangely beautiful. But Enoch's gaze didn't seem to be on anything in the room. This room, with its flowing water, had held some sort of hope for him. And now, here it was, frozen and dead. It would eventually thaw, but Enoch didn't know how much the analogy would hold, and he wasn't particularly interested in running with it - it wasn't anything more than an idle connection in the back of his mind as it floated through the haze of pain and shock it had been introduced to over the last week.

He'd done all his crying back in Meridian. But now he wasn't sure what to do. He'd been assuming Armaros was alive somewhere, and all his goals were to reach him. To come back to him like Armaros had reassured him he would. He had come back to him - but not the way he wanted.

What else was there? He was sure God couldn't find him here - if He could, He would have intervened in the workings of Meridian. Was Earth still there? Maybe He had protected it from the..."power". If anyone could do that, it would be Him, of course. Earth was His creation, and Enoch doubted He would let it go down without a fight. Maybe the Tower the Fallen Angels built acted like the towers here, and helped ward it off - it had been one of the reasons he'd immediately thought to ask if the towers in this world did that.

Maybe Earth was safe. But...

...Armaros was dead. Even if he returned and completed his mission, he couldn't rescue Armaros from The Darkness like he'd sworn, because he wouldn't be there. His remains were in Meridian.

Enoch drew his knees up and slumped forward, burying his head in the arms he folded over his knees. He felt defeated.

Floor 1, noon

Enoch eventually followed his body's needs again, his gait less stilted and a general air of not-there about him instead of simply seeming numb. He could be found with a plate of spaghetti and a glass of tomato juice, watching the pasta slide right between the tines of his fork for a little while before actually putting effort into problem-solving and figured out wrapping the pasta around it worked in fairly short order. He ate slowly from there, seeming lost in thought as he chewed each new mouthful. He didn't really taste what he was putting in his mouth. His mind was somewhere else entirely.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Even though Tohko was still in pain, thanks to her broken arm, she still had her library duties, and there was no way she was going to give up on them. Her right arm was in a sling, so she would be fine..for the most part. However, while passing the eleventh floor, she saw Enoch sitting there, looking like he was trying to turn himself into a ball.

Tohko knew that action perfectly well. She hadn't seen Enoch in quite awhile..but she didn't know what could have happened to make him so distraught. She knew their relationship was a bit awkward right now..but he had said that he wanted to remain friends, and she wasn't going to just walk by a friend suffering like this!

So, carefully, so that she wouldn't trip, Tohko walked up to Enoch. A small smile was on her face, but her eyes looked concerned. "Enoch..what's wrong? What happened to you?" Her words also sounded concerned..and not without good reason.

Enoch didn't lift his head, his face obscured by the hood of his cloak and his hair. Tohko was a lot like him in some key regards. Perhaps it was why they'd gotten on so well so quickly.

"I returned to Meridian."

The ice was getting too slippery to walk on, so, carefully, Tohko sat across from Enoch, her smile gone. She had heard from Shadow that the Administrators 'sent' people back to the world they had been in before and showed the person that it was totally destroyed. Tohko wasn't exactly sure of what horrors Enoch had seen..but she knew that it was probably horrible. He could have seen old friends and a peaceful world he liked dead, he could have found Armaros dead..

Tohko sighed, looking half annoyed and ready to cry. She wouldn't..but if the Administrators had been here now, she would have pummeled them. How dare they keep dragging her friend into despair! How dare they do it to others!

"..I see..I'm sorry to hear that. Really, I am. I don't know exactly what you saw there..but it's possible that the Administrators have just been putting people into illusions when they leave. Maybe..maybe that's what happened to you.."

Enoch shook his head without raising it. "It's too consistent, everything they say. It doesn't feel like a lie. And Dax and Zo don't strike me as liars, either..."

Ruana didn't either, not about this. But he wasn't certain of her at all. He pitied her, but he wouldn't say he trusted her.

This wasn't going to work..with her expression getting even grimmer, Tohko scooted next to Enoch and put her left arm on his back. It probably wouldn't be of much comfort..but he needed something. Probably more than she could give, but she would try. She couldn't let him sink into despair. She sighed before she spoke, trying to gather her thoughts.

"..I admit, I don't know much about Meridian, but..even if it doesn't feel like an illusion, it doesn't mean that it's not. And..I don't know who Zo is, but Dax may just be lying so that Ruana doesn't strike him. I know that Ruana doesn't seem like the type who would lie either, but she may twist the truth if it suits her idea of what this Tower should be like..and whether it'll be fun for us.."

The bundle of cloak shifted and Enoch gently hugged Tohko against his side. He needed human contact right now. And the person available for it wasn't constantly intangible for once.

He thought over Tohko's words. It took him a couple passes to catch both places where her logic had failed, aside from the one glaringly obvious oversight at the beginning. He took a deep breath. "I did not mean physical feeling. It does not feel like a lie, when they refer to our worlds. It is too natural. And Ruana...Ruana does not care about what is fun for us. Only for herself."

As Enoch hugged Tohko, she carefully rubbed his back, trying to provide whatever comfort she could. If he touched her right arm or her sling, she just bit back the pain. There were more important things to focus on right now.

When she heard Enoch's words, she sighed, thinking all the while.

"I see..I know that it probably meant more than a physical feeling, but..lies and illusions like that have been built up quite a few times in stories. A Wrinkle In Time, for example. I'm not sure if that's the truth or not..but it is a possibility. And..I think Ruana does, to some extent. It's just that her vision of 'fun' has been warped rather badly. She thought the candy event was fun for everyone, despite the deaths and horrors attached to it. So..she may have thought that something like this would be 'fun' as well..no matter how much anguish it may have caused you."

"I believe she only considers herself. She's having fun, so therefore, everyone else must be as well."

Another deep breath, let out slowly. He had no rationale for why this wasn't deception other than his own instinct. Something was bothering him about his trip home, some small detail or another that hadn't made sense - not in the way that would make it seem an illusion, but in a way that hinted there was something else missing. But his mind balked at re-exploring that memory. It was too hard to try to remember.

"Even if it's obvious to everyone else that no one else is having fun at all. Even if they're suffering, crying, killing, being killed, or..committing suicide, as long as she's having fun, it's all right for her."

Tohko sounded bitter and sad for a moment before sighing and trying to calm down. While she was speaking, her grip on Enoch's back had tightened a little, but she loosened it as she calmed down.

"..I don't know exactly what happened or what you saw..but if you want to talk or need a shoulder, I'm here, as always."

"I don't want to talk about it." Enoch's entire body tensed, and he looked down, hiding his face behind his hood and hair again. But he didn't show any signs of letting go of Tohko.

"...I only need someone beside me right now."

Tohko nodded, and, feeling his body tensing up, rubbed on his back before trying to wrap her left arm around his side. Ordinarily, she would have hugged him, but with a broken arm, she couldn't. She sighed and nodded, her eyes not leaving his face.

"I understand..I'll be here for you then. And, if you change your mind, I'll still be here."

Enoch sighed, shaky, and was quiet for a long moment. It seemed he would be content to sit there in silence with Tohko, but her condition hadn't gone unnoticed. He'd seen the sling when he hugged her.

"What happened to your arm?"

Tohko would have been happy to sit in silence as well-for some reason, it was a bit comforting-but when he asked about her arm, she chuckled a little and smiled nervously.

"Sephiroth broke it when I tried to slap him. I shouldn't have tried..but..he kept talking about how destroying his planet and recreating it however he wanted was a good thing. He even laughed about it. I just..lost my temper and tried to slap him, but he grabbed my arm before I managed to. Don't worry though..I'll be alright. It should be fine in a month or two."

Floor 11

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Floor 11

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