Enoch (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
warriorscribe) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-01-08 02:34 am
warriorscribe) wrote in towerofanimus2013-01-08 02:34 am
Entry tags:
Water won't do a blessed thing.
Characters: Enoch and anyone
Setting: Various places in the lower tower and dorm floors 1-3
Format: Doesn't matter!
Summary: Enoch's been away at home. He had to bury his best friend's/lover's corpse. And lots of other corpses. He's kind of lost now.
Warnings: Enoch may be a little unhinged in spots? Also mentions of a suicide attempt in the linked fic and minor hallucinations from isolation, trauma, and despair if that's a warning.
Room 3-18 to dorm hallways/men's restroom floor 3/elevator
Enoch had thought as he lay there on Meridian's beach, long-since dry but unwilling to move, neither to attempt to die at Armaros's side nor leave the sea he was now interred in. He'd wondered, did this mean Earth was like this too? It was too grave a thought, but one that somehow seemed more likely after this. Emotionally exhausted long after the physical exhaustion had worn off, Enoch had simply stayed sprawled on the sand, the tide washing up deformed shells around his feet, and eventually his waist. They barely registered in his mind as he drifted in and out of sleep, cradled by the waves, the only sound that could bring comfort. Half-mad(at least) with loneliness and grief, just as he had heard the trace of a voice, sometimes the wind felt like the brushing of familiar fingertips on his body, and he moved, only slightly, turning onto his side to cup his hands over his chest as if holding a hand there, as he had when Armaros had pressed his hand there to show his affection while he was still alive.
He cried, but it was subdued. Tears silently fell from his closed eyes, his heart and mind too drained to send him into another panic. There was nothing left to tear up. Eventually, he slept again.
This time, he woke without his armor, wrapped up in too-warm cloak and blankets. With a collar around his neck. But the walls were metal and the bed was clean, and...he was back in Animus.
Enoch curled onto his side and held his hands against his chest as if still trying to cradle a hand there. He stayed there for several hours - there was no telling how long he might have stayed if he didn't once again have a body with a bladder that needed to be emptied and a stomach that needed to be filled. He got out of bed, and padded out numbly into the halls, heading first to the restroom and then up to the elevators, taking the stairs in an unhealthy-looking halting manner.
Floor 1, late morning
He had missed breakfast time, of course. So he stood in the kitchen, looking at the ingredients and trying to muster up the motivation to cook. Maybe waiting until midday would be a better idea.
Floor 11
Until then, he could be found, bundled in his cloak, sitting on top of his folded blanket on the still-icy eleventh level, the waterfalls frozen in huge columns of ice (his back was against one of them), the floor slick with what was normally a lake. Rainbows played off of the icicles that were water-encased dead flowers. It was strangely beautiful. But Enoch's gaze didn't seem to be on anything in the room. This room, with its flowing water, had held some sort of hope for him. And now, here it was, frozen and dead. It would eventually thaw, but Enoch didn't know how much the analogy would hold, and he wasn't particularly interested in running with it - it wasn't anything more than an idle connection in the back of his mind as it floated through the haze of pain and shock it had been introduced to over the last week.
He'd done all his crying back in Meridian. But now he wasn't sure what to do. He'd been assuming Armaros was alive somewhere, and all his goals were to reach him. To come back to him like Armaros had reassured him he would. He had come back to him - but not the way he wanted.
What else was there? He was sure God couldn't find him here - if He could, He would have intervened in the workings of Meridian. Was Earth still there? Maybe He had protected it from the..."power". If anyone could do that, it would be Him, of course. Earth was His creation, and Enoch doubted He would let it go down without a fight. Maybe the Tower the Fallen Angels built acted like the towers here, and helped ward it off - it had been one of the reasons he'd immediately thought to ask if the towers in this world did that.
Maybe Earth was safe. But...
...Armaros was dead. Even if he returned and completed his mission, he couldn't rescue Armaros from The Darkness like he'd sworn, because he wouldn't be there. His remains were in Meridian.
Enoch drew his knees up and slumped forward, burying his head in the arms he folded over his knees. He felt defeated.
Floor 1, noon
Enoch eventually followed his body's needs again, his gait less stilted and a general air of not-there about him instead of simply seeming numb. He could be found with a plate of spaghetti and a glass of tomato juice, watching the pasta slide right between the tines of his fork for a little while before actually putting effort into problem-solving and figured out wrapping the pasta around it worked in fairly short order. He ate slowly from there, seeming lost in thought as he chewed each new mouthful. He didn't really taste what he was putting in his mouth. His mind was somewhere else entirely.
Setting: Various places in the lower tower and dorm floors 1-3
Format: Doesn't matter!
Summary: Enoch's been away at home. He had to bury his best friend's/lover's corpse. And lots of other corpses. He's kind of lost now.
Warnings: Enoch may be a little unhinged in spots? Also mentions of a suicide attempt in the linked fic and minor hallucinations from isolation, trauma, and despair if that's a warning.
Room 3-18 to dorm hallways/men's restroom floor 3/elevator
Enoch had thought as he lay there on Meridian's beach, long-since dry but unwilling to move, neither to attempt to die at Armaros's side nor leave the sea he was now interred in. He'd wondered, did this mean Earth was like this too? It was too grave a thought, but one that somehow seemed more likely after this. Emotionally exhausted long after the physical exhaustion had worn off, Enoch had simply stayed sprawled on the sand, the tide washing up deformed shells around his feet, and eventually his waist. They barely registered in his mind as he drifted in and out of sleep, cradled by the waves, the only sound that could bring comfort. Half-mad(at least) with loneliness and grief, just as he had heard the trace of a voice, sometimes the wind felt like the brushing of familiar fingertips on his body, and he moved, only slightly, turning onto his side to cup his hands over his chest as if holding a hand there, as he had when Armaros had pressed his hand there to show his affection while he was still alive.
He cried, but it was subdued. Tears silently fell from his closed eyes, his heart and mind too drained to send him into another panic. There was nothing left to tear up. Eventually, he slept again.
This time, he woke without his armor, wrapped up in too-warm cloak and blankets. With a collar around his neck. But the walls were metal and the bed was clean, and...he was back in Animus.
Enoch curled onto his side and held his hands against his chest as if still trying to cradle a hand there. He stayed there for several hours - there was no telling how long he might have stayed if he didn't once again have a body with a bladder that needed to be emptied and a stomach that needed to be filled. He got out of bed, and padded out numbly into the halls, heading first to the restroom and then up to the elevators, taking the stairs in an unhealthy-looking halting manner.
Floor 1, late morning
He had missed breakfast time, of course. So he stood in the kitchen, looking at the ingredients and trying to muster up the motivation to cook. Maybe waiting until midday would be a better idea.
Floor 11
Until then, he could be found, bundled in his cloak, sitting on top of his folded blanket on the still-icy eleventh level, the waterfalls frozen in huge columns of ice (his back was against one of them), the floor slick with what was normally a lake. Rainbows played off of the icicles that were water-encased dead flowers. It was strangely beautiful. But Enoch's gaze didn't seem to be on anything in the room. This room, with its flowing water, had held some sort of hope for him. And now, here it was, frozen and dead. It would eventually thaw, but Enoch didn't know how much the analogy would hold, and he wasn't particularly interested in running with it - it wasn't anything more than an idle connection in the back of his mind as it floated through the haze of pain and shock it had been introduced to over the last week.
He'd done all his crying back in Meridian. But now he wasn't sure what to do. He'd been assuming Armaros was alive somewhere, and all his goals were to reach him. To come back to him like Armaros had reassured him he would. He had come back to him - but not the way he wanted.
What else was there? He was sure God couldn't find him here - if He could, He would have intervened in the workings of Meridian. Was Earth still there? Maybe He had protected it from the..."power". If anyone could do that, it would be Him, of course. Earth was His creation, and Enoch doubted He would let it go down without a fight. Maybe the Tower the Fallen Angels built acted like the towers here, and helped ward it off - it had been one of the reasons he'd immediately thought to ask if the towers in this world did that.
Maybe Earth was safe. But...
...Armaros was dead. Even if he returned and completed his mission, he couldn't rescue Armaros from The Darkness like he'd sworn, because he wouldn't be there. His remains were in Meridian.
Enoch drew his knees up and slumped forward, burying his head in the arms he folded over his knees. He felt defeated.
Floor 1, noon
Enoch eventually followed his body's needs again, his gait less stilted and a general air of not-there about him instead of simply seeming numb. He could be found with a plate of spaghetti and a glass of tomato juice, watching the pasta slide right between the tines of his fork for a little while before actually putting effort into problem-solving and figured out wrapping the pasta around it worked in fairly short order. He ate slowly from there, seeming lost in thought as he chewed each new mouthful. He didn't really taste what he was putting in his mouth. His mind was somewhere else entirely.
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Tohko sighed, looking half annoyed and ready to cry. She wouldn't..but if the Administrators had been here now, she would have pummeled them. How dare they keep dragging her friend into despair! How dare they do it to others!
"..I see..I'm sorry to hear that. Really, I am. I don't know exactly what you saw there..but it's possible that the Administrators have just been putting people into illusions when they leave. Maybe..maybe that's what happened to you.."
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Ruana didn't either, not about this. But he wasn't certain of her at all. He pitied her, but he wouldn't say he trusted her.
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"..I admit, I don't know much about Meridian, but..even if it doesn't feel like an illusion, it doesn't mean that it's not. And..I don't know who Zo is, but Dax may just be lying so that Ruana doesn't strike him. I know that Ruana doesn't seem like the type who would lie either, but she may twist the truth if it suits her idea of what this Tower should be like..and whether it'll be fun for us.."
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He thought over Tohko's words. It took him a couple passes to catch both places where her logic had failed, aside from the one glaringly obvious oversight at the beginning. He took a deep breath. "I did not mean physical feeling. It does not feel like a lie, when they refer to our worlds. It is too natural. And Ruana...Ruana does not care about what is fun for us. Only for herself."
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When she heard Enoch's words, she sighed, thinking all the while.
"I see..I know that it probably meant more than a physical feeling, but..lies and illusions like that have been built up quite a few times in stories. A Wrinkle In Time, for example. I'm not sure if that's the truth or not..but it is a possibility. And..I think Ruana does, to some extent. It's just that her vision of 'fun' has been warped rather badly. She thought the candy event was fun for everyone, despite the deaths and horrors attached to it. So..she may have thought that something like this would be 'fun' as well..no matter how much anguish it may have caused you."
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Another deep breath, let out slowly. He had no rationale for why this wasn't deception other than his own instinct. Something was bothering him about his trip home, some small detail or another that hadn't made sense - not in the way that would make it seem an illusion, but in a way that hinted there was something else missing. But his mind balked at re-exploring that memory. It was too hard to try to remember.
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Tohko sounded bitter and sad for a moment before sighing and trying to calm down. While she was speaking, her grip on Enoch's back had tightened a little, but she loosened it as she calmed down.
"..I don't know exactly what happened or what you saw..but if you want to talk or need a shoulder, I'm here, as always."
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"...I only need someone beside me right now."
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"I understand..I'll be here for you then. And, if you change your mind, I'll still be here."
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"What happened to your arm?"
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"Sephiroth broke it when I tried to slap him. I shouldn't have tried..but..he kept talking about how destroying his planet and recreating it however he wanted was a good thing. He even laughed about it. I just..lost my temper and tried to slap him, but he grabbed my arm before I managed to. Don't worry though..I'll be alright. It should be fine in a month or two."
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From the sound of it, someone he should avoid. A madman who would play at godhood...and someone who should pay for harming Tohko.
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"A man about your height with long silver hair and a black trenchcoat. He has a sword that's quite long as well."
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"...I've met him. I didn't think he held delusions like this, though."
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"I'm not surprised about that. He doesn't talk about himself much unless you ask him about it and talk about it, so you don't get the full picture of him until you talk with him for awhile. I didn't think he was like this at first either. He seemed nice at first.."
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After all, if everyone regularly shared everything about themselves, he wouldn't have been able to maintain his aliases during the search for the Tower.
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"I understand why our secrets are secrets..but I don't think I've ever seen anyone taught to not seek them out."
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Having child after curious child, having to leave at that very moment when they were beginning to understand the last point, and traveling with beings who did not understand so well to act as a contrast, the lesson had stuck.
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"I guess my childhood was a little off then. I understood how others might feel if my secret was revealed and didn't want anyone else to know..but I never asked questions that were too personal or that I got scolded for. Or maybe it was because people were hiding the fact that I was prying and acting like it was no big deal.."
After all, that had happened with Chia. She had managed to hide everything under a mask, and if they had been a few moments too late, she would have died.
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"I will..I'm not sure if I'll be able to surprise myself..but if I could look though a mask before saying or asking something foolish, it would be good. Or if I could think three steps ahead and see the full consequences of my actions."
After all..if she had been able to do that, she could have helped Chia out sooner. And Konoha wouldn't have almost died.
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Enoch's arm finally loosened. He didn't let go, but he wasn't necessarily holding on, either.
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"I will. However..what will you do?"
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"...I don't know. Keep going, and keep hope. Dax is still working to restore our worlds."
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At his words though, she did nod.
"While that's a good goal, make sure you take a break every now and then. Read a book, play Othello, listen to music..or something. If you keep going constantly without a small break hither and thither..you'll crack."
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