towerofanimus | shattered glass

Entry tags:

[au1] ishtar

shattered glass

Characters: Ishtar (AU1) and OPEN
Setting: All Over the Tower
Format: Preferably Action but Prose is okay
Summary: Ishtar isn't taking her loss very well at all.
Warnings: Character break down, mental instability, depression and other things.

[ floor 100]

[ Ishtar stood staring hazily at the hologram of the Pheliostan Castle, obstructed with endless hallways, and decorations. The Legsarams glowed as they used to protecting the holographic image of her own castle.

Her expression remained empty, as she kept her eyes from showing any emotions. Instead of crying and being pathetic as she used to, she simply just numbed it out. She clenched her fists, as she watched the floor giving her a huge holographic image of her home that she would never be able to see for a long time. She couldn't take this anymore, but eve the slightest tough towards the hologram proved that it was nothing more than a figment of deception.

She hated it. ]

[ floor 99]

[ The so-called 'oasis' like area blended well with her mood as she laid sprawled across the cavern floor, clutching Sidia close to her chest as she breathed slowly. She knew that things were going to end this way. Why did she bother opening up her heart and trusting again? It was so hard then to let people go and now it was even harder when it's the person that you were always worried about and thinking about.

She couldn't even say anything to him either. The princess blinked back tears as she cradled her sword closer to her form as she sobbed quietly. ]

[ floor 96]

[ The moment she ventured to this floor, her mind became confused. The emptiness and sadness she was feeling slowly drifted away, as if they were being lifted from her mind. Maybe it was best to forget things.

It seemed like they were slowly disappearing from her mind.

That's right, maybe it was easier to just let this white filled room keep her company. It was quiet, and it reminded her of-- of...what was that place again? It had rooms just as white and blank, a cold emptiness that she had experienced before but she couldn't remember it.

Strange, maybe someone was really trying to help her forget things. She didn't know why she came here either.

Things were becoming complicated as she pulled herself to the wall, resting her head against it. ]

[ floor 82]

[ A masquerade. It reminded her of home. Why did she go here? Why was she even here in the first place? She was wandering too much. There were too man floors and everything almost appeared the same, except this. Every door she entered had strangely been places that she either did not like or did not want to reminisce about.

A mask was obstructing some of her vision as she tugs at it, uncertain if it was safe to rip it off her face. Eventually, though it would be torn off and she would quietly slip around the location before leaving. ]

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[Caverns echoed very well. And Satsujinki was wandering the area, exploring all the new places that had opened up. He'd been a few floors multiple times, feeling that they were safer so he could spend a more intricate time exploring. This floor, ninety-nine, if he felt correctly, was a fairly safe area.

But when he heard the soft sobs, he turned and listened for a moment. It didn't sound like anyone was in danger but he turned and softly padded his way in that direction.]

Hello?

[ Ishtar stopped her silent cries when she heard someone approaching. She tugged the handle of Sidia and prepared to strike at the person if they proved to be a threat, but fortunately, it was only Satsukinki. The person she had spoken to a few times She lowered her guard as she rubbed her eyes, trying to hide the fact that she had been miserable. ]

Hey.

[ Her toe was empty, and somewhat dry, though she wasn't trying to be rude to him. It was just her mood wasn't all that great right now. ]

That didn't sound enthusiastic. Well, you didn't sound too happy before you said that. Did I miss something?

[Genuine curiosity. That and being slightly a dunce. He didn't get any closer though, feeling like he should give her a bit of room.]

[ Ishtar turned the other way not meeting his gaze. ]

Sorry...you had to see me like this.

[ Because Ishtar never showed weakness in front of people anymore, but right now she frankly didn't care but she wasn't happy that he caught her in the midst of it. She remained there, letting the sword slip from her grip and making a light clanking sound as it hits the cavern floor. ]

...I'll be okay. It's not like this is anything new.

[ First it was Elian and Kit, then Rose, Yusuke, and now Duzell. There were also others, but she didn't want to think of their names too much. It made her sad. ]

I pretty sure I didn't see anything.

[A small joke but the point was there. If someone was acting pitiful, he certainly didn't know it. Not that he would consider it a weakness in the first place.]

If you say so, though. I guess fair is fair since that's pretty much the reply I gave you when I was laid out on the floor.

...Heh,if you say so.

[ There was a light half hearted laugh coming from Ishtar before she changed her expression again. She wasn't really looking for pity or sympathy. She knew well that she had lost someone and that she had to move on but it wasn't easy to do that right away. ]

I guess so.

[ She replied softly, pulling her legs up now. ]

...I just don't know what to do anymore.

That's just a little vague.

Hm... [Not being entirely aware of the situation, he decided to start with something simple.]

...the first thing you can probably do is keep breathing.

I guess I'm just vague like that.

[ Another bitter laugh. This really wasn't her day at all. Ishtar didn't want people she knew to see her in this sorry state. She knew better than to show herself this way but was the use in hiding it anymore? ]

I'm breathing...just...

[ Oh well, there goes the water works again. She starts rubbing her eyes again. ]

[Ah...so she was sad. He could recognize that noise, even if he couldn't see what was going on.]

I don't know what the reason is but if you want me to turn around so you can let it out, I can.

[ She forgot that he had bandages on his eyes, so it saved her from making a bigger fool of herself. ]

...It's...I can't stop it from coming out....sorry.

You don't have to apologize.

...even I have to do this sometimes.

....Yeah....

[ There might have been an attempt to laugh it off, but it was miserable sounding as Ishtar just let it all out. Sorry Satsujinki. ]

You know...how about I go get you something to drink.

[Partially as an excuse to temporarily escape so she could gather herself. Partially because, well, it might have been needed.]

....?

[ there was a confused look on her face as she looked up seeing him walk off. Something to drink? It wasn't like she wanted to eat or drink anything at the moment. ]

[It was an excuse. That's all it was. For him to be gone long enough that maybe she could let it out without someone watching.

But he does come back, holding a canteen in his hand. You'd have to be silly to actually carry a cup this far away from where you'd get them.]

...here.

[ Ishtar looked even more shocked to see him return with something for her to drink. He was right, there we no more tears to cry when he returned. her eyes were just glossed over and red along with her cheeks. ]

....

[ She quietly takes the canteen from him. ] Thanks....

Don't worry about it. It's one of those 'it's the least I can do' kind of things. Not that I could do much to begin with but you get the idea.

It's alright...it's more than enough. You've been kind to me.

[ She maybe sips out of the canteen of water that was given to her. ]

Don't think too much of it. It might seem hypocritical to say but if you ever need anything, you can ask anytime.

Thank you, Satsujinki. It means a lot to me, even if I can't really show it to you right now.

[ she offered him a weak smile and of course it was a lot more genuine than before. ]

Today, Tohko felt..rather off. She had woken up, feeling like there were horrible monsters around every corner, waiting to jump her and flay her alive. However, she didn't think much of it as she wandered around the Tower, doing her duties. It was probably just the Tower getting to her.

At least, that's what she thought before she snuck off into the library to eat lunch. No matter what book she ate, it tasted like red-hot coals were sliding down her throat, burning her stomach. It felt horrible..and it matched up with Lancer's symptoms on the network.

Worried, and still in a bit of pain, Tohko hurried up the Tower, wrote Lancer a letter, and then..kept walking up, not sure what she should do now. However..when she wandered up to the ninety-ninth floor and saw someone sitting on the cavern floor, she wandered up to them. They didn't look like they were in good shape either. Were they crying?

"Hey..are you alright? What's wrong?"

Ishtar kept her head down, not hearing the person approach at first, cradling the golden sword close to her form as she mumbled some incoherent words that no one could really make out.

She didn't notice the girl for a good few minutes, before she realized that that words were exchanged. She looked up with bit of blankness, and the ends of her eyes were sort of red, while the rest was puffy.

She rubbed her face again to try to get rid of the miserable look on her face. She knew it wasn't going to do much for her crying but still, "...I'm..fine," she muttered, "it's nothing."

She didn't want to trust anyone right now.

Tohko sighed to herself as she sat down next to the girl. She noticed those red eyes and didn't believe those words for a minute. She tried to pat the girls head before she spoke again.

"You're not fine. You've been crying quite a bit. Please..tell me what's bothering you. I'll try to help."

Ishtar didn't seem to be bothered by the pat on the head. In fact, she didn't really move from her spot. She was mighty miserable right now, so there was no way in hell she was going to feel any better soon, anyway. Why bother lying when you are terrible at it in the first place?

The princess eventually, pulled her knees up to her face as she hid her expression from the girl. She didn't really want to show weakness in front of people, but it had been so long since she had felt this way. That moment of happiness ended just as quickly as it started.

"...It's not something-- no, I don't think there's any way to fix it," she replied softly, muffled because of her face was hidden in her knees.

Tohko sighed again as the girl pulled her knees up to her face. It looked like she was trying to turn into a ball..and she had seen that pose before and had acted it out as well. It was never a good sign.

"..There may not be any way to fix it..but there may be some way to make it better..please, at least let me try."

Ishtar kept her face there. She didn't want to be rude, but she definitely couldn't talk about anything right now. It just seemed like things were crumbling down on her. She was always losing someone, and that someone always had to be a person that she was attached to for a long period of time. She wasn't sure what she could say anymore about her dilemma.

"...What's the point, it'll end the same way anyways and I'll be left behind again," she mused, her tone slightly cold and maybe a little out of character. Ishtar had never said things like that, but fending for her own here with not many people to help her out too much, she was a little bitter on it.

Ah..so this girl had lost someone important to her. A good friend or a lover..but someone. Tohko sighed again. She knew how loss felt, and it was horrible.

"..People always come and go, and while seeing them leave is always painful, there's always new people to meet, and you can cherish and remember the time you spent with the person that left. While it's painful now..I'm sure that it'll be alright. You'll find friends who will stay in the Tower with you for a long time."

The princess nodded her head silently. She understood her place and her situation, but it never really helped with her sadness. She just couldn't take losing anymore people. Ishtar was sobbing again now, quietly.

"It's hard, when you lose...people, friends, and family endlessly," she murmured clinging to the sword. At least, she had comfort in her great grandfather's sword. It allowed her to think that his spirit was watching over her in some way. He was protecting her. She would like to think a bout that.

"...Yeah...maybe."

She was doubting everything again, "What if...it never happens? I don't want to be alone," she quietly mumbled. It was something that terrified her the most, not having someone to go to.

Tohko sighed to herself as she tried to pat the girl on the back. She was either immortal, lived a really long life, or had been caught up in a long, long war. Or a combination of the two. It was probably horrible..but Tohko wasn't going to let her suffer all alone without trying to help.

"..I know it does. Losing the people you love over and over again must be torture. But trust me, you won't be alone. I'm sure, right now, you have a lot of wonderful friends inside the Tower. One may have vanished, and it's sad that they did..but there are more people here, and more come every month. You won't be alone. I'm here, and so are a few others."

Ishtar felt he gesture of kindness that was given to her, but she couldn't lean into it, since she felt that if she did, it would disappear just like everything else she knew. she didn't want to lose whatever was left of her sanity. She didn't want to end up like her cousin that tried to kill his own family.

...

She was right, and it was all true. She was here just like other people were and Kariya said it was okay for her to depend on him. Ishtar knew that but she couldn't really accept anything right now and just kept quiet as she said that. Maybe, she just needed a moment to collect herself.

As the woman kept silent, Tohko sighed to herself. She had met this reaction before, with Enoch. Hopefully she would be able to handle it a bit better this time around.

"..It's alright if you don't want to talk right now. I'll be here if you do, or until you're ready to move on. Don't worry. I'll be right here."

She wasn't usually like this anymore. She used to handle things pretty normally, but right now because it was someone so close to her heart, Ishtar couldn't help but feel flustered about it.

"Thanks..." she murmured quietly as she sobbed. It would take a few minutes or a few hours, depending on how long she wanted to let herself be this stupid vulnerable. Someone was trying to help her and she was being ridiculous about it.

Tohko kept her hand on the woman's back as she replied.

"No problem. I'm always happy to help."

No matter how long it would take for this woman to feel better, Tohko would be there. There was no way she was going to leave someone sobbing, due to loss.

Somehow if Ishtar thought about it, Tohko really reminded her of herself. Ishtar was that kind of person to others, but always neglected her own problems. She never seemed to stop showing the genuine kindness she possessed but at the same time, that kindness made her bottle many things up.

She just nodded her head briefly while trying to control her tears.

Tohko didn't know much about this woman-not enough to draw comparisons-but she did know that she wasn't just going to leave her here or walk away. Even if she didn't say anything, simply being there might help. Hopefully.

So, Tohko just sat there with a hand on the woman's back and waited. She was pretty patient, so there was no need to worry about her storming off after waiting for an hour or two.

It was kind of someone to just sit here and watch over her while she was being pathetic. Ishtar was grateful for it, even if her expressions were not so obvious.

The girl kept quiet after a while. All the sobbing and crying stopped but it still hurt on the inside.

As the girl stopped crying, Tohko spoke up.

"..Are you feeling any better? Want to talk?"

Ishtar gave her a weakened smile, but it at least showed her appreciation for the person. She didn't want to be such a bitter person since someone was kind enough to sit by her side for a while now.

"Yeah...just a little...and..." she merely shook her head. She wasn't ready to talk just yet.

Tohko returned the smile and nodded. It was fine if the person didn't want to talk right now. Whenever she was, Tohko would be here.

She didn't want to hold the girl up anymore. It seemed like it was best to get up and leave. Ishtar did just that by pulling herself up from the ground and standing again.

The princess no longer wanted to be a burden to anyone. It was something she'll have to deal with.

"I'm sorry, but I should get going. I don't want to burden you and...thank you." she quietly replied giving her a sad smile.

Tohko stood up after the woman spoke and gave her a warm smile.

"I'm not going to stop you from leaving..but you're not a burden! I don't mind if you need to bend my ear for awhile!"

Ishtar might have offered a rather weak smile for that comment. She appreciated it really, but she didn't want to be here any longer because she was also making someone worry about her.

"Thank you. You're really kind," she replied blinking back a couple of more tears through her soft hearted smile.

Tohko sighed and, walking up to the woman, tried to pat her on the head. Or, if she was too tall, give her a pat on the shoulder.

"You're welcome..and while I'm happy that you think I'm kind, I'm sure there are a lot of people here who would be happy to listen to you."

Ishtar wasn't all that tall. She was roughly about 5'4" right now though the pat did help her cheer up a little more.

"Thanks. I'm sure there are and I'm sure I'm just acting strange again....so don't worry, I won't do anything reckless."

The princess replied with a soft smile through her reddened hues.

Tohko returned the smile and nodded.

"I don't think you're acting strange. It's normal to feel sad when people leave you. But..I'm happy to hear that you won't do anything reckless."

"Yeah, I really don't want to make the people around me sad if I did something reckless," she nodded her head, "but yeah...I promise to behave."

There was a small wave from her before the girl slowly walked off. She'll definitely thank Tohko later.

Tohko sighed to herself and, while she didn't follow the woman, she did call after her.

"Can you promise me that you'll also talk to me if you feel sad? I'll help you out however I can!"

Ishtar only kept it to herself as she heard the girl say that. A small wave of her hand as she walked quietly off, signalling that she got the girl's message.

"I will, I promise," she replied back, enough for her to hear before disappearing around the corner.

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shattered glass

Floor 99

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Floor 99

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