towerofanimus | The Love Spot Has Been Activated!

Entry tags:

The Love Spot Has Been Activated!

Characters: Tohko Amano and you for the first two prompts, the third is closed to Tohko and Diarmuid.
Setting: Floor fifteen, the cafeteria, and then dorm room 04-16. Occurs on the twelfth.
Format: I'm starting in prose, but I'll match you!
Summary: After getting mercy murdered, Tohko tries to calm down and deal with some feelings..while also dealing with being affected by Diarmuid's love spot.
Warnings: Will be updated as things pop up.

As Tohko entered the fifteenth floor, she sighed to herself as she thought about what had happened the past few days. Ganon had cursed her, Lancer had killed her to get her feet back to normal..and..somehow, she had fallen in love with Diarmuid.

She knew about Diarmuid's curse. After all, she was a book girl, and while the love spot was in a different spot than she was expecting it, it was there nonetheless. So, any feelings of love she might have could be fake. Plus..she had liked Enoch awhile back. It was weird to start thinking about another guy so suddenly after being rejected by the first, wasn't it?

..But, maybe it wasn't. And, even if it was, Tohko's whole life could be called strange, sot that probably didn't matter. All that mattered was how Diarmuid would take it, and if she could even tell him at all. After all, having a curse like that hurt him, and it would be hard for him to accept anyone else into his heart while knowing about that curse.

Perhaps..she would give him one small test to see if it would be safe to tell him. After all, one couldn't ask someone to love them without that person knowing what they were loving.

Such is what Tohko thought about as she started hammering two boxes together. Feel free to bother her as she works and break her out of that train of thought!

After she finished hammering together the two boxes, Tohko carried them down to the cafeteria and smiled to herself as she put napkins on the bottom of each one and filled them with chocolates. This was where she and Diarmuid had their cooking lesson, and where she had fallen in love with him. Or maybe it was when he saved her from the mermaids. It was a string of small things that made her love him.

Or so she thought. Sadly, she was just affected by Diarmuid's curse, but she had no way of knowing that. Feel free to bother her as she fills up her boxes.

After loading up the two boxes and putting a note in one, Tohko headed off for dorm room 4-16. Politely, she knocked on the door.

"Diarmuid? Lancer? Are either of you in?"

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[Diarmuid rubs at the back of his head and laughs a little nervously.]

Well, if by cooking you mean writing stuff for you to...eat, I do write a little, but I doubt it's anything that would be good enough to be a...meal.

[He keeps pausing because of just how weird it is to talk about writing this way.]

I may have had a harder time if I hadn't been brought here, but I've seen so many weird things now, why should I hold it against you? It doesn't change who you are at all.

[It may have been a little weird to talk about writing like this, but for Tohko, it was perfectly normal. After all, what she had told Diarmuid had only been a half-lie. There were quite a few ways cooking was similar to writing, and the comparison worked even more so with her..because to her, writing was cooking. Stories were food.]

Well, I'm not going to force you to cook for me..but other than that, I can't think of any way you can help, as there's no way to alter my condition.

And I'm glad you think that. There are probably a few people who wouldn't agree..but I am glad that you realize that. Thank you.

Those people are fools then!

[There is more venom than he planned for in those words, and Diarmuid pauses to get himself back under control.]

A true friend would accept you for all that you are, not deny you for one part of it. If they cannot accept all of you, then you are better off without them.

[Diarmuid reaches over to the nightstand and pulls his sketchbook into his lap.]

It wouldn't be forcing me or anything. I do it off and on anyway. It's just that I don't think they would be good enough to be much good to you. They are just short things written when the mood strikes me.

[Tohko was a little..surprised at that reaction, and she had to force herself not to jump. However, she sighed at it.]

..I don't deny that seeing me like a goblin or a monster would be foolish, but I'm not sure if I would be better off without them. After all, people's ideas can change, and as long as they don't hurt me or tell anyone else about it, then I'll be fine.

[..A good friend of hers back home thought she was a goblin, and while she didn't like that opinion, she didn't hate the person. However, Tohko smiled when she saw Diarmuid's sketchbook.]

Actually, that would be fine! Even things written in just five minutes can taste like a roast beef sandwich or a sweet eclair.

I understand that you don't want to dislike them for that and if you really think they might change, they should be given that chance, but how can you trust someone who truly thinks you are such a thing? How do you know they won't eventually betray or hurt you?

[His expression softens.]

I just don't want to see you hurt. That's all.

[His hands tighten around the sketchbook and a slight blush colors his cheeks.]

Really? What is it that gives them their taste then? How is it decided?

[At that, Tohko's smile grew a little bit, and she patted him on the shoulder.

If you ever shrink, Diarmuid, you are getting your head patted.]

Well, I would have to know the person well enough to make that decision..but I only know one person back home who does call me a 'goblin', and he's been stuck with me for quite awhile, so I know his personality pretty well. He's a bit rude, but he's not the sort of person who would blab or really try to hurt others.

Thank you though..I'm glad that you care that much. If there's anything I can do to help out in return, let me know, alright?

[Tohko then thought for a moment as she tried to explain how stories got their tastes.]

Well, it depends upon the content of the story. I can see and picture foods normally, so I end up comparing books to them to make it easier. Salty stories tend to be a bit sad, uplifting or joy-filled tales can sometimes be sweet, and if you combine the two, you get a bittersweet story. Does that make any sense?

Yes, I suppose you are the only one who can make the choice about who is deserving. I just hope you are not hurt as a result.

[He reaches out and squeezes her shoulder.]

You do so much for me as it is. I would hate to ask anymore of you.

[Diarmuid pauses a moment, almost as if he wants to say something more and then switches topics.]

That does make sense and it helps explain some of the things you said before. I am glad you can do that, at least. It would be terrible if you couldn't taste things at all.

[Tohko smiled at the shoulder squeeze and the kind words.]

Oh, don't worry! I don't think I'll be hurt that badly..besides, there's only one person I know who does call me a goblin.

..And I don't think I do that much for you. You don't have to worry about asking too much of me. I'm always happy to help out.

[As long as you don't ask her to kill anyone.

..Tohko gave Diarmuid a puzzled look at the pause, but she shook it off before replying.

What was he avoiding?]

So am I! It would be pretty terrible if I couldn't taste anything..but I suppose that's better than some other things. At least I wouldn't be an Oba Yozo, even if I couldn't taste anything.

What is a Oba Yozo?

[He pauses after asking, again seeming to turn something over in his mind. Finally, he speaks again.]

Would you mind keeping a secret if I told you one? It's about something that happened recently. I've been turning it over and over in my head and I really just need to get it out. Only, I'm afraid of how people will react if I tell them.

He's the main character from No Longer Human. He's a man that cannot feel much of anything and has trouble empathizing with people. Due to this, he feels great shame and tries to commit suicide with other people on two occasions.

[Tohko sighed.]

He's..quite a sad character.

[At Diarmuid's question, she nodded.]

Diarmuid, I'm always happy to listen. Don't worry, I'm good at keeping secrets. What's been troubling you?

He is. And no, I don't think you could ever be like him.

[Diarmuid looks away, his face paling slightly.]

I should not bother you with this, but...

...I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and my wife has been on my mind a lot. I miss her. I miss our children and yet...

[He looks up at her, tears wetting the corners of eyes that suddenly have a terrified emptiness in them.]

The horrible things I have done lately aside, what right do I have to miss them? They aren't mine! I'm not him! I am just a copy. A magical...thing...with a stolen face.

No..I don't think I could..but I know someone who is.

[Tohko watched as Diarmuid spoke, and listened patiently..but when he began to cry, she sighed to herself, looked at Diarmuid..and gave him a heart-warming smile. The best one she could put on.]

Diarmuid, you're not a 'thing' with a stolen face. I admit, there may be some differences between you and the Diarmuid who lived long ago, like your appearance, abilities, and the like..but that doesn't mean that you can't miss them.

Even if there have been changes done to you, due to what you are now, they are still yours. You had a wife and children in the past, and I'm sure they were wonderful to have and be around. You may be a bit different than you were then..but that doesn't mean that those things didn't happen to you, that you weren't important parts of those people's lives.

You have every right to miss them. You have every right to see them again. You remember your experiences with them like they were yesterday, and you still love them. Therefore..I see nothing wrong with you wanting to see them again. It's terrible that you've lost them though..really, it is. But..that doesn't mean they weren't yours at one point in time. That doesn't mean you can't remember them, love them, or miss them.

Does that..make any sense?

No, no. You don't understand!

[There is a desperate weariness in his voice like he wants to believe her, but at the same time knows he cannot.]

I am only a copy. Nothing more. I was created so that the original soul of Diarmuid Ua Duibhne recorded on the Throne of Heroes would not be tainted by what happened in the war. Even before I was born, I was destined to be erased. What right does a temporary--a flawed--copy have to the things that belong to the original? None! None at all!

[Diarmuid closes his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. He remembers all to vividly the night his master--in anger and frustration caused by his inability to do magic or even move after his injury--had told those things to him. Diarmuid had wanted to deny the words. Had actually argued with him, but slowly what his master had told him began to align with information buried deep in his mind from the grail.

How can one argue against something when it comes from two unquestionable sources?]

['You don't understand.'

Tohko had muttered those words once before to Enoch. She didn't know if they stung him or not..but they hurt her a little. However, she forced her smile to not diminish.

She would not give up on her friend. Not now, when he was in so much pain, not when he was facing something like this! She put a hand on his shoulder as he spoke, in a small attempt to get him to calm him down.]

You may be a copy..but that still doesn't mean that you're not Diarmuid Ua Duibhne! I don't think that it was destined for you to be erased. Destiny is more fragile than people think. It takes a lot of work, but it's not impossible to smash it to pieces or change it. That's been shown over and over in stories and in real life.

And, since the original Diarmuid is still asleep and you're awake, I think you have every right to lament the things that he lost and remember the things that he experienced! After all, you remember experiencing those things too. His pain, joy, anger..all those things are burned onto your brain, so you have ever right to want, miss, and feel angry about the things and people you met in the past.

And, even if you are a copy, I don't think you're flawed at all! You're no more a flawed copy than I am a horrible goblin.

But I was! I was on my way to be erased when I was brought here!

[He seems to totally miss the fact that he's just proven her point about how easily destinies can be changed.]

And I am flawed! Badly flawed! I have done nothing right since I was brought here. No matter how hard I try, I just keep failing! I can't protect anyone. All I seem to do is get people killed. My roommate... Myself... Kariya...

[Diarmuid's head and shoulders suddenly hunch forward as if he is trying to make himself as small as possible.]

Kariya... I have hurt him so much. And then I killed him. It doesn't matter that it finally ended his pain. He was only in pain because I wasn't there to save him in the first place!

[Tohko paused for a moment before speaking again. So he had been forced to mercy kill someone too.]

If you were on your way to be erased before being brought here, then it shows that your destiny can be easily changed. After all, you're not erased now. You avoided that fate for now. You altered it.

[Tohko then patted Diarmuid on his shoulder, but she kept her hand there.]

Diarmuid..you haven't messed up everything. After all, if you did, that soup we made would have turned out horrible, you wouldn't have mastered the network, we wouldn't have become friends, and you wouldn't have been able to save me. I'm sure there are a few more examples I can point to.

[Tohko sighed.]

People mess up sometimes, Diarmuid. It's human. It's to be expected. But you haven't messed up everything. And you can't be there to save everyone, even if you would like to.

..As for Kariya..as long as he wanted to be killed in this Tower to save his pain, then it was alright. You have no reason to blame yourself. I'm sure Kariya wouldn't.

[Diarmuid leans into her touch, his head almost coming to rest against her arm. It's like his body is finally reaching for the comfort it so needs despite the fact that his mind is still screaming that he doesn't deserve it. The fact that he's wrapped his arms tightly around his waist in a weak attempt at comforting himself also seems to point in that direction.]

He was turned into a mermaid like you almost were and he drown someone. To stop himself from hurting anyone else, he threw himself up on the beach to wait for death. But it came so slowly...he was hurting so much when I found him. I didn't want to kill him, but we talked and he decided it was what he wanted. How could I deny him release from that pain?

But it still hurt me. It hurt me so much to do it...

[If his head was within reach, then Tohko would move her hand so that it rested there instead. If Diarmuid needed to be comforted like this, she would try and help him out. She couldn't just let him be like this..not when he had faced something like this.]

..I know, Diarmuid, I know. Believe me, I do. If we were in a place that wasn't the Tower, I would be mad..but since death was a fresh start for Kariya, a way where he didn't have to be a merman and hurt others, and since there was no alternative, you did what you could to help him. I know it hurts..but he agreed to it, and there was no other alternative.

It's alright..I'm sure Kariya would say the same thing. I know it hurt to kill him..but..you were helping him..so it's alright.

[Diarmuid's shoulders tense when she pulls her hand away because he thinks for a moment it's in disgust, but that tension vanishes when her hand rests itself on his head. If he keeps his eyes closed and lets his mind drift, he can almost imagine it's his father's hand comforting him like he had whenever he was troubled as a child.]

What is right shouldn't hurt like this, should it? Why must all of this be so complicated? I feel like I don't understand anything anymore.

[Tohko tousled Diarmuid's hair as she spoke, trying to comfort him.]

It's because emotions and the things that happen in this Tower are complicated. You did something right..but since you had to kill a good friend of yours, you feel terrible about it, even though you had no other choice. It's normal to feel this way.

But..even if you don't feel like you understand anything right now, I'm sure you'll get it eventually. Or, you probably already understand it..it's just taking you a little bit longer to work through it all. There's nothing wrong with that.

[The tousle brings a small smile unconsciously to his face. His father had done that all the time too.]

I-I don't know...

[When he looks up at her, there is fear in his eyes.]

Look at how messed up I am now...how many people I've hurt. What if I can't? And I'm so tired all ready. Servants were never meant to live this long....to have time to think about these kinds of things...

[His head drops back down and he shuts his eyes, exhaustion lining his face.]

[It's good that he likes it, because Tohko is going to keep doing it.]

I'm sure you'll be able to eventually, Diarmuid. And it's not just you..humans aren't made to live that long. It hurts, and it's horrid..but if you're exhausted, then yous should get some rest. Maybe you'll be able to think it all through in a dream. Or, with a fresh head, you'll see things a bit differently.

[She then spoke a little softly. He needed to get some sleep, and she was going to try and make sure he got some.]

Sleep. You've more than earned it. You need it.

Servants aren't suppose to dream, but I do here sometimes. Horrible dreams that make me want to scream even with all I have seen in my life. They keep me from going back to sleep...

I shouldn't have to sleep.

[Diarmuid sighs and slowly sits up letting her hand fall from his head. He catches it before it falls too far, though, and places a gentle kiss on it.]

Thank you for listening. If you don't mind, I think I would like to go back to sleep now. I'm so upset and tired that it's hard to think straight.

[..So he had nightmares too. And, knowing what he had been through, they were probably worse than what she had.

Tohko sighed and nodded.]

Don't mention it. I'm always happy to listen..even if I don't do much good. I'll let you get some rest..however, if you want, I could bring you some books that might help with your nightmares. They always help with mine.

Thank you. I don't know if they will work or not. I think most of it is up here.

[He points at his own head.]

And that I have to work out on my own. But I appreciate the offer. As always, you are too kind to me.

The Love Spot Has Been Activated!

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Not quite the secret you were expecting... We're working toward it!

One mental scar at a time!

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