towerofanimus | (no subject)

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Characters: Signless & Ψiioniic, and if any of their roommates would like to be present or anyone else would like to drop in on them, feel free!
Setting: 2-8, backdated to shortly after this thread, so just after the Condesce arrives but before Dualscar does.
Format: Narrative please
Summary: After killing himself, the Signless & the Condesce, Ψiioniic wakes in their room.
Warnings: graphic imagery and slave issues, most likely

Ψiioniic woke in the grasp of the same sleep paralysis he'd experienced on first coming to the tower. He couldn't move or open his eyes, but his brain was working at full speed.

Since he'd never expected to wake again, this was disconcerting and somewhat terrifying. The last thing he remembered was sacrificing himself to try to stop the fight between Signless and the Condesce - and to prevent the Condesce from ordering him to kill Signless.

Why was he alive? Where was he? Who had won the battle?

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"Vapourized the... oh. Oh, fuck." Too late, Ψiioniic realized the potential consequences of what he'd done, and he blanched. "I didn't mean to... I only meant to... to thtop her from being able to order me to kill you," he said, realizing in the middle that 'I only meant to kill myself' would probably not go over well, and wouldn't quite convey his intentions anyway.

It wasn't that he'd been suicidal. He would just rather die than hurt Signless, or watch him be culled in front of him again.

Signless heard the unspoken words loud and clear, and groaned. He shifted up to sit on the bed, dragging Psiioniic with him. "You fucking idiot," he said, tightening his grip. "Fuck, no, it wasn't your fault. It's that god damned conditioning. We have to figure out how to fix that, before you run into her again! I am not giving you up to her."

Ψiioniic cuddled close to his friend, feeling vaguely guilty for enjoying the contact so much, but figuring it had to be allowed just this once. "Run into her again? But she mutht be... dead. Oh. Crap. Tho were we. What is this place? Are we all dead? Is this the afterlife?"

The thought that he could run into the Condesce again was enough to make him feel sick. Fix his conditioning? It wouldn't be that easy, surely. It had taken him perigees to overcome it the first time.

"I wish I knew," Signless said unhappily, stroking Psiioniic's hair again. "I really wish I knew. I hope that bitch is dead. But I just can't say for sure, given what just happened to us."

He nuzzled Psiioniic's hair. "Hey," he said softly. "You're not mad at me for trying to kill her, are you?"

"Uh..." That was a tough question, and Ψiioniic had to struggle with his own feelings before he could find a way to answer it. He knew he was probably staying silent too long, but he didn't want to give his friend a half-assed answer.

"Mad ithn't the right word," he said finally, speaking slowly like sounding the words out might give him a better grasp on the meaning behind them. "Upset... but more like, upset that you had to. And kinda panicked. If she'd managed to even squeak out one order to kill you... I don't know what I'd have done." He hid his face against Signless' shoulder.

Signless sighed with relief, cuddling Psiioniic against his shoulder. "I'm sorry I upset you so fucking badly. I didn't know what to do. All I could think of is that I needed to get you away from her before she messed you up any more, and I tried to do it the diplomatic way, but then she attacked you, and I lost it."

He sighed again, nuzzling in. "But we're still friends, right, you pitiful fuck?"

"Alwayth, you useless dreamer," Ψiioniic replied, tilting his head so they fit together a little better. "I'm just thorry you had to attack her like that. It'th my fault. I couldn't... when I turned the corner and saw her standing there, and then... I just couldn't."

Trying to explain how he'd felt when the Condesce had ordered him to follow her was a lost cause, so he gave up. But just thinking about it was enough to make him shiver.

"It wasn't your fault," Signless said firmly, smiling a little shyly, and just glad Psiioniic couldn't see his face from that angle. "But you'll get better. You just need some time to get over the shit they've done to you. That bitch knows how to push your buttons, but you'll get better."

He was trying to convince himself as much as Psiioniic, at this stage.

He bit his lip. This was impulsive, but given the situation, he felt he had to plunge forward. "Seems to me that you need a moirail..."

Ψiioniic froze against him, mind spinning in little circles. "Moirail?" he repeated in a very small, shocked voice. "You... you want to... I mean... are you thuggesting yourself, or just... making a statement that I need someone?" he stammered, tripping over himself as he tried to make sure he was actually understanding correctly.

Moirails, fuck... he'd give just about anything to have Signless as his moirail. Matesprits would be even better, but he'd never had a hope in hell of that and he knew better than to even dream of it. Moirails was already far more than he deserved.

A crimson flush rose to Signless' cheeks as Psiioniic stammered. Of course, he couldn't have done it in a classy way, smooth like in the movies. He had to say it in a stupid way that just made Psiioniic confused and nervous.

"I meant myself, fuckass," he said, ducking his head and looking away, his arms tightening around his best friend. "But of course, I fucked this up as usual. I dunno why you'd even want me as a moirail, anyway."

And now he'd embarrassed Signless, god, this was so much like both of them. No wonder nearly every conversation they ever hand ended in one of them asking if they were still friends.

"I don't know, maybe becauthe you're literally the best thing that ever happened to me, you've saved me a million times over and given me hope and freedom and taught me to think for mythelf and be my own person," he said, rolling his eyes and hugging Signless tighter in response. "On second thought, no, I can't think of anything you've ever done for me that wath the least bit pale. But what about Disciple?"

"Yeah, well, that's what I thought," Signless grumbled. He snuggled in a bit closer, biting his lip. "We've never actually talked about it, but I think it's safe to say she's my matesprit more than anything else. I don't think she'd have a problem with this, Psi. Quite the opposite."

What point in the timeline with Disciple was Signless from? Had he ever asked? Ψiioniic bit his lip, uncertain. "It'th just... she would say sometimeth that you two had a love that 'transcended the quadrants'," he explained awkwardly. "I really don't want to interfere with that, or even make her feel like I'm trying to. I care about you both. B-but... I think... having you as my moirail would be just about the betht thing ever," he finished in a whisper, blushing.

Signless' eyes widened a little, and then he rolled them. "Psi, stop with the self-sacrificing bullshit. Di isn't that selfish, to take up all my quadrants and leave you alone and lonely when you need me, even if we are, uh... I don't think I can even say that out loud. Did she really say that? About me?"

"Uh... yeah, kind a frequently," Ψiioniic admitted. "Oh crap, I hope telling you that didn't screw thomething up, it's just, you know how she ith. Everything is dramatic life or death with her," he added with a hesitant smile. He probably shouldn't have told Signless that, it might scare him off or something. "Keep in mind she didn't thtart saying that sort of thing until you'd been together quite a while."

Signless shook his head wryly. "When I found her, she was spraypainting things I'd said onto a random wall in the dorms. Believe me, I'm aware that she went a little tilted after I died." He swallowed. Not that he wanted to say as much aloud, but it was one of the reasons he wanted Psiioniic's support. He didn't pity Disciple any less, was pretty freaked out about all the changes - in everyone he cared about.

A little tilted... that was a kind euphemism for what he'd seen in Disciple's eyes at the moment of Signless' death. But they'd all broken a little - or a lot - that day, watching their friend and leader be tortured to death.

Ψiioniic wondered if Signless knew yet about the Vast Expletive and everything it implied. He decided not to mention it.

"You meant the world to her," he said instead. "To all of uth. Losing you hurt a lot. I hope she was as glad to see you alive as I was."

Signless didn't know about it, and that was probably a good thing. He had enough trouble feeling like he wasn't epicly failing at everything without knowing that ultimately, he was destined to fail even at that.

He blushed and growled a little, irritated at his own reaction. "Is sappy time over yet?"

"Nah, not while you're blushing all cute like that," Ψiioniic dared to tease him. He was blushing more than a little himself, but the embarrassment was worth the sweet feeling of pity and being pitied.

Another growl. "WEll, let me know when you're done." Though he still made no move to disentangle himself.

"You might want to get comfortable," Ψiioniic said, only half kidding. "I don't think I'm going to get tired of thith any time soon. You brought it on yourself, you know."

He snuggled in closer, hiding his face against the other troll's shoulder, and smiled.

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