towerofanimus | [closed] // rule the battlefield

Entry tags:

[closed] // rule the battlefield

Characters: Lancer, Other Lancer, and Waver.
Setting: Floor 93 and outside room 4-16
Format: Action if no one objects?
Summary: After monster hunting for a while, Waver properly meets his friend's roommate.
Warnings: Fighting, dumbasses, and fighting dumbasses.

[floor ninety-three]
[It seemed the safest choice as far as terrain went. No sand to provide an unstable foothold, no crystal or any other sort of ground for one to slip around on. Aside from the rain, it seemed the most harmless of floors in a monster-infested tower.]

Now I usually can't stand resorting to this in a fight when it's not necessary. But since you asked to see what I can do, I suppose a small measure of showing off is acceptable.

[He glanced over at Diarmuid with a smirk, the makeshift mercury umbrella quickly shifting as if called to attention by his next words.]

Automatoportum defensio: Dilectus incursio. [Shifting into a fighting stance, Waver seemed oddly at ease for someone moments from a fight to the death against untold horrors.] Now...let's get started, shall we?

[outside room 4-16]

[After quite a bit of fighting and having returned his Mystic Code to the vial he kept it in, Waver walked along beside Diarmuid back to the latter's dormitory room. The ponytailed magus seemed in fairly high spirits, having no concept of the blue-haired trouble incarnate they were about to walk straight into.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I didn't improve much on the combat aspect of it; wasn't much of a need to, as flawed as it can be. To answer your questions in order: it's not, not well, and something like that.

[Waver shrugged, walking closer as he spoke.]

I learned to fight magi, not actual monsters. Being on the receiving end of aikido is unimaginable and unexpected for them, but physical contact seems risky for half the things I've seen here. [He raised a hand to his head, sounding annoyed by his own reasoning.] The inverse of what's effective at home is what I'll probably end up needing to rely on here. I hate to say it, but I might have to get accustomed to fighting a little more like he used to.

Possibly or there is one other option. One, I don't really mind that much. In fact, in some ways I prefer it.

[Diarmuid vanishes for a moment, reappearing at Waver's side not even a second later.]

Leave the fighting for when I'm around. Then I can be your long distance weapon. It's not like he ever really used me that way anyway, so all your worries are taken care of. You don't have to use his fighting methods or fight closer to the monsters than is safe.

...No.

[His right hand came to rest over his left for a moment, tracing the faded scars that were once vivid red Command Spells.]

I mean, it's--don't get me wrong, I'm flattered. Really. But I don't want to rely on you to do all the fighting anymore. You're not just a weapon and I'll never see you like that. I spent ten years learning to fight so I could survive and wouldn't have to hide behind anyone like a coward anymore.

Even if it leaves a bad taste in my mouth to fight like Kayneth, I'll live with it--literally. If it's what I have to do to survive here, I'll do it.

What if I want to be used as a weapon!

[Diarmuid suddenly steps away from Waver, turning to face him. There is both anger and frustration in his eyes, no trace of his previous joy remaining. With the rain hitting his face, it almost looks like he's crying, though he's not.

Not yet anyway.]

I am a weapon! It's what I was summoned for! Everyone here...they want me to be more than that and...it hurts so much...

[He suddenly starts shaking, bringing a hand to his head and pressing as hard as he can.]

I-I don't know if I can keep doing this...

[For several long moments, he's silent--the only sound in the hallway is that of the rain falling. Diarmuid then takes a deep breath and lets his hand drop.

It's shaking, hard. Despite that, his voice is surprisingly steady.]

I'm sorry. This is what I wanted, isn't it? To be treated as more than that by him? And now...

I am so weak it makes me sick!

[He was actually startled at that, for just a moment. Sudden outbursts from Lancer of all people? It didn't entirely match the treasured memories of his beloved proud yet quiet Servant.]

[...Except for their last night. When he had intended to spend all three Command Spells for his Servant's own happiness, and when this same knight had pleaded for the chance to fight by his Master's side. That had been his only wish; they had all along been a Master and Servant with no desire the Grail could have granted.]

Diarmuid-...I'm sorry. I did it again, didn't I?

[With that somewhat cryptic statement, Waver stepped forward to take Diarmuid's shaking hand in both of his own.]

I shouldn't just be assuming what I think is right for you, and for that I'll apologize. But I hear you talking like that's all you are and all you're worth, and it...goddammit, Diarmuid, I can't tell you how much that kills me. How could someone I admire, someone who changed my entire life ever be just a simple weapon? I--

[Waver's voice cracked, and the lecturer scowled in frustration at himself as he quickly looked away.]

I can't...stand it. I want you to fight with me, not for me. As my friend--my partner, not my weapon. I...need you, Diarmuid. To support and protect me and to let me support and protect you both in and out of a fight.

But more than anything I want you to find a way to be happy. So if you need to be my weapon, I want to be yours in turn.

I wish I knew the way to be happy. Once all I needed was to have that wish fulfilled. Now...I just don't know.

[His voice is soft, though much steadier than his previous outburst and current shaking would make it seem like it should be.]

I want to know. I would trade anything to know! But, one part of me says the only way to be happy is to go back to being a knight. Another part says I can't do that anymore. I failed too much, so just be a weapon. Give yourself to someone and let them decide. Then there will be no mistakes and no failing since a weapon is just a weapon and those are human things. Weapons don't do those things. They just exist...

[He pauses a moment to take a deep breath, squeezing Waver's hands with his own.]

And then there is the other part. That part is so tired right now, but it knows I should just listen to everyone when they tell me I can't let myself just been a tool again. That I should let the man live while I can. He loved his children. He loves his friends. That should be enough, shouldn't it?

[Diarmuid finally meets Waver's eyes.]

Shouldn't it? If not, I don't know where to go from there. Please...help me. If you need me, help me so I can be what you want me to be because I want to be those things. I want to be your friend. I want to be the tool...no, the person who you trust. I just don't know how to.

...it's not my place to decide whether or not you should be a knight. But I can't stand by and let you turn yourself into a weapon. You're just as human as I am--killing off all of that will only destroy you. Maybe I can't talk, ultimately being a pawn of the Archibald family back home, but there's no way in hell I'm allowing you to do this to yourself.

[Waver leaned his head against Lancer's shoulder, holding on to his hands like that was all he had left.]

You were my first and only friend; on top of that, I owe you my life. There's nothing that I would refuse to do for you, nothing I would hesitate to trust you with. I'll be your friend, your Master, your partner--anything. Anything that'll help you.

I know. I know.

[Diarmuid's voice is so soft it's almost lost in the sound of the rain.]

I suppose that is why I feel like I can actually say these things to you as opposed to just keeping them inside. You might be the first person I have been able to say all of that too. I have told parts to others, but...

[He should pull away now. After all, not long ago he had stood like this with Sola-Ui and almost hurt her because he let himself give into his pain and lost track of what he was doing.

But he can't do it. He needs the contact and the comfort too much right now. He just...needs...]

How do I become more selfish? How do I learn to accept that it's okay that I want things? If I could just do that...

...I'm not sure, Diarmuid. I've always been pretty selfish--in fact I'm pretty sure I had to learn this particular lesson in reverse.

I guess...start with something small. If I said you could ask any one thing of me right now, what would it be?

But you've already done so much for me! I shouldn't...

[Diarmuid cuts himself off knowing that saying what he shouldn't do isn't going to help this. After a moment, he lets his head drop down near Waver's so that the other man and only him can hear his next words.]

Please...don't leave me alone. I-I know I told you I would be okay staying here if everyone else got to go home, but I wasn't completely honest with you. I-I would stay, but...I would be terrified. I don't want to be alone. I'm so afraid of being tossed away again. So many people have used me and told me they valued me and then they just...have gotten rid of me...

[Fionn had claimed to forgive him and then had let him die. Kayneth had put so much effort into summoning him and then had traded him away as soon as a better offer had arrived. At this point, he is just waiting for it to happen again. He knows it's just a matter of time...]

I won't.

[Waver spoke quietly, only just able to stop his own voice from shaking.]

No matter what it takes, I'll tear the rules of this world apart so we can go home together. I've always been alone...so I know how much it can hurt. But you have to promise me--swear to me, Diarmuid, you'll never leave my side again. Your memory was enough for me to live with the past ten years, but if I lost you again, I...I'm not sure how the hell I'd recover from that.

I will. If you take me back with you, you will never be able to get rid of me. Even if you tell me to leave...I will just say no.

[He smiles, just slightly. Somehow, hearing those words have already put him so much more at ease. He has no idea if he will actually be able to go back with Waver, but it is something to work toward. A goal.

One of his very own. Not someone else's. His.]

I am working hard to learn how to do that, you know. I'm not very good yet, but I'm practicing. Do you want to try it out?

We can do absolutely anything you want, my friend.

[Lancer laughs and finally steps away from Waver, though he doesn't pull his hands completely free of the other man's grip yet.]

Wait... Now how am I suppose to practice saying no if you tell me we can do whatever I want? You should be asking if I want to go build a shrine to Kayneth or some other equally horrid idea.

I guess I could tell you to slap me in the face or something.

Yes, that would work.

[He grins at Waver.]

With the additional bonus of me asking you if you had lost your mind. Though, it would be hard for me to slap you anyway with you holding onto my hands so tight.

[Diarmuid's expression softens.]

Thank you. I think I'm okay now. I'm sorry I kind of put a damper on our little hunting trip.

Don't apologize, you've done nothing wrong.

[He finally let go of Diarmuid's hand, only to place one on his shoulder instead.]

You shouldn't hesitate to tell me if you're unhappy--there's no shame in simply being human. I'm the last person that's going to think less of you for it.

And you have to tell me when I screw up or say something wrong. We're on equal ground, so you're allowed to correct me like that. Got it?

Yes, I will do my best. Please, don't be angry if it takes me a little bit. None of this...is easy for me.

[Diarmuid is quiet a bit before smiling a little wryly at him.]

Unless you have some special secrets you learned from your Diarmuid you can tell me about to make things easier? I am not opposed to tips and tricks...

Oh, I don't get angry. Much. Certainly not at you, at least.

[Waver crossed his arms, thinking it over for a moment.]

I don't really know about tricks, exactly. I think in the end what worked for me was just learning some patience and listening whenever you finally decided to talk. I wish I could say with any certainty how I got you to act a little more normal around me, but...I really don't know.

Oh, really? Not ever at me?

So does having the patience of a saint comes as the result of dealing with me then? I'm not sure how exactly to feel about that.

[Diarmuid laughs and shakes his head.]

I don't know how I have managed not to anger you so far, but for that I am glad. I really will do my best to not be so trying for you this time around. It's hardly fair you have to go through it twice after all.

That, my dear knight, is a punishment I will happily accept if it means I'm able to deal with you at all.

[Diarmuid rubs at the back of his head.]

Honestly, I would rather you not have to ever suffer because of me, but you seem bound and determined not to be rid of me, so what can I do? It's almost like you like me or something...

[He takes a moment to look around them, before looking back at Waver.]

Did you want to find some more monsters to show off on? I know I kind of ruined the mood, so if you don't want to it's okay. I don't know if I want to let these stay wet all that long either.

[Diarmuid motions to the swords in his hands as a distraction to the slight troubled look in his eyes. He's trying not to feel sorry since Waver said things were okay, but he does still feel bad about his outburst.]

People suffer. That's just how life is, whether we like it or not. I'd rather suffer and have you at my side than suffer alone.

[Waver shrugged, calm and indifferent.]

We should look into finding some kind of materials to make sheaths, don't you think? I wasn't sure what would have been ideal.

Yes, I suppose you are right. I would suffer anything to stay by your side as well.

[Diarmuid pauses, then, looking the blades in his hands over.]

Some leather or good hides would worth the best for making sheaths with, though I don't know how much of that would be in the tower. Do you happen to remember seeing anything like that when you were working in the workshop? There is also the sewing floor now, but I hear none of the material is all that good. Somehow I doubt we will find what we need there.

I'm afraid I don't recall seeing too much in the way of leather, but we can always check.

[closed] // rule the battlefield

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