towerofanimus | maybe there's nothing

Entry tags:

maybe there's nothing

Characters: Makoto Naegi and OPEN
Setting: Dorm Floors
Format: bracketspam!
Summary: He's tired, he just wanted to sleep.
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, possible death.

[Spring // Everywhere]
[Maizono-san left.

Again.

To him, this chilling rain fit his current mood all too well as he just stood there in the hallways, trudging through silently as he did nothing of sorts to even protect himself. In fact, he was too tired that the only thing he could do was to walk on and try to get his bearings together. February and March at this point, could go to hell for all he care- but that'd be too strong a word for him, hell.

But it's really fitting, since this tower could be comparable to that.

His thoughts were interrupted as he collapsed on a heap, exhaustion, hunger and the cold finally getting to him as he just lied there on the ground, looking as if he's about to die.]

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[ Naegi, are you drunk? Luckily, Kirigiri's, "Naegi is in danger" signals were working, otherwise— let's not venture into that. She's frustrated, planting her boots onto the ground and simply watching his pathetic figure. Tone harsh, one boot presses into his side; before she calmly leans down to place a gloved hand onto his back.

Somehow she needed to see if he was still alive, but placing her hands down somewhere else had only been for Yamada, and Yamada only!! ]

Get up, Naegi-kun.

[There was that tell-tale feeling of something pressing against his side, and then the feel of a gloved hand on his back.

...And... that voice-]

I don't think I can.

[He just wanted to sleep, is that so hard.]

[ Ah— good, he is alive! To Kirigiri that is good, meaning Naegi not dead is a good thing. ]

And why can you not? For one, you cannot fall asleep here, Naegi-kun. For two, you would not wish to continue to be a nuisance here now, would you? And thirdly, I will not allow you to lay here and be in the way of those wishing to go past you.

[ Something like that— BUT IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CARES ABOUT YOUR HEALTH, OR ANYTHING!! ]

What if I don't want to get up?

[Sorry but he's especially feeling like a nuisance right now, since he figured that's all he really is.]

You best give me one, very, good answer as to why.

[ She obviously knows something is up, but acting as though nothing was wrong is something she does best; and this is no exception. So, if being cold as she usually is will allow him to talk about why he is acting so unusual, then it might work. ]

[There's just silence as he pondered on what to answer, before settling on:]

Maybe it'd be better to die rather than to suffer through this rain.

[ There is no way she's letting you die, not after all the trouble she's gone to, keeping you alive! However silence is good, she just knows he's thinking of something; that was good as well, but his answer was not the answer, she had been waiting for. ]

Do not say those things, as it is better living. Do you wish to throw away, every little thing, you have achieved, for such selfish reasons? This rain will pass, but do not— [ Death is never an easy subject, for Kirigiri its simply a way of life; but for those who hadn't seen or heard it every single day, they would not be able to take this as well as she was right now. She hopes it will pass, the changing of weather was a problem. ] mention death, and suicide so lightly, and as though it will be manageable.

I do not know what has happened to you, but you will survive this. [ Seeing Naegi this way was honestly very depressing, as he was usually the one speaking sense into those who needed it; and she wasn't very good at this. ]

We can't die.

[`Because we're already dead in the first place anyways.`

Went the unsaid thought in his head as he answered the first part of Kirigiri's statement as he at least moved into a sitting position, still deciding to look at the ground rather than the girl's eyes. At this point, he's not sure if it's even worth it to keep himself together, what's with this tower's tendency to pull people in and away without notice.]

I don't think I can handle this.

[What is he compared to Kirigiri? He can't keep his mouth shut around his friends, he made a huge mistake when he confronted Maizono-san that time. Compared to her, he's just.

...

Right, he was average from the beginning wasn't he?]

You will hurt someone, if you go through with your thoughts.

[ She knows what he was saying, at least; still even then, Kirigiri hadn't thought much of the soul fiasco. She still never wanted to think about it, to her, she was still alive and felt no different before arriving here, and she still wanted to have this type of mindset. On Naegi moving, that was a start; he looked like a mess, as anyone with depressed thoughts would, she knew whatever it was could be overcome. ]

Handle "this"? You should be more specific, Naegi-kun. [ Or she'll slap some sense into you. ]

Doing this.

[Gesturing towards Kirigiri as he answered her, Naegi's going to actually fully get up, although his default standing position at this point is just looking hunched, not having the energy to fully stand upright.]

Keeping everyone together and not-

[Killing each other. But he's seen through the experiments.

In the end, they did it anyways. And he's tired of it.]

In despair.

[Really, the place is good with forcing them to break, so what's the point if all you do is getting up before being shoved back into that pit again?]

Despair. [ She can only repeat his words, with a shake of her head; quickly she turns her back on him for a moment before returning to his figure. She doesn't believe herself to be in despair, not yet and to prevent the feeling at all costs, was what she wanted to do. ]

You believe yourself to be in despair, don't you? Certainly your actions have been speaking for oneself, it is only your attempt at considering you are in despair, and you do seem to believe it. [ She might be talking from experience, not that she'd actually ever state it. ] It is true that you cannot save everyone you care about, Naegi-kun.. but you are able to save yourself from falling in despair.

Wouldn't you agree?

And then what?

[If he's not in despair, and then what? That's a question he's been asking ever since Halloween, and yet, for fear of worrying his friends, he just buried it under the issue he was focusing on before Maizono-san disappeared again, but now that she's gone, that thing moved back into the forefront of his mind again.]

Compared to everyone, I'm just-

[A nuisance, probably. So it might not be normal for him to think that way, but people tends to change when they were subjected to things that humans are not meant to suffer through.]

You are you, Naegi-kun.

[ She can't explain it, no matter how badly she wants to do so. Knowing there is something special about Naegi wouldn't be a stretch, he's kind and forgiving where most are not. Did he want to see himself as plain? Kirigiri can understand his wording, but even so she dislikes him talking about himself this way; even if she thought nearly the same way when they first met. ]

And why are you comparing yourself to others? It does seem unlike you. Why does it matter? You are unlike anyone I have met before, and whatever it is you are thinking is untrue. [ At least for the moment, she doesn't need him to be depressed on her. ]

['You are you, Naegi-kun.'

The words repeated itself in his head as the girl continued talking, causing him to actually stay quiet rather than fighting her words with more self depreciation, and by the time she finished talking...]

How... do you know that?

[Because he's not been through much compared to his other friends, who were taken from different points of time.]

Because I know. [ Trying relentlessly to get through to him, maybe she was certain now he was finally listening to her words; which had been bothering her for some short amount of time. ] Is that not good enough of an answer for you?

[ For all the times he has helped her open up about her past, and the same with the rest of the students. For all the times he has listened to her, she only wants to return the favour and we can't have the heroine all depressed now. Saving someone from death was different from sitting here and listening to their problems, while it made her feel uneasy with not exactly knowing what to say; maybe she was doing just fine saying what was true, and what was on her mind.

Which was never unusual. ]

[He wanted to answer "no". To refuse Kirigiri's attempt, but then her persistence in getting him to accept the fact made him realize something that just clicked within his mind.

This is what it would've wanted to see, himself on the verge of despair. The students in despair, and constantly broken by the murders around them. To be unable to stand up to face against his own friends. To lose all kinds of hope.

...He wanted to believe her words, he really did, but... maybe...

No.

A part of him screamed, to be exact, it punched that notion right out his head. She's right, at this point, he couldn't just be moping around...

The others...

He...]

I-I have to check if the others are alright.

Don't ever lose hope.

[ She even knows she's saying weird and strange things, but if the one optimistic person she knew fell to despair; it would be only a disaster waiting to happen, and Kirigiri needed to prevent this at all costs.

To lose hope, his hope.. what would they all do without it? Would they all not go back in circles again, to how it was back inside the school?

Not wanting, but for Naegi's sake it was needed. She would help him because he needed someone to believe in him, to get through to him and let him know that. Still, this was Naegi's optimism and kindness in wanting to make sure the rest of the students were alright, but Kyouko knew not matter how deep in despair you find yourself; you need to pick yourself up and move on, even if it was difficult.

You would go on, she knew it. ]

They are fine, Naegi-kun.. Look after yourself first.

[...Look after himself... That's a funny thought isn't it, considering his hoodie was drenched through, making him look completely... well, for a lack of a better word, washed out compared to her. Though she's not really in a good condition either, so the only thing he could say was...]

You mean look after ourselves, right?

[There's just a small smile from him as he said that, some bit of color at least returning to his face.]

[ About that weather, Kyouko hadn't paid it much mind and she had good reasoning. She had noticed it soak Naegi to the bone, but not much she could do while he was as unresponsive as he once was. That was more important, wasn't it? The weather could wait, but a life couldn't. ]

Ourselves? Of course.

[ It was nice seeing him smile, although she wasn't completely convinced that everything was normal; nothing ever was, but with the least bit of colouring return, made it all better. ]

We seem to find one another when danger is present. [ Saving lives was a full time job. ]

Well, we both attract dangers like magnets, to be really honest.

[There's a chuckle as he slowly eased to his usual self. It might sound shaky, but it was enough for the moment, he believed. Of course, there's also this fact that the rain is still drenching them, so he's going to actually... start... walking...]

I... might know a place or two for shelter.

I suppose that we do.

[ Even she could see the humour in his statement, causing the smallest of smiles to appear on her face as finally she starts to hear Naegi back to his old self, even if was only for a moment. Giving a slight nod, she follows letting the water drip from her clothes. ]

I would suggest that you lead the way, Naegi-kun. If you know of a place to find shelter, I would be glad to hear it.

W-well, we could probably use one of the indoor floor's tables. Or well, the circus...

[but the circus is one of the floors he has not exactly researched yet.]

The circus? [ Cue one interested look, however it would probably be best to just find shelter and ask questions later. She hadn't researched that floor yet either, but one day-- ]

It would be best to go to whichever is closest. For one, I am still surprised you are moving.

I'm... used to this place.

[All that running from the monsters in his first few months really does help him with his stamina.]

I guess all that running must be good for something, right?

Then you are still useful for something.

[ She nods, the smallest of taunts can be heard within her voice. ]

Yes, it means that I am no longer needed, doesn't it? [ He at least does seem to have more stamina from what she knows him to be, and she supposed that was a good thing. Still, Naegi being Naegi would find himself in danger again, so her statement held no clause. ] Unless, you need someone to save your life.

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