A lost knight [open]

[swordofzero]

Characters: Suzaku and you
Setting: Dorm halls, floor 46 (monster room), outside floor 96 (forgetting floor) and then staircases between floors 92 and 96
Format: either
Summary: Lelouch disappears, cue Suzaku breaking
Warnings: so much self destructiveness, self hating, I'll add if anything else happens

[Discovering] No. He couldn't be gone, Suzaku has seen him yesterday. From a distance, they had still been at odds since the fog incident but Suzaku was his knight so he still watched over him. It couldn't have been more than six hours ago, and now he was gone. Suzaku stared at the nameplate, as if staring at it would bring the name back.

He didn't even bother going to the graveyard, this was proof enough, his things were gone the name was gone. Lelouch was gone.

He couldn't do this anymore, everyone disappeared. He had to find Rolo, he probably already knew, he stalked Lelouch as much as he did Suzaku. But Suzaku had no words with what to comfort him, wouldn't be able to help him at all.

He thought very briefly about going to find Diarmuid, the man had told him he could. But Suzaku remembered his reaction when Suzaku told him about Lelouch, and didn't want to upset him again, didn't want to stir up memories.

[Floor 46] Suzaku jumped off the stair case, his gun out. Monsters attacked him instantly, but that had been the point. It was the quickest way to attract a lot of them that Suzaku knew. He needed to fight, he needed to forget and with this many monsters the Geass took care of that. His eyes flashed red as he dove out of the way, kicking monsters, shooting monsters. Continuing until his body was too exhausted and his Geass forced him back to the staircase.

[Outside Floor 96] He hadn't been to this floor since Diarmuid had told him not to. But he was tempted, he stood on the staircase staring at the white room. Thinking about how easy it would be to forget.

But did he want to forget? Lelouch was gone, gone from the tower, his soul lost. Even if they found some way to free them all Lelouch would be gone, he was dead. Dead with the whole world thinking him an evil tyrant, it may not have happened in Suzaku's world but he knew it would have, if the world hadn't ended.

Suzaku was the only one who knew the truth, except Nunnally who was also gone, and Rolo who was also dead. The only one to know that Lelouch wasn't the monster the world saw him as. He had a duty to remember.

[Staircases] His mood had gotten bleaker and bleaker, hatred turning inwards, anger that he hadn't been able to save Lelouch. He walked up the staircase towards the next floor, and blinked as he found himself back on floor ninety six.

He tried going down, past the ball pool, the darkroom, the hallway, the pyramid and... He was back on the staircase at the pyramid floor and finally understood what was going on. It had happened a couple of times in the past, his Geass keeping him on powered floors.

He sat down on the staircase defeated.

Comments

[oathshackledbird]

"And, of course, death is the one thing you are not allowed," Diarmuid's lips press into a thin line, and he shakes his head. "I'm sorry. Part of me actually kind of hoped this might see you released from your curse. I don't want you to die, of course, but at the same time I also know how hard having the curse on you is.

"If you don't mind me asking, would you be rid of your curse if you had the chance? Or would you keep it in memory of him?"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku was silent for a long moment, unsure. Once his answer would have been simple, and then it would have been opposite but still simple. But this place confused matters.

"If I were still on my world I would not have hesitated to say I would keep it." He paused for a moment, but there wasn't anything he felt like he should keep from Diarmuid. "It was his plan, to save the world, make it a more peaceful place. He died, as I said in his world, and the plan was in motion in mine. Everyone thought him a tyrant, their anger was focused on him. My part... I was thought dead as well, but I was to continue living, unknown behind a mask, continuing his work and making sure the world remained peaceful. Here though I do not have that task yet I'm not sure I would get rid of the curse."

He still believed he deserved it, and as Diarmuid had said, it was a memory of Lelouch.

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid nods, "And perhaps it's unfair of me to ask such a thing of you. Even in the best of times, the question would be difficult, but with your grief at his loss so new, I'm sure it is worse. Forgive my curiosity, but I have another question if I may ask it. Once we talked about how you could make up for your past deeds by keeping those lost in your heart and then doing something to make up for the things they could not. Do you think donning that mask and ensuring the peace he fought so hard for succeeds will do that?"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku shook his head, not thinking it unfair. He thought about Diarmuid's question for a long time before nodding. "I think it's one way to do that. It's a purpose at least... and something that though it wont fully atone for what I've done... it's a start..."

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid tilts his head at Suzaku, curious.]

If bringing peace to a whole world isn't enough, what will be? Have you thought of something else that will help?

[swordofzero]

I don't know. [He looked down] Even a peaceful world wont bring them back. It is one thing for Lelouch to die for the world, and soldiers, it's what they agree to. But millions of innocent lives... The world is peaceful but those millions never saw it.

[He shrugged] It doesn't matter, because we are here not there.

[oathshackledbird]

"If it eases your mind, then it is indeed important," the look on Diarmuid's face shows he's firm on this. "Making plans for a future outside of this place isn't a bad thing. Yes, maybe we will be here forever, but at the same time, there is always hope that we won't be. Those plans will give you a reason to keep going while you are here and a place to start from once we leave here."

[swordofzero]

"Even if we were to leave would it be to the same world, would those things even matter any more..."

He shook his head, down that route lay only headaches and problems. He found it too hard to imagine a future outside of this place, a dream more impossible than Lelouch's peaceful future.

"I did think of something though... something I could do here."

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid is about to scold Suzaku for his negativity, but he stops when the man mentions that he has found something to do here. If he can't look to the future outside of this place, Diarmuid is at least happy to hear Suzaku is looking for things he can do here.

"That is good. What have you thought of?"

[swordofzero]

"There is another from my world here, a boy named Rolo. He has a Geass similar to Lelouch's, except that his is the ability to stop peoples perception of time." Suzaku paused waiting to see if Diarmuid was following him so far.

[oathshackledbird]

"So it's not that he can place any kind of geis, but a very certain one? The one that stops time for that person?" Diarmuid repeats what he has been told to make sure he does understand. "Is it for a certain amount of time each time or can he chose for how long it happens?"

[swordofzero]

"He can chose, but it also slows his own heart. So he is limited to how long he can stop their time for." Suzaku explained.

[oathshackledbird]

"Ouch," Diarmuid winces slightly. "I guess that is a good way to make sure that the ability isn't misused. Of course, with an ability like that, only a few seconds can make a very great deal of difference so he wouldn't have to use it a lot if he used it skillfully."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku nodded, "And he does, he was brought up by the Britannian empire, and sent to kill their enemies."

He paused again for a moment, "About two years ago he was sent to pretend to be Lelouch's brother... To kill him if Lelouch regained his memories."

[oathshackledbird]

"And did he?" Diarmuid is almost afraid to ask since Suzaku has mentioned that Lelouch is dead in more than one version of their world. "Remember, I mean. Was he killed or did something else happen?"

[swordofzero]

"He remembered, but he wasn't killed..." Suzaku looked down, "Rolo for all his power, and all his ruthlessness is still young and Lelouch manipulated him, by offering him the one thing he truly wanted. A family... something he hadn't even known he was missing until he spent a year with Lelouch who believed himself to be a doting brother."

[oathshackledbird]

A scowl crosses Diarmuid's face, "I don't like the idea of someone playing with the bonds of family. Especially if those bonds are the first someone has had the chance to feel.

"Though, what they were doing wasn't right either. Someone was bound to be hurt no matter what. Your world really likes these no-win situations, doesn't it?"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku shrugged, he didn't know all that much about the bonds of family but he knew what Lelouch had done was wrong, and he saw the damage it had done to Rolo every day.

"It does, there was really no easy solutions in our world." He shook his head, "But Lelouch was wrong to do as he did... He's my emperor but I can admit he made mistakes. Rolo ended up dying protecting Lelouch..."

[oathshackledbird]

"Yes unfortunately, that is often how those things end. Someone dies," Diarmuid tries to keep the disapproval out of his voice, but is only marginally successful. "I may not like the answer, but I will ask anyway. Did Lelouch ever care for the boy or did he just use him the whole time?"

[swordofzero]

"He..." Suzaku shook his head, "I want to believe he did. But Lelouch... He loved his sister and Britannia knew it, they used it against him again and again. He couldn't let himself show that he cared for anyone else."

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid nods, muttering almost to himself, "Of course. No-win situation. What a mess."

He falls quiet for a few moments before finally looking back at Suzaku, "I am sorry you had to live through all of that. I think I may begin to understand why your friend was like he was. I may not approve of his actions, but I do understand why he took them."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku nodded, "He did a lot of wrong, but for the most part it was for the right reasons." Something Suzaku had always disagreed with, but his opinions had changed.

"Rolo is here, he remembers dying just like Lelouch does, but he is here. He's... he's what Britannia made him but there is good there. He wants someone to care about him and he is scarily attached to Lelouch. But..."

He looked down, "He didn't chose to be like that, they made him like that and so... he can still be saved."

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid smiles and reaches out to squeeze Suzaku's shoulder, "It sounds like you still have a lot to do then, even with him gone. I am sure you will eventually find a way to help your friend. He...probably isn't taking Lelouch leaving well, is he? I don't suppose there is anything I can do to help either of you, is there?"

[swordofzero]

"He's not..." Suzaku looked down, "He's very lost." He shrugged, "I'm not sure, I'm a little stuck on how to help him myself..."

[oathshackledbird]

"I don't know him very well, but sometimes the best thing you can do is to just let him know you are there for him and aren't going to leave him willingly. Obviously, it's not a good idea to say you will never leave because we both know that this place doesn't care if we want to leave or not. If it sends us away, we have no choice but to go," Diarmuid pauses a moment to think before continuing, "Just taking the time to listen helps too. You both miss Lelouch so if nothing else you have that in common even if your feelings for him are very different."