1st Lie

[fictionalize]

Characters: Kumagawa and you!
Setting: Various parts of the tower
Format: Any
Summary: BIG HUGE LOSER exploring the tower
Warnings: Screws, random acts of violence, some gore?

[Dormitories]

[First order of business is, of course, putting on his uniform. He can't wear white! It really just doesn't suit him. Even if he's not on the student council anymore and should really wear the normal uniform. Of course, this didn't really look like Hakoniwa Academy...

Plus, the last thing he remembered was having just rescued Shiranui, so this was pretty mysterious. Had he been hit by some kind of style?

Well, whatever! He's going to look for someone to harass. No matter who you are or how busy you look, there's an annoyingly smiley face bothering you]

「Hi, do you have a few moments to fill out a survey for the latest issue of Shounen Jump?」

[Cafeteria]

[Kumagawa is just. Staring at the oatmeal.

Yeah, no. He doesn't want to eat this.

You, who were passing by, gets a tug on your sleeve or other grabbable piece of clothing]

「...I don't suppose I could get the shiyo ramen instead, can I?」

[Floor 75]

[The snowy of the ruins of the castle here look like they've been through a more recent battle: there's blood and ichor everywhere, the bodies of dead monsters all over the place, ranging from the more mundane and even completely harmless to a few that look like they'd be quite dangerous. The most striking feature of the scene is how they were apparently annihilated: everywhere, there are giant screws stuck into everything, drilling through their heads, their guts, armor, carapaces, pinning them to the ground, the trees, even into the walls of the castle.

Investigate?]

Comments

[fictionalize]

「A retrieval unit? That doesn't sound sexy at all!」

[koncubine]

Of course it doesn't! But they're much more your speed than someone like me. Your league is going to be robotic, unresponsive machine-types until you can level up to talking with real girls.

[fictionalize]

「Hahaha, don't say that! Even I know you can't get experience talking to girls using galge and simulations!」

[koncubine]

Ohh, that's too bad, since that's as close as you'll get to a real date until you clean up your act, Kumagawa!

[fictionalize]

「Hey now, you don't know how popular I might be! I've even had a kouhai offer to show me her panties!」

[koncubine]

Ehh? Don't tell me you're into the loli-type!? At your age, that's almost criminal!

[Judging. Judging so hard.]

[fictionalize]

「I didn't ask her to! I didn't even look!」

[Mostly because she didn't actually show him. Well, until he tore her skirt off...]

「It's not my fault I'm so popular!」

[koncubine]

Popular with prepubescent girls.

[She sighs and looks away, expression full of disgust.]

Really, am I stuck with some kind of modern version of Hikaru Genji? Even if my past life was full of mistakes, I didn't do anything to deserve this level of punishment!

[fictionalize]

「I never admitted to them being middle schoolers!」

[Because that's totally the best way to be unsuspicious]

「It's not like I'm trying to raise her into my bride; it's just my natural charisma!」

[koncubine]

You admitted it just now by saying that, you know.

[She puts her hands on her hips, shaking her head.]

If you're even entertaining the idea of marrying a girl who isn't even in high school yet, your natural charisma would get you arrested in most modern countries!

[fictionalize]

「You tricked me, it doesn't count!」

「You brought up Hikaru Genji; doesn't that make you the one who brought up marrying middle schoolers? I guess it's a good thing this isn't a modern country.」

[koncubine]

It doesn't matter how you come by the information, as long as it's true!

So, you're saying that you really are into younger girls? Oh, my, I guess that sort of thing requires an announcement to everyone in the tower, if you're so proud of it. ♥

[Is that a threat? It definitely sounds like one.]

[fictionalize]

「Well, maybe I was misleading you!」

「Oh come on, who's going to believe something as crazy as that? Liking little girls? Only a complete deviant sicko would do something like that, so there's no way it could be true, right? People that horrible can't possibly exist, right?」

[koncubine]

I don't think you're smart enough to mislead a lovely detective like me, Mr. Kumagawa.

[Since when is she a detective!?]

We're in a tower where everyone's souls have been ripped out and put into new bodies. Everyone is tortured with mindgames and monsters on a regular basis. I think a creep like you would fit right in!

[fictionalize]

「No, no, no, lolicon and guro-horror are completely different genres! Shounen Jump might run the latter but the former would only be in something like Jump Square!」

[koncubine]

Wrong! ☆ Haven't you ever heard of a certain series about killer notebooks, with a model acting as one of the murderers? You're so behind!

[fictionalize]

「Was there lolicon in that!? I must have missed that page! Not that I was looking for it or anything.」

[koncubine]

And now, you might never know, kidnapped to a place where subscriptions are invalid! What a pity.

[fictionalize]

「Whaaat, they don't even have the volumes on sale? What kind of barbaric place is this!?」

[koncubine]

A place with no internet! No current gaming systems! And definitely no package delivery.

It's hell for shut-ins.

[fictionalize]

「Wow, I'm glad I'm not one of those people who live fantasy lives online! But no convenience stores? That's just cruel and unusual to the general populace!」

[koncubine]

No convenience stores, either! All we have is the cafeteria and that seedy, pricey restaurant level. There's definitely no pre-made boxed lunches anywhere that I've seen.

[fictionalize]

「I guess they really do want to make this place hell!」

[koncubine]

For modern teenagers, at least! Which means you'll have to find a new hobby.

[fictionalize]

「Like stomping on cell phones? Wait, probably no one has those here!」