you see me now a veteran of a thousand psychic wars;

[egotrigger]

Characters: Allelujah and open.
Setting: Floor 1 (Cafeteria), Floor 46 (flashlight level), Floor 81 (upper lounge), stairs in general.
Format: Whatever works for you.
Summary: Allelujah's… angsting isn't the word for it. He's depressed and disappointed about mindlessly carrying out orders. He's having difficulty coping with it.
Warnings: Mention of body modification/surgery/Jason being a dick. Also standard Hallelujah warning.


[Floor 1]

[Allelujah sits at one of the tables, a few of the nutrition bars in front of him. He has one open and is staring at it. He knows he needs to eat, but he feels sick to his stomach after what happened.]

[he takes a bite, slowly, and tries to keep it down. He won't be able to do anything if he doesn't have something for energy.]



[Floor 46]

[The stairs have vanished for him again. He hates this floor, hates it so much. The whispers and light touches keep making him jerk away, and he tries to control himself. It's no one, no one's there, it's not even Hallelujah…]

[But he's still pale as he reaches the stairs again.]



[Floor 81]

[There aren't many floors he feels comfortable on, but this is one of them. The sight of the stars calms him, makes him feel a little bit closer to home. It's hard to look at them sometimes - they're not his - but at least they're something. He'd like to start naming them, but he's not that creative.]

[He needs them today most of all. He still feels sick, frustrated, disappointed… he'd sworn to himself that he'd do everything he could to not just blindly follow orders, to not lose himself again. Not that he really could be anything but a soldier, but at least he has his own mind. Or did. He didn't even feel anything during that time he was changed… and he managed to change Hallelujah, too.]

[They were nothing but a mindless robot. Their brains were altered, and while he knows that he's been changed back, he can't help but feel terrified at a scientist who can do something like that. The things he'd been through at that facility had been bad enough, but this… this was beyond what he had experienced before.]

[He presses his forehead against the glass, trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn't know what to do. What can he do? It doesn't look like there's any way to kill him… or any of the others. Not when they can control this place so utterly…]



[Stairs]

[As Allelujah climbs the stairs, he's somewhat lost in thought. If there's someone else walking near him, he might not even notice them. That doesn't mean they can't notice him, though.]

Comments

[egotrigger]

Worth a shot, I guess.

[He made an annoyed face, suddenly.]

Dammit, stop laughing, you.

[lightofhumanity]

I suppose a scene like this must be a bit odd to Allelujah.

[egotrigger]

Something like that. He doesn't really see me as a person. I mean... I'm not, not really, but I act on my own. He treats me like one, but we both know deep down that I'm part of him.

... But heh. It doesn't fucking feel like it sometimes. I've got my own thoughts.

[lightofhumanity]

Your thoughts and consciousnesses are split because the whole does not want to acknowledge them, or would break down if it did.

[egotrigger]

... I was born after that surgery. He couldn't bear it, his mind was going to break, and so he created me. But is it so fucking wrong that I want to be treated like a fucking person? He gets that right - and even though I'm the one who was split off, he's not a whole mind either. And he gets to be the one who walks around all the fucking time!

He's scared that I'll just kill people. And maybe I will. But he's never even given me a fucking chance.

[lightofhumanity]

I am sorry to hear that. Perhaps, if you talked with him, you could try to let him give you that chance. As for parts, neither of you are quite whole..but that does not mean that you should not be treated with the respect other people get.

[egotrigger]

He's too afraid of me - of himself. I've just given up trying to reason that shit with him.

[lightofhumanity]

..If you give up on trying to change the situation, than nothing will change.

[egotrigger]

I'm just tired of getting shot down by myself.

[lightofhumanity]

I suppose that does get annoying. However, if it is a part of yourself, if you think about it long enough, you will probably come up with an argument that he will agree with.