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[angramaintsu]

Characters: Dark Rin & YOU!
Setting: Floors 100, 99, 96, dormitories & the cafeteria
Time: Through end of April to early May, general tower life catch all.
Format: Quick to start, will match.
Summary: For the first time in months, Rin is without a Servant bound to her. Not only that, she's being stalked by retrieval units and a number of other individuals. The question is if her mind can withstand the paranoia weighing down on it or if she'll just brush it off without a care.
Warnings: Usual Rin warning, all tw-content will be marked if it comes up. Floor 100 prompt is kind of squicky if you know the context (crest worms).

    ►►► FLOOR 100;
[ Rin isn't sure what compels her to come to this floor but while she's here, she doesn't see the home that she thought she might want to see. Sure, the Tohsaka mansion is nice, but the memory is so fuzzy that all this place can work with is that dark basement. Maybe there's a part of her deep inside that misses that musky place crawling with the vermin that's familiar with every inch of her body. At least when she was there she didn't have to worry about being betrayed or left behind because by that point in her life, she was completely alone. If anyone were to invade on her privacy here though, Rin might not respond favorably. After all, that's a very crucial bit from her childhood that she might like to keep a secret. Even if she's unaware that others only see what they want to see and that the only thing giving away her privacy is her big mouth... ]

    ►►► FLOOR 99;
[ Her home floor or well, it used to be back before she died. Since she's returned to this body (a new one), something has been different. Is it because her vision is sharper than ever before that the light of the crystals bother her or is it something else? While she's not used to talking to herself, it has been lonely enough that she does slip up every now and again. ]

I see, I see now. This floor really is cursed to drive you mad, isn't it? [ Inane ramblings from a girl with red eyes and white hair shouldn't be all that strange to hear, right? ]

    ►►► FLOOR 96;
[ Her white hair matches this floor, so she's found some kind of solace in that. At least that's what she tells herself as she lays on the floor lazily with her hair spread out. Anytime she closes her eyes, her mind feels less and less burdened by her thoughts. Isn't it strange how that works out? It reminds her of how she was just a few weeks ago and then the vision of a knight in red bringing a sword down causes her to bolt upright. If anyone else was nearby to catch her, she'll just sneer in their general direction as though accusing them silently of invading her privacy. ]

    ►►► DORMITORIES;
[ Often Rin is paranoid. This doesn't end favorably for those who choose to play a prank by sneaking up on her and monsters that attempt to do the same end up ripped apart by her magecraft. This week, day and night, she can be found wandering the dormitory levels in her inability to sleep peacefully. Rarely does she visit her room, only going there when the paranoia of not doing so kicks in. While she's often contemplative, there are times instead where she's playing a prank of her own. The retrieval units that follow her nearby seem to have been scribbled on, messages drawn on them meant to antagonize someone, but who? And besides, who's crazy enough to get close to one to draw a penis on it's forehead?

Spoilers, it's Rin. She's the crazy one. In fact, she just might be acting out intentionally in order to draw out someone. ]

    ►►► CAFETERIA;
[ For the remainder of April, Rin can be found often pulling out the nutrition bars with a look of disappointment on her face. The past few months have spoiled her with Archer bringing her breakfast in bed, cooking lunch and dinner, and even being kind enough to bring her something in the middle of the night if she woke up from a nightmare not that she's ever going to admit to that. Now she sees what it's like for others, but instead of sympathizing with them? ]

How droll. An individual of my standing shouldn't have to resort to eating this piss. [ And that's a bar thrown over her shoulder, possibly aimed at someone's head. ] I demand real food or else I'll starve!

[ Rin pls. No one cares. ]

Comments

[swordedpast]

No.

[ His voice is soft and resigned. ]

I want you to live and be happy. I want...

[ What does he want? He's perilously close to thinking that maybe he wants to be at her side, making her happy, even though that's impossible, he'll never be the sort of guy who can do that.

Then she makes those noises. Against his will, a smile tugs at his mouth. ]

It won't always be lonely. You'll find someone who can save you.

[angramaintsu]

I found someone who could save me, Archer. [ She mutters as though this is a normal topic of discussion. ] That voice...

At first I thought it was a bad voice because of the things I did, but he's the only one who hasn't left me. I still hear him here, you know. Louder now than ever before...

[ Curling up with the pillow mostly against her chest instead of her face, she sighs. ]

I'll take his tower for him and we can send everyone else back home. They won't like it, but at least they can stop crying for their destroyed worlds.

[swordedpast]

[ His smile vanishes as she speaks.

Ah.

The scent of the corrupted Grail upon her; the unswayable conviction within him that she is a threat. This voice she speaks of: it's his true enemy.

But what can he do while it lurks within her? He's already killed her once, and she's come back. ]

That voice is no friend of yours, Rin.

[ But how can he convince her if he's not at her side? ]

[angramaintsu]

I never said that he was. [ At least she's assigned a gender to the voices in her head. ] Just that he's helping me save myself.

I'll be strong enough to take down this entire tower and then... then we can be together?

[ She sounds so uncertain and lost, as though she can't confirm that her actions will bring him back to her side. ]

[swordedpast]

[ She might as well have stabbed him. ]

Rin--

[ His voice is more full of pain than it should be. He wants to shake her. He wants to yell that he's not worth it, that she shouldn't want him at her side, that they can't be together, she should find someone better. But wouldn't that hurt her?

He exhales slowly. Why did he breathe in the first place? Is it that being around her makes him feel like he's alive? That's the last way he needs to feel. That's a lie. He's nothing but a tool--whether at the mercy of his now-destroyed world or in the hands of the administrators here. He can't think of himself as a person with a will and a heart. ]

Yeah, but--

[ Still he responds to her, his expression openly distraught. More shame and guilt flood over him. It's one thing to remove himself from her side, but he shouldn't have acted as if he could forsake responsibility for her. This proves that more than anything. He has to find a way to save her. He and the white Saber are the only counter guardians here, and she still has enough nobility left in her to save the worlds. So Rin needs to be his task. For everyone's sake. ]

Yeah.

[ The anguish fades from his face. It's simple. He'll embrace his nature as nothing but a weapon, and then he'll use that nature to vanquish whatever evil grasps her. It's too late to save her from all this pain; he'll only be cleaning up a disaster that's already broken her. But maybe, if he sacrifices himself on this path, she'll be able to smile again without that corruption in her eyes. ]

Yeah, I'll be your sword in the dark once again.

[ Not her knight. He never could have laid claim to that, something as broken as him. ]

Tell me what he's like, Rin. That's something I should know.

[angramaintsu]

[ A faint hint of a smile weave it's way on her face as she lays there half asleep. With drooping eyelids, she thinks on how to describe it. That voice sounds so like... ]

You. [ She whispers not realizing the implication of it. ] He's angry, but I think he's sad too.

[ Her voice drops: ] I think he's been hurt really badly so his thoughts aren't all there. I try to argue that sometimes we shouldn't do something because it won't help, but then my own blood boils.

Then I...

[ She stops. How can she tell a heroic spirit that she's everything they should eliminate. ]

[swordedpast]

...I see.

[ He doesn't really see. He doesn't get why whatever poison flows through her soul should sound like him when it speaks to her. But that just makes it easier for him to see it as his enemy.

He doesn't know why, but he knows it's appropriate. He has always and forever been his own greatest foe. ]

It's all right. You won't have to fight him much longer. I'll take up the sword for you instead.

[ His hand lifts again and returns to her head, to stroke her hair. It feels simple and right to touch her. He knows it shouldn't, but it does. When did that happen? ]

[angramaintsu]

You'd do that for me?

[ The thought is simple. If someone else can fight this voice within her and even restrain herself whenever she wants to lash out, then maybe she can finally work to overcome what she's possibly done.

That might be nice.

Too nice for someone like Rin who pulls her head away after a few swipes of his hand. ]

I can't let you. I have to take care of this on my own.

[swordedpast]

Ah--

[ His hand stills as she pulls away from it. ]

Rin Matou...you really are a brave woman.

[ There's pain in his voice. He doesn't want her to need to be a brave woman. But she does, since it's not like he can stay at her side and protect her. He'll have to strike from the shadows now. That's where he belongs. ]

[angramaintsu]

I have to be.

[ She whispers softly. ] Because no one else is brave, so I have to be the one to do it. That makes sense, doesn't it?

[swordedpast]

Yeah, but it's only for a little while longer.

[ She won't remember this perfectly, right? It'll be fogged by her sickness, won't it?

So it's okay for him to smile a little. ]

I'll fix it for you, and you won't need to be so brave.

[angramaintsu]

I want to believe that, but if you'll fix it for me, why am I alone...

[ Huh, wasn't she alone? Then how is Archer here speaking with her? The thought bothers here for only a fraction of her time before she shakes it off. ]

I'm never alone, am I?

[swordedpast]

You're not.

[ That much is true. He understands, now, that that voice in her head will always be with her here. But he has to say something other than that, so he has to lie-- ]

You've taken a little of me for yourself, so even if I try to leave you, I'll stay, in a way.

[ Or he meant to lie, but he says that instead. ]

[angramaintsu]

Mm, wasn't that nice?

[ Automatically she's thinking of something she shouldn't be. ]

I miss being held in your arms. Wait, I didn't mean to admit to that!

[swordedpast]

Ah!

[ That wasn't what he meant, he wants to protest, but when she says she misses it...

All he can do is blush and look away. ]

[angramaintsu]

But... but it'll be alright. There's no point in trying to pursue something that's already lost to me, so you won't find me chasing after you. Unrequited love... isn't that something that makes girls snap?

[ At least he can 'rest' knowing there was no man like Shirou in her life. ]

[swordedpast]

[ He can't meet her gaze anymore. ]

You shouldn't talk about love in the same breath as you speak of me, Rin.

[ He's not someone who can know love; he's certain of that. What he feels for this woman...it's a different need. A desperate desire to protect just one thing, if he can't protect a world--

And the sense that he belongs at her side, deep down in his bones, but he won't think of that. He won't think of what that means. ]