Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oathshackledbird) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-05-16 11:21 pm
oathshackledbird) wrote in towerofanimus2013-05-16 11:21 pm
A bridge can still be built, while the bitter waters are flowing beneath...
Characters: Diarmuid and whoever else runs into him! Closed sections for Tohko Amano (tohko_amano ) and Waver Velvet (fionnuisce ) & Sephiroth (pinnaculum ).
Setting: Floor 100, 39 (the Gym), 25 (the Meadow), 3 (the Library), and others.
Format: Any!
Summary: Diarmuid takes care of some loose ends, moves ahead some projects, and does some much needed thinking.
Warnings: None right now. Will update if that changes.
Note: Title quote credit to Anthony Liccione.
Floor 100 (Open):
For a long time after he started spending time here, Diarmuid had spent most of his time near the image of his house losing hours playing a game between himself and the floor seeing how well it actually had recreated the place he loved so much. After a while, though, he had started to move out and away from the house, through the yard, passed the training grounds and the dog kennels, and finally to the forest that had stood guard behind his house. Diarmuid had been disappointed to find that the illusion stopped a few feet into the treeline and thus short of where the stream had flowed, but it did go far enough back to include one of his favorite thinking spots from his first life.
The spot itself is nothing fancy. Just a small clearing with two trees leaning in toward each other shading a large rock with their branches. Of course, here he cannot sit upon or lean against the rock as he had so often done in the past, but he has found the perfect place to sit so that he can still imagine that is what he is doing. And so, it is here near the treeline that he has taken to sitting to think once he had lost the ability to do so in his room.
It seems to Diarmuid that almost all he has done lately is think, but at the same time, he has so much to think about. So much has happened to him so quickly over the last few months that he is honestly surprised he can still function. Nothing during his first life had prepared him for anything like this--this constant opening of old wounds and giving of new ones before the first had any time to heal. It is almost like the nightmare that had started when his master had ordered him to kill himself just had never ended.
Yet, there are bright points. A great many of them and that is why Diarmuid is so determined to finally get his mind straightened out. It will take time, he knows, but it will also take him finally forcing himself to believe so many of the things he has realized through his talks with others. Things Diarmuid has asked others to do, but always seems to forget to ask himself to do.
He has told both Cecil and Waver that he knows he holds himself to higher standards than others and really needs to stop. Everyone is equal in the tower. Everyone has had their souls taken from their bodies and placed into false forms. There is no reason for him to expect so much more from himself especially when expecting so much only sets him up for failure.
He has told Suzaku, Ryoji, and Mami that everyone makes mistakes and that making them doesn't make them any less of a person. As long as they don't stop fighting and don't let the mistakes beat them, there is always a chance to find forgiveness.
He has told Yata that 'knight' is just a label. It doesn't matter if others believe that is what you are as long as you know what you are in your heart and act to serve the best way you can.
And he has told his brother and Hidetoshi that he knows he is in a rut of negative feelings. He just has to find his way out.
That is why Diarmuid is spending so much time here just thinking and watching the illusionary trees move in the breeze. Sometimes he's meditating on things using a technique that Oisin taught him so very long ago. Sometimes he has actually dozed off during his thoughts and sometimes, soft singing in ancient Gaelic can be heard drifting across the floor as he unconsciously releases his emotions in a way that so many around him did when he was young.
Floor 25 (Closed to Tohko,tohko_amano ):
He picked the meadow as the place where he wanted to meet with Tohko because it is one of the few floors where it isn't unusual for people to meet and talk. It is safe, large enough that several groups can be talking in it without bothering each other, and also has plenty of room away from the walls and the prying eyes of any devices the Administrators might be using to spy on them. With the loss of the sauna as a place to safely discuss things like the resistance--he has seen the units working there and guessed that some of the information that had been discovered by Jason's little ploy must have been about the lack of cameras on that floor--they've had to make due the best they can.
As Diarmuid waits for her to arrive, he sits and casually twists flowers together into chains and rings as a way to relax and pass time. Tohko is already late and he hopes that is just because she is taking time to lose the new 'friend' he hears she has picked up. Despite being proud of the fact she is not letting the dangers involved with being a part of the resistance stop her, Diarmuid can't help but worry that someday she will get in way over her head and not be able to find her way back out.
Floor 3 (Closed to Waver,fionnuisce and Sephiroth, pinnaculum ):
(OOC: Is a posting order of Diarmuid -> Waver -> Sephiroth okay?)
As Diarmuid enters the library and looks around for Sephiroth or Waver, there is excitement in his eyes. Ever since he had heard from Sephiroth that the printing press is working, he has been looking forward to learning how to use it. Well, honestly he doesn't care so much for the workings of the machine itself like Waver might. What he does care about is the fact that learning to use it is one big step forward toward getting the information he and the others have gathered about the dangers of the tower's floors out to the public. Add in the fact that Waver is going to be learning it with him since he and Sephiroth seem to get along so well and Waver has an interest in the machine anyway, and it is shaping up to be a wonderful way to spend the afternoon.
Diarmuid's just going to have to keep reminding himself that Waver probably won't appreciate having ink smeared on him, because for some reason the image of the magus with ink smeared all over his face just keeps popping into his head...
Any Floor (Open):
(OOC: Feel free to use this prompt not only if you want to have you character catch Diarmuid leaving the information sheets around, but also if you would like your character to find and comment on one!)
Diarmuid just can't stop smiling. Not only had learning the printing press gone well, but the rough drafts of the floor information that he is holding in his hands as a result are a huge step forward for the project. It doesn't matter that right now the papers are missing some of the information that has been gathered and the map that Saber has been working on. It is still progress.
On the sheet he is looking at, the floors have been divided into three groups--floors that are completely safe, floors that are safe as long as you are careful or have some kind of fighting skill, and floors that are dangerous even for those who are highly trained in fighting. Each floor has a short summary of what it is and its dangers if there are any. It is a commonsensical way to organize things, but the set up and the limitations of the printing press mean that there isn't nearly as much information on it as he would like. Organization is something he will definitely have to discuss with everyone once they gather together again. In the meantime, he has put his name and room number on the dozen or so copies he has along with a request that any suggestions for improvement be sent to him.
After giving the sheets one more look over, Diarmuid heads off to start leaving them around the tower. His limited number means he has to be selective, so he focuses on leaving them on well traveled floors like the library, cafeteria, gym and lounges. He also leaves them near some of the more dangerous floors, all in places where he can easily check on them when he patrols next to see if he can get some idea of how quickly they are going to disappear. The information will be important later when they are deciding how many copies to make and where to leave them.
Floor 39 (Open):
After dropping off the last of the information sheets and finishing his patrol for the day, Diarmuid is still too excited to retire for the night, so he instead stops by the gym. Anyone who has fought with him before or has watched him practice will notice that his movements seem different than usual. There is a lightness and a joy to them now that makes him even more fun to watch. Without any real rhyme or reason he switches back and forth between practicing with his spear and the two swords he is carrying.
It's been a long time since he has felt this good. He has no idea how long the feeling will last, but he is being careful to memorize it so that when the darkness descends again like it always does in this place, he will have that to hold onto--to remind him that even if the progress may be slow, it is there. Someday they will be freed of all of this, and he has to be strong enough to make sure that not only do his friends make it there, he does as well because he friends will not be satisfied with anything else.
And for the first time in a long time, he won't be either.
tohko_amano ) and Waver Velvet (fionnuisce ) & Sephiroth (pinnaculum ).Setting: Floor 100, 39 (the Gym), 25 (the Meadow), 3 (the Library), and others.
Format: Any!
Summary: Diarmuid takes care of some loose ends, moves ahead some projects, and does some much needed thinking.
Warnings: None right now. Will update if that changes.
Note: Title quote credit to Anthony Liccione.
Floor 100 (Open):
For a long time after he started spending time here, Diarmuid had spent most of his time near the image of his house losing hours playing a game between himself and the floor seeing how well it actually had recreated the place he loved so much. After a while, though, he had started to move out and away from the house, through the yard, passed the training grounds and the dog kennels, and finally to the forest that had stood guard behind his house. Diarmuid had been disappointed to find that the illusion stopped a few feet into the treeline and thus short of where the stream had flowed, but it did go far enough back to include one of his favorite thinking spots from his first life.
The spot itself is nothing fancy. Just a small clearing with two trees leaning in toward each other shading a large rock with their branches. Of course, here he cannot sit upon or lean against the rock as he had so often done in the past, but he has found the perfect place to sit so that he can still imagine that is what he is doing. And so, it is here near the treeline that he has taken to sitting to think once he had lost the ability to do so in his room.
It seems to Diarmuid that almost all he has done lately is think, but at the same time, he has so much to think about. So much has happened to him so quickly over the last few months that he is honestly surprised he can still function. Nothing during his first life had prepared him for anything like this--this constant opening of old wounds and giving of new ones before the first had any time to heal. It is almost like the nightmare that had started when his master had ordered him to kill himself just had never ended.
Yet, there are bright points. A great many of them and that is why Diarmuid is so determined to finally get his mind straightened out. It will take time, he knows, but it will also take him finally forcing himself to believe so many of the things he has realized through his talks with others. Things Diarmuid has asked others to do, but always seems to forget to ask himself to do.
He has told both Cecil and Waver that he knows he holds himself to higher standards than others and really needs to stop. Everyone is equal in the tower. Everyone has had their souls taken from their bodies and placed into false forms. There is no reason for him to expect so much more from himself especially when expecting so much only sets him up for failure.
He has told Suzaku, Ryoji, and Mami that everyone makes mistakes and that making them doesn't make them any less of a person. As long as they don't stop fighting and don't let the mistakes beat them, there is always a chance to find forgiveness.
He has told Yata that 'knight' is just a label. It doesn't matter if others believe that is what you are as long as you know what you are in your heart and act to serve the best way you can.
And he has told his brother and Hidetoshi that he knows he is in a rut of negative feelings. He just has to find his way out.
That is why Diarmuid is spending so much time here just thinking and watching the illusionary trees move in the breeze. Sometimes he's meditating on things using a technique that Oisin taught him so very long ago. Sometimes he has actually dozed off during his thoughts and sometimes, soft singing in ancient Gaelic can be heard drifting across the floor as he unconsciously releases his emotions in a way that so many around him did when he was young.
Floor 25 (Closed to Tohko,
tohko_amano ):He picked the meadow as the place where he wanted to meet with Tohko because it is one of the few floors where it isn't unusual for people to meet and talk. It is safe, large enough that several groups can be talking in it without bothering each other, and also has plenty of room away from the walls and the prying eyes of any devices the Administrators might be using to spy on them. With the loss of the sauna as a place to safely discuss things like the resistance--he has seen the units working there and guessed that some of the information that had been discovered by Jason's little ploy must have been about the lack of cameras on that floor--they've had to make due the best they can.
As Diarmuid waits for her to arrive, he sits and casually twists flowers together into chains and rings as a way to relax and pass time. Tohko is already late and he hopes that is just because she is taking time to lose the new 'friend' he hears she has picked up. Despite being proud of the fact she is not letting the dangers involved with being a part of the resistance stop her, Diarmuid can't help but worry that someday she will get in way over her head and not be able to find her way back out.
Floor 3 (Closed to Waver,
fionnuisce and Sephiroth, pinnaculum ):(OOC: Is a posting order of Diarmuid -> Waver -> Sephiroth okay?)
As Diarmuid enters the library and looks around for Sephiroth or Waver, there is excitement in his eyes. Ever since he had heard from Sephiroth that the printing press is working, he has been looking forward to learning how to use it. Well, honestly he doesn't care so much for the workings of the machine itself like Waver might. What he does care about is the fact that learning to use it is one big step forward toward getting the information he and the others have gathered about the dangers of the tower's floors out to the public. Add in the fact that Waver is going to be learning it with him since he and Sephiroth seem to get along so well and Waver has an interest in the machine anyway, and it is shaping up to be a wonderful way to spend the afternoon.
Diarmuid's just going to have to keep reminding himself that Waver probably won't appreciate having ink smeared on him, because for some reason the image of the magus with ink smeared all over his face just keeps popping into his head...
Any Floor (Open):
(OOC: Feel free to use this prompt not only if you want to have you character catch Diarmuid leaving the information sheets around, but also if you would like your character to find and comment on one!)
Diarmuid just can't stop smiling. Not only had learning the printing press gone well, but the rough drafts of the floor information that he is holding in his hands as a result are a huge step forward for the project. It doesn't matter that right now the papers are missing some of the information that has been gathered and the map that Saber has been working on. It is still progress.
On the sheet he is looking at, the floors have been divided into three groups--floors that are completely safe, floors that are safe as long as you are careful or have some kind of fighting skill, and floors that are dangerous even for those who are highly trained in fighting. Each floor has a short summary of what it is and its dangers if there are any. It is a commonsensical way to organize things, but the set up and the limitations of the printing press mean that there isn't nearly as much information on it as he would like. Organization is something he will definitely have to discuss with everyone once they gather together again. In the meantime, he has put his name and room number on the dozen or so copies he has along with a request that any suggestions for improvement be sent to him.
After giving the sheets one more look over, Diarmuid heads off to start leaving them around the tower. His limited number means he has to be selective, so he focuses on leaving them on well traveled floors like the library, cafeteria, gym and lounges. He also leaves them near some of the more dangerous floors, all in places where he can easily check on them when he patrols next to see if he can get some idea of how quickly they are going to disappear. The information will be important later when they are deciding how many copies to make and where to leave them.
Floor 39 (Open):
After dropping off the last of the information sheets and finishing his patrol for the day, Diarmuid is still too excited to retire for the night, so he instead stops by the gym. Anyone who has fought with him before or has watched him practice will notice that his movements seem different than usual. There is a lightness and a joy to them now that makes him even more fun to watch. Without any real rhyme or reason he switches back and forth between practicing with his spear and the two swords he is carrying.
It's been a long time since he has felt this good. He has no idea how long the feeling will last, but he is being careful to memorize it so that when the darkness descends again like it always does in this place, he will have that to hold onto--to remind him that even if the progress may be slow, it is there. Someday they will be freed of all of this, and he has to be strong enough to make sure that not only do his friends make it there, he does as well because he friends will not be satisfied with anything else.
And for the first time in a long time, he won't be either.
no subject
[Diarmuid probably shouldn't be trying to understand this man, but there is part of him that cannot help it. Not when he has been the one who has questioned what he would do without a master as well.]
If they all end up leaving you because of the sins of your own hands, it seems to me it is not they who are the master after all, but you. I wonder... How long before those hands turn on their true master?
Though, perhaps since you seem to dislike being alone so much, they already have.
no subject
he dislikes.... being alone. he had known it deep down but when it was actually said by another it took him by surprise. it was the truth however, he didn't want people to leave him, how he was always the one aline every single time, it was so painful to him and yet he would always just laugh, would feel anguish but at the same time such pleasure from it all.
he was a sadist, but was he really a masochist just like his counterpart...?]
....Can a shadow of someone else truly live of their own accord?
[he wonders.]
I asked someone this once and they said that even though I am a copy, a.... replica, was it? That shouldn't matter but.... oh how I hate that counterpart of mine. So can a double really be their own person...? I'm still trying to find the answer to that.
He is but a fool but... hehhh.... I suppose I am one as well... how disgusting...huhuhaha....! Useless... so very useless!
They are so not bonding over common issues here, are they? X.x
[He understands. Forget trying to understand. That question is one that still plagues Diarmuid even though he has been 'himself' in the Tower for how long now.]
I don't know what a replica is, but whoever told you that you are yourself no matter where you originally came from is correct. My friends tell me the same thing no matter how often I feel I am nothing more than a copy and deserve to be treated as such. They are right. As hard as it might be to believe them, they are right. We might have started out as someone else, but we have had or own experiences and made our own choices thousands of times since the moment of our birth.
We are not them any longer.
Do you wish to be a fool? Do you wish to be useless? If not, then stop blaming him for being those things and start changing yourself.
why yes, yes they are :3
battler simply stared at the man as he spoke, as he listened to his tale, his advice, and while he was taking it all- he could only focus on one part of what he was saying.]
.....You..... are a copy as well?
[his voice was low, it seemed as though lancer's words were getting to him.]
This...is a sign of the end of the world, isn't it?
[Diarmuid sighs, running a hand through his hair. Perhaps he shouldn't give so much information about himself to a potential enemy, but he hasn't shied away from telling people who and what he is since arriving. Why start now?]
On my world and those like it, people who acted in such a way during their lives that they could be called heroes have their souls recorded on something called the Throne of Heroes. Those souls, should the world ever been in need, are called back down to earth to fight and deal with the threat. However, according to what my Master told me...
[Ranted at him is more like it, but...]
...it is never the soul itself that is sent down to fight. The risk of something happening to corrupt or taint the soul is too great. Instead, an exact copy is made and sent down in its place. I am one of those copies.
However, when my world was destroyed I should have been on my way back to the Throne to be erased and my energy reunited with the main soul that is the Heroic Spirit Diarmuid Ua Duibhne. How much of that process happened before I was pulled here? I don't know. I believe myself still a just a copy since I remember the war I was called to fight in and were I the original, I should not remember. My friends...they think otherwise. They want to say I am he and that I was just called here before my memories could be completely erased.
Unfortunately, there is really no way to know for sure, and I don't like not knowing. I suppose in the end, that has been what has pushed me forward. If I cannot know what I am, then what is the point in sitting back and asking what he would do? All I can do is decide what I would do.
these two have brought about destruction with their bonding...!!
[for once battler doesn't feel his mind slipping, doesn't feel him becoming overly sadistic, he doesn't feel anything right now, he's simply standing there, listening to what the other is saying. so he's a copy too...?
this is quite the development. he's most likely going to stick closer to diarmuid even more now, finding someone else that is just like him, and yet he found his own path...?]
Perhaps... it is easier for you in a sense as well. You were modeled after a hero, I was created to be the culprit, to be the murderer, and I can feel it.... taking over... the want, the need, the cravings- having nothing in mind but killing and pain and torment, and oh how I enjoy it as well. You say lead my own destiny, but.... pain is much too beautiful to me.
Evatrice will either be pissed...or thoroughly amused...
Does your own enjoyment of the pain and suffering override your want to be more than just a copy?
[Diarmuid shakes his head. He wants to say that he can't understand that, but he can all too well. Not the pain aspect, because he would never wish pain on others, but the giving in to the thing that is familiar and comforting. It is, Diarmuid has learned, easier to give in to those things than to fight. In many cases, it feels better just to give in. However, giving in makes it impossible to grow and impossible to move forward. That is why the urge has to be resisted.]
In some ways, I would say you are ahead of me on the path. You, at least know what you want even if it is something I cannot relate to wanting. When I first came here, I did not even know how to want for myself. I didn't think I had the right. I believed I merely existed to follow the orders of whoever my master was at the time. That was my wish...to serve my master and really that was no wish at all. It was just something I had been taught to want.
I have learned to wish for myself more now...but it is hard. Right now I am blessed to have a friend who sometimes fills the role of Master...
[He won't straight out say that Waver is his Master because he still doesn't know what the Endless Witch might do to him should she find out.]
He directs me when I need it, but otherwise leaves me to learn and grow as I need to. Perhaps if you could find someone like that--someone who could support you while you try to find what you really want beyond the pain and suffering you have been created to want. It is not something I expect you can find with her. I doubt she would wish you to grow as an individual especially if that meant someday you might not need her anymore. Indeed, it would be to her advantage to keep you distracted by letting you have the pain you crave because that way you are not looking for anything else to be.
no subject
..What you have said to me, I shall indeed consider.
[expect battler to be wanting to hang around lancer some more, he feels as though he can relate to him, and he will be thinking about what he said for a long time.]
Hehh... well... it's been fun, but I think I have some place I need to be. My master.... she might want to see me, and I know I want to see her.
no subject
I hope you will consider it. If you wish to talk again...I would not mind it.
...If your master allows it, that is. When I am like this, I am afraid she finds me rather boring and, who knows, she might worry I will make you boring as well. She much preferred the way the Tower made me in January.
[Diarmuid suppresses a shiver and then pulls his swords from their sheaths, preparing to return to his sparring.]
I wish you luck on your quest. For all of its horrors, this place can be oddly enlightening at times if one is willing to look and listen.