towerofanimus | [closed][backdated to the afternoon]

Entry tags:

[closed][backdated to the afternoon]

Characters: [AU9] Claudia & [OU] Diarmuid
Setting: Floor 62
Format: Action
Summary: A new entry in Lancer's log of failed attempts to meddle with Diarmuid's love life.
Warnings: Will add if anything comes up.

[Claudia hadn't been sure what to make of the package she had received, or the accompanying letter. The roses, and the chocolate— It's obviously a romantic gesture, and in all honesty, she doubts she has made that kind of impression on anyone she has met in this place so far.]

[So, then, it's only natural that she feel suspicious when she arrives on the appointed floor. Despite her inability to defend herself and her uncertainty, she does as directed, though not without first praying that her decision be a wise one. In a place where death is impermanent, she can afford to act a little recklessly, especially when there's a chance that the meeting actually is important.]

[Her posture is cautious and her expression guarded as she scans the area for signs of another person.]

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Roses and chocolate— That kind of thing.

[She shakes her head, faintly bemused by what Lancer had been meaning to accomplish. When Diarmuid begins to mutter, though, she grows more concerned, the emotion reflected on her face as she steps ever so slightly closer to him and sets a hand on his arm.]

You don't need to apologize. [She won't tell him not to be angry or not to speak to him, but—] He hasn't done anything more than be a mild inconvenience. Though, if you don't mind me asking— Caught up in what?

[Diarmuid sighs. It's not so much that he's truly angry as he is annoyed and frustrated. When he had told his brother his wish, he had never intended for the other servant to start trying to fulfill it like this.]

Before you were brought here, my curse acted up and during that time I told my brother that despite how foolish it might be I hoped that maybe I might be able to find someone who actually loves me without interference from my curse since it's not usually active here. It is a selfish wish and a dangerous one to be honest, but...it is a wish nonetheless. Unfortunately, ever since then he has been trying to set me up with women he admires in the tower and thinks I would get along with. You...are not the first one he has tried this with despite me telling him not to.

I don't think it's wrong to want to be loved.

[Of course that's the first thing she says. She doesn't know him well at all, and yet she doesn't want to hear him call himself selfish. The rest of the explanation, though... She laughs, helplessly and a little sadly, at the idea of Lancer choosing her for this particular scheme.]

I'm sorry. It must be troublesome for you. [Which mean she has been, however inadvertently, troublesome as well. On top of what occurred in her own War...] I'll leave and let you be, then, I suppose.

[Diarmuid reaches out to put a hand on her arm, hoping to keep her from leaving. Something about her last words make him think that he has upset her.]

If you are worried that I blame you for this, please don't be. This isn't your fault and it is not like I mind spending some time talking with you. We are both here after all. The floor isn't to bad either. Why don't we sit by the water and talk a little?

[He smirks at her.]

If nothing else, we can plot how to get a little revenge on my brother. What do you say?

[She freezes up for a moment, and then she offers a wane smile. This is different than speaking with Diarmuid at a party. If anything, that they are alone together makes it harder for Claudia to ignore her guilt. There are no distractions here, and though she doesn't want to arouse his suspicion, trying to talk to him as though there's nothing wrong...]

[He doesn't suspect her at all. He wants to talk to her—spend time with her. More than anything, that makes her guilty conscience too much to bear.]

I'm sorry. I haven't been honest with you, so I can't stay here and talk with you.

[Diarmuid gives her a truly confused look.]

I don't understand. We haven't talked about that much. We have only just met, after all. I don't understand how you can feel you have been dishonest. If nothing else that is even more reason for us to talk, is it not?

[He pauses, his confusion suddenly becoming concern.]

Was it me? Did I do something at the party to upset you?

[She's quick to deny that suggestion.]

No! No, that's... [She shakes her head.] You didn't do anything wrong.

[He did something, maybe, but that was nothing more than be present, and she could hardly blame that on him. She bites her lip, unsure if she wants to tell him the truth of the matter—but, she supposes, he deserves to hear it, so she will.]

I told you that I was Risei's assistant, didn't I?

Yes, you did.

[Her words don't seem to do much to relieve his confusion. Indeed, they only add to it. What does this have to do with...

Has she found out what his master did in the war and is mad at him for it? Is that it?]

I swear to you. If I had known what he was going to do to the supervisor, I would have tried to stop him. It was such a dishonorable action... Just thinking of it makes me sick!

[Well, now she's left feeling confused. She straightens up slightly, her surprise plain on her face.]

I'm sorry, I— I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Who? [Then, somewhat more urgently:] What happened to Risei?

[Diarmuid's first thought is to turn away from her to hide the shame he feels for his master's actions, but he stops himself and shuts his eyes for a moment. He's been letting his emotions control his actions far too much lately.

After a few seconds, he opens his eyes, calmer and maybe even a little detached so that he can explain without letting his feelings confuse things.]

I'm sorry. Let me try to explain. During my version of the 4th War, Caster and his master became such a threat to everyone that the actual war was paused by the Church. An unprecedented reward for stopping them was offered...an extra command spell. Several teams earned the right to claim the reward since it took so many of us working together to stop him. However, my master...

All I can assume is that he was desperate and felt he could not allow others to claim their reward so once he gained his, he killed the supervisor...

[Diarmuid's mouth presses into a thin line. It's obvious that despite his attempts to keep his feelings out of this, he is having trouble.]

I'm sorry. None of us knew what he was going to do. We didn't even know he had gone until after it was done.

[All of that sounds familiar—up to a point. She hasn't witnessed the aftermath of the incident for herself, only the results of her own actions. Tokiomi's death, her alliance with Kariya...]

[Killed the supervisor. Suddenly, she feels very cold. An icy feeling builds at the base of her spine, then spreads outward, until it reaches the very tips of her fingers. Her already pale face must blanch at his conclusion.]

[That man killed Risei. The ice in her stomach churns, and she swallows, trying to suppress it.]

That— Risei is my father-in-law.

[She isn't sure why she says that, exactly, since it doesn't make any difference, but that's what comes out of her mouth anyway. She feels a little numb.]

[Diarmuid pales as well when she says that. His mind suddenly piecing together information he knew from his version of the war and information he had learned since coming here.]

You...were married to Kirei Kotomine? He was a master in my war, but he lost his servant early on...

I am so sorry. I should have realized you were related somehow from your name.

[He bows to her suddenly.]

Please forgive me! I should have said it in a different way...

Yes, that's right.

[She shifts her weight to one foot, then, and brings a hand to her mouth as she thinks. Her emotional reaction now is—confused, and Diarmuid's words bring up something else that has been needling at her mind.]

In my world, my husband died three years prior to the start of the War. [She shakes her head, then.] You didn't do anything wrong. Please don't apologize.

[Finally, she looks back to Diarmuid's face.]

...What I meant when I said I haven't been honest is that I'm not serving as the supervisor's assistant. I'm a Master as well. So, I— I couldn't in good conscience go on acting as though...

[She trails off, still not quite able to get to the crux of the matter.]

Ah...

[As soon as he hears her say she is a master, Diarmuid understands. Still, he smiles gently at her. If she thinks that he will begin treating her like an enemy now, she is wrong.]

You had a a run in with your version of my master and I, didn't you? That is the real reason you have been so ill at ease around me. I don't know what happened in your world, but please understand I will not hold it against you here. Whatever my fate in your world, I highly doubt it was worse than the one I faced in my own.

[She bites her lip.]

I killed him.

[The thought that this makes them even flits through her mind, and she feels guilty even as it occurs to her. Immediately, she slaps it down. Regardless of what Lancer's Master might have done in another world, she couldn't just decide what he deserved in her own, and especially not based on only what he had the potential to do. It wasn't as though she had been acting to protect Risei (though she still feels a little bit pleased at having inadvertently done so, which she doesn't feel guilty for).]

I'm...sorry.

[She isn't sure if she's apologizing for his fate or what she had done or her thoughts.]

Don't be.

[The words come quickly and Diarmuid pauses when he realizes that as much as he might want to believe he is over Kayneth's betrayal, deep down he is still very angry about it.]

He would have struck you down just as easily as you did him, and probably with less regret. I don't know if it helps any, but in all honesty, you did me a favor.

[He looks away from her for a long moment before looking back.]

Fading because my master had been killed is a far gentler death than being forced to commit suicide in the middle of honorable battle.

Oh, I...

[She bites her lip, looking down and away.]

I'm sorry. For what happened to you, I mean. I don't hold what your Master did against you. I—understand that Masters don't always act in scrupulous ways, or in ways that their Servants would want.

[Does she ever.]

Thank you. He and I were a terrible match. I really don't know if there could have been a worse servant and master combination. Many servants and masters didn't get along well during my war, but he and I...

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

I was not who he wanted anyway. The relic he was originally going to use was stolen from him and I was a last minute substitute. He never got over that.

I know I don't know you that well, but for what has happened to you I am also sorry. You don't really seems like the kind of person who would be comfortable in a war and having to kill people.

[Well, she certainly won't argue with his presumption.]

...I know there are many Servants who would disagree with me, so pardon me if I offend, but I don't think there's anyone that should feel comfortable with killing. [Though she apologizes, her tone is firm with conviction as she says this.] Having to take a life for any reason is a great burden and a tragedy, and it shouldn't be done lightly, even if its done in the service of good or God.

[Her words prompt another shake of his head.]

You don't need to worry about offending. While I may be a knight and hero who has killed my share of people, I cannot argue with what you say. There is no joy in killing and one should never become comfortable with it. Fighting another, testing your skill against theirs, there is joy in that, but each time a person dies a family loses someone they love. A wife loses her husband or son. Death might be necessary, but it should not be enjoyed. To do so means you have lost more than the person you just killed because you are dead inside and you don't even know it.

You're a good man.

[That reply seems to do more to put her at ease with him than anything else he has said so far.]

Mm, but you don't need to worry about me, anyway. Carrying out God's will sometimes means accepting burdens, but He will never give one that is too much to bear. I know He will give me the strength I need to persevere.

[She manages to sound serene enough as she says this, and she even smiles. Of course, she feels less certain about her actions than what those words might imply, but—she prays and does her best to live according to God's word, so she has to have faith in herself and her own judgment now.]

I am afraid that telling me not to worry doesn't work so well. My wish to help others makes that pretty impossible.

[Diarmuid laughs lightly before becoming more serious.]

I am afraid I don't know much about your god and the Grail only gives me so much information. However, if he is what gives you the hope and strength to keep moving forward that is all that is important. No matter how strong we are, everyone needs a force like that to keep them moving sometimes.

I'm glad that you understand. [She nods, more to herself than anything.] Many people don't, which can be frustrating. I— I'm not hurting anyone by feeling this way.

[Maybe she's still a little ruffled by her conversation with Garviel. A little.]

...That being said, I would appreciate if you could keep most of this conversation to yourself. Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but...

[She sighs, then smiles, the expression tired.]

"Of course you are not. Has someone told you were you wrong to believe as you do?" There is concern, but also anger in Diarmuid's tone. He might not believe in the same god as she does, but he believes in her right to follow whatever path she wants to. Especially when such path seems to give her so much strength. 'If so, they are the one who is wrong. Your beliefs are very important to you. I can tell from how you speak of them. You have every right to them."

Diarmuid pauses then and blushes slightly, embarrassed for having spoken like that, "Forgive me. And you needn't worry. Your secrets are safe with me."

There had been a time after Diarmuid first arrived that he had been far too open with the information he shared about himself and others as a result of both his wish for everyone to work together and his rebellion against Kayneth forcing so much secrecy on him during the war. Now, he still doesn't care to keep secrets about himself, but those of others no longer leave his lips.

Oh! [She feels slightly taken aback by his concern for her, not having expected him to respond with such vehemence. She shakes her head, quickly.] No, it's not like... Well, he has his reasons for feeling as he does, even if I don't agree. It's nothing worth being concerned about. [And he has God's love anyway, so there. She smiles, then, a little weakly.] Thank you. I'm very grateful.

"He might have had his reasons, but they are his. He should not have pushed them onto you," Diarmuid sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "You are welcome. And can I say again that I am sorry my brother caught you up in all of this? I am glad to have gotten the chance to know you better, but I think much of this conversation should have probably happened differently."

Then again, without this prompting they probably wouldn't have talked about these things so maybe this meeting had been a good thing after all. Not that Diarmuid will ever tell his brother that.

Maybe, but it didn't. [She smiles and shrugs a shoulder.] You don't need to apologize to me for it. You're not responsible for his actions, and speaking to you was no great trial on my part.

"True, I suppose thinking about the 'what ifs' doesn't really do anyone any good," Diarmuid smiles at her. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. Even if the things we talked about were not all pleasant, I am truly glad for this chance to get to know you better. I hope you know that you can contact me should you ever need aid with anything. I will always be willing to lend a hand."

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[closed][backdated to the afternoon]

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