Backdated to July 1st and onwards

[swordofzero]

Characters: Suzaku Kururugi and open
Setting: Morgue floor. Right after event ends
Format: I'll match
Summary: Suzaku wakes up post monster event and angst happens
Warnings: mentions of event stuff.

Suzaku didn't need words of blood to tell him he was a monster, but he got them anyways. He lay still for a moment as his fake memories of protecting those in the tower, standing with them against Ruana's latest threat were replaced by the truth, memories of stalking to the tower, attacking, killing, being killed by those around him.

He sat up, wanting to get out of the room, away from people he could hurt. He saw the note and the object... F.L.E.I.J.A, or at least the trigger. Not the one he had used, but the one Nunnally had...

He didn't even read the note just snatched up the decorative button and strode from the room. He had kept his feelings at bay all month, holding them back because one thing or another had been more important. But now they flooded into him at once, the reality of their situation, the uselessness of everything, killing Rolo for being what he had been himself...

Killing, causing others to kill, causing rage and anger. And now as the final insult he held an object that was the symbol of oppression and death. Oppression and death he had taken part in.

Even though it was as fake as anything else the reminder was enough and he moved through the tower until he got to the morgue. He didn't even think of the white room, he didn't deserve to forget. He had spent a month forgetting.

Now he had to face what he had done, what he had become. The morgue was a familiar place of refuge and he found a quiet place far from the staircase.

He stayed there for a long time, not planning to leave until his Geass forced him to find food. His Geass might be as unreal as the rest of him but it still held power over him.

Comments

best present

[swordofzero]

Suzaku didn't have a moment to think before he was slammed down and the spear was stabbed into the table. He tried to move, just to see if he could and found he couldn't. Which was to be expected. All of this was to be expected, he had wondered how long it would take before Diarmuid lost his patience with him.

He just stared up at him with empty eyes, because he hadn't figured he would be allowed to walk away, or give up. That had been clear from the day he enlisted in the Britannian army.

Knights served for life, and Suzaku's life was guaranteed to be long indeed. He stared at Diarmuid disbelieving, unable to accept what he was saying.

"I have no honour." He said quietly, "And no dreams anymore." His goal had been to change Britannia, but what did that matter when Britannia was destroyed. He had tried to protect those he cared about in this place, but what was the point when he could be forced to kill them.

*Cries*

[oathshackledbird]

"Oh, you don't do you?" The spear disappears, desummoned, from where it had been embedded in the the table so Diarmuid can place one hand on either side of the man's head. Even though he is no longer physically holding Suzaku down, it will be hard for the other man to get up considering how far Diarmuid is leaning over him.

As hard and focused as Diarmuid seems outwardly at the moment, inside fear is starting to stir in his heart. He has never seen Suzaku this broken before. He's never seen anyone this broken before. Before he has always been able to find something to pull them back. To relight even just a small spark of hope in their eyes.

What if he can't do that now? What if the Tower has finally pushed someone he cares about so far that they can't come back?

"If you have no honor and you have no goals, tell me, why do you still worry about Rolo? Why are you in such agony over what happened?" He leans in closer to Suzaku, his gaze pinning the man in place, "If you have no goals why do your mourn so strongly over the fear that you will never be able to make up for what you have done? If you have none of those things, then why do you wish so strongly to have your efforts be worth something? Don't tell you you don't want those things! They are what are causing your pain and your fear right now. Stop letting that fear and pain blind you to the truth and see what is still there!"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku didn't try to get up, doubting that Diarmuid would let him, not wanting to meet his gaze but unable to turn away. He was just exhausted, he didn't want to try anymore, try so hard to make things right when they were so wrong.

Diarmuid's words rang truth, they hurt, and he wished that Diarmuid did not care so much, that he had let him walk away.

"I don't know." He said eventually, "But all I do is hurt them." It was selfish of him to continue trying to protect them, any honour left or not.

[oathshackledbird]

"And don't you think that seeing you like this hurts them as well? Seeing you giving up? Personally, I would take the pain of a friend's mistake over the pain of seeing them give up because even if they mess up and hurt me that effort proves that they care enough to keep trying," Diarmuid's voice is suddenly much softer. He can see how tired Suzaku is and while that isn't a good thing, it is an improvement over the broken emptiness that had been the only thing he could feel from Suzaku before.

"Suzaku, have you rested at all since this ended?"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku flinched at that, he wanted to snap that he didn't care, but it would be a lie. And he did his best to avoid lying, he had done enough of that in his life. But he still wasn't sure that him trying would be better for anyone.

The question took him by surprise, he hadn't, and he hadn't rested in a while before that. He remembered resting, catching pockets of sleep whilst others watched, before taking up his own patrols. But he knew those memories to be fabricated, instead of resting, or watching, he had been stalking the tower looking for prey. He had no idea when he had last slept.

He shrugged.

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid's expression finally softens to match his voice and he steps back away from Suzaku, allowing the man to sit up if he wishes to, "Suzaku, you have to rest. I realize stating that is obvious, but then again maybe it's not since you obviously aren't doing it. How do you expect yourself to make good choices or even think if you don't rest? How do you expect yourself not to make more mistakes when you are so tired?"

Diarmuid pauses as memories of his talks with his brother about their nightmares pop into his head, "It's not so easy, I know. Would it help to have someone watch over you while you sleep? To make sure you do nothing and nothing happens to you?"

[swordofzero]

Suzaku looked down, because Diarmuid as always, was right. He couldn't even think straight never mind process what had happened.

He looked at him, "I do not wish to be any trouble on anyone."

[oathshackledbird]

"If I must, I will continue to repeat it. Friends are not burdens. They are never trouble. Or maybe," Diarmuid laughs gently, "they are only trouble when they need help but won't accept it." Diarmuid holds his hand out to Suzaku, "Let me help you. You are my friend. You are my brother-in-arms. While I cannot speak for your world, in mine that means we are family and that I will always fight at your side.

"Or...in this case, I will see you get some much needed rest anyway. I think you need that more than anything else right now. Other things can wait."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku looked down, because even after trying to give up, after making Diarmuid so angry, the man would not give up. Part of him just wanted to walk away, escape from the kindness, but he knew he wouldn't be allowed.

If he was completely honest with himself he was glad about that. He took Diarmuid's hand. "Thank you." It was barely a whisper.

[oathshackledbird]

"You're welcome," Diarmuid is happy, deep down, that Suzaku is brave enough to accept his hand and help. Even though he knows this is only a start to Suzaku feeling better, considering Diarmuid had been worried he wouldn't be able to help the man at all, he will take it.

"Will you be able to sleep in your room? If not, I will offer my own bed," He smiles lightly, remembering back to the time when his curse had gone crazy. "You slept there well enough once before..."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku looked down at the reminder, he had tried to put that incident out of his mind, though he did remember.

"Wherever is most convenient for you, I wouldn't want to disturb your roommates either."

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid shakes his head, "You won't. Don't worry. Most of my roommates aren't in the room a lot. Edgeworth might be the only one, but as long as I am there to mention you are a friend, it won't be a problem." Diarmuid takes a few steps toward the door and then motions for Suzaku to follow him. "Lets get you some peace and quiet. Or at least as much as we can..."

[swordofzero]

Suzaku nodded and followed silently, he knew he would not get as much rest outside of his own bed, but he didn't really want to go back there, not until he worked up to scrubbing the blood ink words off his ceiling anyways.

So instead he followed Diarmuid, hoping that Edgeworth wouldn't mind.

This seems a good place to wrap? What do you think?

[oathshackledbird]

Diarmuid is glad that Suzaku does follow him. Half of him had been afraid that the man wouldn't even though he had said he would. The servant is well aware that Suzaku sleeping in a bed other than his own won't be as restful, but any sleep will be better than none at this point and sometimes rest is just not found in one's own room.

There is a reason he spends several nights a week in his master's room instead of his own, after all.

He doesn't speak on any of these thoughts, though, instead remaining silent on their way to his room, hoping that the rest will be Suzaku the clarity he needs.

Sounds good to me

[swordofzero]

Suzaku remained silent as well, his mind working overtime as it tried to take in and process everything. Once they got there he didn't even need prompted to lie down and close his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly despite everything.