towerofanimus | His passing thoughts and his sorrows and desires

Entry tags:

His passing thoughts and his sorrows and desires

Characters: Neal Cassidy, OPEN
Setting: Floor 81
Format: Starting out prose. Will match
Summary: Neal contemplates what to do with the "gift" he was given at the end of June.
Warnings: None to start.

It had been a while since Neal had last found himself venturing around the Tower. The memories of June had left him wanting to avoid as many people as possible, and he had found himself struggling to sleep in his bed with the words scrawled on the ceiling. Nothing was safe anymore, and as far as he knew, things could possibly get even worse. His "gift" from Ruana, Rumplestiltskin's magic dagger, was strapped to his side, hidden away from prying eyes.

He didn't plan on using it as a weapon, but he couldn't be too careful. Why would such an object be given to him? It was meant to torture him, Neal was certain. He had killed a child. He had killed someone he cared about, and he had attacked, he murdered a sleeping man, and killed one of the most threatening people in the tower. His life was a wreck, and he had only admitted what he had been to the little girl and to Zelda. He didn't want to admit it to anyone else.

Maybe Shion, eventually. But he was afraid what might happen to him if he got too involved in things. He needed to protect himself, but he also couldn't stand back and do nothing, could he? He looked out below, staring into the haze. Pandora was something that he could do, wasn't it? He had spent his entire life running away from his problems. He had been running for a long, long time. Longer than he could comprehend. He had been brought here for a reason. Probably to be useful to Ruana's sick and twisted games.

He might not have a clue how to stop running, but now was good enough as any to try.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

chaos caught that false cheer. You didn't live for six thousand years around humans without noticing things like that, but..he wasn't going to comment on it. He wasn't the type to rip off masks, especially since his own name of sorts was a lie.

"I see. Looking at the stars and the sea do help to clear one's thoughts sometimes. However..if you are ever having trouble, looking for guidance from friends and confidants around you can be useful as well."

It was fortunate that chaos wasn't the sort to call a person on a mask, because Neal wouldn't know how to react to it. It had been a long, long time since he was truly happy. The last time had been years ago, with Emma, and being dragged away after being reunited with her was slowly taking its toll on him.

"You're right," he said, nodding, glancing back at the haze. It was something he couldn't hide for long. There was still Zelda to worry about. He didn't want to burden her with what he had confessed in June, even if the problem had... fixed itself in a rather horrifying way. "I'm okay, though. Just thinking up here."

While chaos wouldn't call out his mask, he could relate to that feeling perfectly well. After all..it hadn't felt pleasant to lose people in his own universe, and it didn't feel good to have KOS-MOS and other friends from his own universe here..only to watch them slowly vanish over time.

"I am glad to hear that. Most of the time, this is a good place for thinking, even if the stars are artificial."

"Yeah," Neal agreed, a bit sadly. "I wonder what the world looks like out there, beyond the tower." Was there anything even out there? All he could see were stars and haze. "Maybe this world is dead, too." He didn't know the motivation of the administrators. It was foreign to him, and he had arrived after Dax's death. Even so, he didn't want to stand back and do nothing, even as clueless as he was.

chaos, sadly, couldn't sense anything out of this Tower, but whether that was because there was nothing beyond it or because his powers weren't allowed to extend that far when the illusions were activated was up for debate. He, personally, thought it was the latter..but there was always a chance it was the former, or both.

"I am not sure if it is or is not..but I myself would like to know what the surrounding area looks like."

Whatever was going on, Neal needed to figure it out. Not on his own, he wasn't capable of that, but things needed to be solved. The reason for the tower existing in the first place, the reason that people kept being dragged here, and the reason for her horrible powers. On the network, he had seen Zelda mention to Jason that it was possible that the administrators were all parts of Ruana.

Honestly, the possibility hadn't crossed his mind before, but now it filled him with some amount of dread. "Somehow I doubt they'd make it easy to look for. Still, it has to be possible, right?"

chaos both needed and wanted to figure out the mysteries of the Tower and help everyone save the universes. He was used to working with others, and since he didn't know everything about the Tower, it would be best to work in groups. Even though he would work alone if he had to.

"In theory, I believe it is. However, it may not be possible to find an exit with the glamour up."

"Probably not," Neal agreed. He had spent most of the time glamour had been down with his father. He hadn't personally explored the tower to see what looked different. He hadn't wanted to.

"You think anyone looked around when it was down?"

And chaos had spent it comforting his friends and anyone else he came across. Plus..his powers didn't even work in the Tower without the illusions. He wouldn't have been able to sense any exits or new roads.

"I do not know..but it is possible that someone who was looking found them or found an exit by chance. Perhaps asking on the network shall produce an answer."

"You've got a point," Neal said. He wasn't sure what he'd hear about, though. If someone had seen what the outside world looked like, surely they would have said something, right?

Unless it was really bad.

"What do you think could be out there?"

Even if it was bad, it was possible that someone who had seen the outside would be willing to talk about it, even it it was painful. After all..with only a year to survive, any information like that would be helpful.

"..I do not know. The sky we see now is artificial, so I cannot even make any guesses based on that. Perhaps there are more Towers with other scientists or experiments. Or empty Tower. I do not know for certain though."

Multiple towers. That seemed the most likely. "Yeah. There's nothing real here. Just a whole lotta charades. But we've gotta find out the truth, right?" Whatever was out there, Neal was sure that the administrators didn't want them to know about it or to see it. They needed to remain in the dark, which meant that Neal needed to help find out the truth.

"We need to find out how to get there."

chaos didn't think that all the Administrators wanted to keep them in the dark..but he did want to help the other residents uncover the truth, light up the whole matter.

"Yes. We must now..even if it is painful and unpleasant, it will help us and others to know it. I do agree with you..we do need to find a way to get down and out, if possible."

Whatever was going on, Neal wasn't entirely sure that the entire tower was going to even want to know what was out there. After all, if no one had come forward yet, there was no telling what was out there. It could have been a vast field of towers, each taller than the last.

"Yeah. I should ask around. We need to know, don't we?" Even if it was horrible, even if nothing remained, he needed to know.

chaos wasn't sure that everyone in the Tower would be happy knowing the truth or that some even wanted to know it in the first place. However..even if it caused some people harm, there was a chance that it might not someday, and that the information could be used to help everyone here. After all..the truth was much better than speculation, even if it was grimmer than thinking that this whole world was covered in a field of Towers.

"We do. Even if others do not, the truth will help us and others perform acts that will help the rest of the residents. A cruel truth based upon information is better than a sweet lie based upon small facts and imagination."

It was true that whatever was out there could possibly be even worse than everything including their own bodies being fake. But Neal needed to know, he needed to know how he could help, that he could actually do something about the situation.

He wouldn't let himself hang in the shadows any longer. "Exactly. We gotta know so we can start planning what to do."

So did chaos. While he didn't like the terrible things the Tower had to offer, even though he had experienced quite a few terrible things during his long lifetime, that didn't mean he would avoid them if he could help people. It was good to meet a person so similar to him in this aspect.

"Exactly. It is terrible making a plan while only knowing half of the facts involved or using speculation. People die and things go utterly wrong when one does that."

He..knew that from first hand experience.

Neal nodded sadly. He'd seen enough death in his life, even if he didn't have a ton of experience with things going so wrong that people around him died in mass quantities. Even if he did, he was going to be keeping it to himself. "We've got less than a year before we all die ourselves," he said gravely. "It's not a lot of time. I hope it's enough."

chaos himself had seen plenty of death during his long life, but, like Neal, wasn't one to go around talking about his mistakes and like unless he really had to.

However..at that comment, chaos actually managed to smile sadly.

"I hope it will be. People can do a lot in a short time when they are motivated and know enough. Perhaps we shall all be able to save the universes before the year is out."

Which would only make his case for humanity much stronger for Wilhelm.

"They sure can," Neal said solemnly. It wasn't a lot of time, but it was enough, he figured. "What we need to do is figure out the mysteries here. If getting back our bodies is even possible here, you know?"

Because if it wasn't, then things were going to get difficult. "If it isn't, that just means we need to find out how to make it possible."

chaos didn't know whether it was enough time or not..but he hoped it was.

"I am not sure if it is possible for one to bring physical matter here, since Zo could only pull our souls. But it is worth looking into, even though we have to be careful of the consequences."

"Yeah," Neal said. But he couldn't give up. He wouldn't let himself. "There's gotta be a way, though," he continued. "You know. Some kind of cosmic loophole. Maybe there's some sort of reason why he couldn't." Maybe he wasn't able to because Ruana didn't allow it?

Nothing made sense about this place to begin with. A Land where you never aged, where it always felt like the same night,, was much easier for him to understand and comprehend than a place where your soul could be shoved into a false body. "I'm not really good at these kind of things, though. I wonder if anyone is."

When Neal spoke about a cosmic loophole, he couldn't help but smile a little. He too, liked the idea of a cosmic loophole or an error that one could make use of.

"Perhaps there is. I do not know much about the limitations of Zo's power and why he does not bring physical matter, but it is worth looking into, if only for finding a cosmic loophole.

Not many people are good at making correct guesses without a lot of information..but that is alright. It simply means that we shall have to acquire more."

Even without much in the way of a goal, or even hope, Neal was still a firm believer in fate. When it was a very real, very powerful thing, it wasn't a hard thing to keep believing in, even if its potency varied from world to world. "We're gonna have to find out ourselves," he said with more confidence that he had felt in a long while.

"A few months ago, the removed books were returned to the library shelves. None of them were legible, and I accidentally ruined one trying to pick it up because it was so old. There must be a way to bring them back and in good condition. There was a reason that the books were all censored, I know it. And it has to do with whatever the people in this tower are working on."

chaos himself didn't quite believe in fate. He knew that there were paths one could go down and paths that others would push people to go down..but there was always a chance that one could push past fate or destiny and carve out a new road to the future for themselves. But..that's why he liked the idea of a cosmic loophole so much.

"That we will. I saw a few of those in books in passing, since I do go to the library on occasion. I do not know whether those books truly were what held the history and knowledge of this Tower, but if they felt safe enough to mock the residents, they probably do have some grains of information locked away in a shelf where they live.

I do not know exactly where they are currently..but it might be possible to obtain them, if one sneaks down there."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

His passing thoughts and his sorrows and desires

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject