I'm falling apart, one part after another... (Closed)

[oathshackledbird]

Characters: Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (oathshackledbird), Kain Highwind (ajealouswind), and Waver Velvet (fionnuisce)
Setting: Late on the 20th/Early on the 21st. On Floor 3 (The Library), Floor 48 (The Graveyard), and Floor 100.
Format: Any
Summary: He should have been celebrating after finally finishing the Tower Floor Guide and getting it out to everyone. Instead, Diarmuid gets the worst kind of news imaginable.
Warnings: Heartbreak, angst, some blood, and possibly violence if Diarmuid and Kain are Lancer enough...


The Library (Closed to Kain):

Ever since talking to Kain during his last Network post, Diarmuid has been on edge and looking for the Dragoon.  He hopes to get a chance to pull Kain aside for a talk during a lull in the copying and distributing of the guide.  Granted, it's never been an easy task to get what is bothering him out of the solitary man, but Diarmuid is determined to because he is such a good friend of Cecil's.  Aside from that, Diarmuid has been happy to see the lightening of Kain's mood lately.  It might only be slight, but after all Kain has been through, even a slight change means a lot.

Now, after seeing Kain's behavior during their conversation, all that progress seems to be gone, and Diarmuid wants to know why and what he can do to fix it.  However, Kain is being his usual hard to corner self.  As a result, despite seeing him several times over the last few days coming in and out to work, Diarmuid has not been able to talk to the Dragoon.  Now that almost everything is done, Diarmuid is focused on catching Kain before he can slip away again.

He lays down the copies in his hand and walks over to Kain when he sees him in the library next, grabbing the man's arm and directing him toward a quiet, somewhat isolated, corner of the floor.  Diarmuid doesn't try to explain his actions at first.  He will do that once they are someplace they can talk.
 

The Graveyard (Closed to Diarmuid):

He can't go right away.  No matter how worried his talk with Kain has made him, Diarmuid forces himself to make the Network post with the Tower Guide in it before he heads to the Graveyard.  Maybe he just wants to have all loose ends wrapped up before he confirms Kain's news.

Or maybe he is just afraid and unwilling to confirm this particular loss...

Once he gets to the graveyard, though, the Tower makes it so he cannot deny any longer.  Often, he has to look to find specific stones especially with so many new ones.  This time that is not the case because the first stone he sees bears her name:  Cecil Harvey.

When he sees the name, the world just stops.  A roaring and whiteness floods over his senses as his mind refuses to accept the truth.  The first real wish he'd had in this place once he had allowed himself to be convinced it was okay for him to have wishes had been to find love untainted by his curse and as he had gotten to know her, he had begun to realize he might be able to find that with her.

And now she is gone and with her...his heart.  Even if she hadn't known or returned the feelings...

Diarmuid is in so much shock he doesn't even think about limiting how his emotions echo along his bond with his Master.  As a result, if Waver has gone to bed for the night, he is about to be very abruptly awakened by a blast of intense pain as Diarmuid's shock begins to fade.  Pain that feels like his Servant's heart has just been pulled from his chest, though instead of the pain just lasting an instant like it might if Diarmuid had been bested in battle by someone, the pain continues and somehow grows stronger before suddenly blanking into nothingness--not because of death, but because of a glitch in the Tower Glamour Systems temporarily cancelling their bond.

When the systems return to normal seconds later, the pain along their bond is replaced by a cold, empty, sharp chill.

In the graveyard, Diarmuid turns from Cecil's stone and wanders blindly from the floor.  He doesn't know where he is going and doesn't seem to realize he should be on alert since it's night time and monsters are out.

Or maybe he just doesn't care...
 

Floor 100 (Closed to Waver):

Considering the fact that he's walking blindly, it's amazing that Diarmuid manages to make it from the Graveyard to Floor 100 with so few wounds from the monsters he runs into.  He hardly fights them, in some causes just running like he had done so much in the past.  Of course, back then Diarmuid had been running because he hadn't wanted to fight those he considered family.  Now he runs just because he can't take it anymore--because he has finally given into that urge he has been ashamed to have felt more than once since he arrived.

The urge to hide.

In that respect, it shouldn't be surprising he ends up on Floor 100 even if he isn't consciously planning on heading there.  Many times in the last months he has come here seeking the familiar, the peace, the calmness.  It might only be an illusion, but it is an illusion of the one place he had always felt happy and safe.

His home.

Unlike when he usually visits, though, Diarmuid doesn't stay near the vision of his house.  He doesn't even stop back by the forest line where he often sits to think.  Instead, he goes back to the farthest corner of the floor, back in the shadows of the false forest near a few rocks that form a shallow cave.  It's here he sits, knees pulled to his chest, staring blindly out at the floor seeing nothing...

...and ignoring the fact that his bleeding wounds could end up drawing in some things he should worry more about hiding from than his emotions...
 

Comments

[oathshackledbird]

I shouldn't have started feeling it in the first place.

[Diarmuid closes his eyes for just a moment, though his speed doesn't slow as they move down the stairs as his other senses are more than enough to make up for the instant of lost vision. They should be at the infirmary soon.]

I already feel love for you and my brother. I should not have been so greedy.

[fionnuisce]

Quit that.

[He tugged on those few strands of Diarmuid's hair as he usually did when teasing or talking common sense into him.]

It's not greedy or selfish to love more than two people. Don't be a cold and distant jerk like me.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid smiles gently at him, though he can't brush away Waver's hand like he usually does when his friend messes with his hair because his hands are kind of full of said friend at the moment. He doesn't mind too much, though because the familiar motion always makes him feel better. Only this time, it makes him feel something else too. It's probably just because his emotions are so stirred up at the moment, but he wants to tell Waver it's okay for him to be cold and distant to others. They don't deserve to see the softer side of him. Not after how they have treated him.

If fact, Diarmuid wouldn't mind too much if he was the only person who saw this side of Waver...which is odd because he isn't used to feeling so possessive. And he should be encouraging the man to make friends so that he doesn't have to be so alone anymore...]

You're not a cold and distant jerk. At least, not to me...

[fionnuisce]

Of course I'm not when it comes to you. You're...different.

['Special' might have been a better word to use. Waver was fully aware he acted like a completely different person around Diarmuid compared to how he was around everyone else. Whether that was right or wrong was irrelevant; it was what it was, and being openly nicer to everyone else seemed unthinkable.]

[oathshackledbird]

For once, I can honestly say that I am quite glad to be different the--

[His words cut off as some movement catches his eye down near the bottom of the current set of stairs. A pair of purple ChuChus are waiting for them there, gel-like bodies oozing back and forth. Diarmuid's eyes narrow in disgust, his grip on Waver tightening.]

Hold on. I'm not going to bother fighting them. I'm just going over...

[He pauses a moment to let Waver set himself since the jump and following dash will likely jolt his wounded shoulder, and then launches them both into the air and over the monsters' 'heads.']

[fionnuisce]

--?!

[Waver winced slightly at his shoulder being jarred, but didn't panic or even make a sound. There was a clear sense of nostalgia to this situation; now as it had been then, he fully trusted that he was safer here than in any other place.]

[If Diarmuid said he'd take him somewhere, there wasn't a doubt in Waver's mind they'd het there in one piece.]

[But he didn't have to be thrilled about the method.]

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid doesn't pause as he lands on the other side of the oozes. Instead, he just keeps running not giving them a chance to attack or follow. It's only when they finally arrive at the infirmary a few levels below that he stops and speaks again.]

Sorry... I hope that didn't hurt too much...

[There is a guilty look on his face as he sits Waver down on one of the examination tables since he hates the idea of having caused his friend even a little pain.]

Can you get your shirt off alone or will I need to help you? I have to be able to get to the wound.

[fionnuisce]

For the hundredth time, I'm alright.

[Waver cautiously shrugged off his green jacket and the now stained black shirt underneath it. The considerable amount of blood on his shoulder and running down his side was originating from a few jagged wounds left by one of Avenger's twisted knives.]

It's...not as bad as it looks.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid doesn't even dignify the 'I'm all right" with a response. It only gets a scowl instead as he turns to start gathering a few things from the supply cabinets.]

Those wounds should have been stitched, Waver. No wonder they opened up again. Whatever the kind of knife he had was, it was certainly not one meant to leave a clean wound...

[He returns to the table and sets what he has gathered down nearby.]

You are going to have an ugly set of scars, my friend.

[fionnuisce]

I healed it enough to stop it from bleeding. I hadn't really planned on doing anything reckless enough to open them up again.

[Waver frowned as if acknowledging how stupid he'd been about it.]

They won't be the first and I doubt they'll be the last.

[oathshackledbird]

I would much prefer they be the last, thank you very much!

[Diarmuid gives Waver a hard look before handing him a vial.]

At least this place has no shortage of painkillers. Can you dose yourself while I get everything else ready?

[fionnuisce]

I can handle that much on my own, thank you.

[Siiiigh. Well, at least Diarmuid seemed to be feeling a little better.]

[oathshackledbird]

[Saying that Diarmuid is feeling better is really wishful thinking. What he is at the moment, is distracted. Dealing with how broken he feels about Cecil being gone is hard. He's not sure where to begin. Dealing with taking care of his master and friend is much easier. It's something he is used to and something he craves being able to do.

Once Waver finishes with the painkiller, Diarmuid sets to work carefully cleaning the man's wounds so that he can see them to stitch. After a few moments of silence, he speaks as a way to distract them both from what he is doing.]

You said you had other scars... Where? And how?

[fionnuisce]

... [Waver lowered his gaze to the floor at that, as though he regretted mentioning the subject at all.]

Superficial things, for the most part. Scratches from the occasional fight, a few from drawing blood for magecraft...that's more or less all there is.

[The dismissive words might have suggested he was trying to evade the question, and Waver didn't say any more on the matter.]

[oathshackledbird]

Superficial things don't leave scars. Nor do scratches. The magecraft I might buy, but there is something else.

[Diarmuid pauses in his work to look at Waver.]

What don't you want to tell me?

[fionnuisce]

Fine, fine, they were slightly worse than merely superficial. They still weren't life-threatening.

[A sigh. Waver really didn't want to admit he'd gotten into the occasional rough match or two. Knowing DIarmuid, he'd make a big deal out of something minor.]

There's-...I've never told anyone this, but there's one more than that.

[With his uninjured arm, Waver hesitantly reached down to raise the hem of one pantleg--starting a few inches above his ankle was an old and mostly-faded scar from what seemed like some kind of burn.]

[oathshackledbird]

[The explanation of the other scars makes Diarmuid nod, but do little else. Honestly, he had just wanted his friend to admit that they had been bad instead of blowing them off as nothing. After all, considering how much he had taught himself when it came to fighting and then having to deal with that psycho mercury maid, Diarmuid isn't surprised he has ended up with a few scars.

The burn draws his full attention, though, and he actually stops working again to look at it.]

From the fire that killed your parents?

[fionnuisce]

I don't make a habit of setting myself on fire, so yes.

[The fact that he immediately adopted the usual sarcastic remarks was probably a good sign.]

[oathshackledbird]

[The sarcasm does put him somewhat at ease. Enough that he returns to working on Waver's shoulder, but at the same time it also leaves him with a question.]

How?

[How were you hurt? How did you survive? How did it feel to lose...everything?]

[fionnuisce]

...I don't really remember. I guess I just got lucky.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid nods. It's not really the answer he wants, but if Waver can't remember then he can't remember.

Besides, not remembering is sometimes for the best.]

You were lucky. I was luckier...

[fionnuisce]

What do you mean?

[He finally glanced up properly, looking to Diarmuid with a concerned expression.]

[oathshackledbird]

Shouldn't it be obvious?

[Diarmuid pauses a moment to look over at Waver.]

If you hadn't been lucky enough to survive that day, you couldn't have come here...

Do you really think I would still be sane if you hadn't come? That I would still have anything left of my soul?

[fionnuisce]

Wh-...

[Whatever blood was actually left in Waver seemed to all be making its way to his face. Waver faltered, a surprised look on his face as he tried to manage speaking.]

Y...you don't...give yourself enough credit. You surely would have found a way to manage without me.

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid carefully finishes the his work on Waver's shoulder before answering. In fact, he actually picks up a roll of bandages to start covering the wounds first. When he speaks, his voice is very soft. Waver might have to lean over a little to actually hear him.]

No...I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have. I tried...was trying, but you saw the shape I was in when you got here. You saw how messed up just a few months in this place made me. The only reason I have been able to come as far as I have is...

[He pauses in his work and looks at Waver.]

You are literally my anchor and my safe place. You are where I always end up when I need to find the strength and clarity to move forward on my own feet again. I...

[His gaze drops away and he goes back to wrapping Waver's shoulder, laughing a little brokenly as he does.]

...I'm sorry. You didn't sign up for this. Just ignore me. My emotions are starting to get the better of me again. Lets get this shoulder taken care of so you can get some rest.