towerofanimus | all the living are dead, and the dead are all living [open!]

Entry tags:

all the living are dead, and the dead are all living [open!]

Characters: Nill and OPEN
Setting: Her room (01-11), and then the halls outside the dorms.
Format: action!
Summary: A newbie joins the ranks. Said newbie doesn't handle it well.
Warnings: Possible vomiting and graphic mentions of death

(a.) - Open to roommates.

[Even an hour after waking up in what she assumes is her new bed, she can't get the shaking to stop or calm her stomach down. If she stays very, very still, then her joints and bones don't hurt as much, but the second she moves again it's splitting pain down every inch of skin she shouldn't have anymore.

She got herself killed. She got her boyfriend killed. He was dead, and she couldn't even hope he was still alive somewhere, because if he was-- what if it was a place worse than this one? What if he was stuck in some sort of hell?

He was dead, and she was... this. Stuck in another world, with a collar around her neck, worse than Heine's. (Trying to pry it off had proved useless. She debated trying to cut the tubes, but considering how snugly it fit... the last thing she needed was for it to explode and kill her again.) If the note she'd found was correct, then even Heine was gone now. Badou, Naoto, the Bishop... Everyone. What was she supposed to do now?

Maybe it didn't matter that much. She couldn't be sure, not right now. The best thing she could do was just... figure out who she was supposed to be living with, if anyone. Ask them what to expect here. That's why she's lingering near the door, trying to get herself under control again while she waits for someone - anyone - to come by.]

(b.) - Open to all.

[She's finally, finally managed to calm down a little. Every inch of her doesn't hurt anymore - it's all down to a dull ache, one she suspects will leave her soon enough if she can wait it out. She's just not willing to do that in the "comfort" of her room, and instead would rather go out and... what? Explore? Even the idea of that lends itself a certain level of exhaustion, but she can't sit in that room until... whenever she can leave. Her movement through the halls of the dorms is slow, and she glances at every door as she goes, as if that will give her some idea of what to expect from this place somehow.

She probably looks more lost than anything else.]

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[Dave's hand comes up, pointer finger towards the sky 'obey'. Kim takes several steps back immediately and nods to show she'd heard. Pokemon are fairly intelligent, often more so than people. It's a lot like animals, he guesses.

The fire dog stays where she is till Dave beckons with his hand. In moments they're back to the same position they'd been in before.] Do it one more time.

I always start off with showing her the gesture/sound/pose twice before I do it at least twice a day to ingrain it. Not that she's animal level of smart, she's above that. It just never hurts to remind someone of what they need to remember.

[The... dog? Pokemon? Kim, seems very nice. If nothing else, she's a good listener. After another quiet, uncertain moment, Nill makes the gesture again, careful to make sure she does it the same way she she had a few moments ago.

Once she's sure Kim has seen it, she starts typing on her tablet again.]

Is it okay to touch her?

[Kim steps back again. She waits until Dave signals for her to return before she comes back. Dave reads Nill's message and nods.] Yeah sure, she's really friendly. Pokemon don't hurt humans.

[He reaches for the Aracanine's nose and pats it, leaning on her a bit. He's become really attached to his pokemon.]

[Carefully, Nill takes a step closer to Kim, and lifts a hand to run her fingers carefully over the top of her head. She doesn't know much about dogs - doesn't know how they react, unless you counted people like the ones she had known. Heine, Badou, Naoto. Stray dogs. Looking back on her life, much of the people she had known were strays in one way or another, herself included. Dozens of people who didn't really have much, or anywhere to go when it came to the end of the day. It was just the way of things for them, and Nill had loved them no less for it. Even Nill herself wasn't a permanent fixture for anyone.

It wasn't the way of things for Dave, though. Not the boy she had known - the one that carried her half dead body to the hospital, played music for her - he had a place to go. He had things he needed to get back to. And so, Nill made sure he got back to it.

It didn't change how awful it had been to do it. How hurtful it must have been for him, when she said she would see him later, and had been lying.

Nill was no saint. She had killed people now, and she felt no remorse for it. But there was nothing that would ever make what she had done to Dave okay-- nothing that would make anything she had done that day okay.

Her eyes were already red when she ran into Dave, but now it gets worse, as fresh tears well up in them, and her shoulders tremble under her black jacket.

She was never going to see any of them again.]

[Kim seems to guess that she's upset, or maybe it is something about her scent. She presses into Nill's touch with a soft sigh as Dave watches them both. He had ignored the look she'd given him, not understanding it.

No.

He had.

But she hadn't been in the tower. She hadn't seen him as a monster, apathetic and spreading the feeling like an insidious poison. Or as a servant of the tower that saw everyone's schedule like image etched into his retina.

So why? There's no way he's going to get answers without asking but, not right now. Dave offers her the edge of his cloak to wipe her eyes with. Normally he wouldn't, but she's crying and just...

He can't ignore that.]

[It was cruel. Nill knew better than anyone that you should not judge doubles by your standards of the previous versions you had met. You should not tell them that you knew a different them, regardless of the reality of either person. You should just do your best for them if they were someone that mattered to you, and try very hard not to look at them too frequently if it hurt you too much to do so.

It does hurt to look at him. Not to the point of it being unbearable, but honestly, that's not even the reason she's so upset (though it certainly contributes to it in a big way). But nearly everyone she has ever loved is dead, the few who aren't she will never see again, and Nill can't figure out why she's alive (she shouldn't be) and they aren't. If they were telling then truth then even Heine, the man who never stayed down, was dead.

Her face contorts slightly, an effort to not actually do this here and now when it's literally the worst possible thing she could do to this kid, but now that it's started she can't seem to get it to stop. Her shoulders shudder and hunch forward, though at first she keeps her hand on Kim's head, even if she isn't quite looking at her, either.

Not until Dave offers her the edge of his cloak. She him at him briefly, and then to the offered corner. After a second she reaches for it, her fingers curling tightly into the fabric, but she doesn't use it for what Dave had intended. Instead her hand just goes down to her side, and she lifts the other away from Kim so she can hold her empty hand against her chest.

She hunches forward further, and strands of hair that aren't tied back by the ribbons fall into her face while she sobs as quietly as she can.

In a minute she'll be fine. In a minute she can start this over, introduce herself, let this boy (that is not any of the Dave's she's cared about) know that it's not his fault, and she doesn't hate him. In a minute everything will stop--

Well, no. Everything will still hurt; her body, her mind, her heart. She's certain that's never going to stop. But maybe in a minute she'll be able to keep it from crushing her.]

[She's a stranger, someone he doesn't know. But, he can't handle a crying girl. It's not in him to just stand by. He takes a step closer, putting his hand on her shoulder as Kim brushes against her other side.

He doesn't know what's going on but he has the sense his appearance, not Kim's started it. There's really not a lot he can do to fix it. So he just stands with her and waits.]

[It doesn't take her too long - mostly because she's dehydrated, because this isn't the first time she's done this since she got here. (She's not sure how long ago that was; her sense of time has been skewed here, in part because she's trying to care about how much time passes and failing, and in part because her brain is still trying to compartmentalize eleven months worth of memories into about seven, and still failing.)

It doesn't last for more than a few minutes, though the shuddering in her shoulders and the ends of her wings doesn't subside when the crying does. Slowly the crying dies down, until Nill is only left with the ability to hiccup quietly.

(What do you do when you need to scream but have no voice?)

Eventually, she lets the hand against her chest drop back down again, and halfheartedly strokes her fingers over Kim's fur, not paying attention to what's actually in reach. An apology, because she's pretty sure Kim can't read.

Then, finally, she lets go of his cloak and reaches into her pocket, where her tablet wound up at some point.]

sorry

It's cool. This place sucks. [He doesn't bother to lower his voice to a softer tone. She doesn't seem to want that and the guns she's packing say tough girl. Dave glances around and then shakes his head.]

This is the calm period. Take all the time you need for shit. I'll give you the details once you're ready for it.

[At least he doesn't think she's weak for that display. It's hardly a plus, but he's maybe at least gotten worse reactions from people in the past.

Nill inhales shakily and lets it out in one, slow exhale. All of these places suck.]

I'm ready for it

what do i need to know?

[He's seen so many tears in the tower. A few more hardly seems weak at all. Dave has seen far worse reactions. heard worse. Done worse.

He motions she follow him, and he whistles to Kim while taking another pokeball out of his pocket.]

This is a hub. Dunno if our worlds are actually destroyed, willing to bet they are. That collar can't be taken off. If you got powers, don't rely on them. They can randomly go out depending on the floor you're on.

You'll see all sorts of versions of people you know here. So far, I've only seen three of the same guy before.

[Nill follows soundlessly, not even a flutter of her wings. She's good at being quiet when she walks, but the sound of her shoes, at least, give away that she's following him. She does try to be at least mostly at his side, but he does sort of need to do the leading.

She raises a hand to her neck absently, running her fingers over the collar. She looked in a mirror in her room briefly, just to get an idea of what the collar looked like, and had found blue liquid running through the tubing.

Not to mention she was powerless here. She couldn't rely on what she could hear. She couldn't properly rely on her guns, either - she only had so much ammunition.

Knives it was, then.]

do the collars explode?

What happens if I cut the tubes?

[Because... she has a sinking feeling that whatever that liquid pulsing through the tubing is, it's probably under her skin, too. She can't remember if the blue veins at her wrists were always blue, or if that's because it's not her blood in there anymore. (She'd been tempted to cut them open to find out, but dying again was not something she wanted to do right now.)

And... not addressing the comment about multiple versions of people. There must be other Daves, because it seems like there are always Daves, and she hopes to hell and back that none of them are ones she knew.]

Edited 2013-08-25 06:53 (UTC)

To the collar? No one has gotten the things off. Ever. They take people for check ups too. You'll know when the drones come for you. [He points to one idly cleaning up in the hall and doesn't talk further until they're out of its ear shot.]

They're the eyes and ears of the tower. So watch what you say around them.

Collars don't explode. But I heard if they put the wrong fluid in it, shit goes bad for the sucker in that situation.

[The fact that it doesn't explode is the part that surprises her most - it meant that this was more of a permanent situation than some horrific game. Or... that it was a never-ending game. Like her life had been up until now-- like Heine's life had always been. She's already known people with collars around their necks for life, and once you get this far, you never get better.

She had once met a man from her world, who knew her name even though she had never known him. Giovanni, he called himself. He had threatened her, called her a bird in a cage with no song to sing. She had told him even birds had claws, and she meant it.

They had both been wrong though-- She wasn't a bird. She was a stray dog, just like Heine had been, and she would rip out the throat of anyone that tried to put her through this hell.]

[Something in her face hardens then. Everything still hurts, she can still see Yosuke's dead eyes when she closes her own, but now instead of just sad, she's angry. She's so fucking tired of all of this.

After they've gone far enough away from the drone Nill stops. She folds her tablet and places it back into her pocket, and finally looks up at Dave again. The voice in his head is quiet but firm, with an underlying tremor of the anger that shows in her clenched fists, and the way her wings stand out straight against her back-- the anger betrays the tear tracks still on her cheeks. There is no hesitation.]

I don't think that will be a problem.

I'm going to talk to you like this. Typing everything out is tedious for us both.

Do they bring you back from the dead if you die here?

[To his credit, he only jumps a little at the voice in his head. After the time he got trapped in his own head, he's a bit leery of things like that. It reminds him of that time. Yet, if that's how she talks, he'll just get used to it.

Especially when she's a bit on the pissed side.]

Over and over again. Yeah. If you have some revival clause of your own, it mostly works here. [His sure as hell does. He pops right back up in a flashy lightshow.]

[Great. A world that can trap people in their own heads. At least she might be able to do something about it if it came to that.

Dave's mind tells her a lot more that she needs to know about this place than his words do.]

I don't-- But I've been doing this for a long time.

[Even if she'd only died twice... horrible as it was each time, it wasn't something they could use against her. If she'd made it this long, she could last longer... even if she didn't want to.

Much like earlier, Nill inhales and exhales slowly, before lifting a hand to wipe her sleeve over one of her cheeks. Her wings settle closer to her back.]

The people who run this are going to regret bringing me back.

They're the admins of the tower. They've...done things to people. [He can still recall the feel of the operating table beneath him. He'd struggled and cursed, the bits and pieces of it are worse than the full memories because between the passing of minutes he can see his own slow defeat.

Then he was theirs. A servant of the tower with everyone's schedules burned into his mind. And when their alterations malfunctioned....

He shoves it down deep. Kicking himself internally as he realizes she might see that horror if she can talk to him in his head. Well at least that is one of the...no, it is all shit.]

Anyway once a month or so they decide to do their 'experiments'. How bad it is depends on which Admin is in charge. Any month with Jason just prepare to see a lot of blood, gore, and suffering. Even people who curl up and ignore it will see it. He's a sick man. If he actually is a man.

Edited 2013-08-25 13:31 (UTC)

[It takes her a moment to process those glimpses, horrific little peeks of what he's been through, but even that makes her feel sick to her stomach. She tries not to let it show - Dave, it seemed, no matter the version of him, always had horrible things done to them, things they tried to cover up. And much like many of the people she's known since she gained this ability, they always try to hide the things she'd be able to find anyway. (Not that she would, of course. She hates the idea of it.)]

Men are capable of terrible things.

[She wishes it weren't true, but it is. Humas in general.... they just want to destroy everything sometimes. At least these people admitted to being up to this hell hole.]

Do the 'experiments happen on a specific day?

[He only needs a minute to think about it. Dave shook his head.] No. It's always random. Sometimes they start at the end of one month, and lead into the next.

[Claws and a lack caring hadn't started until the first of the month. Just as the truth didn't come until he woke to a bloody word on the ceiling.

No one knows because he won't say it. Only other monsters know.]

Always expect them.

[That's the general idea she's getting from this, anyway.

Dave's thoughts concern her, but she says nothing on it. She can't think of the right words to give him. There are so few words you can give to someone to begin with, and even as she tries, only a single word runs through her mind, over and over again, like a sick mantra.

Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka, Naraka--

Nill exhales slowly, and tries to shove the word as far down as possible.]

What are we called here?

Edited 2013-09-13 10:05 (UTC)

Whatever they feel like calling us at the time. Who gives a shit what they think, we're still us. [It doesn't matter what the other side calls them. They're still people. Fuck those twisted sickos.

So many of them are done running around the cage, and trying to navigate the loops they've been placed in. The tower is a battleground.

And they're going to take back their rights and get free. Dave might be a cynic at his heart, but he believes in his friends. That's...enough.

Enough to keep going.]

I don't think they have some general term to call us besides 'test subjects'.

[No specific name. At this point she can't tell if that's more demeaning or less. Up until now there was always something - mutant, newcomer, transport, or the worst and the one from her own world, which was not so much a name as it was a sentiment.

You are less than human. You will never be more than what we make of you.]

I've been called worse.

[Test subject it was. The conditions were about fifty times worse, but at least the title wasn't. At least there were people she could shoot for what they were doing... eventually.

She'd need to save her bullets.]

How long have you been here?

[In Dave's opinion he's been here forever, and the lack of a name to what they are is worse. They're less than animals to these people. Just test subjects.

He remembers Jason the strongest, from the table and from other things. If he gets his hands on him.] You want the exact number or just in the rough ballpark of when I landed in horror cliches and movie reference land?

Oh and let's not forget the clear violations in time and space. Any universe police will be a little hot under the collar at the sight of all of this breaking of their ordinances. Who even thinks to screw the pooch this bad, they don't know.

There's not even a proper ticket to cite these violations on. They're inventing a whole new form.

That's another thing here, it's like they come up with new and inventive ways to screw with you. Like nutrition bars. Those things are lethal weapons not food. Food doesn't look like you dumped it out. It's an insult to even call it sustenance. You might as well add water and make handmade cannonballs.

[More than anything else, Nill is a number. One that it feels is burned into her forehead, and no one can see it but her. But some day, some day, she will find the things responsible. She'll find them and make sure they know her name and her number and she will make them remember everything they have ever done to her.

Until then she doesn't care what they think of her anymore.]

There are rules, but no one cares if they're broken.

[Awful violations. Things like Exsilium where time is played with without any regard, or the dead being brought back to life. It only matters if you break them when you're someone like they are.

Though... wait. Possibly for the first time since this whole thing started, Nill looks confused.]

What's wrong with the food?

[That whole ramble on the food didn't make that much sense.]

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