towerofanimus | Fall down seven times stand up eight

Entry tags:

Fall down seven times stand up eight

Characters: Xion and the Tower
Format: Pick whichever you like and I'll match
Setting: All over the Tower
Summary: Post-infiltration recovery and ice-cream sharing, making a request, and information sharing of disorganized and more organized methods
Warnings: Possible mentions of traumatic memories including vivisection. Will add any additional warnings as needed

[Floor 1 - Backdated to July 31st evening]

[It's been two days since the infiltration, and Xion still doesn't know how to sort out the little ball of feelings nestled inside in her chest. Feelings like a multicolored skein of yarn - some bright and victorious, some dark and vicious, bold and determined, pale and fearful - all tangled up and knotted, that she's slowly had to pick out, thread by thread, until she's decided what she feels and wants to do now. The 29th would be a day she would never, ever forget.

She's mostly kept to herself in that time, since talking with people doesn't really help with the untangling, and often makes it worse, them pulling at the threads just making the knots tighter.

What finally gets her to abandon her more solemn contemplation is the impending end of the month, and with a new month - a Jason month - and (among other things) a new menu incoming… today's the last day she can enjoy certain things she's missed.

And thus, evening will find her in the cafeteria, wearing something rather more festive than her usual attire (something she just finished in the past couple weeks), with a bowl of sea-salt ice cream in front of her. She has a few other bowls set aside, similarly full, but with their own spoons, as if they're being left there for other people to take. She may be subdued company, but she's company at least, for what may be some of the last ice cream they'll have in a while.]

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[Room 1-15 - Backdated to August 1st, locked to Namine]

[And by the next day, she's made her decision. What they'd seen - what she and Yu, the only true witnesses - had seen, cannot be kept to themselves. The others need to know, need to know what they were really facing, and what it maybe means. At the very least, it is a piece to the puzzle, like she'd said on the network. And every piece could help make the bigger picture become more clear.

Only every time she tries to describe what she saw, her mind suddenly becomes as blank and devoid of anything adequate as the fog surrounding the Tower. She cand just… describe what she'd seen. The words just won't come, too mixed up in everything that had come after, their brief triumph, the desparate flight, and then…

If there was only a way to capture what she'd seen, put it on a piece of paper, and show it to the other residents, the other rebels, instead. Then she wouldn't need words.

It's when she's staring at the picture of herself, Roxas, and Axel, pinned to the wall above her bed, that she realizes. Maybe there was a way.

And with that she slips down the hallway, to a room she hasn't been to in a while, and knocks on the door. Would Namine be there?]

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[Around the Tower - August 5th-6th]

[It's taken a few days to truly feel settled and ready for this, but now she is. Now she has what she needs. And now… she just needs to find everyone she needs to talk to. So she'll poke around the Tower looking for certain people, particularly her closer CR and those she knows to be members of the resistance movement. It's a little frustrating, moving with her escorting retrieval unit, but she doesn't even bother to shake it off. Jason already knows what she knows, and if he hadn't wanted it to be known, he could have erased her memory, or something.

And as Dax had said, after all, the more people information is shared with, the less the admins themselves would be able to erase that knowledge. Though if Jason hadn't erased it, maybe it wasn't important knowledge at all. But she isn't sure, and that lack of surety in and of itself is enough reason to press forward.

Puzzle pieces.

Xion can be found hanging around different commonly visited indoor floors of the Tower - the cafeteria, the libraries, the lounges - sometimes even waiting on them, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waits. If she sees a person or group of people, she'll approach them, a little hesitantly, peering among them carefully. At other times, she'll be poking around the floors in general, clearly looking for something - or someone.

To anyone who sees her though, she's clearly clutching a piece of paper to her chest protectively, and consequently is avoiding all outdoor floors in the Tower.]

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[Library - August 7th]

[At last she's realized - and perhaps gained enough confidence - that she's realized running around the Tower is - at best - horribly inefficient, and it may be better to approach the situation head on. After making a brief post to the network, she places herself in the library, at one of the more easily spottable terminals. She replies to a certain anonymous post as she waits for anyone who might answer her call, though her eyes frequently dart to the paper lying next to her, or to the stairs if she hears footsteps on them]

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[Room 1-01 - Backdated to July 30th, locked to Yu Narukami and Shion]

[It didn't get any easier. It still didn't get any easier. No matter how many times she died, the being unable to move, the heavy feeling on top of her, the hallucinations, being able to hear things and sense things that may or may not be there...

She's trapped in that state for an hour, unable to do anything, even cry properly. Just focus on one breath, then the next, anything. Try not to notice the sounds and the feelings and most importantly try not to remember. Remember being strapped to that table and screaming and pain as Jason riffled around her insides for his own sick amusement-

She may not immediately notice, in fact, if someone comes in near the end of that hour, so wrapped up she is in the sleep paralysis and memories. She may not even notice when that same sleep paralysis releases its hold on her.]

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[Xion shifts the paper around so Namine can see it. She should recognize it - or at the very least, her own handiwork. It's the drawing that she did of Roxas and Axel with Xion between them.]

I got this in April, after Jason brainwashed a bunch of the Tower residents. [She hesitates] You drew this, right? And... more importantly, you drew it before you met us.

[She's guessing, since she still doesn't understand the finer points of how Namine's powers actually work. But given that she'd never met Namine before the Tower, she hopes that it's an educated guess.]

So that means... you were drawing from our memories, right? Or... something like that.

[The girl leans in slightly, looking down at the paper. The smile drops from her lips, replaced by a more surprised sort of shape; it's obvious that she recognizes the drawing immediately. Her eyes return to the other girl, considering her for a moment.]

... Yes. That's right. But-- if you don't mind... I think I would prefer we speak about this inside.

[Properly inside her room, that is. The less the possibility of this being overheard, the better.]

[Xion nods in her understanding. It always paid to be a little more secure. She probably didn't want to talk about this too much in the open, anyway. Not yet, at least. Not until she was ready.

Once they're inside Namine's room and the door is shut - and locked with a Keyblade, should she wish it, Xion speaks again.]

Sorry. I should've asked to come inside.

[She takes a deep breath]

You... may have heard. About a bunch of people who tried to go down to the admin levels. [...] I was one of them.

[She knows that no place in the Tower is truly private, but she hasn't said anything that Jason shouldn't know already. And if she plays this right, then that's all she will say.]

[Naminé makes no such request, but she does make absolutely certain the door is shut as tightly as possible before stepping further into the room. Her hands clasp together, and she tries to keep them as loose as possible to avoid letting her nerves show. Xion is... one of the few people with whom Naminé would even be willing to discuss her powers with at all, and there's even more to this to cause he concern, but that's no reason to let it trouble the other girl.]

No, that's alright.

[The blonde waits, watching Xion with carefully calm eyes until she is ready to speak.]

I see. [And she has heard. She is quiet a moment, then,] I hope it wasn't too much for you.

It was...

[Xion trails off, swallows. Tries not to remember the disastrous ending, though they'd known it would end horribly. There was still a lot of good there too, remember?] It was a lot of things. But... we learned something very important, but... I can't really describe it. Not... not really. But it's important that people know what I saw, I think.

[And now they're getting to it. The reason Xion's here. The reason she needs Namine's help. And they're also getting to where Xion's courage seems to almost be failing her]

And so... I was hoping... that you could look at my memory and see what I saw, and draw it, so... so I can show people.

I'm sorry.

[There are many things she could say, a great many - but Xion has more to speak, herself, and beyond that interjection, sympathetic and sincere though it was, Naminé makes no further interruption.]

[It seems imperative that she not, really, as she sees Xion struggle so. Better that she be allowed all the time she needs to work it out, and Naminé is more than willing to give her that.]

[When the request comes, Naminé would not be able to say, were she inclined to speak to the subject at all, that she did not have any idea what it might be after a preface like that. Her eyes do not widen, but they do turn away, consider the ground for a long moment before seeking Xion's face again.]

I could. [But oh, it's been such a long time since she has dared to use her magic, and it makes something in her chest twist - only this is a good cause, isn't it? More so, at least, than many of the causes she's been forced to assist with before.]

And if that's what you want, then I will. As long as you don't mind me looking at your memories, if it will help, then... I'll do that for you.

Edited 2013-08-07 09:10 (UTC)

I don't mind. I... I trust you.

[It might seem to be a strange thing to admit, to someone with whom she hasn't spoken much lately, but she does. She'd trusted Namine nearly a year ago, when she'd found out she'd been absorbing memories from Sora. And if Xion trusted Namine to make sure Sora was all right, of course she trusted Namine with herself]

It's just... not all of it is pretty, and... I can't promise I'll be able to keep everything sorted out. I'll try my hardest though.

[There was much less of a mess than there'd been, but it was still there]

And... [Finally she looks up at Namine squarely] The glamour doesn't just affect us. ["Us" being the Tower residents] That's what I need everyone to see.

[The girl pauses. It's a strange thing to hear, not only after the time that's passed but fundamentally. She never quite understands how people trust her, despite being almost unfailingly trustworthy, because her past failures are much too close in her mind and she never has quite been able to let go of that guilt, that shame. But after a few moments, she nods, smile bittersweet but warm.]

Thank you. I'll... try not to change that.

[The girl shakes her head slightly.]

Xion... I appreciate it, really, but don't worry about me. It has to be done. Whatever I see - I can take it.

[She's seen plenty in the tower already, after all. That look makes her fall silent again brow starting to knit at the information, and this time, her first response is a slightly late but firm nod.]

And they will. I suppose-- on some level it makes sense, but this.... [She shakes her head slightly. It's still unexpected, even if hind sight is twenty twenty.] This is important for the others to know.

[It was funny, how they never realized what all the glamour could hide until it was gone. Xion had never even thought about the idea that Jason might be something other than he appeared. Until those red lights. Until that figure had come around the corner as she and Yu had run.

Xion shakes her head a little to clear it, looking back up at Namine.]

Should I sit down?

[Naminé gives her time now, as ever, to collect her thoughts, and only even really so much as moves when Xion has spoken.]

Yes, please. That would be for the best.

[And once that's done, Naminé will neatly seat herself next to the other girl.]

[Once seated, Xion fidgets a bit, as if she's having a hard time getting comfortable. Truth be told though, she's not looking forward to revisiting what happened. It has to be done though. She knows it does.

She looks down at the picture of herself and too of her closest friends, before closing her eyes]

Whenever you're ready.

Alright.

[Her voice is quiet, gentle for the sake of hopefully providing Xion some comfort, because Naminé knows this isn't exactly a pleasant situation on a number of levels.]

[She does not make any attempt to hide when she reaches out with her powers; she could, really, could make it as though she wasn't there at all - but there's no reason for that, and so she thinks perhaps as she slowly draws on the memories closest to the surface, it's better to let there be no ambiguity about it.]

Concentrate on what you want me to see.

[Xion does so - focusing as much as she can on the first part of her and Yu's flight, before the stairs. The red lights, their de-glamoured wireframes as they ran, and most importantly, Jason, his form terrifying and unfamiliar and strange. The plague doctor mythos was lost on Xion, but his face is no less alien and disturbing to her, and of course the arms and the rest of his body putting her more in mind of a monster than anything.

She tries to focus on that - just that brief segment before Yu broke down the door. But sometimes flashes of other things appear, try as she might to keep them out. Little bits and flashes of images flit across - a golden-haired haired girl on the shoulders of what looks to be a dark-haired angel, charging on a normal-looking Jason as Xion herself runs alongside, running down endless steps with deadly flashes of red-silver falling around her and Yu like icicles. And most vividly of all, strapped to a table and the flash and feel of scalpels and pain pain pain and screaming though Xion tries to force these thoughts out even faster than the others.

By this point, Xion's clenching the drawing she's holding so tightly it's as if it might tear.]

[Things get a little tangled together in places, but it's nothing Naminé isn't used to sorting out. Still - she hesitates to take anything more than a passive role in this, to actually tug at any of the memories, and so for now she observes. What she sees... well, she can't help but suck in a breath, part horror and part sympathy and oh, poor Xion.]

[More and more Naminé finds her view disturbed by those other flashes, and opening her own eyes for just a moment, she can see how tense Xion is - even if she could already sense it, and--]

It's alright, Xion. It's over now.

[The moments those memories are about, anyway. Her breath is a little shaky, but she manages to keep it out of her voice for the most part.]

That should be enough, if you would like to stop.

[Xion jumps a little at the sound of Namine's voice, though it has the effect of breaking her out of her reverie. For a moment her vision as she opens her eyes still seems to be tinged with red, but then it fades to the clear white walls, overcast light filtering in through the window.

She shakes her head, looking down. She knows her memories had gotten all tangled up near the end]

Sorry.

[She loosens the grip on the drawing, looking down at the people in it. Almost but not quite wishing she could go back to that much simpler time]

[Naminé is careful to keep her expression calm, even as she runs through the new secondhand memories out of reflex. She has to suppress a shiver, nudging them away for the moment. They linger, acidic and tinged with fear and concern all bunched up together in knots, at the edge of her thoughts.]

There's nothing to apologize for. You did wonderfully.

[And if she were one for physical contact, she might pat the other girl's shoulder. She does actually consider it a moment, but refrains.]

I can do what you asked of me without trouble because of your bravery. Thank you, Xion.

[Xion initially doesn't look up, staring down at the paper as if it's the only thing keeping her calm and collected (as collected as she currently feels at least). Perhaps it is. But she does nod in acknowledgement of Naminé's words. Her voice is small but strong when she speaks]

Anytime

[She pauses, then adds]

How long do you think it'll be before it's ready?

[She wants to let people know as soon as possible.]

[The blonde doesn't try to encourage her to do otherwise; if that's what helps her, then so be it. Naminé is not about to make this any harder for her than it already is.]

Well... not long. I can start drawing it now, if you want.

[It's an unpleasant thought, even considering what the subject of that drawing is to be, but--]

You can stay, if you would like to. That way you can leave with it when it's finished. I can... make copies, too.

[At last, Xion seems able to tear her gaze away from the picture of herself and her best friends from home. She looks over at Naminé, her gaze nervous and perhaps sympathetic.]

It's... it's okay. You don't have to right away. Just... within a few days. Copies... copies might be good though. Just a few.

[She hesitates for a moment, thinking, then adds]

I wouldn't mind staying though... if that's okay with you.

[She's still not sure how to handle everyone else. Naminé though, she won't push or pry or expect Xion to feel better all of a sudden. That in and of itself is a comfort. Quiet company, of sorts.]

[The sympathy is returned in kind, and after a moment the blonde offers a fragment of a smile, warm despite the circumstances. She'd rather Xion worry about herself than her.]

Alright. I'll take care of it, don't worry.

[This, she thinks, is something best done quickly, before interference can be made - but... maybe it can wait until Xion leaves. She's been through enough. At that last part, though, Naminé seems mildly surprised. She blinks her way through it and recovers quickly, smile growing.]

Of course, Xion. You can stay as long as you want to.

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Fall down seven times stand up eight

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