towerofanimus | Attachments

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Attachments

Characters: Suzaku Kururugi and any and all
Setting: 10th August, Rolo's room (outside of it), gymnasium at night, following onto midnight of the 11th and the first shadows appearing
Format: Either
Summary: Suzaku tries not to remember the 10th August, and then the start of the event happens. Edit: Now with a 12th August prompt for his 'gift'
Warnings: Event stuff

[Dorm levels, outside room 4-02] He came here every day, just for a few moments, to read the name on the plaque. Rolo Lamperouge, he was still here, hadn't been lost to the dead world.

Suzaku hadn't seen him since he killed him, he knew Rolo would be found when he wanted to be and so was being as patient as he could be. He may have failed him but he would not stop caring, stop trying.

He nodded to himself and turned to leave, stopping on the way to check the network. He rarely replied but read sometimes, to check what was happening, what he might need to know.

His eyes flicked to the date in the corner and he blinked, counting the years in his head. Ten.

[Floor Seventy Four] This floor was dark enough that there were always monsters, and that was what Suzaku needed.

He had fought too many instincts, he wanted to go to the white room and forget everything for a while, but he knew Diarmuid would be furious if he found out. He wanted even more to just stop, the urge to give up rising again though he had fought it all month.

Diarmuid would be angry at that as well, and he would know, Suzaku was sure. At least the knight wouldn't disprove of fighting monsters, though he might if he knew why.

Suzaku threw himself at more and more dangerous monsters, putting himself in danger, letting the Geass save him. Very quickly the day became a patchwork of unconnected memories, with gaps.

[Throughout the tower, the eleventh] As night fell on the tower, in the early hours of the next morning Suzaku noticed a different kind of monster. Shadows, shadows with grins.

They couldn't be killed, and they followed him, as he tried to climb the stairs. They didn't try and hurt him, just followed him, grinning, seeming familiar in a way Suzaku couldn't quite put a finger on.

[12th August, mailroom and floor 73 (snowy castle floor)] The shadows were still following him, there seemed to be a couple more today and Suzaku ignored them as he had the day before.

He went to his mailbox, it was rare he ever recieved letters but sometimes Diarmuid had sent him a note, and he held to the hope that Rolo might, if the boy didn't want to speak to him directly.

There was something there today though and Suzaku picked it up, almost dropping it when he saw the name.

Genbu Kururugi and the dates. He didn't though, just left the mailroom and walked down a few floors until he got to the strange snow filled floor. He had never read this, his fathers obituary. He had been running, with Lelouch and Nunnally, blocked his fathers memory out of his mind.

During his years in the army he had tried to forget, tried to make everyone forget he was the son of the former prime minister of Japan.

It was in Japanese, obviously, and Suzaku realised with a start that whatever translated things in this tower translated them into Britannian for him.

Not something he wanted to dwell on top of this. He took a deep breath and began to read.

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[Suzaku could understand that, feeling in control of his own life was rare. But it saddened him that Diarmuid had been through that and that it had contributed to his death.] We always believe we could have taken a different paths, and ask ourselves what if.

I did near to hear it, thank you for telling me. I understand. I am sorry that happened to you.

[Diarmuid smiles. Though he's still embarrassed for rambling like that, he is glad Suzaku seems to understand his point.]

Would you like me to go with you to get rid of that? I wouldn't mind. If it hadn't been for Waver's help, I probably couldn't have destroyed my own 'gift' even though I knew I needed to. I tried to throw it away the moment I saw it and couldn't. Sometimes, we just need that little extra help to do what we have to do.

[After a moment Suzaku nodded, he could claim to be able to do it himself but he knew he wouldn't.] Yes please.

[Diarmuid is actually relieved that Suzaku is willing to accept his help with this. Maybe Suzaku will be able to burn it on his own, but if he can't Diarmuid will be glad to help him just as Waver had helped him.

He moves toward the stairs and waits for Suzaku to follow.]

Shall we?

[Suzaku nodded and stood up, before following.

And so you except his pity, and about this of all things, even if it is the least of your crimes.

The words seemed like they were being spoken into his head, but the voice was unmistakable. Suzaku stopped dead, eyes wide as he looked round] Lelouch?

[Diarmuid pauses and looks back when Suzaku speaks.]

What is it? Did you hear something?

[He gives the shadows with Suzaku a harder look. Previously, he had pretty much dismissed them since they weren't really doing anything, but they are the only other things on the floor with them at the moment. If Suzaku is hearing something, could it be from anything but them?]

Edited 2013-08-19 21:43 (UTC)

[He nodded, looking at the shadows as well] It spoke in Lelouch's voice... [Except Diarmuid had not heard, perhaps it really had just been in his head.]

Lelouch's voice? Are you sure? I didn't hear anyone but you.

[Diarmuid gives Suzaku a confused look. He doesn't doubt that his friend heard the voice, but if he is the only one who is hearing it and the shadows are the cause...

...Diarmuid has a feeling this is going to be one of Jason's more subtle--and because of that more terrifying--experiments.]

What did he say to you?

It was clear...

[He looked back at the shadows] He... I shouldn't let you help me like this...

[His hands shook and he could hear the shadows whispering though none of them spoke clearly again]

[Diarmuid reaches out to cover Suzaku's shaking hands with his own.]

Easy. Take a deep breath.

[He smiles slightly.]

You realize I don't tend to ask permission when I help people, right? I just do it, so you have my help whether you think you should accept it or not.

[He did so, taking a breath and not stepping away, he frowned though] I don't deserve your help, you give it freely without ever questioning whether I'm worth helping.

[The self hating anger that had taken over him last month rose again] I told you before that I had first killed when I was barely ten years old. [He made a gesturing movement with the hand that held the paper]

Of course...you father...

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes a moment, shaking his head.]

It is not right that a child so young would have to make such a choice, but knights always become adults much sooner than what is fair or right. That doesn't make you a bad person or undeserving of help, Suzaku.

Perhaps it means little since it never came to be, but I suspect that if I had not been forced to forget what happened that night, I would have ended up killing the man responsible for my birth as well even if it would have meant my own death for kin-slaying...

Edited 2013-08-23 02:45 (UTC)

[Suzaku blinked at him, both because once again Diarmuid was forgiving the unforgivable, but also because what he had said about his father, admitting that he would have killed if he had not been forced to forget.

Suzaku was silent a long moment before he spoke.] Even though it was painful for you, I am glad you did forget, so did not have to make that choice.

I was childish... though it was an adult action. I believed that in killing him I could stop a war. Instead it only led to the complete subjugation of Japan...

Those close to me were probably glad there was a way to make me forget as well. Anger...keeps us from thinking straight and they would not have wanted to see my life wasted in an attempt to make him pay for something that could not be undone. It would have just added more tragedy to what had already happened.

[Not that tragedy had not found him anyway, but...]

You were a knight too soon, having to make a choice to put the many before yourself before you could really understand what it meant. Was this idea all yours or did another suggest it to you?

[Suzaku nodded, he knew that as well. Anger was never a good path to go down.

He looked down at the question] It was my own, I had heard the adults talking about the war, and could see the damage it was doing, I heard that my father had announced that we would fight, but some seemed to believe it would be better if we surrendered, before we were destroyed.

As I say I was childish, I wanted the fighting to stop, I didn't want anyone to be hurt anymore. I... As I say I blocked it out for a long time, but I didn't confront my father planning to kill him, at least not consciously I just wanted him to surrender and stop the fighting.

It is an honorable wish, to want others not to be hurt. It was a big part of the reason I wanted to be a knight after all.

[Diarmuid shuts his eyes and shakes his head.]

I wish your pure dream had not been twisted and tainted in such a way. It seems to be the way of your world, though, from what you have told me. Nothing pure can remain that way long...

"It truly cannot." He spoke quietly, "But it doesn't matter anymore." The worlds have ended and the world they lived in now, had even less hope for purity than his own.

"Of course it matters. If something is wrong, you never give up trying to fix it no matter what the odds," Diarmuid is half tempted to bop Suzaku on the nose like a bad puppy for saying such a thing, but he resists the temptation. After all, things have been very hard on his friend lately and Diarmuid knows it's going to take a long time for Suzaku to get back to where he was before it all happened, "Part of our goal is to return our worlds to how they were before we came here. That means once people go home, they will have the chance to change the things that are wrong. You just have to keep trying to make things better."

Suzaku looked down. He would fight with the others, help the others because they all deserved to live. They all wished to live and if they were prepared to fight for it, he was prepared to fight for them.

But somewhere, in the darkest parts of him he would not be unhappy if when the power failed in less than a years time he got to die.

After all it would be the only chance he got.

"I know."

Edited 2013-08-24 21:23 (UTC)

Maybe it is because Diarmuid is fighting his own darkness, but Suzaku's words make him frown instead of smile. They are the right answer to the question, of course, but Suzaku's expression and his tone of voice are wrong. Diarmuid knows that tone and that expression and he can guess from his own experiences what Suzaku is trying to hide.

"Do you know? Or are you just saying what you think I want to hear?" He pauses a moment and then asks a question that might seem like it's out of the blue, but knowing Suzaku and what he has been through lately, is really more on topic than is seems, "Have you had the chance to talk with Rolo yet?"

Suzaku looked down, shamed that Diarmuid had seen right through him. Then frowned at the question, "I saw him two days ago, he is unharmed."

Not answering the question at all really.

No, no answer at all. In fact, it is a very weak attempt to avoid the question and one Diarmuid can see right through. He wishes they weren't so much alike, really, but if they weren't Diarmuid would have even less of an idea how to help Suzaku than he does already sometimes.

"I am glad he is well, but that isn't what I was asking and you know it. Were you able to talk about what happened?" Diarmuid doesn't know Rolo very well since they had met only shortly before Ruana's monster game and right now Diarmuid is cursing the fact he doesn't know the boy better. It leaves him unsure of how things might be going between the two after all that happened. Did Rolo accept that what Suzaku had done was not malicious, but an attempt to help or had things gone much worse?

"He doesn't wish to talk to me." Suzaku told him, looking down again. "I do not blame him, he doesn't trust easily and has been hurt many times."

And Suzaku had just added to that.

Diarmuid nods, though he's frowning slightly. It's a difficult situation. It is perfectly understandable for Rolo to be hurt and unable to forgive especially considering what he has been through. However, what happened hadn't been Suzaku's fault and he shouldn't have to suffer for it.

"Do you think it would help any if I talked to him? Or might that just make things worse?"

"I am unsure." Suzaku frowned, "I don't know if he would listen."

But at least if Diarmuid spoke to him, then Rolo might actually about the incident instead of keeping it locked up ~~said the biggest hypocrite ever~~

"I would be grateful if you spoke to him, he needs people he can trust or at least people who wish to try and help him."

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