towerofanimus | And the only solution was to stand and fight [Closed]

Entry tags:

And the only solution was to stand and fight [Closed]

Characters: Erik Lehnsherr and Charles Xavier
Setting: 2-10
Format: Prose
Summary: Erik goes to visit Charles to say 'I told you so'
Warnings: Probably not.

So Erik had been proven right. It wasn't something he found himself interested in gloating on, though. He had seen the way that people were attacking each other now, but due to his own constraints, he couldn't do a thing about it. The forced obedience the wish to follow the rules, it was still there, calling to him. Luckily for him, Erik hadn't seen things progress past that. Perhaps he was lucky; or perhaps it was his mental fortitude which had allowed it.

He didn't know. Erik only knew that the pit in his stomach, the sickening feeling that he had always felt as a child, just before Herr Docktor had called him into their 'special place', was back. Experimentation. Torture. Forced imprisonment. Erik had thought he was over this...but this place turned everything within him upside down.

Letting out a breath, he knocked on Charles's door, pausing for a moment before speaking.

"Charles, it's Erik. Let me in."

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And usually he would have felt the presence of his friend, but with everything going on it was difficult to block all the mental anguish and madness in the Tower. It clouded things for him. A never ending dull ache. Like a radio fuzz in the background that made it hard to hear clearly. He's currently at the computer terminal, pondering how to respond to this.

Should he try and talk to the owners, rulers, whatever of this place again? What would it even do for any of them? He'll sigh and call to Erik.

"Come in, it's open." And he didn't want to fight with getting back in his chair right this moment. He'd sit in it if he could get close enough to the computer sitting in his wheelchair, didn't work very well.

Erik knew that Charles had to be struggling in this situation. Having this much activity had to be mentally exhausting for him, without any true way to shut it out. In that he felt bad in visiting his friend at all. So he tried to keep his thoughts locked up, quick behind the mental walls; not hard for Charles to break through (and hadn't they always had cracks to bleed out?), but perhaps enough that in his distraction, the telepath wouldn't hear as much.

Erik was lucky enough in that his room mates seemed to be...well without deformities [ooc: I THINK], without the experimentations wrenching them apart like others. And as...trite as it sounded, the man who claimed to be Canada's polar bear had provided a bit of comfort, if only in a few strokes of thick fur and a nudge of nose against his hand.

Small comforts. It would take what he could get.

Moving into the room, Erik looked around to ensure they were alone, before moving to sink onto Charles's bed, head going into his hands. He felt exhausted...drained. There was also a base animal feeling running through him, tangling up within him, just as it had when he was a child. How easy was it for him to feel like little Erik once again, terrified and angry at the world around him.

He wasn't the same man he was then. Of course not; but this tower was testing him. He would beat it; Erik had to. There was little other choice. But right now? He just wanted to find some peace.

Without looking up, he spoke, his voice low and thick. "I told what this place was, Charles. I told you."

Edited 2011-11-02 12:48 (UTC)

Erik walks in without the helmet and Charles had to wonder if it was because he was so distraught from what the Tower was doing to him he merely forgot, or if it was on purpose. Regardless, it was nice to not see him wearing it, and he could even feel Erik trying to keep his mind from bleeding all over like so many others, but Charles could still feel it.

More because he was in the same room with him now than anything else. He'll watch Erik, not having to read his mind though to see how run down he was by this. It was painful to see.

"... I know you did. I know you did, my friend. I am sorry for not believing it could be this bad... that this was what would happen." He'd brushed it off because of how Erik had been acting since his arrival here. How they'd bickered on and off about the situation. So Charles had not taken it to heart, and now everything had gone to hell. Shifting in his seat at the computer terminal he'll struggle to get back into his wheelchair close by, feeling he should go to Erik, if Erik would allow it. Settled he'll wheel over, stopping in front of the other mutant.

He feels no words will make anything better, at least not out loud. Raising his hands up, fingers reaching for Erik, he'll hesitate, more to ask for silent permission to touch the other. He means to hold his face, fingers pressed against the sides of Erik's temple, if he'll let him. To help focus both of them to enter his mind, to try and help his friend find some peace from what was going on. Ease all thoughts of the past and fear and anger and suffering from him, if only for a while.

Erik didn't look up, fingers flexing in his hair as he tried to maintain some semblance of composure. "You've never lived through captivity--experimentation. I know the signs when I see them." He wanted to rage, wanted to lash out, to tell Charles that if he had just listened they could have found a solution...

...but Erik knew that wasn't true. Even if Charles had agreed with him, he doubted they could have stopped this. At least they were less affected than others.

Sensing Charles come closer, the older mutant raised his head, brow furrowing. "You have enough on your mind. You don't need to be dealing with mine as well."

It wasn't that he didn't want the touch; in fact, he wanted it more than he could articulate; that need for contact in the dark. But despite Charles offering, he felt it would be too much to take.

They both knew it wouldn't happen that easily, but they could have at least tried to prevent it. Next time then. Hopefully there wouldn't be one if they had their way.

"It seems now I can at least say I've lived as a captive." As that was their situation here after all. With the nice facade dropped and such experimentation worked on everyone here, there was no other way to describe it. Captives. Rats. Lab rats the lot of them.

"Do not worry about me, just let me help you." And he'll lean forward a bit more, fingers careful as they rest over Erik's hands in his own hair, to move them if the other mutant will let him.

"I want to, I can handle it. I know my limits." And regardless of them, he would help anyway. He couldn't bare to see Erik this way, it was painful enough to watch it, even more so to feel it with him. And his fingers will thread gently into short hair as he rests his hands against the sides of Erik's temples, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Just relax as best as you can--" Charles will start, "And listen to the sound of my voice." He'll finish, speaking into Erik's mind. His tone is calm, collected, warm and soft. Like a mother trying to sooth a child scared to sleep for fear of monsters under the bed.

"Well I'm so happy that you can share in that, Charles." Erik's done was sardonic, bitter. He knew that gallows humor was something that his friend used to deal with his own fears, but forgive him if he wasn't in the mood to appreciate it.

Rolling his eyes slightly even as Charles started to touch him, Erik steeled himself, doing his best not to flinch; physical contact was still something foreign to him, and when he was this high strung, it was difficult for him to just let go. "I doubt you do know those limits, but I'm not going to argue."

Erik knew he was in no position to.

Finally letting his hands fall down to rest on his knees, Erik tried to let go, tried to focus on other things, rather than the strange intrusiveness he always felt when Charles first entered his mind. Fingers flexed into cloth, then relaxed. Once, twice.

He closed his eyes, then, and unconsciously leaned forward slightly, into Charles's hands.

Bet you enjoy this; getting me vulnerable again.

It was the defenses talking, the wish to push away. They'd both burned the bridges hard that day on the beach. But here, in this room, it seemed less looming...and he wasn't sure what to anchor himself to, unsure if he deserved to find that strength in Charles, again.

Edited 2011-11-03 03:19 (UTC)

And while Charles expected Erik to push back at him, it still hurt. Every time. His mouth sets in a thin line as Erik speaks back at him in his mind, hating that he might even remotely think that truth at all. Part of him knows it's not true, that Erik is just snipping back at him, not hing more, but it didn't mean that Erik never at one point didn't think it to be truth. Charles will refuse to pry further along that bit of thought.

No. I do not enjoy it, I never did and I never will.

And if Erik meant that time when he helped him find that point between rage and serenity... that had not been to make him vulnerable. He hoped that was not what Erik meant, but again, he didn't want to go down that train of thought. Then again it was easy to get lost in other things, Erik's mind was a frightening place if one wasn't careful, more so now than other times. All of his fears and his past were at the forefront, loud and demanding to be seen and heard.

Unconsciously he'll lean in a bit closer, fingers rubbing ever so gently against Erik's head as he focuses to try and sooth back all the heavy emotions that are wracking his friend. Any little memory he can find, remembrance of a feeling of the warmth from a soothing hug from his mother, a reassuring hand rubbing against his back, fingers brushing through hair with a gentle kiss against his forehead... anything he can find to help. Since Erik is essentially in mind feeling like the boy he was back when Shaw had him.

Everything will be alright, Erik.

And Charles finds himself fighting the urge to lean in that much more to copy the bits of memories he's finding. To press lips to the center of Erik's forehead and coo the words that little children believe when their parents speak them. Everything is okay. Everything is alright. I'm here. And while he might speak those into Erik's mind, he'll find himself perhaps some what slightly jealous that Erik ever had such a thing with his mother. And he hates that he can even think like that at a time like this. It was about Erik, not about him. He'll swallow down said jealousy and and breathe in deep, chiding himself for ever feeling that way.

Erik shifted from where he was seated, leaning in slightly. He could feel his heartbeat pick up, his body furling out adrenaline. It wasn't the reaction most would have to this situation, to the soothing, calming memories being pulled up into the forefront of his mind.

But for Erik? They were as soothing as they were painful; memories of what he had lost all those years ago in Poland, when he hadn't been able to move a simple coin. All those emotions start to bubble up; the self loathing, the rage, the confusion, the pain.

When Charles spoke those words, Erik's eyes opened, already watery.

Don't. Please, don't.

Those were the last words she had ever spoken to him; 'Alles wird gut'. But everything hadn't been all right, had it? She had died because of his weakness; all his family burned in furnaces. Friends, prisoners, dying all around him. But not him, no, not him. He had to endure everything Shaw subjected him to.

On the dark nights, after a session, he would curl up in the bare bunk he had been assigned, hands pressed against his ears to block out the sounds of others. And in that forced seclusion, Erik could hear his mother, speaking softly. Told him to be strong, to continue on. That he could do this; that he would survive.

All those thoughts start to pour forth, and it was as if a dam broke within him; shutting his eyes tightly, Erik vaguely registered a strangled, swallowed sob sound from him, the tears falling freer.

At first it seems to work, but then there's a surge of regret and guilt and Charles knows that it's more than Erik can handle right now. He hadn't meant for it to have a negative effect. Not at all, yet it seemed anything good he could use also came with another side. Such a double edged sword. He should have known better.

I'm sorry--

He'll start to apologize, over whelming emotions flooding him from Erik and he has to pull out of his mind before they effect him as well. Sitting back a little he'll blink rapidly, brows furrowed as he rubs at his forehead a bit. But then it's all Erik, even out of his mind it's all he can feel now. Which was in part a relief from everything going on in the tower, but at the same time he hated to feel Erik like this. But it was his own fault this time.

"I'm so sorry, Erik. I didn't mean for this... I didn't want this." Didn't want to hurt him. At a loss for a moment, he'll watch Erik, before feeling that all he can do is try to make it better. Without his powers, as that had made things as they were right now. Leaning forward a bit awkwardly in his chair, Charles will reach out to pull Erik into a hug, one hand resting on his back, the other coming up to rest against the back of his head, rubbing a little.

"Shh, Erik..." He only wished he had better things to draw from, other than Erik's own mother on how to calm him down from this. He'll think of Raven, when they were younger, how she would hug him and pet his hair and kiss his cheek when he would cry. Over a stubbed toe or something silly that made little boys cry. Though he doubted kissing Erik's cheek would fix anything, so he'll give a slight squeeze and apologize again, shushing him softly, fingers petting through the other mutant's hair.

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay I won't do it again. It's alright, Erik."

Erik wanted to tell Charles that he wasn't a child; he didn't need to be shushed, to be placated, to be gathered up in arms like it would suddenly fix all the ills of the world. Erik had survived for years without contact; without hearing 'it's all right' from a soul besides the soft voice within his head in the dark of late nights, when the stains on his hands had been too much, and sleep allusive.

But the older mutant couldn't find the words, and instead allowed himself to be pulled into the hug, one he felt he far from deserved. He had helped place Charles in the chair, forced him to be forever limited in what he could do...and still the younger mutant found it within himself to help.

Sliding his hands forward, Erik placed one on the back of Charles's neck, the other resting on the arm of his wheelchair. Erik steadied himself, pulling back just enough to place his forehead against Charles's. Every inch of him felt heightened, demanding action...something; something more than the tear tracks on his face. Than the warmth radiating off of the other's frame.

"Don't be sorry, Charles. I know the minefield." The words were said low, under his breath. As if he could give absolution to whatever Charles felt he had done wrong. Erik knew it wouldn't work; but he had needed to seek it out, anyways. Feeling the pain from positive emotions, was worth all the bad ones combined.

Erik didn't need to say it, as Charles understood when Erik shifted a bit, pulled back to press their foreheads together... he understood that he didn't have to coddle him with soft spoken words anymore. Part of him felt silly for doing it in the first place, but yet he felt it had been right in some way.

Maybe.

The hand sliding to rest on the back of his neck has his skin prickling, goosebumps rising as blue eyes open to consider his friend's face so close to his own. A puff of warm breath leaves him, joining the other mutant's, mingling as he unconsciously licks his lips. His own fingers are still gentle as they pet through Erik's hair, his other rests on Erik's shoulder. He's not sure how to answer really, he knew Erik knew, but that didn't absolve him of what he'd done.

"Regardless, that doesn't make it right." He'll duck his head a little, eyes down, "Here I was trying to distract you, to make you feel better and I have only made things worse." A dark chuckle, as he feels terrible for it, a knot forming in his throat as he swallows it down. Part of Charles had wanted to pull memories of them together, the times they'd laughed and enjoyed one anothers company, been happy. As fleeting as it all seemed now. But how egotistical would that have come off, acting like those memories would have helped Erik any right now. Erik probably would have scoffed at him, pushed him away, it would drive a bigger wedge between them he was sure.

"I am sorry." No matter what Erik said.

When Erik looked back on that moment, he'll remember the cool dark of the room, the slight itch of wool at his fingers where they touched Charles's sweater. The way the other's skin reacted to his hand, the gentle brush of slender fingers through his hair.

Little fleeting details that didn't mean anything as a whole; he knew that if he hadn't been pushed to his breaking point, or if he had anything else to cling to...it wouldn't have happened.

Erik would have pulled back, told Charles to stop being so sentimental (because it made it hard for him to keep his own in check). He would have wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and stood, telling Charles he appreciated the effort, even if it hadn't had the desired effect.

But instead, Erik decided to make one of the least intelligent decisions in his life, to give into his need for something positive, for physical contact to crush out the overwhelming darkness pressing in from all sides.

"Shut up Charles."

Erik muttered the three words quickly before surging forward, crushing his lips against the younger mutants in a hungry, desperate kiss. The force started to slide the other's chair backwards, but Erik quickly used his abilities to lock it in place, his finger leaving a lasting dent in the wheelchair's arm.

Edited 2011-11-04 22:16 (UTC)

And really, Charles should have had some idea of what Erik was going to do. He could sense, feel it building up right before Erik spoke, and his own lips parted to start to speak his friend's name, but already it's too late.

Erik leaves little room for him to move, not that he really can. Back pressed firmly against the back of his chair, Charles can only suck in his breath at the kiss, the hand that had been in Erik's hair dropping to rest on his arm and pushing ever so slightly. More out of instinct than anything else.

And he'll make the mistake of entering Erik's mind again, to try and speak any sense that could be had into him, but he'll instantly be hit by a tidal wave of desperation and need. Suddenly Charles isn't sure where Erik ends and his own mind starts, and he'll tilt his head just a little into the kiss, his other hand falling from Erik's shoulder to rest over the hand that had now left a permanent mark on his wheelchair.

A reminder of this moment to be sure.

How long had he wanted this? He didn't know; Erik had rarely thought on base desires for most of his adult life. He had been too busy trying to gain retribution for his family, to find way to bring some finality to that chapter in his life.

Even around Charles, with the friendship they had shared, the feelings might have been there, simmering under the surface, but Erik had refused to recognize them for what they were. They had been too busy, too caught up in the churn of events so much out of their control. It would have been an extra complication that neither of them could have afforded.

It would have meant letting Charles in even more than Erik already had; it would have been too much.

Erik knew it was too much now, that he should pull back. But the minute he felt Charles return the kiss, felt the hand over his...he knew he couldn't.

Adjusting the angle, running his thumb along the other's jaw, Erik brushed his tongue along the seam of Charles's lips, giving him a chance to open his mouth before surging forward once more, licking into the wet heat, groaning.

Erik would regret this in the morning, but he needed this tonight.

Edited 2011-11-05 01:32 (UTC)

Charles couldn't say if he remembered if he ever really desired something like this with Erik, but things between them had always been intense. Emotions and feelings and thoughts, everything, more than any person he'd ever known. Nothing had been or would be simple with Erik, and it drew him to the other mutant, his mind the power he commanded and even the negative things that frustrated him, all of it. Inexplicably attracted Charles to this one man.

Not even in the sense of sexual attraction, physical or mental. Just a base attraction that could be overwhelming if he was not careful, and it was now that he'd slipped past that into what could be possibly dangerous. Could either of them handle more of this game, this game of opposites attracting?

It seemed like they'd find out, regardless.

He'll take the chance given to him, lips parting slightly as Erik's tongue forces its way inside. His own tongue hides in the back of his mouth, almost timid before it joins in, meeting the others. Charles knew in the back of his mind that he was letting himself get swept away by Erik's emotions, but he couldn't pull away, couldn't pull out of his mind, not yet. As much as it was all of Erik's desire and need right now, part of him also needed this. That maybe this meant that some how everything would be alright between them, even after all that had happened.

A soft moan gathers in his throat, and Charles will tilt his head a little pushing up, trying force the other tongue back, so he could chase it into Erik's mouth, taking over for a moment. Fingers run over knuckles and down along Erik's wrist as his thumb strokes over the back of his friend's hand, pleased that he's allowed to be this close to him.

Edited 2011-11-05 01:59 (UTC)

Erik knew at one point the kiss would have to break, but he wouldn't be the one to do so. Even as Charles kissed back, slid his tongue along the other's, he shifted his body up, forcing a knee between the other's legs to give himself leverage, to bring his body above the younger mutant's slightly.

Even now there is a need to control the situation, to have dominance. Perhaps one day he could let go, and be completely vulnerable...but it wouldn't be tonight. Not after everything he had been through.

Swallowing the other's moan, Erik let Charles take control of the kiss at least, his free hand sliding down from his neck, his shoulder, large fingers splaying out along his chest.

Not like Erik isn't already above him, he's taller after all and the shift has Charles arching up a bit so he can keep their kiss connected. And he only knew that knee was between his legs because he could feel the sensation of it through Erik's mind, how Erik felt with his leg snugged between his knees as he leaned over him. The hand pressing against his chest was an odd one, as he could feel it himself and also feel it from Erik's point of view as well. It was warm and itchy and a comforting feeling all balled up in one, yet he wasn't sure who's sensations ended where anymore.

He's so focused on all the feeling that he doesn't realize that he needs to breath until he's literally gasping, pulling back to suck in a needy gulp of air. Fingers curling more securely over Erik's hand, Charles eyes will open after a few more heavy intakes of air before he's regarding his friend's face. Cheeks flushed slightly he's sure he's quite the scene himself. And if Erik is looking at him as well he'll see himself, through Erik's eyes, a bit of a hazy view as he's not that focused at the moment, before pulling out of his mind.

Words fail him for once, strange for someone who's rather good at giving his opinion, even if people don't want to hear it. Charles has been with people before, and he's kissed people before, been kissed, been intimate. But this... this was a whole different playing field, and he wasn't sure how to play this game. Not these rules. If rules were even something to consider right now. Blue eyes will just wander Erik's face, as if seeking the answer for what he should do, lips parted as he's still attempting to catch his breath.

Erik's fingers tightened in Charles's sweater slightly when the other mutant arched into him, wanting to keep the kiss going. A warm sensation washed over him even as he intensified the kiss; he wanted more, he wanted everything. To perhaps let go for the first time in years, to tear Charles open and carve his name across the inner lining of his breast. To possess, to have fully.

Erik would never have claimed that any of these ideas were healthy.

He was about to move further into the younger mutant when Charles is pulling away, breathing hard, looking at him expectantly, as if he would suddenly provide an answer to what he had done.

What he had done.

The implications of what he had done in the past few fleeting minutes washed over him like a cold bath, bringing him crashing back to reality.

Every part of him wanted to simply forget the past, forget betrayal, hurt. Forget the issues that lay between them, and kiss those wet lips again, bright red from his prior ministrations.

But he can't, and he won't. Erik takes a shaky breath of his own and starts to slowly shutter his carefully crafted walls up again, needing to find the strength built within him to leave this.

So despite the tightening of Charles's warm fingers on his, Erik pulled his hand away, easing himself back to a standing position.

"I should go."

And like that Erik is clamming up again, shutting him out. Charles can feel it, the moment his friend tries to push everything to the back of his mind. To ignore it all. To ignore every little thing he wanted to do or desired, and just lock it all away for the next time he slipped up.

When Erik tugs his hand away Charles finds his fingers resting on the imprint on the arm of his chair, before he reaches up to grab for Erik's arm.

"Erik-" Charles doesn't know what to say, but he doesn't want him to leave. Not like this. His fingers will curl and he won't let go, staring up at the other mutant.

"We can talk." He croaks out, unintelligibly, just needing to say anything to keep him there. It didn't help that his own mind was swimming with everything Erik still, it was like coming off a high, mind hazy and unresponsive to what he wanted it to do or think.

"Just sit down, please." Don't run away from me. Is all he can manage to think right now.

If Erik had been fully in control of himself, he would have wrenched himself free of Charles's grasp and made for the door, leaving the younger mutant, just to prove he could. To reject the telepath just as soundly as he had been turned down on the beach (and yes, Erik could ignore the circumstances).

But he was tired, and Erik could tell that Charles was almost...desperate for him to stay. If he didn't know better, he would say that he was actually needed.

So the older mutant sat back down on the bed, not making an attempt to remove the hand on his arm, perhaps a bit happy to still have the warmth.

"Talk, then."

If Charles could feel and sense anything from Erik, it was fatigue. He was worn out, from everything, what had just happened between them not helping at all. Then again he was feeling extremely dragged down himself, and at the moment he would concentrate on using his powers to keep his shields up, to try and keep what he can from leaking into his mind. It was tiring, listening to it all. So much suffering and pain, and he couldn't do anything about it.

He could do something, but never enough.

"I think we should both talk." Charles will move his hand down, place it on Erik's, patting it soothingly. It surprised him that Erik didn't put up more of a fight, even in his current state. They were both the same, they ran from their problems, at least when it came to each other. Neither knowing how to properly face one another, or handle things.

"... about that-" The kiss. He couldn't help but lick lips that still could feel Erik's on his own. But then would talking about it only force Erik to try and leave again? Really he should be trying to get his friend to rest, rest here, he could shield his mind from things, calm it while he slept. But he was selfish, selfish in that he wanted to talk about it, right now.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"...are you seriously asking me that." Erik snorted, pulling his hands away from Charles immediately. If they wanted to talk about what was going on around them, about how everything was starting to crash around him...he could handle that.

Erik could handle that. Even if it left him a broken husk for a few hours, he could do it. But asking about that expression of emotion, the pure physical reaction--that was not something he was going to discuss.

The fact that Charles even needed to ask showed Erik that he still didn't understand him. Still refused to look past the reliance on his powers. Still held tight to his detachment, even if he didn't realize it.

"If you have to ask, Charles, you won't even understand the answer."

He stood up, smoothing down his shirt. The walls were in place. He was tired, but he would survive. It was what Erik did best, after all.

"If that's all you have to talk about, I'm leaving."

"What? Do you expect me to go into your head for everything, Erik?" He'll shoot back, bothered that Erik couldn't just answer him. That Erik had to shut himself up around him. That they couldn't just speak plainly anymore. Before Cuba they could speak so plainly, now it was like pulling teeth to have a decent conversation with him.

"I'm trying to understand you better, to understand everything better." Without his powers, without having to use them. He wasn't good at it, nor even decent, and he knew it, but couldn't Erik see he was trying?

"But now it seems the only option for either of us is to run the other way when one of us asks a question." Charles wasn't foolish, he knew he did it as well.

"It never stopped you before." Erik quickly shot back, letting out a short laugh. It was unfair, but this is what they do--lash out at each other, instead of dealing with the expanse between them. Though with a bitterly amused thought, Erik had to admit that kissing him was a bit easier than this.

He wanted to tell Charles that he wouldn't be some guinea pig for Charles to test his new-found desire for 'understanding' on...but he doesn't.

Instead, he decides to do what he does best. Twist the situation around to his advantage--if only to give him some time to think.

So Erik moves away from the door, quirking an eyebrow. "Fine. I'll answer the question. If you answer the bigger question--why did you kiss back?"

"You're not being fair." Lips purse, and he'll regard his friend with a hard look. It was like two children trying to get an answer out of one another, without wanting to give any in return. Which is exactly what it was, but with two adult men.

Charles will sigh.

"I couldn't just push you away." But then he realizes that sounds bad, like he only did it because of that.

"I mean it's not..." Another sigh, "It's not a simple answer, Erik."

"Who said I had to be? Life is far from fair, Charles. You of all people know that." Erik shrugged, watching the other mutant evenly. He might not be able to hide his emotions completely, but he can keep his face a mask, at least.

Make Charles work for it.

Which is a good thing, especially after the way he phrased his next statement. It shouldn't have stung; Erik hated himself that it did at all.

"It's as simple or as complicated as you want to make it, Charles. But I'm sorry that you feel I forced myself on you."

He snorts. "Because you could have pushed me away. But please, keep lying to yourself. It's something you're very good at."

And his eyes shut, and he breathes in deep. This is getting out of hand. He's only making things worse and pushing them further apart not just saying things plainly.

"You didn't force anything." And he'll look down at the imprint on the arm of his chair, fingers tracing it.

"There was no reason to push you away because I liked it as well... I thought that was obvious enough, Erik." It was strangely difficult admitting something like this to his friend. Because he was a man? Because he'd never really felt like this for anyone else? Because Erik was the first person he felt more than just lust for? Many reasons really, but it was new to him and Charles didn't know how to handle it without tripping up all over himself and falling on his face repeatedly.

"And I wish you wouldn't take my words in the poorest sense. I meant that I could not push you away because I needed this as well." Spoken softer, admission far from easy, but it has to be said. Eyes flicker up, almost shy, afraid of how Erik will react now. Any one else he could handle a poor reaction, a drink in the face, storming off and never seeing them again. But this was Erik. He didn't want that.

Erik watches Charles trace the indentation he left in the chair. Well, if that isn't abject proof of what occurred, he isn't sure what else could be. If he tried to remove it, he most likely would never return the handle to the exact same.

Things have changed and there isn't a way to put them back to the way they were.

Like so many things in his life.

Charles's words do surprise him, slightly. That the other other needed this. The physical expression of...something. What, he isn't willing to put into words, not interested in articulating.

He's strung out by everything, not thinking clearly. He isn't in the right state to make any emotional decisions.

It's his excuse for his next act, really.

"Far be it for me to keep you from something you need, Charles."

Erik smirks, and closes the distance, heart pounding in his chest slightly. This is different, isn't it? One time is a mistake. Twice--it's deliberate. But still, he leans down, brushing his lips against the other mutants.

Should Charles have expected Erik to respond this way? Perhaps. To be honest he expected this or the exact opposite. Erik leaving the room, or threatening to again in the least. He only knew it would be either or of the drastic spectrum of what Erik could do, in his current state of mind. It's be cause of this that Charles almost pulls back from Erik when he leans down, he shouldn't do this, shouldn't respond back to something like this when Erik is all frayed emotions and everything.

But he can't help it. The selfish part of him pushes that aside, and tilts his head up to answer the brush of lips against his own. His chair creaks as he shifts, hands curling tight over the arms of it.

They both needed this. Even if they dismissed all of it after the fact, they needed it now, at this moment and who were they to not take what they needed? Comfort in one another during this, it was no different than playing chess together with glasses of scotch. Except they had different pieces on the board this time.

Erik would never force himself on anyone; but he would pursuade until Charles gave in to what he wanted--what they both wanted in this moment.

Once he felt the other mutant kissing back, he pressed forward, tongue licking into the other's mouth possessively, hand sliding into his hair.

As much as he should leave, so much more of him wants to leave.

Erik didn't have to do too much persuading, his earlier actions had done that quite nicely. Charles felt like he might drown in the others presence, and his hands reach up, grabbing for his shirt, up around his neck, clinging. It pulls him slightly up out of his chair as his arms wrap around Erik's neck, allowing the other mutant to take over his mouth, a soft inhale through his nose as his tongue tentatively moves to meet Erik's.

Don't leave, Erik. Stay here. It's alright.

A gentle voice in his mind, hoping Erik would stay. More than just this. Stay so he could help him, so they could talk and understand what was going on between them better. Even if it was plain as day, they were foolish men when it came to this after all.

Erik chose not to answer Charles's plea. He isn't sure he can give the other what he wants; he isn't sure he'll manage to stay, to find a way to settle this within himself. At least not in the other's presence. It isn't that easy for Erik; right now he isn't sure how much of this is what he truly wants, and how much are simply his worn emotions twisting into something desperate.

As Charles pulls himself up slightly, Erik lets out a small sigh. In for a penny...

Erik wraps an arm around the other's waist, one sliding under painfully thin legs, pulling the smaller mutant with him, onto the bed. There is a slash of guilt there, raw and harsh for a moment, but Erik continues to kiss Charles, forcing it down.

Being lifted, Charles' fingers curl tight in Erik's shirt, surprised at being lifted from his chair, being held by strong arms. If either of them were in their right frame of mind he might have stopped things, might have tried to talk things out before continuing, but really he can't be bothered. While he can't feel himself sitting in Erik's lap, the idea that he is is a whole other thing for him to think about.

Erik's guilt hits him though, it's quick but he feels it, and it twists in his own gut as he pulls away slightly.

"Erik, it's alright." A bit out of breath, one hand resting on Erik's shoulder, his other hand comes up, brushing hair from Erik's face, pushing it up into that perfect style of his.

"Let's not think of anything else, just right now. Just this." Focus on this very moment and forget all the pain and suffering and their past. It was selfish, but they both needed it. Closing the space between them, his head tilts just a little into another press of lips, hand resting against the side of the metal bender's face.

Closing his eyes as Charles pressed his hand into his hair, Erik tries his best believe in what the other mutant is saying. It isn't easy for him, to simply ignore the very present example of his failure, of his mistake (the bullet. Not his choice on the beach--Erik doesn't regret that, still).

But it's what Charles wants, and for once, Erik is willing to give into that. He's tired, and the younger man is kissing him again, so he pushes the thought away.

Wrapping one arm tighter around the other's waist, Erik slides his tongue along the seam of Charles's lips, nipping at the ample lower lip. He wants more--everything in him wants to surge again, to be possessive, aggressive. But he controls himself, not wanting to ruin this.

And really, Charles is tired as well. Everything has worn on him greatly, and Erik and his anguish and everything concerning them. It wears on him. But in the end it was all worth it, for these moments when they could confide in one another, even if this was certainly a new way for them to do so.

It's tempting to try and convince Erik to lay with him, to stay here and sleep. Because here he could try to ease his mind into an easier sleep, hopefully help him get some rest. If Erik meandered off again, who knew what would happen. At least here he could keep an eye on him.

Though Charles had a feeling the suggestion for night time same bed sharing might scare the metal bender off. But even without that, this felt good. It felt good to be held like this, it was different to be sure, but it was Erik. It was certainly a good different, one he could get used to, if allowed. Much like this intimate display between them. Innocent enough for most, but for them, being men, it was anything but innocent. At least for their time.

He'll pant softly, Erik's teasing getting to him, and he the telepath will do his own bit of nipping, lips leaving Erik's to kiss once at his jaw, then nip. Perhaps it's a bit much, but Erik started it, him with his damnable teeth.

The fact that they were two men, kissing--barely gave Erik pause. Physical acts of display like this were considered a sickness, depravity. But he had seen through most of his life his people treated like rats for merely being a different religion. He has watched people turn on his mutants out of fear. This? Was just another thing he would do, others be damned. Use it as an act of defiance.

When Charles nipped at his jaw, Erik's breath hitched in his throat, hand tightening in thick brown hair. He wanted more, so much more. To continue this for as long as it took for him to forget the hell that he'd been through, this terrible place.

But he knew that this wasn't the way to do it. Whatever--whatever this was. Erik had to force this to stop, to place a line down. Or things would get muddied, messy. More than they already were.

Speaking (his voice heady and breathless to his own ears), Erik pulled back, slightly. "We need to get some rest." If he could get Charles to settle down, he could leave, later. Just not yet.

He could hear Erik's breath hitch as he nipped him, hear and feel all the want from the metal bender. And part of him wanted it to. It felt amazing to be desired. Charles didn't exactly feel like much of a desired individual in his new situation. People didn't exactly line up to bed cripples, or flirt or generally find any interest in them besides pity and wonder how they ended up how they are.

Not that Charles had exactly been focusing on such things since the accident on the beach put him in his chair. But with this happening, this thing with Erik right now, he realized just how much he missed this sort of contact. This sort of attention.

But also like Erik, he realizes that this isn't right. Not now. They're both not in the right state of mind to be doing anything like this. They need time and to straighten things out once things hopefully settle in the tower. If they did. But that doesn't stop Charles from staring at Erik a bit out of breath himself, tongue moving over his red lips as he nodded in agreement. Reluctant agreement.

"Yes... yes we do." But all he wants to do is kiss Erik more, it felt so natural. He even starts to lean in, like he plans to, but stops and worries his own lip before he'll press his forehead against Erik's shoulder, hands rubbing lightly at the metal bender's arms.

"Would you mind helping me lay down?" Usually he struggles into bed on his own, but well, Erik was here and all. And it felt it was a way of asking him to stay... without actually asking.

Erik sighed, hand finally letting go of hair, moving to sooth down Charles's back, instead. It gave him time to calm himself, letting eyes slide closed as he found his center again (not something easy, considering how close the other man was, and how the telepath clearly wanted more).

At the other's question, though, he finally pulled back, giving him a quick nod. "Of course." He understood the trust it took to even ask that, knowing the other was stubborn and usually wished to struggle alone.

Not that Erik wanted to contemplate if this would change anything about them, yet.

Shifting back for a moment, he slipped an arm under knees and waist, twisting to deposit the other in bed, sheets already half pulled back. As he straightened the legs, he kept his eyes focused on the wall. Erik never shied away from the truth, but seeing his own handiwork laid bare was, painful. Though he was quite sure, not as painful as it was for Charles.

"We should start you working out." Erik finally tucked legs under the covers, pulling them up. He wasn't interested in letting those leg muscles atrophy anymore--there was always the chance he'd gain the ability to walk again.

How things managed to go from being warm, hot and a strange sort of comforting wonderful with kisses and strong arms around him to... well... this. It amazed him really. It was awkward, uncomfortable, for both of them which made it a little easier for Charles to bare.

He finds he can't quite look at Erik until the other has him all settled and covered up. Funny how he'd never really been tucked into bed, but here Erik was, tucking him in like some child. Charles wondered if asking for a goodnight kiss would be too much.

"Ah, yes. Lifting some weight would be good for me, keep my arms strong." Light humor, trying to ignore the situation, what Erik really means. It's nice that Erik has hope that he'll walk again one day, Charles isn't so hopeful. He has hopes for mankind and mutants living peacefully together, but that he'll walk again? His hope for that waned quickly, not wanting to latch onto false hopes that he knew wouldn't happen.

"There is that, yes." Erik gave a nod, a slight smile, letting a hand brush out to smooth some of Charles's hair back into place. He should go, truly. As much as he wanted to stay, he would regret it in the morning, making it worse for both of them. This was a moment--a very good moment--but just one. It didn't erase the expanse between them, still.

"Thank you for--trying to help." It comes out awkward, but Erik is sincere.

And it seems that being tucked in is all it takes for sleep to start creeping up on him. He'd been tired of course, but now laying down, comfortable, it was harder to deny it, his eyes feeling heavy, especially with that hand brushing through his hair.

"I am only sorry it didn't work well." Charles will smile, apologetic, sleepily. He's still trying to fight sleep, still wanting to enjoy this odd but peaceful moment between them. He was afraid the moment he closed his eyes, it would be gone, that he wouldn't be able to get it back.

Fingers reach to rest of Erik's hand, gentle as he seems to want to hold him there, to tug him down to make Erik stay with him. To sleep and rest well. To not leave him. He felt like a needy child, and Erik the teddy bear he so desperately needed to stay and cuddle with him. As if it would fight off any reservations he could have.

"Thank you for helping me..." Helping him get situated that was, it was usually a big hoopla every night, it was genuinely nice not having to deal with it.

"It probably shouldn't have." Erik gave Charles a tight smile back, finding the other's hand, squeezing it tightly. He alone lives within his head. It's a terrible dark place, but no one needs to share in that. And despite what this place will do to him, he needs to learn to control it. Keep it tight and locked. He's done it before, he can do it again. He can't allow himself to be weak.

"It's nothing." And he wouldn't mind doing it each night, if they were fighting or not. Charles shouldn't be seen struggling by anyone. Even with the rift, he can still be protective.

And Charles only wished that Erik realized it wasn't a weakness to let others into your mind, into your life. But it wasn't something easy to explain or to change in someone who's felt this way much of his life. Then again, Charles is some what the same, but in a different extent.

"No, no it's not nothing, Erik. Thank you, I mean it." He'll squeeze his hand back, tired eyes gazing up at his friend. Lids close a little, flutter and stay closed for a few seconds before they open again. Charles is trying hard not to give into sleep.

"Rest, my friend. You need it."

"I will get it soon, I assure you." Erik can tell that Charles is starting to fade, to dip into the place he needs most--where his mind can quiet and rest from all the things he has had to deal with.

Erik's sleep will most likely be less kind, less restful. But he is used to it. He can sleep with the helmet on, protecting Charles from those thoughts.

Seeing that Charles is nearly gone, he leans down, barely brushing his lips against the other's forehead, before pulling back, taking his hand with him.

At his assurance, Charles seems to relax. Eyes close again and this time they don't reopen. He's still not fully asleep, but enough that Erik could make his get away if he so pleased. The kiss to his forehead has the mutant smiling the smallest of smiles, and his fingers reflexively hold Erik's hand tighter when he tries to take his hand back.

Though he will succeed when Charles grip goes lax, finally settled into sleep. Breathing softer and steady, he's out like a light.

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And the only solution was to stand and fight [Closed]

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