towerofanimus | And the only solution was to stand and fight [Closed]

Erik's fingers tightened in Charles's sweater slightly when the other mutant arched into him, wanting to keep the kiss going. A warm sensation washed over him even as he intensified the kiss; he wanted more, he wanted everything. To perhaps let go for the first time in years, to tear Charles open and carve his name across the inner lining of his breast. To possess, to have fully.

Erik would never have claimed that any of these ideas were healthy.

He was about to move further into the younger mutant when Charles is pulling away, breathing hard, looking at him expectantly, as if he would suddenly provide an answer to what he had done.

What he had done.

The implications of what he had done in the past few fleeting minutes washed over him like a cold bath, bringing him crashing back to reality.

Every part of him wanted to simply forget the past, forget betrayal, hurt. Forget the issues that lay between them, and kiss those wet lips again, bright red from his prior ministrations.

But he can't, and he won't. Erik takes a shaky breath of his own and starts to slowly shutter his carefully crafted walls up again, needing to find the strength built within him to leave this.

So despite the tightening of Charles's warm fingers on his, Erik pulled his hand away, easing himself back to a standing position.

"I should go."

And like that Erik is clamming up again, shutting him out. Charles can feel it, the moment his friend tries to push everything to the back of his mind. To ignore it all. To ignore every little thing he wanted to do or desired, and just lock it all away for the next time he slipped up.

When Erik tugs his hand away Charles finds his fingers resting on the imprint on the arm of his chair, before he reaches up to grab for Erik's arm.

"Erik-" Charles doesn't know what to say, but he doesn't want him to leave. Not like this. His fingers will curl and he won't let go, staring up at the other mutant.

"We can talk." He croaks out, unintelligibly, just needing to say anything to keep him there. It didn't help that his own mind was swimming with everything Erik still, it was like coming off a high, mind hazy and unresponsive to what he wanted it to do or think.

"Just sit down, please." Don't run away from me. Is all he can manage to think right now.

If Erik had been fully in control of himself, he would have wrenched himself free of Charles's grasp and made for the door, leaving the younger mutant, just to prove he could. To reject the telepath just as soundly as he had been turned down on the beach (and yes, Erik could ignore the circumstances).

But he was tired, and Erik could tell that Charles was almost...desperate for him to stay. If he didn't know better, he would say that he was actually needed.

So the older mutant sat back down on the bed, not making an attempt to remove the hand on his arm, perhaps a bit happy to still have the warmth.

"Talk, then."

If Charles could feel and sense anything from Erik, it was fatigue. He was worn out, from everything, what had just happened between them not helping at all. Then again he was feeling extremely dragged down himself, and at the moment he would concentrate on using his powers to keep his shields up, to try and keep what he can from leaking into his mind. It was tiring, listening to it all. So much suffering and pain, and he couldn't do anything about it.

He could do something, but never enough.

"I think we should both talk." Charles will move his hand down, place it on Erik's, patting it soothingly. It surprised him that Erik didn't put up more of a fight, even in his current state. They were both the same, they ran from their problems, at least when it came to each other. Neither knowing how to properly face one another, or handle things.

"... about that-" The kiss. He couldn't help but lick lips that still could feel Erik's on his own. But then would talking about it only force Erik to try and leave again? Really he should be trying to get his friend to rest, rest here, he could shield his mind from things, calm it while he slept. But he was selfish, selfish in that he wanted to talk about it, right now.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"...are you seriously asking me that." Erik snorted, pulling his hands away from Charles immediately. If they wanted to talk about what was going on around them, about how everything was starting to crash around him...he could handle that.

Erik could handle that. Even if it left him a broken husk for a few hours, he could do it. But asking about that expression of emotion, the pure physical reaction--that was not something he was going to discuss.

The fact that Charles even needed to ask showed Erik that he still didn't understand him. Still refused to look past the reliance on his powers. Still held tight to his detachment, even if he didn't realize it.

"If you have to ask, Charles, you won't even understand the answer."

He stood up, smoothing down his shirt. The walls were in place. He was tired, but he would survive. It was what Erik did best, after all.

"If that's all you have to talk about, I'm leaving."

"What? Do you expect me to go into your head for everything, Erik?" He'll shoot back, bothered that Erik couldn't just answer him. That Erik had to shut himself up around him. That they couldn't just speak plainly anymore. Before Cuba they could speak so plainly, now it was like pulling teeth to have a decent conversation with him.

"I'm trying to understand you better, to understand everything better." Without his powers, without having to use them. He wasn't good at it, nor even decent, and he knew it, but couldn't Erik see he was trying?

"But now it seems the only option for either of us is to run the other way when one of us asks a question." Charles wasn't foolish, he knew he did it as well.

"It never stopped you before." Erik quickly shot back, letting out a short laugh. It was unfair, but this is what they do--lash out at each other, instead of dealing with the expanse between them. Though with a bitterly amused thought, Erik had to admit that kissing him was a bit easier than this.

He wanted to tell Charles that he wouldn't be some guinea pig for Charles to test his new-found desire for 'understanding' on...but he doesn't.

Instead, he decides to do what he does best. Twist the situation around to his advantage--if only to give him some time to think.

So Erik moves away from the door, quirking an eyebrow. "Fine. I'll answer the question. If you answer the bigger question--why did you kiss back?"

"You're not being fair." Lips purse, and he'll regard his friend with a hard look. It was like two children trying to get an answer out of one another, without wanting to give any in return. Which is exactly what it was, but with two adult men.

Charles will sigh.

"I couldn't just push you away." But then he realizes that sounds bad, like he only did it because of that.

"I mean it's not..." Another sigh, "It's not a simple answer, Erik."

"Who said I had to be? Life is far from fair, Charles. You of all people know that." Erik shrugged, watching the other mutant evenly. He might not be able to hide his emotions completely, but he can keep his face a mask, at least.

Make Charles work for it.

Which is a good thing, especially after the way he phrased his next statement. It shouldn't have stung; Erik hated himself that it did at all.

"It's as simple or as complicated as you want to make it, Charles. But I'm sorry that you feel I forced myself on you."

He snorts. "Because you could have pushed me away. But please, keep lying to yourself. It's something you're very good at."

And his eyes shut, and he breathes in deep. This is getting out of hand. He's only making things worse and pushing them further apart not just saying things plainly.

"You didn't force anything." And he'll look down at the imprint on the arm of his chair, fingers tracing it.

"There was no reason to push you away because I liked it as well... I thought that was obvious enough, Erik." It was strangely difficult admitting something like this to his friend. Because he was a man? Because he'd never really felt like this for anyone else? Because Erik was the first person he felt more than just lust for? Many reasons really, but it was new to him and Charles didn't know how to handle it without tripping up all over himself and falling on his face repeatedly.

"And I wish you wouldn't take my words in the poorest sense. I meant that I could not push you away because I needed this as well." Spoken softer, admission far from easy, but it has to be said. Eyes flicker up, almost shy, afraid of how Erik will react now. Any one else he could handle a poor reaction, a drink in the face, storming off and never seeing them again. But this was Erik. He didn't want that.

Erik watches Charles trace the indentation he left in the chair. Well, if that isn't abject proof of what occurred, he isn't sure what else could be. If he tried to remove it, he most likely would never return the handle to the exact same.

Things have changed and there isn't a way to put them back to the way they were.

Like so many things in his life.

Charles's words do surprise him, slightly. That the other other needed this. The physical expression of...something. What, he isn't willing to put into words, not interested in articulating.

He's strung out by everything, not thinking clearly. He isn't in the right state to make any emotional decisions.

It's his excuse for his next act, really.

"Far be it for me to keep you from something you need, Charles."

Erik smirks, and closes the distance, heart pounding in his chest slightly. This is different, isn't it? One time is a mistake. Twice--it's deliberate. But still, he leans down, brushing his lips against the other mutants.

Should Charles have expected Erik to respond this way? Perhaps. To be honest he expected this or the exact opposite. Erik leaving the room, or threatening to again in the least. He only knew it would be either or of the drastic spectrum of what Erik could do, in his current state of mind. It's be cause of this that Charles almost pulls back from Erik when he leans down, he shouldn't do this, shouldn't respond back to something like this when Erik is all frayed emotions and everything.

But he can't help it. The selfish part of him pushes that aside, and tilts his head up to answer the brush of lips against his own. His chair creaks as he shifts, hands curling tight over the arms of it.

They both needed this. Even if they dismissed all of it after the fact, they needed it now, at this moment and who were they to not take what they needed? Comfort in one another during this, it was no different than playing chess together with glasses of scotch. Except they had different pieces on the board this time.

Erik would never force himself on anyone; but he would pursuade until Charles gave in to what he wanted--what they both wanted in this moment.

Once he felt the other mutant kissing back, he pressed forward, tongue licking into the other's mouth possessively, hand sliding into his hair.

As much as he should leave, so much more of him wants to leave.

Erik didn't have to do too much persuading, his earlier actions had done that quite nicely. Charles felt like he might drown in the others presence, and his hands reach up, grabbing for his shirt, up around his neck, clinging. It pulls him slightly up out of his chair as his arms wrap around Erik's neck, allowing the other mutant to take over his mouth, a soft inhale through his nose as his tongue tentatively moves to meet Erik's.

Don't leave, Erik. Stay here. It's alright.

A gentle voice in his mind, hoping Erik would stay. More than just this. Stay so he could help him, so they could talk and understand what was going on between them better. Even if it was plain as day, they were foolish men when it came to this after all.

Erik chose not to answer Charles's plea. He isn't sure he can give the other what he wants; he isn't sure he'll manage to stay, to find a way to settle this within himself. At least not in the other's presence. It isn't that easy for Erik; right now he isn't sure how much of this is what he truly wants, and how much are simply his worn emotions twisting into something desperate.

As Charles pulls himself up slightly, Erik lets out a small sigh. In for a penny...

Erik wraps an arm around the other's waist, one sliding under painfully thin legs, pulling the smaller mutant with him, onto the bed. There is a slash of guilt there, raw and harsh for a moment, but Erik continues to kiss Charles, forcing it down.

Being lifted, Charles' fingers curl tight in Erik's shirt, surprised at being lifted from his chair, being held by strong arms. If either of them were in their right frame of mind he might have stopped things, might have tried to talk things out before continuing, but really he can't be bothered. While he can't feel himself sitting in Erik's lap, the idea that he is is a whole other thing for him to think about.

Erik's guilt hits him though, it's quick but he feels it, and it twists in his own gut as he pulls away slightly.

"Erik, it's alright." A bit out of breath, one hand resting on Erik's shoulder, his other hand comes up, brushing hair from Erik's face, pushing it up into that perfect style of his.

"Let's not think of anything else, just right now. Just this." Focus on this very moment and forget all the pain and suffering and their past. It was selfish, but they both needed it. Closing the space between them, his head tilts just a little into another press of lips, hand resting against the side of the metal bender's face.

Closing his eyes as Charles pressed his hand into his hair, Erik tries his best believe in what the other mutant is saying. It isn't easy for him, to simply ignore the very present example of his failure, of his mistake (the bullet. Not his choice on the beach--Erik doesn't regret that, still).

But it's what Charles wants, and for once, Erik is willing to give into that. He's tired, and the younger man is kissing him again, so he pushes the thought away.

Wrapping one arm tighter around the other's waist, Erik slides his tongue along the seam of Charles's lips, nipping at the ample lower lip. He wants more--everything in him wants to surge again, to be possessive, aggressive. But he controls himself, not wanting to ruin this.

And really, Charles is tired as well. Everything has worn on him greatly, and Erik and his anguish and everything concerning them. It wears on him. But in the end it was all worth it, for these moments when they could confide in one another, even if this was certainly a new way for them to do so.

It's tempting to try and convince Erik to lay with him, to stay here and sleep. Because here he could try to ease his mind into an easier sleep, hopefully help him get some rest. If Erik meandered off again, who knew what would happen. At least here he could keep an eye on him.

Though Charles had a feeling the suggestion for night time same bed sharing might scare the metal bender off. But even without that, this felt good. It felt good to be held like this, it was different to be sure, but it was Erik. It was certainly a good different, one he could get used to, if allowed. Much like this intimate display between them. Innocent enough for most, but for them, being men, it was anything but innocent. At least for their time.

He'll pant softly, Erik's teasing getting to him, and he the telepath will do his own bit of nipping, lips leaving Erik's to kiss once at his jaw, then nip. Perhaps it's a bit much, but Erik started it, him with his damnable teeth.

The fact that they were two men, kissing--barely gave Erik pause. Physical acts of display like this were considered a sickness, depravity. But he had seen through most of his life his people treated like rats for merely being a different religion. He has watched people turn on his mutants out of fear. This? Was just another thing he would do, others be damned. Use it as an act of defiance.

When Charles nipped at his jaw, Erik's breath hitched in his throat, hand tightening in thick brown hair. He wanted more, so much more. To continue this for as long as it took for him to forget the hell that he'd been through, this terrible place.

But he knew that this wasn't the way to do it. Whatever--whatever this was. Erik had to force this to stop, to place a line down. Or things would get muddied, messy. More than they already were.

Speaking (his voice heady and breathless to his own ears), Erik pulled back, slightly. "We need to get some rest." If he could get Charles to settle down, he could leave, later. Just not yet.

He could hear Erik's breath hitch as he nipped him, hear and feel all the want from the metal bender. And part of him wanted it to. It felt amazing to be desired. Charles didn't exactly feel like much of a desired individual in his new situation. People didn't exactly line up to bed cripples, or flirt or generally find any interest in them besides pity and wonder how they ended up how they are.

Not that Charles had exactly been focusing on such things since the accident on the beach put him in his chair. But with this happening, this thing with Erik right now, he realized just how much he missed this sort of contact. This sort of attention.

But also like Erik, he realizes that this isn't right. Not now. They're both not in the right state of mind to be doing anything like this. They need time and to straighten things out once things hopefully settle in the tower. If they did. But that doesn't stop Charles from staring at Erik a bit out of breath himself, tongue moving over his red lips as he nodded in agreement. Reluctant agreement.

"Yes... yes we do." But all he wants to do is kiss Erik more, it felt so natural. He even starts to lean in, like he plans to, but stops and worries his own lip before he'll press his forehead against Erik's shoulder, hands rubbing lightly at the metal bender's arms.

"Would you mind helping me lay down?" Usually he struggles into bed on his own, but well, Erik was here and all. And it felt it was a way of asking him to stay... without actually asking.

Erik sighed, hand finally letting go of hair, moving to sooth down Charles's back, instead. It gave him time to calm himself, letting eyes slide closed as he found his center again (not something easy, considering how close the other man was, and how the telepath clearly wanted more).

At the other's question, though, he finally pulled back, giving him a quick nod. "Of course." He understood the trust it took to even ask that, knowing the other was stubborn and usually wished to struggle alone.

Not that Erik wanted to contemplate if this would change anything about them, yet.

Shifting back for a moment, he slipped an arm under knees and waist, twisting to deposit the other in bed, sheets already half pulled back. As he straightened the legs, he kept his eyes focused on the wall. Erik never shied away from the truth, but seeing his own handiwork laid bare was, painful. Though he was quite sure, not as painful as it was for Charles.

"We should start you working out." Erik finally tucked legs under the covers, pulling them up. He wasn't interested in letting those leg muscles atrophy anymore--there was always the chance he'd gain the ability to walk again.

How things managed to go from being warm, hot and a strange sort of comforting wonderful with kisses and strong arms around him to... well... this. It amazed him really. It was awkward, uncomfortable, for both of them which made it a little easier for Charles to bare.

He finds he can't quite look at Erik until the other has him all settled and covered up. Funny how he'd never really been tucked into bed, but here Erik was, tucking him in like some child. Charles wondered if asking for a goodnight kiss would be too much.

"Ah, yes. Lifting some weight would be good for me, keep my arms strong." Light humor, trying to ignore the situation, what Erik really means. It's nice that Erik has hope that he'll walk again one day, Charles isn't so hopeful. He has hopes for mankind and mutants living peacefully together, but that he'll walk again? His hope for that waned quickly, not wanting to latch onto false hopes that he knew wouldn't happen.

"There is that, yes." Erik gave a nod, a slight smile, letting a hand brush out to smooth some of Charles's hair back into place. He should go, truly. As much as he wanted to stay, he would regret it in the morning, making it worse for both of them. This was a moment--a very good moment--but just one. It didn't erase the expanse between them, still.

"Thank you for--trying to help." It comes out awkward, but Erik is sincere.

And it seems that being tucked in is all it takes for sleep to start creeping up on him. He'd been tired of course, but now laying down, comfortable, it was harder to deny it, his eyes feeling heavy, especially with that hand brushing through his hair.

"I am only sorry it didn't work well." Charles will smile, apologetic, sleepily. He's still trying to fight sleep, still wanting to enjoy this odd but peaceful moment between them. He was afraid the moment he closed his eyes, it would be gone, that he wouldn't be able to get it back.

Fingers reach to rest of Erik's hand, gentle as he seems to want to hold him there, to tug him down to make Erik stay with him. To sleep and rest well. To not leave him. He felt like a needy child, and Erik the teddy bear he so desperately needed to stay and cuddle with him. As if it would fight off any reservations he could have.

"Thank you for helping me..." Helping him get situated that was, it was usually a big hoopla every night, it was genuinely nice not having to deal with it.

"It probably shouldn't have." Erik gave Charles a tight smile back, finding the other's hand, squeezing it tightly. He alone lives within his head. It's a terrible dark place, but no one needs to share in that. And despite what this place will do to him, he needs to learn to control it. Keep it tight and locked. He's done it before, he can do it again. He can't allow himself to be weak.

"It's nothing." And he wouldn't mind doing it each night, if they were fighting or not. Charles shouldn't be seen struggling by anyone. Even with the rift, he can still be protective.

And Charles only wished that Erik realized it wasn't a weakness to let others into your mind, into your life. But it wasn't something easy to explain or to change in someone who's felt this way much of his life. Then again, Charles is some what the same, but in a different extent.

"No, no it's not nothing, Erik. Thank you, I mean it." He'll squeeze his hand back, tired eyes gazing up at his friend. Lids close a little, flutter and stay closed for a few seconds before they open again. Charles is trying hard not to give into sleep.

"Rest, my friend. You need it."

"I will get it soon, I assure you." Erik can tell that Charles is starting to fade, to dip into the place he needs most--where his mind can quiet and rest from all the things he has had to deal with.

Erik's sleep will most likely be less kind, less restful. But he is used to it. He can sleep with the helmet on, protecting Charles from those thoughts.

Seeing that Charles is nearly gone, he leans down, barely brushing his lips against the other's forehead, before pulling back, taking his hand with him.

At his assurance, Charles seems to relax. Eyes close again and this time they don't reopen. He's still not fully asleep, but enough that Erik could make his get away if he so pleased. The kiss to his forehead has the mutant smiling the smallest of smiles, and his fingers reflexively hold Erik's hand tighter when he tries to take his hand back.

Though he will succeed when Charles grip goes lax, finally settled into sleep. Breathing softer and steady, he's out like a light.

And the only solution was to stand and fight [Closed]

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