towerofanimus | Another piece shatters

Entry tags:

Another piece shatters

Characters: Suzaku, Diarmuid (and roommates if they want!) and Rolo (with bonus Lelouch if wanted!)
Setting: Diarmuid's room (about 5am) and then the next day
Format: Either
Summary: After meeting Lelouch Suzaku breaks a little bit more, this time he is good and doesn't hide in the morgue.

Then he goes to futilely argue with Rolo

Warnings: Angst mostly

[Room 4-16] When Suzaku had left Lelouch he had been furious, confused, upset. Mostly at himself, he still hoped he was wrong. But it was too much of a coincidence. Still the idea that this Lelouch could be from a version of his own world, still trapped under Charles' Geass...

It didn't bear thinking about. But he didn't have much choice. Lelouch was here, Suzaku hadn't found Rolo get but he doubted it would be long before Rolo and Lelouch met. Rolo wasn't ready to be faced with this Lelouch, probably would never be. In a lot of ways this was crueler than a Lelouch who hated him, at least that would keep him in reality.

Or as close to reality as anything got around here. Suzaku made his way to one of the darker floors, monster hunting would keep his mind off things and he couldn't wait until night time.

His fighting went into the night, sleep was not going to happen, he killed and killed again. It was the only thing he was good at and the people of the tower needed real weapons. He could be of some use.

The night passed in flashes of memory, a blow too many and he came to awareness having lose time. He was used to it though, it barely made him disorientated, he had gotten used to battling with his Geass.

So he survived, trying to wipe out the memories of his anger, Lelouch behind the mask, Euphemia's smile. Taking Lelouch before the emperor, letting him take away his memories, replacing them. Taking away everything that made him Lelouch.

Leaving him the polite school boy Suzaku had spoken to today.

It wasn't until he tried to go to a non powered floor and found himself at the bottom of the stair case, another gap in memory that he realised how far he had gone.

His first instinct was to keep going, keep fighting; keep killing. Until morning, until he was calm, avoid people. Avoid everything.

But he had made a promise not to give up. So carefully, going through powered floors and the elevator he found himself on the fourth dormitory floor. He had knocked on the door before he realised it was about five O clock in the morning and even if Diarmuid would not mind his roommates might.

[The next day] His mind was a bit clearer, a bit more focused and so he went searching for Rolo, they needed to talk. Though the boy had still not forgave him Suzaku still felt responsible for him and didn't want him hurt, and he would be hurt. It was practically inevitable.

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[He hadn't expected to be answered so quickly, or for Diarmuid to act like he was expecting him, never mind for him to be glad. He looked down as Diarmuid touched his shoulder] I apologise, I didn't realise how late it was.

It's all right. Don't feel bad. To be honest, I hoped that you would come and speak to me.

[Diarmuid pauses for a moment as if he is thinking about how to say what he wants to say. Finally, he just spits it out.]

This is about Lelouch, right?

[Suzaku is silent not sure why Diarmuid would be hoping for him to come, but remained silent not sure how to start. He blinked when Diarmuid started for him and nodded] You met him then?

I did. He seemed very...normal.

[There is confusion about this in Diarmuid's voice and on his face. He remembers the Lelouch Suzaku had told him about and the man he had met really hadn't been much like that.]

Is he from an alternate universe from yours? He didn't seem much like you described him...

He might be... I hope he is... [Because that is better than the alternative, but it is too much of a coincidence.] But... he might be from my world, or at least a identical world to mine...

[Diarmuid frowns slightly.]

What happened that makes you prefer him to be from a very different world than have him be like this and from a world similar to yours?

[He winced slightly but took a deep breath, explaining was the least he could do after turning up here so late] When Rolo was sent to pretend to be Lelouch's brother... The reason Lelouch had no memories was because the emperor used a Geass on him; his Geass allowed him to rewrite peoples memories. He forgot about being a prince, about his sister and about being Zero.

It is too much of a coincidence... The perfect Britannian school boy, devoted brother to Rolo... I fear he is from a similar world to mine but from a time when he is affected by the emperors Geass.

So he could be the Lelouch who did all the things you told me about, but he just doesn't remember he did those things?

[Diarmuid's frown deepens.]

You are right. That is worse than him just being from a world very different than yours. Especially for Rolo...

[The idea that the boy could end up betrayed by Lelouch all over again is not one Diarmuid enjoys thinking about.]

[Suzaku nodded] Especially since... [Giving words to his fears is hard, it makes them real It is memory loss caused by Geass... and a lot of the floors here negate powers, or affects caused by Geass.

[A curse in Ancient Gaelic slips from Diarmuid's mouth. While the geass of Suzaku's world differ from those of his own keeping Diarmuid from being able to understand the finer details of how they work, it doesn't take knowing the finer details to know just how bad things could be for both Lelouch and Rolo if Lelouch is from that time.

Not to mention how much stress it is going to put on Suzaku, who he knows is going to try and protect them both even if it is from themselves.]

How can I help?

I don't know... I don't know what to do. [Except to prevent Lelouch from entering any power negating floors. But there was also glamour failure, not to mention the times where the administrators turned off their powers.] Rolo has made it clear that he doesn't wish to speak to me...

This is the Lelouch he loves, even though he knows the memories are falsely planted, that this isn't actually Lelouch...

He just needs that illusion so much right now that he doesn't care it isn't real?

[Diarmuid sighs in frustration and runs a hand through his hair.]

I still need to talk to him, but I have not been able to solve the problem of where.

[Not to mention with the string of people who he cares about leaving, he hasn't been exactly in the right mind to do it.]

I think so, if nothing is real... then why worry about the fact that this isn't real either. [He looked down] I doubt he will listen... He found his grave when he was on his dead world...

[Diarmuid swears softly in Ancient Gaelic under his breath.]

That is not going to make things easier. A grave means there was real feeling there...usually. That is how Rolo will see it anyway. Proof that Lelouch did care about him even in the face of everything else that happened.

He did. [Suzaku frowned] Just not in the way Rolo wished for. He never forgave him for not being Nunnally, or for pretending. But Rolo fought by his side, he died for him. Lelouch might have thrown away the lives of those under his command, sacrificed them to his cause but he cared.

Not enough or else he would not have thrown away their lives.

[Diarmuid crosses his arms over his chest, his expression a mixture of disgust and frustration.]

What will you do, Suzaku?

[He winces at that, because it's true. But Suzaku had also killed, and let people be killed and he would argue that he cared.

But not enough, perhaps they had been their problem. They had been so set on saving the world they had forgotten to care enough about the people living in it.] I don't know... I need to talk to Rolo... warn him...

I hope I am wrong, I hope this is a Lelouch from a world so different... where he got to just be a normal student with a loving brother... Where there was no Geass and he didn't have to be the one to try and fix everything... Where he just got to have a normal life.

[Where they were just friends, without all the betrayal, it's a stupid hope, a waste of a wish if there ever was one because it didn't change the fact that they were here now]

"Will he listen? Or will you doubting his beloved 'brother' cause him to lock you out even more than he already does?" Diarmuid seems quite concerned that is exactly what will happen, especially with how things stand between Rolo and Suzaku now.

"I sincerely hate to suggest this, but do you think it would be better to say nothing now and allow Rolo this happiness without completely alienating you from him? While the chance is small that this Lelouch is from an alternative timeline, there is that chance..."

Suzaku frowned, "It might be kinder in the short term. But what happens when the glamour goes off... or they go to a unpowered floor. If he is from out world... All that knowledge of all he has lost hitting Lelouch..."

He shook his head, "I cannot risk it, not without even trying to warn Rolo... to make sure he understands."

Diarmuid nods, his expression grim, "This is not easy and you realize they might both turn against you? It doesn't seem right when you are just trying to help, but..."

"Will you promise me you will be careful? I worry for you being caught between."

Suzaku nodded, "I would rather they turn against me than Rolo getting hurt. Or Lelouch... If he is under Geass it is probably kinder to make sure he stays as much as possible on powered floors... even if such illusions go against everything he believes in."

"I am sorry that you have to make a choice like this. It is...so complex. Almost as if there is no right answer and no way to win. I wish I had better advice for you, but I don't. However, there is something I want you to promise me," Diarmuid shifts his gaze to meet Suzaku's eyes. "No matter how this goes, remember I am here to help you. I am your brother. Even if all I can do is give you a supporting arm, I will do it. You aren't alone."

Suzaku sighed, "When is there a right answer?" It seemed like all the choices were lose lose scenarios sometimes.

He looked up at Diarmuid and after a moment nodded. "Thank you." It meant a lot, to know someone was there.

"I will..."

"Good," Diarmuid isn't sure what else to say, to help put Suzaku more at ease, so instead of saying something he reaches out and gives Suzaku's shoulder another light squeeze before motioning toward the hallway. "It is late or early if you prefer, but would you like to come and spar with me a little? It will help you bleed off some of your stress."

Nowhere near all, but distraction often helps. Even if just for a little while.

"Or are you too tired?"

Suzaku nodded, sparing was a good way to forget everything for a while. Especially sparing with Diarmuid who it took all his concentration to even keep up with.

"I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways... But are you sure? I've dragged you out at... whatever time it is."

Another piece shatters

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Shall we wrap this with them heading to the gym?

yup!