towerofanimus

Entry tags:

four.

Characters: Claudia Hortensia & OPEN
Setting: Floor 82, Floor 7, Floor 48, the stairs outside Floor 27, Floor 3, Floor 82 again, & choose your own adventure.
Format: Brackets preferred
Summary: Candy-hunting catch-all post
Warnings: Will add as necessary

I. Sunday - Floor 82
[Well... That was unexpected. Claudia, mask removed, stands alone in the ballroom that makes up this floor, a small bag held in her hands. She rifles through it, but she finds nothing of particular note; it's just more candy.]

[Then who, exactly, was that person? What was that all about?]

[She decides to go through with her seep of this floor as she had intended to, before the interruption. But, really, it's less about finding candy now and more about try to see if there's anything else to be found here that might provide some kind of explanation.]

II. Monday - Floor 7
[Claudia doesn't want to swim, but that doesn't mean she's going to ignore this floor. So today, rather than checking the pool itself, she can be found rifling through the lockers. In both locker rooms, actually, because she's completely ignoring the genders they're labeled with.]

[No biggie.]

III. Tuesday - Floor 48
[This seems like a natural place to search, given her job as a gravekeeper, so Claudia makes her sweep of this floor at the same time she performs her duties. At first she thinks nothing of it when she leans down to retrieve the chocolate roses lying across one of the graves, but then her eye happens to glance the name engraved there, and she frowns.]

[Aoi Tohsaka.]

[Surely... It must be a coincidence. She tells herself that, but she still finds herself lingering, her brow furrowed.]

IV. Wednesday - Outside Floor 27
[Claudia doesn't actually set foot on the laboratory floor. Instead, she lingers outside it, on the stairs, seeming uncertain of what to do. She could search this one. It probably wouldn't be too dangerous, provided she doesn't put her hands in anything they shouldn't be in. But...]

[But she can't bring herself to step forward, so she's stymied.]

V. Thursday - Floor 3
[Claudia doesn't intend to go searching for candy today! She's gathered quite a bit over the last four days, after all, and she thinks she's earned a break. So, this afternoon, she can be found in the library rather than roaming the Tower, quietly reading a book.]

[...The feeling that she should keep looking is nagging at her, though, so she's a little more unsettled and agitated than she'd like to be on her "day off." She's trying not to let it get to her, but the feeling probably comes across in her demeanor more than she would care for it to...]

VI. Friday - Floor 82
[For the third time, she's come to this floor, and for the third time, she's encountered that person. She doesn't know anything more than she did the first time; they said nothing to her even when she tried to speak to them. Truthfully, she feels rather frustrated. Mask discarded, she doesn't even bother to check the inside of the bag this time, scowling at the empty air.]

VII. Whenever, Wherever
[Other than the prompts given above, Claudia will be investigating the following floors on the following days:

Sunday, afternoon to evening: 101, 100, 99, 96, 94, 93, 88, 87, 86, 83, 81, 1
Monday, morning to noon: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 18, 19, 21
Tuesday, afternoon to evening: 50, 51, 53, 54, 55, 56, 58, 60
Wednesday, afternoon to evening: 82, 21, 22, 25, 28, 19, 18, and most of the others she searched on Monday
Thursday, throughout the day: None! She can be found around Floors 1, 3, and 101 at various times, however.
Friday, afternoon: 62, 40, 39, 38

So if you'd like to run into her on any of these floors, have at it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ He frowns, slightly, but he does as she urges. He reaches his hands to his face, and removes the mask, revealing himself. ] Why were so you concerned?

I did not think this place had the atmosphere for games.

[For a moment, she's visibly surprised when he removes the mask, and then her expression settles into something closer to a scowl or a pout. When she replies, her tone is vaguely scolding.]

Because there was no reason for you to keep it on, and I don't like not knowing who I'm talking to. [It seems obvious to her. The masked figure that has been appearing here might have been an influence at well, but it's a secondary one, so it goes unmentioned for the moment.] Why were you so resistant to taking it off?

I think you're misunderstanding what the games here entail.

I was curious. [ The answer seems to flow from his lips without him even realizing it. ] I did not know how you would respond, not knowing who I was.

[ Not as if he has ever imagined her to be dishonest with him. However, the circumstances of this place has made things very different. ]

What do you mean by that?

[Her lips purse together. On the one hand, she decides that answer is fair enough, but on the other, it's not a particularly considerate reason.]

Well. Now you know.

[At that question, she sighs.] I mean those of us who have been picked will probably be harmed or killed, or made to harm or kill others in some way. This is the kind of thing people are talking about when they warn you that the administrators are cruel.

[...It's a very blunt reply for someone who is, apparently, a participant.]

I wondered if you would be upset.

[ The words come without him fully realizing. He doesn't feel startled by the admission; it is just spoken easier than he anticipates.

Likewise, her own response is colder than he expects of her. ]

I assume that playing this game holds the risk of death, and to not participate guarantees it.

By not knowing, or by finding out?

More than likely. [She shrugs a shoulder. It's true that her attitude toward the issue is cold, but there isn't much that being otherwise will accomplish. She's gotten better at detaching from her emotions, because she has to be.] At the start, I received a note informing me that, "They get hungry." I'd rather not be eaten alive, or whatever the penalty is this time.

Either. I am uncertain what to expect of you now.

[ He considers her words for a moment, thinking, and he eventually asks: ]

Would you like for me to be with you, when that time comes?

[Her lips purse, and she hums out a faint noise, her head tilting aside just slightly.]

I see. Why is that?

[Why he's uncertain, she means.]

Do you mean when the game proceeds?

[That isn't a question she had considered before, and as much is evident from the way she hesitates, her lips just slightly parted as she thinks.]

...I don't know. [That's the most honest answer she can give, really.] I don't need you to be.

Because you are different now.

I never did understand you; not completely.

[ He did not anticipate the reaction she had, when she took her own life to spare his own... she is beyond his comprehension, for his heart lacks the capacity to come anywhere near that level of devotion. ]

I am aware; you have not needed me for quite some time.

[ There is a slight pause, before he continues. ]

In truth, I doubt you have ever really needed me.

I guess I am. [She pauses briefly, then asks:] Does that bother you?

[She can't help but wonder. Does he like the person she is now less than the one she was before?]

No, I...

[She looks aside, her expression clouding.]

I think you're wrong about that.

[But they've already had this discussion. He overestimates her strength, in her opinion, but what good does arguing about it do?]

No. It does not bother me.

You are, perhaps, better this way.

[ Obviously, it is better that she lived. Perhaps her memories are meant to be the true path, the way things are meant to be. It sounds like it should be accurate: the sinner perishes, and the saint survives.

The guilty ought to be punished while the honest are rewarded; that is what scriptures say. Kirei has escaped his fate for quite some time. ]

I will not argue with you.

[When he gives that reply, she inhales sharply. Her gaze drops away from his face.]

Do you think so? But I've... I've killed two people. [Or, rather, she's given Assassin the order to kill them, but she knows that doesn't make her any less culpable.] I'll probably kill more. I...

[The words flow freely, but it feels right, somehow. Yes, she should tell him these things. Who better to confess to? She brings her knuckles up to her eye, brushing away the tears that have started to well up. Her voice doesn't break the way it did when she first saw him in the graveyard, but it does tremble.]

I've missed you. I'm not strong enough to do it by myself...

Claudia?

[ Should it move him, seeing her cry? A part of him can recognize the significance, but he is not touched to see the tears that she wipes away. He steps closer to her, but comfort isn't on his mind.

Not strong enough to do it herself. What particularly did she mean by that? He wants to ask, but prioritizes the first subject. It is difficult to imagine her as a killer, but the circumstances were different. ]

You were fighting a War. You could not escape bloodshed.

Where do you require my strength, Claudia?

I know that. It's still... Is it better, for me to be able to do something like that?

[She wouldn't have been able to do it on the day that he died, but she had three years to steel herself for it. And yet...]

[When he comes closer, the mask she had been holding onto drops to the floor. With her newly freed hand, she reaches for him, wanting to grasp hold of his sleeve.]

I don't know. Nowhere that matters now, I guess. [She laughs, if not happily.] It's just... I could have been so much stronger if I'd had you to lean on.

I do not know. I am not the right man to judge such a thing.

[ He does not think it has tainted her by any means. Even after her death, where there were those who were reluctant and awkward in their condolences: knowing the expected fate of one who takes their own life -- but even with that sin, Kirei did not consider her damned. It seemed impossible.

He watches her hand when it reaches for him, and instead of letting her grab his sleeve, he grasps her hand instead. He isn't sure why. It seems like the right thing to do. ]

Perhaps.

You may lean on me now, should you need it.

[ Perhaps that is one pure thing he can do: he is a damned man, but perhaps he can lend himself to a woman more holy than him. ]

Maybe not.

[She agrees without judgment. He was, after all, an Executor. Their perspectives undoubtedly differ.]

[When she reaches for him, she's not expecting to have her hand taken, and she freezes at the feeling of his fingers wrapping around hers, eye widening. There's a part of her that feels like she should pull away, that it isn't proper to let herself remain entangled with him like this, but her hand lingers in his.]

[She...really has missed him.]

I...

[She doesn't know if she should accept, for a lot of reasons. It's not something she deserves from Kirei, of all people, and she can't help but feel there are others she should go to first. But... His offer means so much to her on its own that whether or not she agrees hardly seems important.]

Thank you.

[ He can feel her stiffen when he takes her hand. Perhaps it's a sign that he should let her go, but his grip isn't rough and she could withdraw if she chose. Instead, she lingers, so he does not release her. ]

What do you need of me?

[ It is a more general question, rather than the immediate. He is not certain where they stand now, and what his role to should be. As her husband, he is meant to support and be at her side, but he is not her husband now. Still, for all she gave to him, and all she sacrificed -- even if it did not accomplish what she endeavored to do -- what he owes to her is beyond simple expression. ]

I don't know. I just—

[She cuts off abruptly. When she starts again, the words tumble out of her mouth, coming to her thoughtlessly.]

I want to be near you and spend time with you. I want to be able to rely on you, and have you rely on me. [She looks up to his face, smiling, though something about the expression seems a little conflicted. Her hand squeezes his.] Even if things are different here, you're still family to me.

[ He should deny her.

Not because the idea repulses him, exactly, but because he has learned better since her death: there is a darkness that clouds him, and it will never fade. That evil has claimed her life once, albeit indirectly, and the potential for it to do so again is very real.

He should deny her, to spare her that. She gave her whole life for him once, and it does not seem right for it to be given so willingly twice. It will make no difference. He will not chance. Once again, a saint will be wasted and used up for nothing.

It doesn't make sense to him: he did nothing to earn her grace once, much less twice. Why is he given this chance again? He failed, and now for no clear reason, there arises this second opportunity.

Like the command spells which have reappeared on his hand. ]

I will do what you wish.

[ As he always has.

The proper thing to do would be to deny her, to spare her. Hurt her now, briefly, to spare her in the future. But how can he express to her, in truth, what it means for her to remain beside him? Would she listen? No. She, in all her holy nature, would continue to insist that he could surpass that.

Doing what she desires like an ideal husband would, even if this is no longer their path, is all he knows to do.

He lifts the hand he has in his grip, and he presses his lips against her knuckles. It is not a romantic action; it's one of piety: a gesture of entreating a saint. ]

Ah—

[Whether or not the gesture is intended as romantic, her breath catches as he kisses her hand. In the years following his death, distance grew between herself and her feelings for him, but now that he's here in front of her—she can feel everything so acutely that it hurts. It's only natural that the sensation of his lips brushing against her skin leaves her aware of her own heartbeat.]

[She ignores that feeling, though, shoving it out of her mind as best she can. It would be wrong to allow herself to be caught up in it, and besides—]

I don't want you to do things just because I want you to. I want you to do them because it's your own choice.

[Doing something because he wants to... She understands that might be too much to ask. But that response makes it sound as though he has no autonomy at all, and that doesn't bring her any comfort.]

Edited 2013-11-12 14:05 (UTC)

[ That small sound that escapes her lips, soft and delicate as it is, stands out to him -- and in the wrong way. It isn't the idea of her sounding passionate, or touched, but the vulnerability in that noise; the weakness.

He listens to her, watching her face, then his gaze lowers to their joined hands. ]

If I follow that--

[ His own choice. He has always been free to choose for himself. His father did not force him to follow the life of the church. Claudia did not force him to escalate their relationship. Tokiomi Tohsaka did not force him into compliance as his student. He could have made different choices, at any time, but he did not. He let himself be led, for he had no inclinations of his own.

He is empty and without direction.

However, if what Archer says is correct, and what he does desire is something he has denied for all these years, then to pursue what he truly wants is... ]

I fear the result.

[She follows his gaze as it lowers, to their hands. Unthinkingly, she traces the skin on the back of his palm with her thumb. At first, his reply is only met with silence, but after a few moments have passed, she asks:]

Why is that?

[...There's some instinct saying she should shy away from the question, but she ignores it. Kirei isn't someone she can just turn her eyes away from, and she has no desire to do so, anyway.]

[ It is incorrect to say he ever really lied to her. In a way, perhaps their entire union itself was a lie, as he could not love her -- but it was not as if he did not make the attempt, as if he did not press and crave desperately without result. She did know how he felt -- or what he did not feel -- after all, and in all her grace that did not matter to her.

He did, however, omit details to her; small inclinations that he likewise tried to deny to himself. But now, he mouth moves and he cannot withhold his admission. ]

Because, what I desire-- [ his hand tightens on hers; not painfully, but there is an urgency in his grip and tension in his voice. ] -- what I will do cannot be forgiven.

I may not survive the result, when faced with what I do, and the truth of my sins.

[When she feels the way his grip tightens around her hand, she moves closer, immediately and almost without thought. She still has that bag of candy held in one hand, so she shifts it into the crook of her arm, at the same time bringing his hand closer to her body so that she can clasp it in both of hers. She holds onto him firmly, the gesture meant as a comfort and a reassurance.]

[She looks at him directly now, her expression serious.]

What do you think you will do?

[She asks the question softly, but her tone is no less firm than is called for.]

[ His throat feels tight. Trying to swallow down that tension gains him nothing, and his grip on her tightens a little more. A part of him want to clench down harder, knowing how fragile and frail her slender fingers are and--

He realizes he's never really heard to scream. He's seen her cry, enduring pain and even sobbing under the weight of it, or she may have raised her voice in fear, but she's never truly screamed in front of him. Even when she took her own life, she knew what she had done, and faced it without fear.

Why does that thought linger so strongly on his mind? Why does he keep wondering what she'd sound like if she were truly horrified? What she'd sound like if he twisted his hand and snapped her slender wrists? ]

Do not ask me that.

[ His tone is flat, but it seems more entreating than commanding. ]

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