towerofanimus | [open] // it’s your blood that’s red like roses

Entry tags:

[open] // it’s your blood that’s red like roses

Characters: Waver and open
Setting: November 23rd
Location: floors 27, 15, and the dorm floors
Format: starting in brackets, I'll try to match.
Summary: Waver's having problems.
Warnings: Probably none?

[floor twenty-seven]

[Working usually took his mind off of things. Today seemed to be the exception; Waver stared blankly at his notes as though he wasn't really seeing them, pen hovering just over his paper. it seemed as though he was having trouble getting a train of thought properly started...or he was on a much less science-oriented one altogether.]

[floor fifteen]

[If the usual work on the collar fluid wouldn't hold his attention, maybe something more practical would. In the course of his day Waver found his way to the workshop floor; someone did need him to craft new swords. Film materials or not, he had every intention to do as much. So one could find him drawing up vague outlines for paired shortswords and collecting a pile of materials for them.]

[dorm floors]

[Maybe it just wasn't worth trying to do anything today. Not with the miserable mood that kept rearing its ugly, murderous, and nauseating head. Waver decided that perhaps just trying to actually accomplish things was best left for tomorrow. If he slept on the whole mess of Sephiroth and all that had happened for another night, maybe it would be less of an overbearing weight to handle.]

[Maybe.]

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I know, Diarmuid. It's not as though you did it just to screw with my head. So don't worry so much about upsetting me. And I am grateful that you protected me, but...don't do it like that again if you can help it. Got it?

I promise.

[Diarmuid leans forward to rest his head against Waver's shoulder, arms going back around the magus' waist.]

Anything else you want to make me promise while we are at it?

Yeah. Don't be such an idiot. [Although Waver didn't sound all that annoyed about it anymore.]

[Diarmuid laughs softly, turning his head so that he can look up at his friend.]

I mean besides that...

Try not talking so much.

[With a halfhearted smirk, Waver leaned in a little closer for a hesitant and awkward kiss.]

[Well, that is a much nicer way to tell someone to shut up than Diarmuid is used to. Not that he is complaining. In fact, the way he returns the kiss shows, he's enjoying it quite a bit.

The excited wagging of his tail is probably a dead give away too. The silly thing.]

[Waver backed off after a moment or two, with a weak laugh and faltering smile.]

I hate to ruin the moment, but...maybe I should figure out how to show you the way that fight ended. It would be only fair, right? That is to say, if I've seen you at your worst, perhaps the best way to keep this even is to make sure you've seen my worst as well. That way you can decide if it's really worth putting up with me.

Waver, I'm not going to change my mind.

[Diarmuid voice is gentle, soft, and most importantly, confident.]

Though, if you insist, I will not argue. How would we do it, though? We tried once to exchange specific memories through our bond and it failed badly. I don't know how else it could be done.

Unfortunately, that's the only way I can think of off the top of my head. We could try it anyway if you're willing to risk it, or just drop the matter entirely.

I am. If it will help put you at ease, I am willing to try anything.

[On top of that, Diarmuid has to admit, he is curious about what happened after he died. He has heard bits and pieces, but hasn't been brave enough to ask anyone for a detailed accounting of what happened.]

Fine...come here and hold still. At least I know how to do it when we're awake now, even if it might not exactly hit the mark.

[Waver sighed and leaned his head against Diarmuid's, closing his eyes and concentrating. Using so much prana in one shot was troublesome to recover from, but activating his Magic Circuits for something small shouldn't have been difficult. After the last miserable failed attempt at doing this, there was a reasonable idea of what not to do formed in his mind. He focused his energy, concentrated on the empathic link between them, and-]

['Shatter.']

[His concentration had been absolute, driven more by 'singleminded murderous rage' than actual thought. Which was something new for him. Irritation and annoyance were commonplace, but anger? Waver didn't get flat-out angry, it impaired logical judgment. And in this case, it made nearly expending all his prana seem like a brilliant idea. After the fact, he'd hardly been proud of snapping badly enough to use what had been meant as an absolute last resort.]

[The memory ended once Waver had completed his assault and nearly dropped from exhaustion...which he nearly proceeded to do in the current moment as well, leaning heavily on Diarmuid with a hand pressed to his head.]

Fucking hell...must be more tired than I realized.

[Diarmuid's arms tighten around Waver, pulling him close when he collapses against him. Though he can hear the words Waver is speaking, he's not really registering them because his mind is caught up in replaying the memory he has just been shown. The crackle of the energy in the air, the roar of the water, the rush of the magic...

This is the first time he has seen Waver go full out before, because, understandably his friend tends to hold back when it comes to using his magic. He has to considering where they are and the limits his number of magic circuits place on him. If he doesn't, he could very well end up dead.

Diarmuid knows Waver expects him to be upset and perhaps disgusted by the display, by how he has let himself be lost to his anger. However, those are the feelings farthest from Diarmuid's mind at the moment. Indeed, when he speaks, there is awe in his voice.]

Beautiful. So beautiful...

...the hell are you talking about? [Exhausted and genuinely confused, Waver looked at Diarmuid like he might have lost his mind.]

[Diarmuid looks down at Waver with surprise in his eyes. It's obvious that he doesn't understand why Waver is confused.]

I've never seen you go all out like that before. It was...amazing to see you at work. How the air around you came to life. How the water bent to your will...

There's nothing impressive about nearly killing myself. And it wasn't all that special, anyway.

It most certainly was special!

[Diarmuid frowns at Waver's objections.]

I can't do that! To be able to make an element come to your call... It's the power of the gods...

Wh...n-now you're just being dramatic. It's nothing so awe-inspiring as that. My circuits and ability is aligned with water, so water is something I'm able to get a reaction out of. Simple magecraft-based science, nothing more.

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

It might be simple to you, but I can't do it, Waver, and I never will be able to even if you try to teach me. That makes it very impressive to me no matter what you think of it yourself.

Even so, it...it doesn't change how stupid I was being.

Mo Stór, you were no more foolish than I was.

[Diarmuid gives him a gentle look.]

I was the one who got us all into that mess, remember? Don't blame yourself for something my actions forced you to do.

I went along with it. You think I couldn't have talked you out of all this nonsense? No, I think I'm partially responsible for all this as well--so don't hold yourself too accountable here.

You...are the only one who still supports me, you know?

[Diarmuid's voice becomes very soft.]

My brother has yelled at me, Suzaku is upset with me though he is too polite to say it right to my face, even Lancelot has lectured me now. I don't know how he found out about things, but...

[He sighs.]

I am scared. I grow tired of always being the one who is the example--who has to do things the honorable way even if it means not protecting the ones I want to protect--and the fact I am so easily willing to discount my honor...part of my very soul...

[Frightened golden eyes meet Waver's.]

I know I said it was okay if I fell to protect everyone, but...I don't really want to. I don't want this place to change me so much that I don't know myself anymore. I don't want to become that empty, failed knight I was in January.

It's okay, Diarmuid. [With a tired smile, Waver responded in the calmest voice he could.] You know that I won't let that happen.

[Taking one of Diarmuid's hands in both of his own, he continued:] Sometimes...accomplishing what needs to be done means using less than honorable means. You should be the one to determine if doing what you think is right is worth using any means necessary, or if 'what you think is right' is the act of avoiding that extreme itself.

Until you can--and if you decide you can't do that when things come down to it--let me worry about that. If you can stand to follow my underhanded plans and dishonorable methods, then let me shoulder the blame of making stupid mistakes so that you can act as you believe you should. It doesn't bother me all that much; it hasn't for a long time now.

Waver...

[Diarmuid is deeply touched that Waver is so willing to bear all of that for him, but at the same time there is part of him that screams it is wrong for him to allow such a thing. Diarmuid is a knight. He should be able to handle all of this himself. He should be able to find a way that doesn't require dishonor just as his brother had said.

So why hasn't he been able to?]

There should be another way. You shouldn't have to do all of that to protect me. I should be able to find that way. It's what I do, isn't it? I'm their light. I find the honorable way in the darkness. That is why...

[His voice trails off when he suddenly realizes just why everyone has been so upset with him about this. Waver had said so much during their anonymous conversation, but it just hadn't sunk in.

It's sinking in now.]

They are just as afraid as I am, aren't they? If even I fall, what chance do they have?

Who can say for certain? You always were one of the best people I've known, that's really all I can say on the matter.

[A quiet laugh escaped him, the sound of it just a little downcast.]

Although...I think that if you don't try to carry everything yourself, you're far less likely to fall.

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