towerofanimus | [open] // watch me stumble over and over

Entry tags:

[open] // watch me stumble over and over

Characters: Waver and open
Date: December 25th, 26th, and 27th
Location: mailroom, laboratory, dorm floors
Format: starting in brackets
Summary: The wonderful thing about Nasuverse magic is nothing. Nothing is wonderful.
Warnings: None yet.

[floor 78; 12/25]

[It had been a disappointing holiday, to make a hilariously extreme understatement. Waver had hoped to at least make an attempt at exchanging gifts with the few people he actually liked, but then things went all pear-shaped. A Christmas invasion of plague doctors seemed a strange thing to accept as quickly as one would accept poor weather, but that was just how this place operated.]

[Today, his minor concern was sorting out a few sheets of neatly and carefully folded notebook paper, placing a few letters written in the infirmary in their designated place. A more major worry was the strange sensation of pins and needles that occasionally spread through his body like a shiver. Assuming it was the start of a cold brought on by the miserable weather, the lecturer settled for making careful note of it as well as the oddly sore feeling in his shoulder. Slept at a wrong angle, maybe?]

[The idea that either could have been a symptom of something more pressing hadn't yet occurred to him. Whether that was due to exhaustion or just being outright done with the Tower's nonsense for this month was hard to tell.]

[floor 27; 12/26]

[Some people probably thought their work was done with this latest breakthrough regarding collar fluid. 'Some people' were not Waver. Now that things had settled down somewhat, he again returned to the laboratory to carefully look over his notes, spending hours reading over them like he expected to find something previously missed.]

[Those hours passed with Waver persistently disregarding the growing ache in the back of his shoulder. Yesterday's odd pins and needles sensation was for the moment something he could ignore, but whatever was wrong with Waver's shoulder grew steadily worse as he tried to concentrate on working.]

[Eventually, the thoroughly irritated magus stood from his chair and looked around--maybe he could go find some ice to put on it. Whatever injury he'd sustained, it was starting to feel as though it was burning-]

Fucking hell, don't tell me.

[The problem with being a magus (one of many problems, Waver would often argue) was that the ability to use magic was something unnatural on a biological level. To begin with, Magic Circuits were something like a nervous system in operation, but at the same time they were something a normal human body would essentially reject. Activating them caused even the best magi some level of pain.]

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, this isn't good-

[But far more problematic was the issue of a Magic Crest. They acted as another form of Circuits, engraved into the body of a magical family's heir when that heir was still young. Waver's own was of no considerable size or strength, but his current state of genuine fear came from a number of problems that now presented themselves.]

[A Magic Crest was meant to be passed down little by little, while the heir was still young. The older one was when it was implanted, the more likely their body would be to fight and attempt to reject it.]

[Waver recalled three things: one, that he was currently twenty-five years older than he'd been when he inherited his mother's crest. Two, if this was indeed what was happening now, he severely doubted whatever process the new collar fluid was taking would be able to replicate the process correctly. Three: When it came right down to it, he had very little tolerance for pain.]

[There may or may not have been a half-restrained scream emanating from the laboratory about five minutes later, followed by the dull sound of someone falling back against a wall to stay standing.]

[dorm room 03-10; 12/27]

[Waver was not in good shape. The worst of the pain in his crest and circuits had begun to subside, but 'a little less than absolute torture' wasn't much improvement. He was honestly feeling better about the situation, however. He'd doubted for a moment this experiment would have favorable results, but if this was happening now then they'd made real progress.]

[Lying facedown on his bed with a pillow clamped over his head as if trying to shut out all of existence didn't look like 'optimism', but appearances could certainly be deceiving.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[When Waver leans against him, Diarmuid starts to wrap an arm around his partner's shoulders out of habit, just barely stopping himself when he realizes that would mean resting his arm over the crest that is so paining Waver at the moment. He starts to drop his arm around Waver's waist instead, but again stops himself when he realizes just how hard the man is gripping at his shoulder. Careful to avoid the bumping the crest, he reaches around Waver and laces his fingers with the magus' in an attempt to pull his partner's hand away before he does any damage.

To be quite honest, what Waver is saying terrifies Diarmuid. What if Waver's crest returning all at once burns out his circuits? Could Waver end up like Kayneth had?]

What can I do?

[There is desperation and fear--though, both are tightly controlled--in his voice.]

There must be something. Anything. We are so close. We can't let this stop us...

[Waver let Diarmuid pry his hand away, dimly aware he wasn't doing anything to help his problem. Instead he moved to wrap his arms around the knight's waist, holding on as tightly as he could without causing Diarmuid pain as well.]

...You could kill me. [His words were strained, tone grim and quiet.]

Whatever's going on with revival now, if it's still working at all...I'd assume that would replace the fluid we manufactured. But even if you did that--even if you could, it wouldn't help. If we're g-going to get everything back and get out of here, I'll have to do this eventually.

[Hiding his face against Diarmuid's shoulder, Waver didn't manage to repress the obvious shudder that went through him as the constant burning sensation continued.]

Th-there's not any way around it. I don't know what's going to happen.

[Today, that was as close as Waver would get to admitting he was terrified.]

No, I couldn't and you know it.

[Diarmuid shifts slightly so that he can pull Waver closer, encouraging his partner to squeeze as hard as he needs to. It's doubtful that he will be able to injure him and even so, the bruises would be worth it if it helped Waver feel better.

One hand makes its way into Waver's hair, stroking it to help comfort him as he has done before. Briefly, he considers letting Waver's hair out of its ponytail to help relax him, but decides not to for the moment since he's not sure how that might affect everything. After all, while he doesn't understand how it works exactly, he does remember how Waver's magic had increased in power when he let his hair down during the fight with Sephiroth.]

None of us know what is going to happen. We are all scared so...

[He rests his head lightly against Waver's.]

...don't be afraid to be scared yourself. No matter what happens, I will be here. Always. I'm not going to leave you. Even if this goes badly. I'm not leaving you alone.

I know--that's probably one of the few things stopping me from asking you outright. That and basic fucking logic, I mean.

[Waver remained tense and feverishly warm under Diarmuid's hands, biting his lower lip to stop from crying out or outright screaming again.]

..J-just...don't leave. I might end up saying stupid things or begging you to kill me if it gets any worse--I know I don't have to tell you not to listen, right?

I won't leave you. This I swear. Feel free to scream, to rant, or cry as you need to. I know you. I know what your true thoughts are and what is the pain talking.

[Diarmuid thinks he knows anyway. In any event, there is no way he will agree to hurting or killing Waver no matter how bad this gets.

He's not going to let his partner hurt or kill himself either.]

Would it help if I tried to distract you?

W-worth a shot, I guess. What did you have in mind?

Well...

[Diarmuid bows his head slightly, still stroking Waver's hair. He's not sure if this is the right time to bring this particular topic up, but at the same time it's on his mind and he knows it will distract Waver.

A lot most likely...]

Did you happen to get the letter I sent back in response to the one you just left for me?

Oh...did you write one? Sorry, I went straight to the lab this morning.

What did it say, or d-do I want to actually know?

I-I did... Maybe I should have just brought it with me since I was going to be seeing you today away. I guess I was just a little...scared.

[His hand slips away from Waver's waist to slide into one of his own pockets to pull out something he very carefully keeps hidden from view.]

I just... I asked if, because this is an impossible situation and since hypotheticals need to be practiced and tested, you wanted to...

[Diarmuid's voice gets really soft.]

...practice saying 'yes' so that I could practice doing it the right way. I haven't before, you know. I...don't really know how.

Diarmuid...

[Fortunately, Waver was still lucid enough to think straight. Pain might have colored his tone in forced notes, but he spoke no less sensibly than usual.]

I...don't know. It seems kind of cruel, to do something like that here. Even i-if we make it back home, we could never acknowledge something like that.

And what if I can never go home?

[Diarmuid swallows hard, his hand clenching around whatever he had pulled from his pocket.]

If we are being honest here, you're going home. That is certain since that is what we are working for. It's...different for me no matter now much we might want otherwise.

I don't care if we can't acknowledge it someplace I might not be able to go t-to... I...just care about here since it might be all I have...

Stop it. That isn't going to happen. [Waver's hold on him tightened out of pain, desperation, or possibly both. Another shudder went through the magus as he spoke through grinding teeth.]

Either we both leave or neither of us do. That's just h...how it's going to work.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

[Diarmuid buries his head in Waver's hair, voice dropping into soft murmurs that are meant to calm Waver just as much as himself. It's just hitting him now. They are really doing this. Getting their powers back is one step done and one that should make doing the others much easier. However, along with that realization is also the realization that even once they are able to do the impossible and restore their worlds so they can go home, he and Waver have one more step needed for them to be happy. One more impossible feat.

How many miracles can they expect really?

He doesn't mention any of this, though. Already, he's upset Waver and that was the last thing he wanted to do. Distract, yes. Upset, no.]

You know I don't want to leave you. Ever. I just...wanted a chance to vow that to you again. In a formal way. In a way separate from our bond as Master and Servant. Even if we are the only ones who know.

...fine. [Without much more of an argument, Waver gave in--the idea left a bad taste of being unnecessary in his mouth, but he didn't have the energy to point that out.] Fine. [Repeating himself a little more clearly, the magus did the best he could to collect himself.]

If it's going to make you happy, I w-won't waste what little breath I have arguing. But--just between us, understood? Any more than that is begging for the wrong sort of attention.

[Diarmuid shakes his head, brushing his closed hand lightly over Waver's cheek.]

I-it would make me happy, but I won't force you to do something you probably think is unnecessary just because it is something I want. Partners give both ways, after all.

[His hand falls away from Waver's face and he holds it up--still closed--between them.]

Would you like your Solstice present anyway?

Ah--shit, that's right. I had something for you and completely forgot when this mess happened.

[Waver quickly shook his head to interrupt any further kicking himself, smiling the best he could despite the obvious.]

Of course, if you still want to give it to me.

Why wouldn't I want to give it to you?

[Diarmuid gives him a confused and suddenly, slightly scared, look.]

Do...you think I'm upset because I backed off? I...just don't ever want to push you into something you don't want. That is all.

It's f-fine, Diarmuid. [He pulled back enough to close his hands around Diarmuid's own, smile turning a little shaky.]

Please...don't worry and just do what you want to.

What I want to do is terribly sappy and probably unnecessary because I am sure you already know, but I am going to do it anyway.

[Gently, Diarmuid pulls his hand from Waver's grasp so that he can open it to reveal what is inside. What lays in his palm is a hair clasp. It is a cylinder, hinged on one side and appears to be made out of brass though the base for the clasp was taken from a monster and so who knows if it is actually what it appears. Originally, it was just that...a cylindrical metal clasp, but it is obvious that Diarmuid has been working on it for some time because what was once blank metal is now covered with detailed carvings. The carvings are mostly knots formed by two different styles of lines coming together, though, no matter how hard Waver looks, it is impossible to find any beginnings or endings for the lines. It's almost as if the two lines meet to form a knotted circle and never part again.

Which is pretty much what Diarmuid was going for.]

I've been working on this for a long time--ever since I noticed the base on a monster I defeated. I was going to gift it to you at some point once I finished working on it, but after we talked in the Infirmary, I got to thinking it might be better used like this. When people wed in modern times, they exchange rings, correct? Here that would be too obvious, but you already wear your hair up and it has to be held with something. This...this would not be so obvious.

[He motions with his hand, indicating he wants Waver to take the gift.]

It might not be a ring, but it holds all of my feeling for you. All of my love and my loyalty. All of my everything else too. To be honest, I think I have felt that we are wed in my heart for sometime already. I am sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. I just don't know how to else to describe it. You mean that much to me. I always want you to be there and I always want to be with you. I cannot imagine living without you.

...It's...a little strange. [Waver took it with a slightly shaking hand, drawing the small metallic object close to his chest with a distant look on his face. Past the overheated haze of pain, he kept hold on conscious thought to try and speak properly.]

I wasn't the same without him, you know? S...sure, I got on well enough. But on my own--without him or without you, there's just no way I can be as strong as I could be. Even right now--if I had to withstand this blasted crest alone, I'd probably have killed myself to stop it. [Waver barely managed to keep an agonized expression off his face, though his discomfort was at least clear.]

Even though I kn-know I could stand on my own if I had to--but I wouldn't feel right. I wouldn't...I'm not really a complete person without you anymore. Look, I don't--marriage is kind of a complex thing for me that I don't want any part of, but in our case I hardly think it necessary. We've already sworn up and down we won't abandon each other--do we really need to do more than that?

[Giving a short sigh of tired exasperation, Waver reached up to replace the elastic in his hair with the metallic clasp.]

I do have something for you--it's just in my trunk over there, if you want to get it. They aren't much more than glamour, but...better than nothing, for now.

[Sure enough, next to a small kit of vials and all manner of essential alchemy equipment was a pair of replacement swords and a copy of the note he'd written in response to Romeo.]

I don't know about that. I think you are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You would not have come so far just to kill yourself that close to the end. However, I won't argue with your other point.

[A sheepish look crosses his face.]

I think the traditional, romantic, emotional side of me just wants everything to be like so. To name things as they should be when really they can't be that way or shouldn't be that way anymore. The world has changed and yet I still try to label things like thousands of years haven't passed. You are right. If our promises to each other aren't enough, what will be?

[Diarmuid slides off the bed to go to the trunk as directed. When he sees the swords, his eyes light up. It doesn't matter to him that they are only film. They are something Waver put a lot of time into for him and even more they are replacements for the ones he lost. He is about to turn to Waver to thank him when he sees the note and pulls it out to read...

...

The words on it flood him with so many emotions that he cannot speak or even think for a good amount of time. When he finally gets his brain working again, he looks toward Waver...and it's like ice water has been dumped on him. Now that he is looking at his partner after not doing so for a few minutes, Diarmuid can clearly see how feverish and pained the magus has become despite his distraction.

Quick steps bring him back to the bed, swords and note set nearby on the bed stand. After sitting down, Diarmuid reaches out and very lightly brushes his fingers across Waver's too warm face.]

I would give anything to be able to bear even a little of this pain for you. Do you need to lay down?

I think I'll be alright. [His voice was shaky, but at the absolute least Waver had stopped visibly wincing and shaking for the moment.]

Don't look at me like that, okay? Being a magus comes with some level of pain. It's not going to kill me--a Magic Crest's designed for quite the opposite.

Do not get me wrong, Mo Stór. I don't look at you like this because I think you aren't strong enough to bear the pain. It is just because I care so much about you. I don't want to see you in pain for any reason. Put yourself in my shoes. Would you want to see me in pain even though you know I am strong enough to take it?

[He turns to the nightstand, picking back up the note that he set there before.]

Do...you really think all of that about me?

No, I would probably be just as upset about it. But regardless, have I ever lied before? [Waver's answer came with a tired and pained but very genuine smile.]

After I wrote that, I...kind of figured you might need to hear it yourself.

No, you haven't ever lied to me. I just...

[Diarmuid looks down at the note, worrying it slightly between his hands before forcing himself to set it down so he doesn't accidentally tear it.]

I never thought about it like that before. My flaws and mistakes have always been that. Something negative to be erased, not something positive to be embraced...

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