towerofanimus | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Characters: Reno, open!
Setting: Check prompts!
Format: Either
Summary: February catchall
Warnings: TBA or check subtitles

Floor Sixty - Any Day

Since starting the project of having an alternate place to eat, run entirely by the residents, Reno's made sure to pop in from time to time to see how it's fairing. Usually, he has some sort of small game with him, sometimes bull fairies, sometimes something from Floor Six. Either way, he tries not to go in empty handed.

He can be found here helping out with butchering, or using the smoker to cure some leather. (He's since taken the actual tanning to the workshop in favor of not making anyone sick with that.)

Hunting - Floor Six or Thirty-Two

Usually early in the morning, Reno can be found out on either forest floor stalking through the forest. He's happy to take along some of the kitchen volunteers, and he usually has extra weapons these days, just in case. And after the incident with the boar, he's even got a very short steel javelin.

Feb 14th

All day he's been feeling irritable and touchy, snapping at the people he knows and are on good terms with to downright yelling and calling people cowards. He's marked with a heart on his forehead in a color that matches his hair. It blends in with the bangs that fall into his face sometimes, but just in case someone misses that, the note pinned to his back is harder to miss. Anyone who crosses him this day are bound to bear the brunt of his ire, whether it's in the workshop, the dorms, or one of his usual working places.

By the late afternoon, he's relocated to the Gym, trying to work off some of the agitation.

Floor 81 - Feb 28 - Closed

After Diarmuid's letters over the last couple of days, Reno did not want to talk to anybody, especially not Diarmuid. That's why he was down here on Eighty-one, organizing the room for that stupid party he's beginning to really think is a mistake, but hey, Cu was looking forward to it.

Rubbing his eyes, Reno took a step back and looked over the arrangement so far. Not too bad, but couple of the tables needed adjusted so nobody would be bumping into chairs...

The events of the last month really wore on the redhead, but this time he wasn't going to tell anyone off about it. They'd figure out just how badly things were going to get, sooner or later, and it set off a malicious jab of satisfaction at the idea.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I can honestly say I have never run into another view of death that is anything like the one on your world, and the modern version of my world has a great many different views on death.

[His expression saddens.]

There are even those who believe that there is nothing at all after death. They will completely cease to be, their 'soul' or 'self' will stop as well as their body and they will be completely gone.

I think you can understand why they, especially, would not want to give up their lives for any reason. Not when there is even the slimmest chance of winning left.

[To a degree, Diarmuid is in that group. Not because he doesn't believe in any kind of god or afterlife, but because he knows for him as a Servant, death means being erased permanently. Another version of Diarmuid Ua Duibhne may be born from whatever versions of the Throne of Heroes that still exist, but it will never again be him.]

...I still want it to be an option. Compared to what Ruana's done to the multiverse, nothing might be better than losing our soul. Even Dax warned us 'bout that.

[He's quieter, moving back from Diarmuid, and sounding more unsure... but he's determined.]

I don't want to give up either... and I don't view it as giving up, but all my instincts are screaming at me to prepare for somethin' like that. I can't help being a Turk, even after all our discussions. I can't kick over ten years of conditioning just like that, not when I still need it.

Do you need it?

[Diarmuid frowns. He's not sure if he wants to say this or if he can explain it in a fashion that Reno won't take the wrong way, but it feels like it needs to be said.]

Reno...you aren't really a Turk anymore. You're the leader of Ragnarok. It might be a group that was once like the Turks, but this situation is so different from those the Turks faced and you are so different now, that limiting what you do and how you think to how they would think will only lead to frustration. You're different now and you're fighting for a different cause. Don't make things more difficult than they have to be. You're more now. Use that to guide you forward instead of always looking to the past.

I'm not. It's... more like...

[How can Reno explain. An irritated noise escapes through Reno's nose, and he sighs.]

It's more like a part of me. Just like Lifestream is. I grew up with it, an' it's not just something I can toss. It's how I do things, how I think, how I react. Just like there's parts of you you're drawin' the line at. You grew up to be a knight, right? You were taught all that. You can't get rid of everything without becoming' someone completely different, and you said you weren't going to let some things go.

[Again, they're dragged into these discussions. How many more will they have before the end? Would they? He could be pulled into another world or even back home at any day. So could any of them. Relying on these discussions to get him through it...]

Being a Turk is a lot like being a knight. Our ideals are different and it's a lot more harsh... I mean, just from what you've said. Gaia's knights were different, couple hundred years ago.

If I abandoned everything I knew, I wouldn't know what move to make next. Just because I got that as a basis... I'm not limiting myself. Hell, I listen to you, don't I?

[And then he pauses.]

That might be why Elena and I are having problems. She's still thinking like a real Turk...

[Diarmuid nods, relief in his eyes. That is what he wanted to know. Is Reno falling back on those things because they really are a part of his core or is he doing them because he doesn't know what else to do and is afraid to try? One of those options implies thought and understanding of oneself while the other implies the opposite. This answer...this answer means Reno really has been thinking about the things they have talked about and is putting them to work. Even if he is still having trouble, it's not because he doesn't know himself. It's because he's moving forward and finding new challenges he has to face.]

That could be. Even if some of those things will always be a part of you, there are other parts of you that have grown beyond that. Your experiences are definitely changing you and making you into more than you were. If she isn't seeing that for whatever reason...

[He sighs and shakes his head sadly.]

When she came to me that day to ask about you, I told her that. I told her it seemed like she wasn't seeing what was really there--how you had changed. That really could be the problem. When one person changes and the other doesn't...growing apart is sometimes a natural consequence whether the people in question want it to be or not.

[That catches Reno's attention, and he levels a dangerous stare at Diarmuid.]

I appreciate your help, but I think you've done enough in regards to Elena. You need to stop talking.

[Diarmuid blinks a moment, startled by Reno's reaction. The red head already knew about this from a previous conversation so why...

Then it dawns on him. He must have talked to Elena and...]

All right. So...you going to tell me what you are setting up for or do I get to guess?

Waver's anniversary.

Ah...the party my brother invited me to.

[Diarmuid looks around the room and nods.]

It's not the meadow, but it is still a good location. Is there something I can help with?

I think I got it covered, unless ya think we could use some music. Never tried getting the instruments off that one floor...

I...honestly don't know if anything can be taken from that floor. It might be like the media floor.

[Diarmuid frowns and then shakes his head.]

Music might be nice, but everyone will be talking anyway. It might be too loud for anyone to really hear it.

Just kinda sick of parties without music. That one in November had buncha people playing, but I don't know where they got that stuff. Seems like most of 'em are gone now.

[He hesitates, folding his arms.]

I tried a count of the doors. There's less than a hundred people here now. Or just about that. Seemed like there'd been a thousand at one point.

Yes...so many have gone...

[A sad, distant look enters his eyes. He's stopped going to the graveyard again. Even when he went there shortly after Jason's death for some quiet, he made it a point not to look to closely at anything. It's just too hard on Diarmuid to see all the new stones with the names of friends on them...]

More reasons those of us still here have to keep fighting. They are counting on us.

Ganondorf's gone.

[Which is... something. Reno had the feeling he's been gone for a while.]

...Hey, Dee... do you ever see a stone with my name on it?

He is?

[A surprised look crosses Diarmuid's face for a moment before becoming something more worried. Even though she and he don't get along, he can't help but wonder how Nesir is taking the news since she was so close to Ganondorf.

At Reno's question, Diarmuid shakes his head.]

I...don't tend to go looking for stones with the names of my family on them...

Eh... I was asking because... I was thinking of Rusty the other day.

[He's never gotten around to actually celebrating, if it could be called that. Reno ran out of alcohol a long time ago, and sitting talking to his other self sort of requires a full bottle.]

Wondering how he's been. Things like that...

Ah, of course...

[Diarmuid nods, expression saddening. How does he respond to that knowing how much it changes a person being along on their ruined worlds like that? Reno knows. He's one of those who were alone for so long...]

Does...it help to wonder? To think about him from time to time?

Not really... there's only couple things I finish with, thinking about that... You know how alone it can get.

[Hesitating, Reno frowns and glances over at Diarmuid.]

You know how you were, when you were real bad off?

...It's kind of like seeing that, only it's you you're seeing. Lately, I've been wondering how close I'm getting to him.

Do you consider him what you will be if you fail?

[Diarmuid frowns, wishing he knew more than he did about Rusty. As it is, he only has the few bits and pieces Reno has mentioned to him in the past and is worried about saying the wrong thing.]

Or is it something else?

[He remembers then. Rusty had been very run down...even broken. Is that what Reno fears?]

...Point of no return, Dee.

[Diarmuid shakes his head.]

That point only exists if you allow it to exist. Is there really a point inside of you where you would give up trying? A point where you would give up helping me or Xion or Shion?

He didn't... give up like that. And it exists. Rusty... was the kinda guy that'd sacrifice himself for someone just on principle, and because he didn't have anything left. I think he was better than me, the guy had some kind of... nobility I don't think I'll figure out, not without goin' what he went through.

[Nervously, he ran a hand through his hair, feeling how short it got again since the last time he died.]

But he was also at the point where... I just got to be a painful reminder.

I don't understand...

[His expression makes that very clear too.]

How can someone say they have nothing left if they value something enough that they would give their life for it? That doesn't make sense to me. Was he lying to himself?

[Because Diarmuid has been working hard to get Reno to stop doing just that. The last thing he wants is the man slipping back into the habit...]

I don't know, Dee. I don't know a lot of things. Maybe that's why it bugs me so much.

There's nothing wrong with that, you know.

[His words come after a few moments of silence.]

We don't have to know everything. We don't have to understand. I know we like to, but we don't have to. We just have to keep trying to learn. The rest will come in time.