Kirei "problems" Kotomine (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
god_damned) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2014-03-08 05:07 pm
god_damned) wrote in towerofanimus2014-03-08 05:07 pm
A robin redbreast in a cage
Characters: Kirei Kotomine and YOU
Setting: Floor Thirteen. Floor Ninety-Six. Anywhere else you may want to grab him.
Format: Brackets.
Summary: After the last event, Kirei falters.
Warnings: Mentions of death, suicide, domestic abuse and self harm.
Floor Thirteen
[ There is no one to hear his confession.
The church is empty and dark; forsaken. His footsteps echo loudly as he walks down to the altar, and his head feels heavy. The motions he makes are stiff, methodical, and long trained. Once he reaches the altar, he bows, dropping to his knees then bringing his whole body forward. His palms touch the ground, and so do his lips, without any thought of how the floor has been left dirty and uncared for.
He means to rise, but he cannot bring himself to do it. His body is stiff and resistant, weighed down by the burden of his own trespasses.
He killed her, and he enjoyed it.
There is no redemption for a sin that vile. ]
Floor Ninety-Six
[ Kirei had found another man here once: the traitor Iscariot.
Judas said it would make him forget, and Kirei had doubted much about it. It was said to be only temporary, and this is by no means a proper penance. This will resolve nothing...
But perhaps if he stays long enough, it all will be erased, and in that he can also erase the threat of harm that comes with his existence. ]
Wildcard
[ Or, if you prefer, catch him wandering somewhere else. Feel free! ]
Setting: Floor Thirteen. Floor Ninety-Six. Anywhere else you may want to grab him.
Format: Brackets.
Summary: After the last event, Kirei falters.
Warnings: Mentions of death, suicide, domestic abuse and self harm.
Floor Thirteen
[ There is no one to hear his confession.
The church is empty and dark; forsaken. His footsteps echo loudly as he walks down to the altar, and his head feels heavy. The motions he makes are stiff, methodical, and long trained. Once he reaches the altar, he bows, dropping to his knees then bringing his whole body forward. His palms touch the ground, and so do his lips, without any thought of how the floor has been left dirty and uncared for.
He means to rise, but he cannot bring himself to do it. His body is stiff and resistant, weighed down by the burden of his own trespasses.
He killed her, and he enjoyed it.
There is no redemption for a sin that vile. ]
Floor Ninety-Six
[ Kirei had found another man here once: the traitor Iscariot.
Judas said it would make him forget, and Kirei had doubted much about it. It was said to be only temporary, and this is by no means a proper penance. This will resolve nothing...
But perhaps if he stays long enough, it all will be erased, and in that he can also erase the threat of harm that comes with his existence. ]
Wildcard
[ Or, if you prefer, catch him wandering somewhere else. Feel free! ]
no subject
No. We should talk.
[She takes a step away from him, then, but she doesn't go far. Instead, she merely moves to the frontmost row of pews.]
no subject
He enjoyed it: killing her.
Did he not know she would return? That is the law of this place. Does it make it better, to try to brush aside the depths of his shame by saying it is not really death? No. It does not eliminate his guilt; it does not change his trespasses. ]
It will make no difference.
I cannot be absolved.
no subject
But, I chose otherwise.
[She says that, the last of her words faintly pointed in their delivery, but she doesn't beckon him closer. If he wants to keep his distance, she won't tell him to do otherwise. Instead, she merely sits, her hands folded loosely in her lap.]
Besides, there's something I want to ask you.
no subject
Why would she want to let herself die?
He doesn't ask that, however. He lets her speak instead. ]
I will answer whatever you wish.
no subject
[There's a beat, and then, almost reflexively, she adds:]
I'm sorry.
no subject
Because I have never wanted anything else.
[ His whole life has been spent searching, and this darkness is the only thing that has ever proven satisfactory.
His hands clench, and his voice becomes lower, tighter and more desperate. ]
Because I am an empty man, whose only pleasure is to inflict pain.
It is all I have.
no subject
[Eventually, she says:]
...I'm sorry. I don't think that's something I'll ever be able to understand. But...
[But what? She isn't sure.]
If I could help you...
[Her hands tighten in her lap. It doesn't matter what she would do for him, if she could. She can't even understand this thing that burdens him. What can she possibly offer him, then?]
no subject
He still does not rise, not fully, but he does have to lift one knee to properly twist himself towards her. ]
How?
[ The very idea seems surreal. ]
This cannot be helped.
no subject
[Of course, what she wishes makes no difference. Words and what-ifs are the only things she can offer. At the thought, she bites her lip.]
no subject
[ Something in him seems threatening to buckle. His hands clench into fists, and his head bows down again. He cannot look at her. Her offer is impossible. Surreal.
He killed her. Not only that, he enjoyed it. He killed her for no reason other than his own pleasure; his own delight. He had felt her die and he had swallowed up her screams.
He loved the act of killing her in ways he had never loved her as his wife. ]
Why do you continue to--
[ His tone seems between angered and despaired. His jaw clenches, and the cathedral walls echo his accusation. ]
Why do you waste yourself on me?
no subject
[When she finally speaks again, her voice is gentle but unwavering.]
...I'm not wasting myself. It's not like caring about you means I have to care about other people less. You're not happy with your feelings, are you? So of course I wish there were something I could do, when I see that.
[She pauses briefly, then adds another apology.]
I'm sorry, but I can't change that.
no subject
[ He keeps his gaze downward. Of course, she would not let him go -- that is who she is. Good. Forgiving. Saintly. ]
I cannot change either.
[ He knows this, for certain now, there is no escaping the darkness in him. ]