towerofanimus | See these bribes for what they are

Entry tags:

[au1] enoch

See these bribes for what they are

Characters: Enoch and anyone who would like to join him
Setting: May 1st, floor 101
Format: I'm starting in prose but feel free to do whatever. Threadjacking encouraged!
Summary: Enoch still has wine left, thanks to Riki's efforts to win their trust. What better way to get rid of it than to drink to the memory of Dax and their future?
Warnings: Nothing as of yet.

Enoch had been sleeping in the secret room since that day, paranoid that the tower's very walls would kill him as he slept if he did so in his bed. Eventually he would begin to fatigue but he'd deal with it then. When the new month came, according to the terminals (he never did understand why it was a new day in the middle of the night, but then again, there was no sun or moon to mark time otherwise), the lack of weather was clear immediately, the moment he stepped out of the secret room.

Somehow, he remembered his stash of wine, and where it had come from. And he had an idea.

He'd gathered all his wine - four and a half bottles of red wine (two of them red wine and rosewater), and a few glasses from the cafeteria. He himself had a crude waterskin filled with it, and he sat with all of this at the edge of the gardens, drinking slowly, a pile of fruit gathered from the floor beside him, mostly apples and grapes.

He knows that by all rights he should be seeing stars. The dark void out there instead makes him all too aware that when a world dies - no, when Ruana kills a world, she kills its Heaven too.

The multiple glasses is a sign he does intend to share if asked, but if one comes too late in the day, it may be gone. But he is indeed willing to pour a glass for anyone who asks, and to share conversation. They may all be forced apart - and this is unavoidable, or so the AI said. But he needs the company of others now more than ever, as they march inexorably towards their future for better or worse.

For better or worse...they had followed in Dax's memory as well as they could, even if Riki tried to pull them away. What better way to resolve the effects of Riki's treachery than to use them to honor Dax? If one should find him when he considers this, they will hear him murmur, "Dax...", and he pours a bit of his wine onto the soil beside him - of course, the glamour glitches as he pours, and it becomes water on a metal floor, but then it's restored, and the wine sinks into the earth.

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They wouldn't be able to avoid the subject forever. For now he welcomed not speaking about it. Lucifel took the apple and stared at it for a while before he took a bite.

"... I wonder if He was looking at such an emptiness before He created everything..."

"If only we could fill it as easily."

If only it was as easy as speaking things into existence. Enoch raised his waterskin slightly, and gave Lucifel a small smile.

"To light?"

"Who knows what would happen if the two of us created a world?" He said with a chuckle. That would probably be something... probably a bit of a mess, knowing who would be involved.

"To light? Really, Enoch?" The Archangel looked serious for a moment before he laughed.

"Isn't it always what follows darkness?" He laughed along with him. It would be...nice, to create something grand like a world with Lucifel. He'd hope they could make a good one, something God would be proud of...

But it's only a nice thought, nothing more. A desire for a lasting legacy of their friendship, this centuries-old bond they have.

"I..." His laughter fades, his smile saddens. Speaking of creating worlds, he has something to tell Lucifel, though the angel may have already guessed from his tone. "Lucifel, I learned something the other day..."

"Well, it is." A world made by the two of them with their ideals... nah. He liked they way things were and didn't want to worry over every little thing or for Enoch to worry over everything like He did.

It was just a random thought... with no greater meaning behind it.

There was no need for asking that something was wrong when he heard the change in Enoch's voice. "..." The words were stuck in his throat, as if there was a knot keeping it tight.

"... Yes?"

"I...we...we can't combine our worlds."

The smile had slipped from his face completely, and he reached over to lay a hand on Lucifel's arm. "It would kill anyone extra. Once our time here is gone, we..."

He choked on his own words. It was so hard not to cry...actually saying it, it hurt more than ever. This Lucifel had stood beside him for so much, stood beside him as an equal, not just support. Held him when he was hurt, confided things in him he wouldn't have otherwise...

He wasn't just Lucifel. He was distinct. Someone he would leave, and miss dearly. Just like all the others and yet, because he was Lucifel, immeasurably worse.

"..."

So if everything went well it wouldn't be a 'See you again'. They would be saying goodbye.

They had know it may come to this. That it was possible for things to turn out this way and that probably not even the archangel might be able to travel to different worlds. He had thought of such an outcome before.

But then why...

Why did it feel so painful? Lucifel knew what loss felt like by now, yet it felt worse. And it wasn't even a loss. Their ways would just part, that was all.

A shudder of his shoulders marked Enoch's inability to hold back his tears. They flowed silently from his eyes as he set his waterskin down to turn and hug Lucifel tightly.

They could take comfort in the knowledge that the both of them were immortal. That neither of them would die (right?) and would always be there, somewhere out there in the vast multiverse.

"I would ask you to come find me...but you have a 'me' you made a promise to as well. If you could, would you come for a visit?"

He was trying to stick to the bright side. Hoping Lucifel would be able to come to his world for a little while. Maybe he could even help keep his own world's Lucifel from falling.

It was when he got hugged that there were tears stinging in his eyes and he found himself crying as well. Dropping the apple he wrapped his arms around Enoch as well, his face buried in his shoulder.

"This... this is something I can't promise."

Because he didn't know if he could or if it was okay for him to do so. He might be able to travel through time and space freely, but it wasn't his world, nor his mission... not the Enoch of his world.

He wanted to say it was all right. He wanted to say he understood. He wanted to simply accept that he would be all right out there.

But instead he found himself crying harder for this loss that wasn't a loss.

"I'll miss you...I'll miss you so much..."

It would be more like putting up a wall of glass between them. They would know of each others existence, but they would be unable to reach one another. He would be breaking his promises to Enoch.

This Enoch.

They shouldn't differ from each other, but he shared more memories with the Enoch who was right by his side than the one from his world.

"... Me too..."

He hadn't really thought about it until now. Hadn't considered the two separate. But they were.

Choking on his tears in an effort to stop, he pulled back just a little to look at Lucifel's face. It had to be done, and they both knew it. They both were fully aware of the importance of restoring their worlds. First and foremost they were servants of God...

...It might be of comfort later, to be certain they'd done the right thing. But right now, he was in pain and nothing could remedy that.

Was there even anything that could be done to make the pain of the upcoming separation go away? Was such parting supposed to hurt this much? And had it been this way for Enoch each time he had to turn his back on those dear to him? Could it even be compared to it?

Red eyes met turquoise ones once Enoch had pulled away, tears still running down his cheeks. "Enoch... why does it hurt so bad... I... I don't understand..."

"Why...?"

For a moment, Enoch didn't say anything. He couldn't. Trying to put why this hurt so badly into words was painful in and of itself. The result is halting, broken by sobs.

"...Because...because it's not like our worlds. Where we had a chance to fix things. This is fixing things. But we know we'll never meet again. We'll never..."

Admitting that out loud breaks whatever composure he'd managed to attain and he starts crying uncontrollably again, clinging tight to the back of Lucifel's shirt as if he could somehow bind him to him, carry him with him wherever he goes...

When the scribe started crying again the archangel pulled him closer, unsure of what to do other than holding him in his arms as tightly as he could.

"It feels like... like there is a hole where my heart is supposed to be..."

A hole where his heart should be... He remembered what the mirror showed him, or rather one of the few things he could remember from the mess. Lucifel being lifted into the air by the force of an uppercut, his uppercut, something giving beneath the Veil...

He's clinging just as tightly, unable to speak and barely able to catch his breath as something starts as laughter in his throat and comes out wrenching sobs.

There wasn't even a guarantee they'd be all right.

"Lu-..." He can't even speak, gasping for air through his sobs and unable to get rid of all the negative futures his mind had managed to keep hold of in the mess. The vision of immeasurable pain and Lucifel above him, bloodsoaked. The vision of a broken landscape and he and Lucifel floating in the emptiness.

They couldn't even be comfortable in each other's safety.

"Promise me!" he wheezes through his tears, finding his voice, to a degree, at last. "Swear to me you'll never-...you'll never betray Him! No matter what..."

Edited 2014-05-25 00:31 (UTC)

There was a moment of confusion when Enoch wheezed, actually, it made him stop crying for the time being. Lucifel stared at him for a long time, reminded of his possible Fall, before he nodded slowly. "I swear..."

However, the confusion over the pain in his chest remained.

Enoch nods, trying to say good, that's good, don't ever leave, but he chokes on the words instead, unable to catch his breath.

Lucifel is pulled into another hug when he gives up on trying to speak, burying his face in his guardian's shoulder.

"... Shh..." He rubbed the scribe's back to help him calm down and also hopefully to make him stop crying. At least this promise. He wanted to keep at least this promise to Enoch.

To the Enoch who helped him adjusting when he came to the Tower, who had been with him when he died for the first time, who comforted him over the knowledge that he may Fall, who became so important to him...

So very important...

And this Lucifel. This Lucifel who would comfort him with touch, who had learned gentle words and who had learned what it meant to have a good heart. He'd seen Romeo's book and what he'd said about Yotsuba.

This Lucifel had shown him how his own - or any Lucifel could become even more wonderful. It was a side of the angel that he'd never seen before and only this one had shown it to him.

His gentle soothing and the warmth of his hand on his back helped calm him, his breath easing and his sobs quieting. He still clung tightly, but he was able to speak clearly now.

"This other version of myself...he's a lucky man, to have such a wonderful guardian returned to him."

Lucifel stopped to rub his back when he had calmed down somewhat and he pulled away to look at him again. Back then he wouldn't have known how to comfort him, he would have been completely lost.

However... a part of him still felt a little lost.

"... Enoch." He started. "Is parting from someone supposed to hurt so much that it feels like there is a whole in your chest...?"

"Sometimes..." Literally, if they were unlucky...he tried to force the mirror's vision from his mind.

"If you care for that person deeply...so much that it feels like they're a part of you, then it can feel like they take a piece of you with them when you part."

It doesn't strike him as odd for Lucifel to feel that way about him. After so many years together, Lucifel was absolutely a part of his life, their bond a part of his very identity.

It might not be odd to Enoch but it felt odd to him. He hadn't thought about it before, he didn't even know why that thought came to his mind right now. Though, the archangel knew that it was... different as he said.

"... But it's not the same. It didn't feel like this when..." He swallows. "... When I saw Michael..."

He doesn't let go, especially not when he mentions his time on his own world.

"Perhaps it's because...we're working to fix that now, and our chances are much better than we'd thought. But for us to part...it's as inevitable as bringing him back will be."

"No, because Michael is my twin and you are..." Lucifel stopped mid-sentence. Of course it would hurt just as much if there was no way to fix things, but...

Now he was questioning himself.

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