❝trying to talk my way out of this❞

[guiltapalooza]

Characters: Willow and whoever. OPEN.
Setting: Sixth floor (the forest).
Format: I slightly prefer action over prose, but I'll match whatever you want to do!
Summary: Willow's been doing a lot of magic lately, and tries to meditate to help manage it. Unfortunately she picks the worst place possible. Run into her in A or B, just let me know which one in the subject!
Warnings: Grief. Addiction recovery.


A.

[Since she got here, she's been doing magic almost nonstop. Well, not really, but it feels that way. Casual, advanced, ritual and on the fly-- she's even been teaching it, a little. Willow desperately needs to meditate and feel the Earth beneath her before it catches up with her. She can feel the temptation, feel how easy it is, to just solve everything with a burst of power and a hand gesture, maybe a well-placed word...

But it doesn't solve everything, and it won't bring Tara back. Tara, who had just wanted the best for her; who had wanted her to use magic for good things, as an expression of compassion toward the world. Not for selfish reasons. Willow feels intensely ashamed that she still struggles with this, but that doesn't mean she doesn't. She needs the grass under her hands and trees above her head to recenter herself. To find peace.

She shakes out a circle of ash about five feet in diameter, within sight of the stairs. It's a magical perimeter, intended to stop anything with malicious intent from crossing in and harming her. She hasn't had to use one in years, but Eridan had warned her about the monsters lurking in the woods. Willow uses one now, and settles herself cross-legged in the middle.]


B.

[Some time later, just as she'd really been settling into her inner space, the part of herself that stays calm and undisturbed no matter how much black magic roils through her... she hears a voice, and her breath catches. She could've sworn her heart stopped.]

Tara? [she whispers, and a moment later, she hears another trace of it echoing again.

No. She's dead. Willow lurches to her feet, leaving the small bowl of ash behind, forgotten, and rushes over to the stairs. She's breathing fast, almost hyperventilating, as she races down them.]

Comments

[guiltapalooza]

Use it as little as possible. Black magic, but magic in general, too, [she explains, ready with this answer because she's given it a lot of thought.] And communing with the energy of the planet, which is what I was doing in the forest.

Mostly... it's being responsible, which is harder than it sounds when you can do pretty much anything if you're willing to give up enough. I'm trying to manage without my friends here to back me up, but I'm-- a little anxious. [Make that terrified, but Willow, as forthright as she tries to be about her problems-- because hiding them led to this-- is still ashamed, and frankly lost without the rest of her group to support her.]

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[!!!!! THAT IS A THING HE CAN HELP WITH]

[Smiles reassuringly, only pausing a second when he realizes how amazingly pale he is probably coming across right now. But he doesn't really mind. He certainly doesn't see her as a romantic prospect. She is an alien and he has only just met her after all. Hopes she doesn't take this the wrong way!!!]

I uh... think that I understand. The anxiety, issue. Since you helped me, I would be glad to try to help with that? Even if it's just, offering an ear to talk to.

[guiltapalooza]

[Willow's aware that moirails is a thing, but she hasn't gotten far enough to realize that pale flirting is even possible, so she just gives him a smile back. It's a bit awkward, because as desperate as she is for friends while she's here, needing this much help and being open about it is undeniably embarrassing.]

I'd appreciate it. Regular talking, even, about things that are not necessarily my shameful and embarrassing mistakes. For now, um-- maybe we could head downstairs? I'm pretty tuckered myself.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Bobs his head and turns towards the stairs, though he offers to let her lead the way. It is her feelings jam after all! Of course there is also the whole... He Is Exhausted As Well thing, but he can just... keep that to himself since he's said too much about it already]

I think probably it would help, to start by not calling them shameful or uh... embarrassing. Everyone makes mistakes. That is a um, part of life, after all.

[guiltapalooza]

[She ends up walking alongside him instead of in front or behind, falling automatically into the comfortable role of talking with Buffy as they walk to their next class. Even though that's obviously not what's happening here, it's familiar.]

Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone messes up by-- by magically making your best friend think she should get engaged to her creepy violent stalker. [Again, no offense, Spike, but pre-soul you were pretty much not engagement material at all.] Or making Giles go blind, or, okay, accidentally summoning a troll-- the other kind of troll-- that tries to kill your other best friend. And this is the trivial stuff, the stuff that I could be forgiven for with cookies!

I haven't even gone into the stuff where forgiveness is not assured. And some of it I did to Tara. They are definitely shameful and embarrassing and you can't convince me otherwise.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[...he's not super sure what other kind of troll there is, but okay this is a lot of stuff to listen to and digest. Clearly this was not the best place to start with this particular jam. So... redirection, go]

Tell me about them. Uh, Giles and also... Tara? And your other... friends? [...apparently a friend is a little better thing to have for humans then it is for trolls. He has to keep this in mind while talking...] Maybe so that I have, context, for our future conversations about your uh... supposedly shameful and, embarrassing mistakes. [Kinda teasing with that last bit lkjsdf]

[guiltapalooza]

Oh... context. Well-- okay. [She's hesitant, and takes several moments to compose her thoughts as they head down the stairs. They have several flights to go.]

Let's see. There's four major people I should mention-- major people in my life, I mean, [she clarifies, as if that hadn't been clear.] Xander is my oldest friend, and I grew up with him. Buffy moved into town about seven years ago, and has this prophesied destiny as the Slayer, which means that she fights and defeats evil things.

Ever since she came to Sunnydale, the three of us have been more or less inseparable, fighting the good fight and... and always being there for each other. If humans had moirails and it was possible for there to be a moirail threeway, this would definitely be it-- at least from my understanding.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[GOODNESS HOW 100D. Looks a little taken aback at the prospect of a moirail threeway lksjdlfkjlkj Though... if he thinks about it he has seen... somewhat similar situations before. People who are close to both their moirail and their matesprit in remarkably similar ways. Still, the idea is quite odd to him.............]

[...wait a second] Humans don't have moirails...?

[guiltapalooza]

[Whoops, was that a scandalous suggestion? Oh well.]

Nope. We don't have matesprits or anything else in the quadrants, either. I had to have Eridan explain them to me a little to get it. We have friends and family, and significant others, which is, you know... boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife. But we just have one.

And we don't do the hate-love thing, at least not if we're mentally well. Just friends or romance or hating, not combinations. I mean it happens, but no one really... wants it to.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[Oh god, it's that Humans Are Weird confusion setting in again. They don't have lusii or quadrants??? HOW DO THEY EVEN... EXIST LSDKJF]

Wait then uh... what do you do when you have caliginous feelings for someone? Do you have to auspistize them before, they get anywhere? [But that's a quadrant too??? Good lord, how will he ever figure these aliens out...]

[guiltapalooza]

Caliginous-- oh, you mean kismesis? [She shrugs eloquently.] We don't? People talk about hatesex but it's not something you want to do on a long term basis. Or in my case, at all.

We're pretty peaceful compared to trolls, as far as I can tell. We still get murder and racism and all that, but it's not an encouraged part of our culture, I guess you could say. Not usually.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[...he relates to these feels a lot. He has never been especially partial to blackrom, himself. Of course, he has not yet connected his EMOTIONS regarding the Highblood to kismesitude yet, or he might relate quite a lot less... lskjdf]

That uh... sounds nice... Actually.

[guiltapalooza]

We have our problems. [A wry smile.] I don't want to make us seem like the ideal species.

And there's no reason you guys can't decide what you want to do for yourselves, anyway.

[cabecilla.livejournal.com]

[...was going to continue. Maybe have her talk a little more about humans and how their society works. But then she makes that second comment and he... Well, he smiles actually, though it's sort of thin and doesn't exactly touch his eyes. There are lots of reasons why... well... he couldn't decide what he wanted to do for himself. Most of them are reasons that made him go to war with the Highbloods, and of course the war created even more reasons why he can't do what he wants. But... this is her feelings jam, and he has talked with other trolls about the unfortunate path that lead him where he is enough that he is... really, pretty tired of it]

[So...] Perhaps, you are right. [Little handwave, and his smile gets a little more genuine. Let's just... move along then] I think uh, I distracted you though. You said... there were two other people, who were important to you...?