it's the end of the world as we know it

[touchofgenius]

Characters: William Birkin
Setting: Floor 1
Format: I'll follow you, but action would be mighty nice
Summary: Birkin just showed up and he wants to know what the fuck kinda crap happened to him this time.
Warnings: None

[Birkin always figured he'd have a hand in the apocalypse. Though he definitely thought he'd end up being the cause of it rather than just living through it, somehow or another.

...Though it was probably just another virus anyway. Annoying things. He poked his head out of his room, looking both ways down the hallway. Might as well look for someone he recognized.]

Franken you can't just leave me behind like this, you asshat! [His voice merely echoed back at him. Certainly a bit unnerving, but he'd find him eventually. The guy's labcoat ended up in his trunk or whatever anyway.] Issei?! ...Sher? ...Creepy alien kids...?

[He started walking, slight frown on his face.] Regene?! Wesker? ...Papadachi are you back by any chance?

Guys, seriously... This isn't funny anymore...

Comments

[guiltapalooza]

[She relents when he shrinks back, just pursing her lips at the continued discussion of murderers.]

You'd think so, but no. There's plenty of senseless killing that goes on. I even tell them I'll enforce consequences, which is not my typical role, that's Buffy's! And they don't take me seriously at all!

[Willow pouts.] It's because I wear fuzzy sweaters and say things like plucky and snazzlefrazzle, isn't it? No one believes that I can be badass.

[touchofgenius]

[Birkin chuckles] No one believes I can be a badass either. But I think that's mostly just because I can't be a badass in most circumstances.

[guiltapalooza]

It's not like being badass is all that great, anyway. Who cares if you can tear off limbs?

It's not exactly a great date quality. Hey honey, guess what I did today! I tore someone to pieces! Sheesh.

[touchofgenius]

[Cue the nervous laughter. To Birkin, that actually was a pretty good date quality.] Yeah...

Though I know some non-limb-tearing badasses! My friend Issei, for example!

[guiltapalooza]

Well, sometimes the limb-tearing is necessary, [she says matter-of-factly,] though I still think it's pretty gross and should be avoided when possible.

What's Issei like?

[touchofgenius]

He's really nice. He's a Buddhist monk, gay. I think he's 21 now. For whatever reason, he really likes me, and stands up for me and stuff. Also he's really good at martial arts!

[guiltapalooza]

["For whatever reason"? This guy needs some self-confidence.

They're just about at the right floor now, and Willow leads the way unhesitating through the door on the landing into the cafeteria.] A gay monk? I don't think monks do that where I'm from. Or the nuns, which is a lot more relevant to my interests.

[touchofgenius]

Oh hoh. You should meet my ex-girlfriend. Sex worker, a professional slave, actually, had a thing for knowing people's kinks and probably had a nun outfit stashed somewhere. And she definitely preferred women, so maybe she'd be right up your alley. ...Heh, maybe that's why I'm the only man she ever elected to be with...

[He follows, glancing around the cafeteria. It wasn't exactly Shibusen's cafeteria, but that was a hard one to out-do. Step up from the crap he was stuck with on the island though, at the very least.]

[guiltapalooza]

[Her eyebrows just go up and up and up as he recounts this.] Uh. That's... a little too colorful for me to, handle. At all. Besides, I'm strictly a one troll kind of woman right now.

Which you probably shouldn't ask about unless you want an essay. [Turning to duck into the kitchen.]

[touchofgenius]

Woah woah woah! Wait, hang on, time out. You're with one of those murderous psycho kids?

[guiltapalooza]

[Halting in place and being offended now.]

Hey! They are not all murderous or psycho! And he's not a kid, either, he's my age. So thankfully keep your presumptions to yourself on this one, Dr. Birkin.

[touchofgenius]

Sorry that one of them tried to gut me once! I can't exactly move past that, yikes...

But if he's your age then he's obviously not one of the trolls I know, because they're all six swoops old.

[guiltapalooza]

Well, judge him for it, not my boyfriend, [she huffs, folding her arms implacably.]

Who was it that got all violent with you, anyway? Most of the kids I've met have been alright.

[touchofgenius]

Uh... It's sort of embarrassing and you wouldn't believe me unless you've seen him when he's sober anyway.

[guiltapalooza]

[Pause.]

Your life sounds a lot like my life. Come on, I have to get you your oatmeal.

[And then they actually... made it into the kitchen, yes.]

[touchofgenius]

Oh, right yeah...

[Birkin lifts himself up onto a counter, and waits for Willow to get him that oatmeal, looking a bit like a kid in the process.]

[guiltapalooza]

[She starts pulling out the ingredients and making it without a fuss. Luckily for Birkin, she's done this for a couple of people before, so she does it more or less by rote.]

There's probably other tower stuff I should be telling you, but now I'm just thinking of all of the horrific experiences I've had that just end up awkward when you try to explain them to other people.

[touchofgenius]

Do you want me to start with the community stuff I've been through? Because that's plenty awkward and might make you feel less awkward about what's happened to you. Should I start with that time I turned into a girl, or the time when I told everyone about my co-dependence and lost a toe?

[guiltapalooza]

... Nooo, no, that's okay. [She does, in fact, seem awkward about it, but also self-conscious and helplessly amused at the situation.]

Just saying, I feel you. I think the awkward is too great for it to be negated by anyone else's awkward. It would probably just combust into a supernova of... of awkward.

Better to eat oatmeal.

[touchofgenius]

The awkwarocalypse, even.

Oatmeal is certainly easier to say.

[guiltapalooza]

And way tastier.

[She holds out a bowl to him victoriously.] Here we go, just has to do its sitting thing for a few minutes.

[touchofgenius]

[If not for the steam rising out of the bowl, he probably would have just scarfed it all down, and given the sitting thing the middle finger.]

Thanks, 'Low. I probably would have made the kitchen explode if I'd had to do this myself.

[guiltapalooza]

From putting water and instant mix in a bowl together? Impressive.

Also, my friends tend to go for the other half of my name. Will.

[touchofgenius]

I tend to impress people with my unique skill set, it's true.

Well that wouldn't work for two reasons: One, that's what Stein calls me when he's being cute and loving. Two, I have a tendency to call people by the second half of their names anyway because the first half is overdone. Like my wife- ex-wife's name was Annette and she was called Annie or Ann for so long that it drove her nuts, so I just started calling her 'Nette. By now, it's just habit.

[guiltapalooza]

Come on, you don't want to be Will and Will? [she teases, hopping up onto the counter and swinging her legs.]

We could be like Thelma and Louise except with embarrassing supernatural accidents, and a lot of gossiping about our cross-species and/or gay love lives. It'd be a hit.