001 ♑ [first honk]

[hystericull]

Characters: OU Gamzee and you!
Setting: Room 1-02, the cafeteria, and anywhere in between!
Format: Either are entirely welcome.
Summary: A doped-up, alien clown awakens in the strangest of places - and decides that he's hungry. Seems like he's got a good handle on priorities. Oh, chocolate shenanigans are good, too, although he hasn't eaten any!
Warnings: None that I can think of, except for Gamzee's filthy mouth.


Room 1-02:
[Sometimes a body just doesn't want to get its motherfuckin' move on. That's cool, though. Whatever it feels like doing, or not doing, is all chill with him. It's not like he wouldn't be laying here motionless anyway. This sure was an uncomfortable way to wake up. The immobility didn't bother him as much as the hard, flat surface he'd been placed upon. It certainly wasn't a recuperacoon - a conclusion he'd only come to because of the depressing lack of sopor slime. It also wasn't his horn pile, which he'd become accustomed to sleeping in while in the Veil. Oh, well! Better not to dwell on such trivial things, and get back at enjoying this wicked nothingness. The crazy feel of paralysis was gone, however, and Gamzee Makara regained his motor skills.

After lamenting the loss of that dope not-moving shit, he rolled not-so-gracefully off of the bed, smacking his large horns on the nightstand and landing with a "thud" on the floor. He'd managed to knock some sheets of paper off of the nightstand on his way down.

Oh. They were letters.

Well, he'd already known Alternia had been destroyed, but he was thankful for whoever wrote the letter to have saved him! And everyone being happy sounded like a fucking awesome time! He wanted to meet the author of this letter - they sounded pretty motherfucking chill.

What wasn't chill was this super-tight jumpsuit he'd been placed in. Who even gets up in a brother's bubble like that? Not that it was a huge deal. He was pretty okay with sharing his personal space, really. He crawled over to the trunk the letter had mentioned, and beamed excitedly when he saw what was inside. Among his usual clothes, which he quickly donned, he proceeded to overturn the chest, spilling bike horns, juggling clubs, and slime all over the floor. This was starting to feel more familiar already!

Eating the slime was not something he probably should have done, but who in their right mind would take an oatmeal-only rule seriously? Better yet, who not in their right mind would even notice that there was an oatmeal-only rule?

Uh-oh. The ol' nutrition sack wasn't feeling too well. In a fit of desperation, he scrambled out of the room and down the hallway.]

Cafeteria:
[After getting situated in his room and having had quite the terrible feeling in his stomach, Gamzee had somehow found his way to the cafeteria. It had taken a while, and he'd ended up going in circles, going into other people's rooms, going back into his own room, and generally unintentionally avoiding the place he'd been searching for.

He didn't really notice the bowl of oatmeal before him, and didn't remember how it got there, for that matter. What was this stuff? It was runny, sloppy, and slid over the edges of its bowl when he wobbled it from side to side (which he was doing quite enthusiastically). It reminded him of a discolored sopor pie... kind of. Hopefully it wouldn't make his digestive sack feel like a bag of angry bees like the pie had, however. He frowned at the thought, momentarily pausing his bowl-spinning game to dip and swirl a few fingers around in the stuff cautiously. The table was full of oatmeal, as were his fingers, now. He was generally making a mess, all while wearing a stupid grin.]

Comments

[hystericull]

[He nods. He feels you, bro.]

Fuck yeah them green duds be fly as a motherfuckin' wingbeast, Linkbro! Took me a motherfuckin' while to all get my fuckin' self outta that thing. Lucky a brother's clothes were all such to be conveniently motherfucking placed in the miracle box, though!

[Ooooh, ooooh, shiny things shiny things!!! What are they!?]

[cantstopme]

Mhm! I have my pajamas in here, too.

[WELL FIRST, you get to meet his Mirror Shield, Gamzee!!]

Here, do you want to hold it? This is my shield! I had another one, but it was old and made of wood; this one's a lot stronger because it's made of metal.

I've also got my bow and arrows here but I don't think I should use them inside...

[hystericull]

[WHY WOULD YOU GIVE HIM YOUR MIRROR SHIELD DO YOU WANT HIM TO BE COMPLETELY USELESS FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS]

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

[Staring at it forever. It reflects light! It shines! His face is in it! He touches the shield to make sure there isn't a reversed Gamzee inside. He stares some more. You'd better show him something else because he isn't moving.]

[cantstopme]

...

[Riiiiight. MOVING ON...
Link shakes his head a little, and picks up his Hookshot, slipping his little hand inside to hold the the latch.]

Look at this! I use it to climb up really high; want to see?

[hystericull]

[It's hard to tear his eyes away from the shiny, but he does, slowly. As soon as he sees the Hookshot, however, the shield is completely forgotten.]

Holy motherfuck! Motherfuck yes, bro!

[Widest. Eyes. Ever. Well, widest that he can manage while on sopor.]

[cantstopme]

[He gives him a nod then, pointing the Hookshot up and launching it, only to be launched up himself, hanging from it with a smile.]

See? I used to have a grappling hook like this too, but I don't know where that went...

[Aaaand dropping, so he can take his Deku Leaf up - it looks like a weird bundle of sticks at first, until Link grabs it and it looks like an actual leaf. It just works that way, somehow. Don't question Deku magic.]

[hystericull]

[He loses track of Link for a moment as he shoots to the ceiling, then finds him again after frantically whipping his hair head back and forth.]

S'okay, man, I be losin' track of shit all the motherfuckin' time. That motherfucker'll be makin' its way all back at to you when it gets good and motherfuckin' ready.

[STARING AT THE LEAF. TOUCHING IT. POKING IT.]

[cantstopme]

[And he laughs a little bit at Gamzee poking his leaf, before whipping it back and forward to send a gust of wind at the troll. Take that!!!]

This is my Deku Leaf! It's magic, and the Great Deku Tree gave it to me!

[hystericull]

[The sudden burst of air sends his loose clothing and massive hair backwards, eliciting a honk of surprise!]

All this magic in one fuckin' trunk, bro them laughing lords be fuckin' getting their smile on all down at you what's for fuckin' sure!

[He stands there in between all of the magical items, looking at each one excitedly! He didn't have nearly as many things in his trunk, but what he did have was pretty miraculous. He'd have to be getting his hospitality on something fierce to return the favor of seeing all this magic.]

[cantstopme]

Mhm! You know, I bet I can show you my magic arrows and not have to fire them...

[And true to what he's said, he bends into his trunk and pulls his bow and an arrow out, pulling the string back to show him what they both look like - and lighting the arrow ablaze with his magic.]

Fire arrows are good for really hard enemies or for lighting stuff on fire that's far away, like curtains!

[And the fire dims out, only to be replaced by a hunk of sparkling ice.]

And ice arrows make enemies freeze in one spot! Then I just have to hit them until they're dead. It's really neat!

[He lets the ice melt and pauses for dramatic effect, before lighting up his arrow one last time, the beams coming from the tip seeming almost holy in a way.]

Light arrows. They're very, very strong, and I can defeat almost anything with just one!

[hystericull]

[He reaches for all of the arrowheads in succession, singing his fingers slightly on the fire, and letting out a yelp. The Light Arrows, however, oh my GOD does he love those!!! He's waving his hand around it and putting his face so close he's probably burning his retinas off.]

Even your arrows got fuckin' miracles all inside them, bro! One of them motherfuckers back home got a thing for this kinda stuff. Bet he'd get his motherfuckin' perspiration on somethin' goddamn fierce if he all got a look on these magic sticks of yours!

[cantstopme]

Well, they are really neat...

[He's just better with his sword, which is being lent out to a swordless Link...

Lil' Link carefully puts the bow and arrow back into the trunk, to pull out the final super awesome thing in his possession: the Wind Waker. The baton starts to sparkle and light at the tip once he holds it, and he waves it around a little to show Gamzee.]

This is the best thing I own; my Wind Waker! It's a baton I use to conduct the wind and stuff, like a maestro!

[He wouldn't know that word without Makar, of course.]

[hystericull]

[Sorry, he's got no idea what that means! The only music he knows is throwing down them sick beats, yo.]

Shit, that is all what I be all getting my noise on about! ...Though that crazy baton looks to be all motherfuckin' too tiny to be gettin' a sweet fuckin' throw all on in the air, my man.

[You'll have to excuse him as he mistakes your conductor's baton for a twirling baton.]

[cantstopme]

[He can't help blinking a bit at that, before shaking his head with a laugh.]

No, it's not that kind of baton. I use it to conduct stuff!

Like this --

[He waves it a bit, conducting in 3/4 time (complete with a quiet "1, 2, 3" under his breath).]

Conductors do it so musicians know how fast to play!

[hystericull]

[He watches the baton go up, down, left, right, up, down, left, right, up, down...]

Ooooh, so a brother know when he can all up and start droppin' them motherfuckin' wicked slams!? You be gettin' to have some noise you gotta hash out with a brother, Linkbro? Gonna get that noise motherfuckin' flowin' so fast like you shook that Faygo bottle up and now its pouring all down your motherfuckin' hand!?

[cantstopme]

[And he stops a bit, blinking once or twice again. He.... has no clue what you just said, Gamzee.]

... What's "Faygo"?

[hystericull]

[QURL YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE!!! He stares at Link like he's the most depraved child in the universe.]

...Motherfuckin' Faygo, bro! Most wicked of a brother's elixirs! Fizzy shit that all snaps that pan straight up at a locked-in, laid-out, motherfuckin' dope zone, my mystical motherfucker!

[Come on, bro, tell me you've heard of it!?]

[cantstopme]

Nuh-uh, I've never heard of anything like that.

[He thinks for a second though, before pulling a bottle out of his trunk.]

I've got my Grandm's Elixir soup?

[hystericull]

[He pauses, considering. He's never seen that flavor before, but there's a lot of shit he's never seen before! Could be another Faygo miracle to add to the list, which was growing quite long, by the way.]

Shit, this motherfucker ain't never seen an elixir such to be that color! What's it all be tastin' like?

[cantstopme]

Um... Really good!

Do you want to try it? I've got a lot.

[This is just bottle two of three, and each has two servings!! And it never goes bad!!!]

My Grandma made it for me, it's really healthy for you and tastes really great!

[hystericull]

[He's not too fond of things that are "good for you", but he'll try it anyway! Gamzee may not have table manners, or many other manners for that matter, but he'd never disrespect one of his bros!]

Fuckin' yeah, motherfucker! Bottoms the fuck up! Honk!

[He took the bottle of soup from Link, sniffing it at first with his big clown nose like some sort of Faygo connoisseur before tipping his head back and swallowing both servings in one go. Did you even taste that, Gamzee? He's got it all over his face, now.]

[cantstopme]

[Link blinks at that a bit, receiving the empty bottle from his friend and wondering HOW THE HELL DID YOU EAT BOTH SERVINGS THERE WAS SO MUCH IN THERE.]

Did... did you like it?

[hystericull]

[He lapped the excess soup off of his face with a long tongue, trying to remember if he remembered what it tasted like. And then!]

Shit, motherfucker, that make my nutrition sack be all at havin' the most warm and soupy of feelings! Ain't no motherfucker ever gonna get his eating better than what's a bottle of that wicked stew after gettin' his fuckin' munch on of the oaty mess they be dollin' the motherfuck out downstairs!

[What.]

[cantstopme]

Yeah, um... the food here isn't really great, but I guess it's not really bad, either...

But that's why I'm glad I have a lot of my Grandma's soup!

[Pause.]

Uh... had a lot of my Grandma's soup.

[He only has a bottle left. 8(]

[hystericull]

Heyyy, bro, no fuckin' worries! A brother all ready to get his share on with his new little green buddy! I got tons of pie what's back in my mystical motherfuckin' trunk of wonders! Crazy tower 'nappers packed that bitch full of 'em!

[An eager grin, opening his arms wide to indicate endless fields of hallucinogenic pie.]