towerofanimus | ❝what rushes into my heart and my skull❞

Characters Willow (

guiltapalooza) and you! OPEN.
Setting: The second floor hall.
Format: Action tags.
Warnings: Mentions of violent death.
Summary: A few days after her death, Willow still hasn't gotten her magic back, but this time it isn't the tower's fault. (Also includes a thread for immediately after her resurrection to log with Eridan.) There will be opportunity later to violently harass her, I promise, but for now friendlies only, please?

[Her heart is in her throat, loudly enough that she'd almost think anyone nearby could hear it and know she was there. But she'd been holing up in Eridan's room for a couple days now, ever since she'd come back to life, and at some point she needed to leave. She needed food, for one thing, and for another she had to sleep in her own bed soon or she'd start going crazy.

Her magic still hadn't come back, and it terrified her. Nothing worked. No amount of meditation, prayer, or supplication, no spell she'd tried could coax it out. Magic was what Willow defined herself by, the thing that gave her any amount of self-confidence; without it, she wasn't anything. She was almost useless, just that dumb little girl in high school who'd chased after Buffy and Xander like a pathetic puppy, desperate for attention and approval. She may have committed mistake after mistake with her magic, may have done some undeniably terrible, awful things, but it gave her power. It made her someone.

Not that she regretted helping Eridan. But she'd made a lot of enemies here, and she knew they wouldn't balk at taking the chance to tear her apart while she was defenseless. She just had to hold out. It was temporary -- had to be temporary.

She peeks her head tentatively outside the door, and starts to slowly edge into the hallway. Any of her previous cheer from last week has been drained from her completely, and left behind is a wan, blank-faced girl.]

(for wwaterboy)
[The sleep paralysis is worse than she'd given it credit for. The first time she'd woken up here, she'd been freaked and scared, sure; but now, the ten minutes last forever, her mind replaying endlessly what had happened. Her breathing is uneven with grief, tears sliding from her eyes and down her cheeks even as she can't move.

The second feeling returns, she lurches out of bed, half-stumbling and half-racing out the door and down to his room. She has to see for herself, or she won't be able to believe it. There's always a first time for someone to not come back.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Y-You didn't know? Yeah, everyone comes back. They can't get rid of us, they still have things to do. [Anger seeping in there. Willow had been relatively complacent about her circumstances in the tower before, but now she is flat out angry, and trying to suppress it and not take it out on Dawn.]

Dying might have been what got rid of my magic. I don't know.

I don't know, probably. But that's one of those things you hear about and figure you'll never need to know. Like when they do the safety thing on aeroplanes and everyone knows it's probably not gonna crash so they just forget about it until something happens.

[She's rambling now because she's not sure what else to do. Willow's crying and angry and recently dead and it's too much. Which means when there's a hint of something she can help with, even in a tiny way, she latches onto it.]

H-has anyone else...? Maybe, you know, they'd know if things were supposed to go wrong and how long it takes to go back to normal. O-or if it's not normal and we can look at something else.

I know. I know, Dawnie, it's always easier to live without thinking everything's going to go wrong, with the... crashing.

[She's so tired all of a sudden, exhausted and empty. She slumps against the door frame.] I've been trying to figure it out, but I've made a lot of enemies here. I can't talk about it too openly or they'll... you know. [Death take two, probably.] And I don't trust anything the tower does anymore, so I don't want to go to the infirmary. I don't know what to do.

[Ordinarily Willow tries to be a responsible adult for Dawn, ever conscious of how lost she has to feel without Buffy or her mother. It's been a couple years for her since she and Tara were her de facto guardians, but she's never completely forgotten that time, and it makes her feel badly and so, so guilty to be dumping this all on her now. So she adds, forlornly,] I'm sorry. I wish we had Giles.

[She frowns]

But some of the people in the infirmary are like us, aren't they?

[And sudden lightbulb]

Oh! Dolorosa said someone she knows works there. We can probably trust him, right? Or...I don't know, you seemed to have a lot of friends at that party. You could just ask them and no-one else needs to find out.

[She might not know much, but she does know how to be a little sister and that sometimes mean being the older-sibling-figure's biggest cheerleader. And throwing out whatever she does know in the hopes it'll stick.

And, of course, making badly-timed jokes in the hope it'll help]

Oh come on. We don't need Giles to tell us to go look at books. We can do that just as well by ourselves...if you want to, I mean.

[And somehow that became another idea instead]

[These are all really good ideas, things that had flitted through Willow's mind before but been discarded for any host of excuses. It was just too hard to make herself do something that might actually help when she was stuck, mired in her own helplessness.

But hearing Dawn say them out loud... She wipes away more tears, and then stares at her, trying not to be too visibly hopeless.]

Before we do any of that... C-Can I just have a hug first?

[Dawn rolls her eyes, smiling playfully even as she's in much need of this hug as Willow is]

I guess that would be okay.

[And she moves forward to hug her, though really she wants to keep on with the helpful before the part that remembers that Willow died catches up and she falls apart. There'll be time enough for that later.]

[Willow's really not up to being playful yet, still stuck on the tragedy of it all herself. She rushes into the hug, wrapping her arms around her and hiding her face in Dawn's shirt.

She doesn't cry, but just breathes and holds her tight.] I'm so glad you're here. I-I know I shouldn't, that it's awful for you, but I-- I am.

[Dawn has to take a few deep breaths to stop herself from crumbling. She's really not used to seeing Willow this broken, which is why all she can do is keep on with the less than funny jokes and hope that it's doing something of use]

Come on, it's not that bad. It's just like home only with no school and the monsters don't target us for being part of the slay gang. So, you know, if this is where I need to be I guess I can be okay with it.

[She sniffles a bit, but pulls herself together for the most part, really not wanting to upset Dawn more than anything.]

I've been... uh, doing some vigilante justice on my own, so they more just target me for being me. Doing this without Buffy is pretty much never fun. [Part of the reason Willow had resurrected her was how much she couldn't handle the pressure of it all, and she's not doing too much better at it now.]

[She sighs, remembering only too well the months that Buffy had stayed dead. The months she had spent not fully knowing what the others were up to but she had known that they, with Buffybot, had been trying to make sure no-one realised her sister was gone.

No such luck of that here]

Maybe it's not fun, but you do it anyway. I think that's pretty cool.

... Really? [She's still kind of uncertain, but having the support bolsters her.] That's at least a little encouraging. It's kind of a lot scarier than Buffy makes it look. Especially on your own.

[She nods, thinking]

Maybe...I mean, I know I'm supposed to be kept out of the way so I don't break or anything and I know I don't have magic or Slayer powers or anything you guys have. But I've learned a few things here and there...maybe I can help you. I mean, Buffy was about my age when she became a Slayer, right? And I might as well try for what else there is to do here.

Actually, I could use your help on something, [she suddenly realizes.] And some parts of it are about the opposite of dangerous, so you won't have to put up with all of our fussing about it.

Me and a couple other people were thinking of trying to put together all the information we have on the demons here, and make kinda like a... a database, I guess. For everyone to use. I just keep losing track of it with all the-- the stuff.

Oh, that's a great idea! [She grins] I can be, like, a new Watcher...though much better dressed than Giles ever was. But I mean, we totally have practice in doing that sort of thing so it's not like we don't know what we need to know. Just think up all of the questions we normally ask first whenever we find a new featured creature.

❝what rushes into my heart and my skull❞

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject