❝what rushes into my heart and my skull❞

[guiltapalooza]

Characters Willow (guiltapalooza) and you! OPEN.
Setting: The second floor hall.
Format: Action tags.
Warnings: Mentions of violent death.
Summary: A few days after her death, Willow still hasn't gotten her magic back, but this time it isn't the tower's fault. (Also includes a thread for immediately after her resurrection to log with Eridan.) There will be opportunity later to violently harass her, I promise, but for now friendlies only, please?

[Her heart is in her throat, loudly enough that she'd almost think anyone nearby could hear it and know she was there. But she'd been holing up in Eridan's room for a couple days now, ever since she'd come back to life, and at some point she needed to leave. She needed food, for one thing, and for another she had to sleep in her own bed soon or she'd start going crazy.

Her magic still hadn't come back, and it terrified her. Nothing worked. No amount of meditation, prayer, or supplication, no spell she'd tried could coax it out. Magic was what Willow defined herself by, the thing that gave her any amount of self-confidence; without it, she wasn't anything. She was almost useless, just that dumb little girl in high school who'd chased after Buffy and Xander like a pathetic puppy, desperate for attention and approval. She may have committed mistake after mistake with her magic, may have done some undeniably terrible, awful things, but it gave her power. It made her someone.

Not that she regretted helping Eridan. But she'd made a lot of enemies here, and she knew they wouldn't balk at taking the chance to tear her apart while she was defenseless. She just had to hold out. It was temporary -- had to be temporary.

She peeks her head tentatively outside the door, and starts to slowly edge into the hallway. Any of her previous cheer from last week has been drained from her completely, and left behind is a wan, blank-faced girl.]


(for wwaterboy)
[The sleep paralysis is worse than she'd given it credit for. The first time she'd woken up here, she'd been freaked and scared, sure; but now, the ten minutes last forever, her mind replaying endlessly what had happened. Her breathing is uneven with grief, tears sliding from her eyes and down her cheeks even as she can't move.

The second feeling returns, she lurches out of bed, half-stumbling and half-racing out the door and down to his room. She has to see for herself, or she won't be able to believe it. There's always a first time for someone to not come back.]

Comments

[windykind]

[That's... not a happy face, Willow. That's not a happy face and it's upsetting the Egderp considerably. So he approaches her slowly, so as to make sure she knows he's there, and speaks in a much more somber tone than he normally assumes.]

What happened? Willow, are you okay?

[guiltapalooza]

[Even so she jolts a little, clutching at the door, and then forces herself to calm down. Post-traumatic freaking, she knows this, come on. She's done this before. Not exactly this, but close enough.]

No. I... I died. [She swallows, but this is John. Who is definitely a friend, and is also far from defenseless, so she doesn't need to protect him.] A few days ago, I died. And so did Eridan.

[windykind]

Oh no.

[And just like that, John's face is starting to echo Willow's, remembering the details of his [i]own[/i] first death. By the looks of things, Willow's was even worse, if it killed both this Eridan person -- Eridan's a troll, right? Probably her boyfriend -- and herself at the same time. Somehow, he doubts they were done in by a few tons of spiders.]

I... do you need anything? [He starts looking around.]

[guiltapalooza]

[She bites her lip for a second. But no, she has to do this. She really can't stay in here.]

Can you come down to the cafeteria with me? [she asks, though she sounds uncertain, and hasn't stepped away from the doorway.] I need to eat.

[windykind]

Yeah, of course. [He nods and moves to the side, no longer blocking the door.]

[wwaterboy]

[Eridan struggles against the sleep paralysis, tears sliding from his own eyes. The paralysis translates into more choking, as the memory of his horrific death runs through his mind, and his gills pop open with audible sounds as he struggles to breathe.

Finally he surges up.]

Wwill!

[And at that moment, the door opens, and he sees her, tearstained and desperate, but alive.

He races to her and throws himself into her arms]

Wwilloww! You're okay?

[guiltapalooza]

[She clutches at him immediately, the door left open behind her, and presses her face into his chest. It muffles her sobs, and she's always been a near silent crier to start with.]

I'm... I came back. I was killed. [She speaks between gasps, the memory still fresh.] I watched you die, I thought-- maybe you wouldn't come back, and you'd--

[wwaterboy]

[Her sobs calm him a little. He trembles, but he holds her close, needing to be the strong one as his matesprit sobs into his shoulder. He closes his eyes, shuddering, though, as he fights the emotions. The loss of Feferi is still so close to the surface, and because of him, Willow suffered like this, too.]

I'm sorry... Wwill... I wwas so stupid. I shouldn't a let myself get vviolent like that. You ought to dose me with sopor pills and leavve me.

[guiltapalooza]

Wh-what? No!

[She pulls back to look him in the eyes, distraught at the very suggestion.] No leaving! No one's leaving anyone, no one's dying, no one's getting drugged. I would do that again a thousand times if you needed me to. I'll do whatever you need, Eridan, you-- you have to know that.

[metawoof]

[Echidna was walking down the hallway with a mass of papers in her hand, scribbling away at them, a baseball cap with an old man pictured no it derpily perched on her head and her tongue sticking out slightly as she concentrated. She did manage to catch Willow out of the corner of her eye however, and so looked up with a smile to greet her and then...frowned when she saw the look on the other girl's face.]

Willow? What's...up?

[guiltapalooza]

E-Echidna. Hi.

[She gives her kind of a wobbly smile, still holding onto the door and not moving away from it.] Do you want to come in? [Eridan and Taiki wouldn't mind, she's sure, even though they aren't here.]

[metawoof]

Um...sure.

[She frowned and stuffed the pencil she had been carrying in the pocket of her jacket, stepping forward while folding up the papers so that they'd fit as well.]

Did...something happen? You look really upset.

[guiltapalooza]

Yeah, I... [She can't say it quite yet, cuts off herself off abruptly. Willow takes a step back and holds the door open for her, withdrawing in on herself.]

Come have a seat first?

[notagiraffe]

[Taiki had passed out before Eridan had even left to go to the cafeteria and had been unconscious since. Sanshi had been looking after him and he had woken about half an hour before.

Sanshi helped him to the bathroom to get cleaned, though she had washed all the blood off him whilst he had been sleeping and they were returning to the room. Taiki looked paler than usual, his eyes sunken and even the short walk had made him feel exhausted.

He hadn't seen Eridan, he hadn't been in the room when Taiki had woken and he was very worried about him. He saw Willow and saw how sad she was, fearing the worst he stumbled over to her and flung his arms around her.

His skin was burning to the touch.] Willow...

[guiltapalooza]

[She hugs him back readily, feeling drained and like she never wants to cry again. So she's not crying, but she's not really sure what she's feeling, either.

She just holds onto him, and eventually notices how hot his skin is.] Taiki, you're burning up. [She pushes him away a little to get a better look at him, and now is frowning in open concern.] What's going on?

[notagiraffe]

[He shook his head, indicating that it was nothing] It was... just... the blood... [Or maybe not quite nothing, he is trembling in exhaustion, the effort of walking around having exhausted him. But his eyes flickered up to hers concerned.] Where's Eridan?

[guiltapalooza]

He went to get food. [Willow's not looking anything less than exhausted herself, and she slumps against him.] I'm sorry about the-- the blood. I tried to clean it all up.

[littlemissnobody]

[To say Dawn had been avoiding Willow lately was probably too strong. It wasn't that she didn't want to be around her, more that Dawn had been so wrapped up in her own feelings that she sort-of hadn't noticed that Willow hadn't been around.

Of course, she'd heard rumours about what happened in the cafeteria, but she was trying not to think too hard about that. Even so, when she sees Willow now she hesitates before approaching, partly from her own thoughts but also partly because she'd never seen Willow quite that blank before and it scared her.]

Willow?

[guiltapalooza]

... Dawn.

[Her eyes focus on her, and more than anything she's exhausted. She's done nothing more than lay around Eridan's room for the past few days, and she still feels too tired to get herself moving. Willow knows it's depression, but that doesn't make it easier to push away.] I'm alright, I... I am.

[Maybe if she says it enough times, she'll believe it.]

[littlemissnobody]

[Dawn's not stupid. She knows Willow's not alright, even if she doesn't know why. Which means defaulting to the awkward jokes first.]

Okay, once more with even less feeling?

[guiltapalooza]

I don't want to make you worry, [she says helplessly, completely past the ability to joke at the moment. Which is really how you know it's bad.] Even though you're going to-- to worry, because look at me, a-and where we are, of course there'll be worrying.

But I don't know what to do right now. [She thought she'd been keeping it together so well, but something about seeing Dawn there in front of her is putting Willow two steps from crying.]

[verymuchalive]

[Aradia's been missing her roomie. Especially with the other roomie that she never got to know now gone, the space has seemed incredibly quiet while there was just her in it, and that just gave her more time to worry.

Thus, when she catches a glimpse of Willow she speedily flies over, eagerness and concern in equal measure]

There you are!

[guiltapalooza]

[It isn't until she sees her that Willow realizes she's forgotten about her.] Aradia-- oh Goddess, I forgot to tell you what happened. I'm sorry, I've just-- been here. I couldn't l-leave.

[Having something to apologize for is making her crumble against the door, all the desperation she's been feeling welling up all at once.]

[verymuchalive]

[And the concern soon overtakes the eagerness as Aradia moves to console her, even as she's not sure what's appening]

No, Willow it's okay. You don't have to explain yourself to me.

[guiltapalooza]

No, I... I think I do. [A few breaths as she gets her babbling under control.]

I need to get something to eat, but do you want to... come in for a second first? And I'll tell you.