Sixth Staff ♞ calm as a still pond in the middle of a thunderstorm

[beknightedheroine]

Characters: Sayaka Miki and any who encounter her.
Setting: Floor 31.
Format: Prose or action, I like either~!
Summary:  Sayaka needs a copy of Meditation for Dummies. You can bug her earlier or later on in her failed crusade of calm.
Warnings: Hinting at PMMM spoilers, also it's just kinda angsty whoops...

[Earlier:]

What was she supposed to do? Thinking 'I need to keep calm' did anything but make her feel calm, it just highlighted that she wasn't able to sustain it. She couldn't figure out an answer. 'Don't freak out' was a harder directive to fulfill than it sounded like, and it wasn't just a task that
would help her. There were other people at stake here.

Sayaka looked down at her soul gem with a scowl, where it sat neatly in front of her on one of the cobblestones. There was a small little twisting strand of dark she could spy sometimes amidst the blue, but.. there was no way she was employing the Grief Seed again until she absolutely needed it. On the practical side, Sayaka was pretty sure she had an idea of her limits now. On the other.. she'd used it thoughtlessly the first time, but that Grief Seed.. it felt a little sick using it. She'd definitely not throw it away. But Sayaka was far from ready to even look at it again, and it was stowed in her trunk even now.


Going to a quiet, out of the way place seemed more and more like a mistake now. What was she supposed to DO, just alone with her thoughts? She'd just chase her mind in circles. She'd been chasing her mind in circles.

 
[Some time later:]

This was stupid. With a huff, Sayaka climbs to her feet, stares down at her soul gem for another long moment - the mental image arises unbidden of actually seeing from the viewpoint of that tiny thing, staring up at a gloomy-looking girl with incredulity. She snatches the bauble up from the ground and takes off on a brisk walk across the cobblestones, utterly done with the mess for today. Stupid stupid stupid.

Comments

[beknightedheroine]

What, lots of personal experience with the bodies-formally-known-as-living?

_{[It's hard not to slip into teasing mode as a reflex, even in serious conversations.]}

I was normal old Sayaka, soul distinctly, uh. ..in.

[fallen_stage]

I've killed zombies, and you are nothing like them. Even if you had no soul at all, that still wouldn't make you one.

[Yeah Kuja took that straight. Because the nearby beach had ZOMBIE WHALES. Suck it Tidus.]

Born with your body, you mean. So how did you crystallize it?

[beknightedheroine]

..okay, okay. Less zombie, more soulless husk. Gotta use the right vocabulary.

_{[She's a little bitter.]}

I didn't. Kyuubey did. Most people can't even see him, and he goes around asking girls to make contracts with him. Seems like a real nice guy with a real nice deal, you know?

[fallen_stage]

Your body isn't soulless, else you would be completely blank. Then again, your soul isn't in your body, exactly... but there's a bond there.

[Honestly he's not sure if he's jealous or a little horrified. His soul would be excised, yes, but would it be more stable in that form, less dependent upon the flesh? Not that it matters much now, in this Tower of resurrection.]

But there's a catch?

[Oh, he knew. How well he knew; if this Q.B. tricked others, then he couldn't be much different than Kuja in nature.]

[beknightedheroine]

Yeah. There's a catch. When you first get it, the gem is all shiny and pretty, but...

_{[She holds up the gem to where Kuja could see it a bit better - highlighting the cloudiness within. There's a small thread of something very dark in there, teasing in and out of sight.]}

...want to guess what happens when that turns black?

[fallen_stage]

[At first Kuja thinks it's a flaw in the gem, but no, the cloudiness moves...]

You die, I suppose? Does this progress with time?

[beknightedheroine]

_{[She really doesn't want to spread around the knowledge that Puella Magi become monsters, so she just nods to Kuja's speculation. ..it's a technical truth.]}

When you use magic or get upset, it gets worse, and then you just feel worse. ..'m here because of that. I wanted to try and figure out how to keep it from messing me up, but...

_{[She places the gem back on the floor, to stare at it with some vehemence.]}

..Like that's gonna happen. I just feel worse after trying.

[fallen_stage]

[Okay, so that's scary. Wrecking your soul and dying just by using magic? Just from a foul mood? Small wonder Sayaka isn't all too thrilled with the arrangement.]

I assume it's too horrible a way to die to just let it pass and revive?

[beknightedheroine]

...

_{[She nods.]}

..I was thinking that I might just smash it, if it gets too dark. I can't let it go all the way black again. But I wanna figure out how to keep it in control, you know?

[fallen_stage]

[Kuja doesn't hide his shudder.]

I don't think I could ever do that. Dying is one thing, but shattering one's soul... I cannot imagine it.

[Wait a moment, there is something he could do, if only to get a little social standing. Kuja smiles and brings out a bottle of pale pink nail polish.]

But there would be no need if you don't despair, right? I always cheer up when I pamper myself. Why don't you give it a try?