towerofanimus

Entry tags:

006

Characters: Riku/"Tamas" and open/closed/open
Setting: Anywhere over the month of June
Format: Action preferred, but I'll match!
Summary: Riku during June, also having your powers forced out of control really, really sucks
Warnings: Darkness, Angst, possibly violence at one point, but nothing all too graphic

[A - 5th to 19th June - Floors 32 & 25 (Daytime), all around the tower at night]

[Even with cafeteria, restaurant and the power down, Riku only alters his routine to fit the circumstances - he isn't all too worried about himself; he's more than capable to manage himself. Every now and then he can be found gathering food or hunting on Floor 32 - he isn't above using the monsters as food source, but if he could manage otherwise, well... - but if he isn't, he's most likely continuing with studying... with less and less result as the month goes by admittedly.

At night he is out on the hunt though, clearing out groups of monsters where he knows he can take them... though he is even more cautious than usual. With all supplies limited, he really can't effort being reckless after all.]

[B - 20th June - Floor 13 - closed to Kairi]

[He has noticed that something has started to go wrong, that Soul Eater summoned itself, that his Dark Firagas flare a little more strongly than he intends them to. It's not the first time that this has happened; he recognizes it from just a few months ago, when the collars had gone haywire...

But it's getting even worse this time, because he's been feeling his grasp on the darkness inside him slip more and more in the passing week, has felt the part of it that's not his own swell and push and despite his best tries to regain control of it and himself while going on - he is slowly starting to lose himself.

Today, it's growing bad enough to make him dizzy, to the point where he just stumbles over his feet and against the wall - cold, strong stone maybe slightly soothing - breath shuddering as he reaches up, his right hand settling over his heart while his left clings to the wall. Maybe if he rests here for just a moment, he can get the Darkness back in check.]

[C - 20th to 24th June - all around the tower]

[Even though Riku would never admit so out loud, his transformed state does have some upsides. First and foremost that he can think more clearly again; though he feels slight bouts of dizziness, they are far, far less distracting now. (There is also the very clear upside of finer control over the Darkness around him and the increase of physical strength, but honestly... he would prefer being himself. But then again... this has never been about his preferences.)

Even with Kairi knowing, he cannot help but distance himself from who he had been, from who he might never be again, if things went wrong... The last time the tower had messed with his powers, he had transformed back when things had returned to what the tower considered normal, but things had been different then. The Darkness inside him hadn't been as steep.

It's alright though, he supposes... it's all about adjusting, it's just about separating his now-self from who 'Riku' had been. And getting used to the new (in his opinion, well enough fitting) name he has chosen for himself. After all, what else was he now but 'Darkness'...

He has altered his movements now, wandering the tower randomly and staying away from the places Riku is known to linger at, the hood up hiding his face. But he still spends his night on fighting. Or well... practicing just what he can do with his Darkness now. Who knew when that would get handy after all.]

ooc: If you haven't, please take a look at Riku's permissions post!

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[He makes a startled noise when her memories wash over him, when he can feel crayon between his fingers , the colors of twilight as Naminé sees it and he feels her longing echo through him, her longing and her shame and it makes him ache for her, makes him wish that things were different (not that he doesn't anyways, but now he wishes it even more).

The feeling of her hand clutching his keeps him anchored though, and he just places his free hand over hers as he quietly exhales. He won't back away; he won't leave her alone.

~~Then she has it. And it's not misplaced.~~]

[At that sound, she knows for certain that he has seen, and she blurts a rushed, quiet,]

I'm sorry--!

[But she stops before she can make any further apology when his other hand touches hers, her lips pressing guiltily together. It's obvious in the way her brow knits that she's still ashamed, still so very sorry for forcing such a thing upon him, and so she turns her face to the ground - or is it to their hands? - and squeezes her eyes shut, grateful despite herself.]

[That gratitude may by what makes the problem continue, though less forcefully now; there's something very gentle about it, almost as if she were doing it intentionally, even though she actually isn't. These memories are of him, through her eyes - they're brief, practically blurred, but they span portions of the time before his last memory of their worlds' timeline, and they make it clear that she has faith in him, even through his flaws, and-- oh, what was that last one that just passed by, more slowly than the others because of its relation to the current situation? He likely won't recognize it, because it's part of his future; the hill in Twilight Town, looking up at a version of him that's much too tall, like the form he has now, hooded but still who she recognizes very clearly as him, and she is grateful to him then, too, for the life he chooses to spare her.]

[It stops suddenly, then, almost as if her powers are as startled as she is when that particular memory pops up. She sucks in a breath, looking up sharply with wide eyes.]

[(She'd meant to keep that to herself unless necessary--)]

[The force of the memories lessens, but that doesn't make it any less strange to see them flash before his eyes. He feels uncomfortable to see himself through her eyes, to have her feelings echo through her - it feels like he is intruding on something that really should be hers alone.

The last flash, he doesn't recognize indeed, but that in itself doesn't surprise him - he knows that she is from after him in the time line - nor does his appearance in that memory. He's known that a win over Roxas wouldn't come without consequences.

The flash of gratitude does however and the reason for it even more.

His eyes widen as he stares down at her, paling.]

...What happened?

[Why would he-?]

[Naminé is no stranger to going places in the memories of others that no one probably should, especially when doing so unbidden. Having someone else do the same to her, well-- maybe she deserves it, but it's a very unpleasant sensation. The only comfort in this is that at least it's him. At least it's Riku, who knows so much about her already, who she can trust to keep her secrets his, too.]

[That face - with a different structure, perhaps, and different coloring, but that expression nonetheless - is exactly the one she didn't want to cause. She didn't want to allow even the possibility of such a situation to ever cross his mind, because it was a horrible thing. For now, at least, the memories have stopped flowing, but in their absence there is a void she has not choice but to fill with words she'd rather not have to speak.]

[The sigh that she lets out in preparation accompanies the lowering of her eyes. With an effort, she draws them up again. She should at least look him in the eye for this.]

... DiZ... decided that it was best-- to get rid of me. [And there's a lot more she could say about that, about how that felt, but her powers have already given some hint of that, and it's not a hint she'd like to expand upon.] He--... told you to do it, Riku.

[He will always be willing to guard her secrets, to keep them safe, if she chooses to trust him with them - which is why this seem like a breach on his part.

He is caught up in between distress and anger when she clarifies - w why- how could DiZ ever-

Except that this is DiZ they are talking about, who has never cared to hide his hate and disdain for any and all Nobodies - not even to Naminé, even though she was doing her best to fix what the Organization had forced her to unravel, who is more deserving of kind words than either of them.

DiZ has never shown much care for anything except results.]

He can tell me as often as he likes.

[Riku is hardly a stranger to doing the dirty work, but this? This, he refuses to lift a finger for. And if DiZ ever does himself, well... he shouldn't be surprised to find a Keyblade blocking his path.

Riku has never taken kindly to people that intent to harm his friends.

But he needs to make sure Naminé knows that-]

You know I'd never-

[Never again.]

[It is a breach, but one that cannot be helped, and she will never blame him for it nor distance herself from him because of it.]

[DiZ was a step up from her previous... overseers. A big step - which was why she had perhaps been less guarded than she should have been, and why his decision to order her execution came as more of a surprise than it should have. She learned from that, however, and it's not a mistake she's as likely to make again. It's not that she had any illusion that he cared much what became of her, but rather that she'd hoped he was at least a little less ruthless than that. But more importantly,]

I know. [It's earnest, and her hand tightens slightly around his.] You didn't, Riku...! You let me go. [A faint smile sneaks onto her face, small but present.] You said that you owed me, for Castle Oblivion. [Pause.] I didn't get to say it then, but-- you don't owe me anything.

[He is glad, because admittedly? He isn't quite sure what he would do if she did. (He would of course respect her wishes, but... he'd probably be kind of miserable).

It shouldn't have come at all. DiZ should know better than to ask this, should be better... shouldn't he?

The distress is still on his face, though it has lessened a little - he does owe her, not just because of Castle Oblivion, but because of all she has done for him since, back home and in the Tower. But...]

That's not why-

[That's not why he would- why he will let her go.]

[Good, then, that he won't have to suffer through that. Even if she did see any reason to be upset at him, the idea that he might be caused any discomfort would probably deter her from any action.]

[And that distress hurts her, reminds her over and over why she didn't want to tell him about this in the first place.]

[His words make her pause. ~~A part of her wonders if she owes that to Kairi, not out of lack of faith in him but lack of faith in herself.~~ She'd suspected such a thing at the time, really, but she'd doubted herself. Surely to assume such a thing would be presumptuous.]

... Of course. You're always looking after me.

[But does that really count as 'why'?]

[Even though learning about this piece of the future distresses him, he is glad that he knows. That she isn't carrying around this knowledge by herself anymore.

He just shakes his head, eyes closing; she's not quite understanding why, is she?]

You are my friend.

[And that is really all reason that should ever be needed. No obligation... no debt.]

[Now, if only she could be, too.]

[That makes her blink up at him, startled despite how well she knows that he is too good to her. It's such a strange thing for someone like her to hear, even after so long. Her hand squeezes his slightly in a way that might not be intentional, then relaxes suddenly as if out of fear that she's hurt him, even though there's little chance of that, considering how light a squeeze that was.]

--....

[She wants to say, 'even then?', but maybe the look on her face does it for her. It may be his future, but it's her past, and that version of him never made mention of the Tower, nor does she now suspect he knew of it, of how much more time they've had to spend together and the things they've gone through together in this place.]

[If only.

Even as the light pressure of her hand squeezing his disappears, he really can't help but squeeze back - the look on her face makes his heart ache, he knows he's left this always unspoken, partly because he has thought (hoped) that she understands it is given, and maybe (likely) also because he was afraid to say it, afraid to burden her with a bond that might disappear only all too soon either through death or well...

He has no idea how to explain this all, how to put in words that it has nothing to do with her and everything with him.

So he doesn't and just keeps squeezing her hand gently. And hopes she understands what he isn't daring to say out loud.

'Even then.']

[She does understand, she does know - it's just so foreign and strange a thought, on some level. She'd never though herself worthy of such things back then, her difficulty with the idea stemming from her view of herself rather than her view of him. But... he deserves her belief, she realizes. He deserves better than to be doubted, even if that doubt was of herself rather than of him.]

[He needn't say it. She watches him for a long, long, feels that touch, and-- the smile that happens is small, but there, and full of understanding, accompanied by the slightest of nods and warm eyes. Her hand holds his more tightly again, and she lets out a quiet sigh, her face lowers - she looks little more relaxed now. Her head turns slightly toward where their hands are, and maybe if they were higher, it seems she almost might rest her cheek against them, but perhaps it only feels that way.]

['Thank you.']

[He exhales slowly, letting go of the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding - and now he wishes even more fiercely he were himself, his true self... because then he wouldn't worry about hurting her quite as much as he is now, on top of worrying about crossing boundaries.

There is a second of indecisiveness before he moves, before he slowly, gently pulls one of his hands free and moves it just as slow and gentle as he settles it around her shoulders, careful as he tries to pull her closer, ready to let go again, to let her have her space, the moment she shows any sign of discomfort with the gesture.

'You are welcome.']

[Her eyes open when he moves - they'd started to close before - turning up toward him questioningly. She lets his hand go free without any resistance, raising her head. Even then, it takes her a little while to realize what's he's doing. She straightens slightly at the realization, eyes widening.]

[Her response otherwise isn't immediate, but... at his encouragement, she moves closer, as much so as he means to draw her. It's true that this is especially strange given his current form - but now just as before she knows precisely who it is under that coat, and she knows that she can trust him, and so she does not fret. Any and all instinctive discomfort is nudged aside by her understanding of the situation.]

[It's probably selfish of him to seek comfort like this, he thinks belatedly, even though he intended this gesture for her, even though this was supposed to comfort her.

Nevertheless he holds on for another moment, before he disentangles himself from her, takes a step back. He's maybe really not quite looking at her.]

[And it does, in its own way. She only hopes it comforts him, too. She makes no move to draw away of her own volition, just allows this and in fact settles into it, just a little, but before she can get too comfortable, it's over.]

[She looks up at him uncertainly, but then she sees how he isn't quite looking at her. It's not hard to tell he's feeling awkward about it. She is too, in her own way, but-- but he shouldn't have to. He didn't do anything wrong - not that doing things like that is necessarily right, either, not because she didn't appreciate it but because, as in many things, she is not certain that she is worthy. Her brow knits slightly, her lips pursing.]

[And then before she knows it she's stepping after him - she needs more than one little step to make the distance because his legs are so much longer right now - and then somewhere along the line her arms end up around his middle because that's about as high as she can reach right now. Maybe that's her, 'it's okay', for both of them.]

[He'd consider it comforting, usually - if he were himself, if neither of their powers were moving utterly out of control, if only...

He doesn't even notice her stepping closer, not until her arms are around him and he can't help the gasp that escapes him, the surprise in his eyes - this is about the last thing he'd have expected her to do. A moment later he is relaxing into the hug though, one arm settling around her shoulders again and he desperately wishes he were back to his old height, his true height... then at least he would be able to hug her back properly.

There's no way to change this though, no way but to wait this out, and maybe if they are patient for just a little longer, it will really be okay. Maybe.

They'll just have to keep hoping, won't they?]

[There are a lot of 'if only's in lives like theirs. Maybe this'll just have to be good enough for now.]

[She doesn't cling to him too tightly, doesn't squeeze, just keeps a firm but breakable hold on him that strengthens just a little when he places his hand on her shoulder again. Even she's a bit surprised at herself, it's true, but-- this just seemed right. They both need the comfort, though she's more focused on providing it for him than for herself.]

[But soon enough it's over, and she moves to gently let go of him and give him his space once more, unless there's any objection to doing so offered.]

[It will be. It's probably more than Riku is allowed to ask for anyways ~~or... at least that's what he thinks~~.

He bows his head lightly, fingers twining slightly, gently into her hair-ends, combing through slowly them. They both need it indeed - though Riku would argue that she needs just as much, that she shouldn't just give, but also let herself be given.

When she moves to let go, he does too, slipping his arm off her shoulder again, now no longer looking away.]

Edited 2012-11-06 22:36 (UTC)

[~~Perception is everything, and all that, but she'd readily disagree with him on that point.~~]

[It's such a strange feeling, having her hair touched like that. It's rarely been given any attention at all, and never quite that sort. She finds it oddly comforting, likely more so because of who it's coming from.]

[Alas, most things must come to an end. She's pleased to see that he's looking at her, even if she can't help feeling a little shy and embarrassed at her-- does it count as an outburst? But still she smiles up at him, the curve to her lips small but sincere.]

[~~They'll have to agree to disagree then.~~

Well, it's sort of a physical outburst, probably. Not an unwelcome one, far from really. His eyes narrow as he looks at her fondly, the corners of his lips twitching up into a light smile as well.]

...Thank you.

[~~Gladly. Unfortunately, that's probably not an arrangement she'd play fair with. He will be encouraged, so help her--~~]

[True. His reaction is about as good as she could have possibly hoped for, and she is quietly relieved.]

... You're welcome--... no. Thank you, Riku.

[~~Hey! :|~~

He is too... relieved and glad.]

...You are welcome, too.

[~~It's for the best, okay. Don't make her break out the Looking.~~]

[A positive outcome all around then--]

[Here, have a nod and a very warm smile. At least for now, her powers seemed to have calmed, but she's almost totally certain it's merely temporary.]

[~~Break it out; he can handle! 8|~~ ~~Okay no, he can't. /sob~~

Seems so.

Maybe it's only temporary, but ~~at least she gets a break~~ there is no reason to enjoy it while it lasts. Which really, she should do. Without a reminder of all things bad around (which is essentially what he has become by being forced into this form, isn't it?).

He takes another step back, reaching up to tug at his hood back into his face, making sure that it is still in place, that it can't be dislodged easily.]

006

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DW, don't post while I'm not done! D:

DDDDDD: !! DW WHY

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