I'm not always like this, it's something I've become

[chronomancer]

Characters: Jaderi and YOU.
Setting: Caffeteria.
Format: I'll start with action, but I'll match you.
Summary: Eridan's back from a month abroad, and he's very much in need of comfort food. Pancakes are close enough to waffles anyway.
Warnings: Eridan being way more of a douchebag than ever before. Also possibly violence and death if he gets upset. He's got a gun and surprisingly few qualms about using it right now.

[So. Back in tower wonderstuck. Eridan is mildly depressed at the fact this is actually improvement somehow, over... well. That.

But we're not talking about that.

No.

Really.

We are not.

But if you want to talk about something else entirely, you're welcome to approach Eridan, who's sitting in a table by his lonesome, an empty plate of oatmeal at his left and a piled up plate of pancakes to his right.

They ain't waffles but, you know. Close enough.]

Comments

No running away from his feelings, HIS PURE AWESOME FEELINGS.

[chronomancer]

[He shrugs.]

It'll be alright.

[Nope, it won't.]

He ain't as terrifyin' as you probably think he is.

FEELINGS. WHAT FEELINGS? NO FEELINGS HERE, HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

[geometry]

[That definitely wasn't another twitch behind the one cracked lens.]

H-he is when... he wants to be.

EXACTLY.

[chronomancer]

That's the thing you oughta remember, right?

[Eridan smiles a little wanly.]

He's gotta try to be that terrifying.

[geometry]

...

[He does not see what you are getting at, Eridan.]

[chronomancer]

[He shrugs. It's one of those things that you either get or you don't, he supposes.]

[geometry]

[Implying that Equius really 'gets' anything. Sorry, he's kind of the world's easiest person to get pissed off with, but I'm sure Eridan has already realized that.]

[--And there, right there, something seems to click, and immediately Equius is running all over the place being a classic fussyfangs.]

Oh god. You're alright, right? Do you need more food? Any unchecked wounds?

[chronomancer]

[He tilts his head to the side. He's lost some weight, between the month spent eating as little as possible because supplies were so low, and then a month... well, there. But he doesn't seem to mind. He shrugs.]

'm fine.

[geometry]

Are you sure?

[This is his way of calling bullshit, by the by.]

[chronomancer]

Ain't dead yet.

[ S H R U G

Because that's totally a reasonable measure of health.]

[geometry]

That isn't answering the question...

[chronomancer]

Sure is!

[Eridan arched both eyebrows.]

I ain't dead or dyin' yet. Ought to be an improvement, right?

[geometry]

Not by much.

[...Wow, that pantry is suddenly really fascinating! He walks over to it now.]

W-what did you come into the kitchen for?

[chronomancer]

[Eridan rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. Then he delivered a flawless deadpan:]

Oh, I just felt like cornering you in a closed space, make you wildly uncomfortable and maybe even make a pass at you. It's totally the perfect timing to bend you over that counter.

[geometry]

[...Hey, uh, Eridan.]

[Was that a Force Choke you just executed on this poor boy?]

[Because it sure sounded like one.]

[It's a small miracle that Equius had his back to the other right now. The things happening on his face are not a pleasant sight to behold.]

[chronomancer]

[Eridan snorts.]

Kidin', Zahhak. Don't get your nook up in a twist.

[geometry]

[Oh, wait, at least this next one is identifiable as a wheeze.]

You.

You.

Ha ha.

[...OH SWEET FUCK. EQUIUS WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR ARM.]

[THIS BASTARD. IS.]

[OH JESUS.]

[SOB.]

[chronomancer]

'sides, everyone knows food preparation blocks are traditionally black spots.

[Shut up, Eridan. Stop talking. Shut. Your. Mouth.]

And really, if I wanted to make a pass at you, it wouldn't be black.

[geometry]

OH MY GOD.

OH.

MY GOD.

[He said that out loud. He totally said that out loud.]

[And it squeaked like hell, too.]

[No, this is definitely not a shaking, sweaty mess all over in the pantry here, Eridan. It's just, um... some old meat.]

[chronomancer]

...pancakes, actually.

[Eridan's voice is carefully devoid of inflection. Then he sighs, leaves the plate on the counter and goes see if Equius was still alive.]

We've been through this, Equius. Breathe.

[geometry]

[...Yeah, no.]

[Equius just wheezes more and sticks his head in the pantry. Under no circumstances is Eridan ever, ever going to see his face. He doesn't even know what's happening on it. But he knows that it's bad.]

[chronomancer]

Seriously.

[Eridan sighed. And put a hand on Equius' back.]

Breathe. If you hyperventilate on me, I'll haul your ass up to the media room and force you to watch shitty musicals til you stop acting like a grub. Really shitty musicals, Equius. With catchy lyrics you'll be humming for a month.

[He's still deadpanning.]

[geometry]

[Pantry. Food. Right.]

[He walks further in, rooting around in the back; primarily, the purpose of this was to occupy his hands so that they didn't start flailing everywhere like his brain was telling them to. But he at least makes an attempt at a regular breathing pattern! Look at all the things he does for you, Eridan. THE PERFECT HOUSEWIFE.]

Breathing! Breathing. I'm breathing. Breathing. Yes.

[chronomancer]

[That's why he's keeping you, baby. Eridan makes a soft, noncommittal noise in the back of his throat. After a moment removing the hand to stick it into a pocket.]

Might still haul you upstairs anyway. You look like you need a time out.

[geometry]

Right. Fine. Fine. We'll go upstairs. Just. Back up for a moment? Okay?

[And without allowing Eridan to see more than hair and glasses, Equius heads over to the sink. He turns the cold faucet on, dunks a towel under it, takes off his glasses, and slams that whole thing onto his face.]

[Yeah.]

[That just happened.]

[chronomancer]

[Eridan watched the procedure with a risen eyebrow, before he rolled his eyes and hunted down a few more pancakes. When Equius deems to come out from under the towel, he'll find Eridan tearing on the things again.

...yeah, he's not hungry so much as manic, but it's not like anyone'll ever notice.]