[.001]

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

Characters: Naminé

Setting: Twelfth floor

Format: Starting this way, matching responders.

Summary: A new arrival discovers the twelfth floor. This is not exactly good for her world view.

Warnings: Angst, low self-esteem, tl;dr.  In summary; those stairs are blocked by an outwardly calm but internally angsting teenage girl.



Naminé had read the letters, of course. It had seemed prudent, considering that there appeared to be no one around to explain why she had woken up in a bed rather than… well, she hadn’t known what to expect when she went back to Kairi, for all her attempts to be optimistic, but this hadn’t even been on the metaphorical list. At the very least, shouldn’t there have been fewer beds? Sora was the one who always had guests in his heart, after all, not Kairi.


The letters had proved informative, as they were no doubt meant to be, but….


Try though she might, it was just impossible to wrap her head around the idea that the worlds she knew no longer existed. If the Heartless had tried to destroy them and failed, then how could something nameless and faceless succeed? It was an utterly stupid notion, of course, but something in her just couldn’t quite let go of it… until now.


Her feet had prompted her to take the nearest exit, to try to find her way back to something she recognized or make sense of this world. It wasn’t the first time she’d woken up in a strange place, and so she had found herself calm, but understandably apprehensive. It hadn’t ended well, last time. Her search had yielded no fruit up until the point where she stepped down onto the twelfth floor of the tower.


Vertigo and a lurch in her stomach were instant, forcing her to a stop right in the middle of the stairs. Once her mind had managed to convince her body that she wasn’t going to fall, she began to take in her surroundings – and, more specifically, what was going on in them. She ended up feeling sick all over again.


All of those worlds, destroyed as easily as one snuffs out a candle.


Seeing it was much more powerful than hearing it. Watching this destruction, endless and absolute, tore aside her disbelief and replaced it with much, much heavier understanding. Everything that she’d ever worked for, everyone she’d ever known, met, or – impossible for her to admit to herself – cared for was gone.


Her knees went weak, but did not buckle; they, too, seemed to be in shock. Her face was ashen, her arms limp at her sides, her expression still frozen in place. The prickling at her eyes went unnoticed in favor of the tumult in her mind.


She’d been able to handle the idea of herself no longer existing as a separate entity (after all, she would be whole, wouldn’t she?) but the idea that Sora and Roxas, that Riku, that Kairi, Donald, Goofy, the King, everyone else were no longer— she couldn’t even think the word. She was no stranger to death and the threat of it, but still, still--


Why her?


Why her, of all people? Of all Nobodies? What right did she have to be spared? What purpose did she have, beyond finishing the duty to Sora that her failures had put upon her and then going to make Kairi whole? What was Naminé supposed to do? All that time she’d had the answers, or at least answers that she could make herself believe, but now… she was really and truly nothing, without purpose or tie.


Still, she did not break down. She didn’t know how to. She didn’t have the right to. Her body stayed motionless like the shell it was as she tried so hard to figure out whether she wanted to scream, or weep, or laugh, or if she really didn’t want anything at all. In the end, it probably didn’t matter what she did. The only thing that did was that one question, the one that someone else always answered for her.


What now?

Comments

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

They also start everything, too. Naminé tilted her head. She didn't seem particularly inclined to believe that theory, but she also wasn't inclined to laugh at him for trying. She watched him flounder, but smiled a gentle and judgementless smile. "Maybe." The smile faded as she worked through some theories of her own. "...Do they ask us to do things?"

"A long time...." Despite her attempts to avoid bringing up what she knew, she couldn't help but look... pitying? How in the world could she bring something like that up? Did it even matter, now that he was awake again? Would he be upset? ...Well, anyone would be upset about something like what had happened to him. "What woke you up? Do you know?"

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

They really need to stop messing around in the business of mortals. Ven gave another chuckle of embarrassment; he was glad at least that Naminé didn't make fun of him for flopping. "Um, I don't think so. At least not while I've been here, or at least not from me."

He saw the look of...pity? and quickly rushed to reassure her, shaking his hands a bit and grinning. "It probably wasn't that long! It just felt like awhile." Then again he, wasn't sure what he had been expecting. Had he been expecting to even wake up again? Or had he just expected it to be like a nap. Hm.. "I don't know. I just remember waking up here after some of my other roommates woke up." He added with a shrug after a moment of thought.

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

"Hm...." The answer in the negative seemed to only have given her a little bit of comfort. "And you've been here... how long, now?" Her face was serious, as if this information was important, somehow. On her part, she hoped to collect more evidence before announcing a theory.

"...." That look didn't go away, despite his efforts. She knew it was probably a bad thing to say, but... the idea of leaving him to a delusion like that was somehow upsetting. She couldn't commit to the idea of telling him everything, but... surely she could nudge him in the right direction, couldn't she? "You might have been asleep longer than you think you were." She forced her face into a small smile and, as if she hadn't said anything the moment before, added in a more relaxed voice, "Your roommates?" accompanied by a very slight headtilt.

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"About a month I think," He answered, once again taking a moment or so to think. "Why?" Was she figuring something out? Given the look on her face, it was probably a better theory than his..


"H...Huh?" Naminé seemed to be a worrier, but that certainly wasn't the answer that he was suspecting. His brow knit in concern as he frowned just slightly. Did, she know something he didn't...? "What do you mean?"

"--O-Oh, uh yeah. Roxas and this guy named Eiji." Let's not talk about that though.

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

She lowered her eyes to the ground as if searching for more evidence there. "I...." If she couldn't tell him about himself, how could she tell him about her own history? "...I'm just trying to figure out what might be going on." Oops, guess it's obvious she doesn't believe his theory now. "If it's been this long and they haven't asked for anything, then...." She trailed off, then shook her head. "Has anything else happened? Anything strange?" You know, besides transworld kidnapping.

She responded to the second thing he said quickly, in order to avoid answering the first thing. "Eiji?" No, no memory of that name. "What's he like?" They both have things they don't want to talk about and one of them's probably going to lose one way or another.

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"Hmm...." He crossed his arms, thinking a bit about what could be going on. Admittedly he doubted his own theory was spot-on-- but he wasn't dismissing the possibility! "Well, there was a blackout for a week or so. Only the lights in the room were working and everything was shutdown. And these...ghosts showed up." Urrrrrggghhhh let's not talk about that either. "I don't think that was part of their plan though."

"Um...." Naminé why you dodge questions "He's...uh, nice." Ven's frown was pretty prominent by now. He didn't want to blame the guy, but....

"C-Come on, what did you mean? How long have I been asleep...?!" Ven looked at Naminé straight on, not waiting for a reply to his previous comment and changing the subject again. He sounded almost panicked. What about Master Eraqus? And the Lost Boys? He had told Herc and Zack he'd be back to see them become heroes...!

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

"Ghosts?" Naminé is talented at bringing up awful things. A whole week? That was a long time to go without light. How did anyone get down all those stairs to get food?! "Why don't you think it was part of their plan?" Besides him being Ven.

"...." She straightened up slightly, staring back at him with the most inscrutable expression she could manage, although that pitying look was still lurking in her eyes. That panic... was exactly what she'd wanted to avoid. She wished she could say something like 'how should I know?', if only to save him further pain, but perhaps she was already in too deep, and besides that... she didn't know if she had it in her to lie to him. Not when she knew what he'd been through, and not when he looked so much like someone else she already knew had been hurt by the lies he'd been told so often. Still... perhaps it would be better to hear it from a friend? "...Ven... have you talked to Aqua about it?"

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"Yeah.... They... kind of...." How does words "They looked like people you knew. I don't really know what was going on, but I think I almost passed out around one of them." S-Sigh. "The people that owned the tower, I think they were just as confused, or something went wrong." He didn't know how to work a computer really, but he had figured that much out.

Her silence almost scared Ven into retreat, as the panic somehow became even more scared as the silence wore on. "A-Aqua? No, I...she didn't bring anything up. She just asked if I was alright."

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

People you knew.... The souls of the departed, perhaps, those killed when the worlds were destroyed? Were she more familiar with the term, she'd have wondered if they were Sentiments. It was a chilling thought, either way, and it actually made her feel a little ill. "...And," It was suddenly harder to speak, so she paused for just a moment to recover herself. "...you really believe that that was the case, and it wasn't a trick?"

The next pause was much shorter, but the look on her face during it was made worse by the slightest growth of the pity lingering in it. "Then..." It was just too hard to look at him, at this point, so she lowered her eyes to the ground, then turned away from him, her hands clasping each other in front of her. "If you really want an answer... you should ask her."

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"--...." He, had admittedly never considered that possibility before. He crossed his arms and looked at the ground as he thought. "I...guess that's, possible. But what would the point be?"

Ven shook his head, not in frustration but in...almost desperation? He wasn't even sure why he was so desperate to know. It was possible he was just overblowing it, maybe a year, two years tops. Aqua had seemed pretty much the same after all. Concerned, but she was Aqua! She was always concerned! "P-Please.... Naminé if you know, why can't you just tell me? I won't blame you!" His arms were out by his sides, making wild swooping gestures as he spoke. "I just want to know...!!"

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

She shook her head slowly as she said, "I'm not sure." Her next hesitation came partially out of consideration for his feelings, but this did not manage to stop her. "...What's the point of saving us in the first place?" If that was really what they did.

It was good that she wasn't looking at him, because just the sound of his voice was hard enough to listen to. Seeing his face would only have made it worse. She had to say no. It would be better for him, wouldn't it? At least then, Aqua would be there to comfort him. Her shoulders raised as she tried to fight off the urge to tell him. It was a battle she was losing, even as she began a, "Ven--..." fully intending to to tell him the same thing she'd said before. She failed. Keeping someone in the dark had never sat well with her, and it was even harder when they knew they weren't being told something. "...it's not going to be easy to hear." That was his last warning; she didn't think she could keep from telling him if he kept asking like that.

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"I...don't know." He said simply. "Maybe we were all just chosen at random." He added with a shrug. Again, a very low understanding of statistics fails to let him realize how spectacular it would be for both him and Aqua to show up if it was just random.

"...It's OK. I wanna know." In a way, he was almost relieved that she at least seemed to relent to telling him, yet at the same time even more on edge. It was Ven's turn to look away as he cast his gaze on the ground, nervously fidgeting with his fingers as he waited for the response. Surely...it couldn't be that bad?

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

Possible, definitely, but it seemed unlikely, especially when she knew that all of the people she was aware were there so far were... highly unusual, one way or another. "But why do it at all?" So rarely were people really as altruistic as they seemed. "Even if they only wanted to help us, why make us stay? And if the other worlds aren't safe, then why is this one?" If they saved her, why couldn't they save everyone?

"...." Okay? No. It wasn't okay. It would never be okay. All of that time... so much of it, ripped away from him just like that. She took a deep breath, trying to steel herself for this. Even if he said he wouldn't be upset at her... it was hard to imagine that he wouldn't be. He was a good person, possibly one of the best she'd ever known (of?), but this was the kind of thing that she could believe might be enough of a shock to cause even the most even-tempered person to shoot the messenger, so to speak. It didn't help that she already had a built-in tendency to assume that she was going to make people angry with her. She kept her back to him, knowing she wouldn't want to see his expression. "...Ven," No turning back now. "...you've been asleep... for more than ten years."

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

He couldn't think of why they would make them stay, or why the other worlds weren't safe, or why the people owning the tower were doing anything at all. The only thing he could think of was the number ten.

Ten years.

When he heard the words that left her mouth, his head immediately jerked back up to stare at the back of her head. Ten years. Gone.

"...N-No.... No way...!" The shock was astounding. Ven fell to his needs, his hands flying up to lightly grip his head at his temples. Ten years. He had expected something when he had shattered his heart but...why? He had promised Herc and Zack he'd be there! He'd told the Peter he'd be back, and he'd never found Stitch or seen Jaq again.... Could he still see them ten years later? What would happen? If he was to wake up at all, why not after only a few. Why had he woken up at all?

"..." The usually chatty kid couldn't even think of anything else to say. Just sat there, staring into space.

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

Naminé felt her muscles tighten as he reacted as if expecting some kind of physical blow. She wasn't, at least not exactly-- the internal blow that came from the sound of his voice and the thump as he hit the ground required just as much preparation. The girl took a deep breath, then let it out before turning to face him. She was not surprised to see his position. The pity had all but taken over her face by that point, its only companion a siginificant amount of sadness. Quietly, she watched him. When watching could no longer be enough, she stepped closer.

"Ven..." What was she supposed to say? What could she say? "...I'm sorry." Now was not the time for I-told-you-sos, not that she would ever have spoken one for any kind of personal satisfaction. "I know it's hard." It was hard enough just watching him. It seemed almost cruel to say anything more than that right then, while it was still sinking in.

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

Ven was shaking. He didn't even notice he was shaking until he removed his hand slightly and realized that he was shaking. Why was he shaking? He...

A sudden realization hit him as he had removed his hand, and he was a bit taken aback when he stared at his own limb. "B-But...but I don't look any different...! I don't look like I'm in my twenties!" He finally sputtered out after a minute of wide-eyed staring. Surely if he had been asleep for ten years he would've aged, wouldn't he? Not that that would've made anything much better, but, there was no way that he...!

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

Watching him like this was even worse than when she had to tell Roxas the truth about himself. He'd taken it better-- or at least, his disbelief had made it easier to handle. But this... was something else, something worse. Ven was even shaking. Why couldn't she have just kept her mouth shut?! Some things were better left unsaid, and this was probably one of them. If the worlds really were being destroyed, what difference would it make, anyway? Her desire to help people only ever seemed to make things worse.

"Your sleep was unnatural." This was thoughtful, as if she was contemplating it even as she said it. "That may be why you haven't changed." She actually felt even more cruel, hearing her own voice so comparatively calm.

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"Unnatural...?" He echoed the word without much purpose. It...would make sense that it would be unnatural he guessed, seeing what he had done to get to that state. His hand absent-mindedly hovered over to rest on his chest, while his other arm dropped limp by his side.

"Oh...." He added as an after thought. Ten years later and he still looked the same, but what about everyone else? They would have all aged and...he couldn't just show up looking the same as before, could he? Then again....

"I...guess it doesn't really matter, huh." Their universe was apparently gone after all. (No, that was ridiculous, there was no way so many worlds could be destroyed just like that!) But he was stuck here, and would he even get a chance to see them again anyway...?

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

"...No." It didn't matter. Not now. And yet... she couldn't find it in herself to just leave it at that. Maybe it was for him, because his grief was too difficult to watch, or maybe it was for her, because it was still just so hard to wrap her head around the idea that everyone she'd ever seen was gone, but whatever the reason, she started to speak again. "But--"

But what? What good would it do to tell him that most of the people he'd met and promised to see again were still very much alive? Different, aged, but alive. If they were gone, it really was purposeless. However... the letters had said that their worlds were destroyed. That didn't mean ALL of the worlds were. Of course, with the constant destruction shown on the walls of the twelfth floor, it was hard to believe that very many could remain, and yet the destruction continued, so surely there were still many worlds out there that had yet to be reached. "The letters said that our worlds were destroyed, not... not that all of the worlds were." Maybe she was giving the both of them false hope, but at the moment it was hard to care as much as she probably should have.

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

The fact that Naminé had only reaffirmed his new found pessimism only seemed to make it worse (if that was possible.) Ven simply sat there, staring into space with his thoughts. If he kept this up he would probably just start hearing Vanitas in his head.

"Huh...?" It took him a minute to understand what Naminé was getting at but...it was true. He had been under the impression that they had meant the whole universe had been destroyed (he remembered reading something Master Xehanort wrote calling the universe 'The World,' after all), but, maybe they did just mean the Land of Departure. That meant Master Eraqus might have been in danger, but surely he could've taken care of himself in spite of this world-ending phenomena.

"That's....true I guess.." A comfort, but only a small one. "But.... could I really go back after ten years?" Ven was more just thinking aloud at this point. Just hearing all this, he already felt older.

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

"...." Naminé couldn't help wishing she could take everything back, just like when she'd told Roxas the truth about himself; she wished she could do it over, make it easier, somehow. She probably could have, if she'd been willing to interfere directly with his memories, but... not only could she not find the gumption to do something at once so cruel and invasive, not when she didn't absolutely have to, she also could not be certain that such an action would not damage his heart after he'd already done so much to it on his own.

Instead, the only thing to do seemed to be to find a way to make it easier after the fact. "...Why couldn't you?" It was quiet. "Your friends would be happy to see you, no matter how long it's been." She shook her head. "You haven't changed, but... neither have they, not really. They're still the same people, even if they might not be exactly how you remember them."

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"C...Could I?" It was in the form of a question, but he wasn't really asking. "I told them I'd be back, but...." What if they didn't want to see him anymore? That was ridiculous and even he knew it. Promises were promises after all. He did have faith in his friends, but, for some reason he was still nervous.

"No. I guess you're right." It was a pretty weak smile, but it was at least there. He didn't seem like he had convinced himself entirely, but.

A moment later however, he was back to a bit of a frown. "You..don't think they've forgotten about me, do you..?"

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

That smile was a good sign, and she encouraged it with a small one of her own. When it disappeared, hers followed suit. The question made something in her chest clench. Forgotten.... "...No." Especially not if she had anything to say about it. "Memories like those are never really gone, just buried." And even then, they could always be unburied. She pressed a hand against her chest as if for emphasis. "You'll always be in their hearts, Ven."

[f0rceless.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. And they're a part of mine." The weak smile was back, though it was more tired at this point. "Still...." Maybe it was just paranoia that led him to doubt her; after all, he had already forgotten the first eleven or so years of his life once before when he went to go live with Master Eraqus. He had remember eventually, granted, but that was only because of Vanitas, and now that he thought about it, there were still a few gaps.

Rather than getting back up, he flopped back onto the ground on his back and allowed his legs to come out from under him and rest on the ground as well. "Maybe I'm just worried because I've forgotten important stuff before."

[lethechained.livejournal.com]

The nod that she gave in response to his first statement was accompanied by a slightly relieved looking smile. The second one wiped it right out of place. That had been a very unusual situation, but after what had happened before, she wasn't sure exactly how to comfort him without possibly opening another can of worms. Still, that didn't mean she wasn't going to try. But first, she sat down on one of the stairs, tucked her legs together and placed her hands on her lap.

Then, carefully, "Like what?" Not that she didn't have some idea from the memories she'd seen, but... perhaps it would be best to ease into this subject.