towerofanimus | A Thousand Ways To Say "I'm Sorry."

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A Thousand Ways To Say "I'm Sorry."

Characters: Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (Zero Lancer), the list of people he feels he has to apologize to after the experiment, and anyone else who runs into him around the tower looking quite a bit worse for the wear...
Setting: Anywhere in the tower
Format: Whatever you want to use. I will match.
Summary: After the experiment, Diarmuid finally gets around to dropping off a bunch of letters to the people he feels he needs to apologize to. He is also spending too much time fighting monsters and trying to make sure everyone in the tower is safe. Even for a servant, he's starting to not look so go. Stop him? Be saved by him? Save him?
Warnings: Angst? Derpiness? Updated to add: Clowns! Beware the clowns... Oh and blood, violence and death. Yep, both Lancers are going to bite it in here...
Note: The letters may be ignored or responded to as the character's muns see fit. I know not every character is going to care that Diarmuid feels like he needs to apologize. He's going to do it anyway cause that's how he is.

[Maybe it's because Diarmuid's old-fashioned or maybe it's just because he wants to see the letters delivered to a place that he knows the recipients will find them, but despite the new mail system, today many people within the tower will find a note or small gift sitting on their bed when they next stop by their room. If they don't spend much time in their room, they will instead find the note waiting for them in whatever place they spend the most time.]

Catarina:

Catarina's note is folded into the shape of a rose. The outside 'petals' have even been tinted red. Once unfolded, the note simply reads:

Lady, I hope your necklace turned up safely after the experiment ended. --Diarmuid

Zelda:

Lady, we met under...non-ideal circumstances. I hope that our future encounters will be far more pleasant. If you need another warrior in the fight against those who keep us here and you are willing to trust me after everything, my blade is yours. --Diarmuid Ua Duibhne

Mami:

Mami's note is folded into the shape of a rose with its 'petals' tinted yellow. Beside the note will be the small jar of tea he got from Lambdadelta. It's suppose to taste like Earl Gray with rose petals and white chocolate, but he hasn't tried it to find out accurate that description is.

Mami, I don't know how to begin to apologize to you for what I have done. Please take this gift as a small sign of how sorry I am. I will understand if you don't wish to speak with me again. However, I would like to try and continue to make things up to you. May I have that chance? --Diarmuid

Hidetoshi:

If you want, I can teach you how to skin a deer... --Diarmuid Ua Duibhne

Rin:

Rin's note is folded into the shape of a rose. Its 'petals' are red, though the edges have been blackened.

Lady, may we talk? I have much to say to you. --Diarmuid

Shotaro:

Are you all right? I never wanted to hurt you. Tell me how to make it up to you. --Diarmuid Ua Duibhne

Suzaku:

Since they never exchanged names, it takes a long time for Diarmuid to track down Suzaku, but his determination finally wins out.

We...need to talk. I was unforgivably rude to you, though I have every reason to believe the things you told me about your past were true. You cannot become like I did. I won't allow it. --Diarmuid Ua Duibhne

The Endless Witch:

I have not forgotten that I owe you a favor... --Diarmuid Ua Duibhne

Aleph:

It takes a while to track down who Aleph is since they never exchanged names, but fortunately for Diarmuid, there aren't a lot of demon summoners in the tower.

We should hunt them again soon... --Diarmuid Ua Duibhne

[After delivering his notes, Diarmuid returns to what he has been busying himself with ever since the experiment ended--making sure everyone is safe from the monsters and floors in the tower. With all the new floors that have just shown up, he has plenty of places to be in too. The problem is, he is taking no time to rest and not eating. While servants really don't need to eat or sleep, with as much energy as he is expending fighting monsters day and night, he really should be because otherwise, it's only going to be a matter of time before he runs into something he can't handle...]

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[The sudden stop sends Diarmuid flying off his roommate's shoulder, but he's reoriented and righted himself before even hitting the ground. His movements blur as he leaps back toward the other Lancer, managing to knock away the clown that had gotten a hold of him. He spins his spear out in an arc in front of them to clear a little breathing room, but the clowns really don't look all that impressed.]

Nice try. Now what?

[Lancer rubs the back of his head, wincing at the pain from getting his hair pulled.]

Only one thing to do.

[He points Gae Bolg at the ground.]

Let's see if those things have hearts! Gae Bolg!

[Diarmuid instinctively takes a step back. He knows well the power of that weapon, though seeing it in action pulls a memory from the last experiment back into his mind. That spear's point...drawn against his chest. Wanting to feel it pierce him...

He shakes his head to clear the memory. This isn't the time or place because as much as he wants that demonic spear to work its magic and slay their enemies...

...he's pretty damn sure not a one of those things has a heart for it to work on or it they do, they probably don't need it to keep on doing what they are doing.

It's a truly terrifying thought.]

[The demonic spear does its work and pierces through the heart of the closest clown. Without waiting for the clown to react, Lancer yanks it out and then spins the spear to whack the clown in the head, knocking it to the ground.]

Hey, it works!

[He reaches over and grabs Diarmuid so they can slip through the gap created by the clown getting knocked over.]

[Diarmuid is not so optimistic as his roommate and watches the downed clown closely even as he is grabbed and pulled passed it. As great as Gae Bolg's power is, that seemed too easy, too simple a solution to their problem.

Why wouldn't the administrators who had prepared for and limited so many of their abilities, not protected the clowns against something as common in the tower as a servant's noble phantasm?]

Don't be so sure! I'll celebrate only once we are clear of this place and know they aren't following us!

We'll be alright as long as we're on the stairs, right?

[Lancer throws a quick look at the other clowns. For some reason, they seem to have scattered.]

See? They're already running.

[However, at the same time, there is an ominous creak of cage hinges and the rattling of chains...]

I wouldn't count on it. Some monsters follow and I would definitely call these things monsters!

[He looks back when his roommate says they're scattering, but instead of finding himself relived, his face loses all color at that sound. The string of Gaelic curses that slip from his mouth would make a sailor blush if he could understand them.]

They aren't scattering. They are setting the animals loose! Keep moving!

[Not that Diarmuid thinks any amount of speed is going to help at this point. Most of those animals are hardly recognizable as what they once were and are moving a hell of a lot faster than they should be able to.

His eyes fall on one in particular and a death-like chill passes over him.]

A boar... Why does a circus have a boar?

[And not just any boar. A monstrous one easily the size of two normal ones with tusks that...that kind of just make his mind go blank...]

Does it matter?

[He sketches his ansuz rune, sending a burst of flame at the beasts. Then, he turns to run, but finds Diarmuid standing completely still.]

...Move, dammit!

[He tries giving Diarmuid a quick push toward the direction of the stairs. However, the delay is enough for the animals to move past the flames toward the two Servants.]

It matters...

[The words are faint and as distant as his expression. Diarmuid knows it's not the time to be allowing his emotions, his memories of the past to creep up on him but his exhaustion and the stress of the last couple of days, weeks--how long had it been since the experiment anyway?--just then crash over him and he can't push the memories away--can't move no matter how much he needs to.

He just sees the boar...

And his sword shattering...]

Leave....me...

[It's amazing he gets the words out around...

...the blood...

It's all he can see for the moment.]

Edited 2013-02-03 03:47 (UTC)

Like hell I will!

[Not when Diarmuid was his friend. Not when the other knight had risked his life to save Cu Chulainn from the clowns.]

[He places himself between the beasts and Diarmuid. The next minutes are a flurry of fur and claws and blood. Lions and tigers and even a chimpanzee are sliced and impaled by his lance.]

[He's sitting on one lion's head pulling his spear out of its skull when he sees a boar charging at Diarmuid.]

[Diarmuid, who is...still not moving.]

Duck!

[He springs at the boar. Whether it's because the angle of his jump or because this boar has some sort of intelligence and turns it's head at the last second, Lancer's move doesn't go quite as planned. He still lands in front of the boar's face and grab it by the tusks, but in the process, one of the tusks tears a big chunk out of his side, going up from his ribcage.]

[Not that he notices, in the heat of the moment. As soon as the boar's movement has been halted, Lancer is punching straight through its eye. It's not until it's down that Lancer falls as well.]

Owowowow...

[His complaining is interrupted as he coughs out a mouthful of blood.]

...fuuuuuuuuck.

[Diarmuid's not sure what it is that finally pulls him back to himself, but what he does know is when the blood from his memories fades, the blood he sees on the floor isn't his own.

Another string of curses leaves his mouth and somehow he finds himself at his roommate's side. He does his best to help settle the other Lancer, while at the same time keeping an eye on the clowns and other animals around them. They make no motion to attack. Instead, they merely watch. It's almost like they have lost interest since their original target is dyin...

No! Diarmuid won't accept that. Cu Chulainn can't die because he froze...

Because he failed...again.]

You fool! Why didn't you listen? I told you to leave me!

[The words are a harsh hiss if for no other reason that Diarmuid is suddenly fighting back tears.]

Your runes....they can handle something like this, right?

[At this point, everything seems to be an assault on Lancer's senses. The overly bright lights illuminating the floor and the flashing neon streaks that were the clowns. The sounds of the animals who had been stampeding but seconds ago. The stench of blood and beasts. The pain that paralyzes his body and mind.]

[Yet, through all that, he can still vaguely see and hear Diarmuid.]

Huh...?

[It takes a moment to make out that Diarmuid is crying.]

What sort of Master would I be...if I just left?

[He slowly shakes his head when the subject of his runes is brought up.]

I...I dunno.

[He can't feel his own heartbeat anymore. Most likely, this means his heart has stopped functioning. For a Servant whose spiritual core was closes linked to the heart and the brain, it meant a fatal injury.]

Sorry.

[He closes his eyes. Just for now, he wants to rest for a bit.]

Edited 2013-02-03 05:19 (UTC)

No...don't...you can't...

[And just like that the world narrows down to the two of them. Diarmuid forgets there are still dangerous monsters nearby. He forgets that death isn't permanent here. He just forgets. He forgets everything but the fact that his hero has just died because of him.

One trembling bloodstained hand reaches out and touches Cu Chulainn's cheek inadvertently smearing streaks of blood down it like a twisted form of battle paint. This just can't be happening. His brain won't accept it. He's tried so hard to save everyone yet when it really mattered he had saved no one.

Not Kariya.

Not Cu Chulainn.

No one.

Tears flow down Diarmuid's face freely now. He doesn't have any reason or the energy left to stop them. All that work for nothing. Nothing. Nothing is left...

He brings his fist to his mouth to muffle the sob that tears itself free from his throat. The sound that escapes is small, but it causes one of the monstrous boars still wandering the floor to perk up and fix its beady black eyes on Diarmuid's back. It had been content to leave the man alone at first because he had smelled just as any other beast on the floor.

Now, though, now his smell has changed to something different. Something wounded. Something broken.

Prey.

The boar turns and charges at Diarmuid's back. Normally, he would have been able to dodge the charge easily, but this is as far from normal as can be. The broken servant only notices the charge in time to turn and see the boar's tusks bury themselves in his stomach. For a moment, he hangs impaled before the boar shakes his head to free the servant's weight from its tusks.

Diarmuid's body lands several feet from where he had been sitting. His mind, though lands much farther away---thousands of years away. His rapidly dimming and blank eyes see not the floor's ceiling, but blue sky interrupted off and on by the green of leaves. He lays not on cool concrete, but on green grass and brown earth.

Words form vaguely on bloodstained lips, a request, a plea for his lord to save his life.

A lord who has been gone from this world for thousands of years, but who Diarmuid feels standing near him.

His eyes flutter closed, and he hears more voices drawing near him. Oscar. Oisin.

But it will do no good, their words. A knowing smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as tears slide from his eyes.

It's just too late....]

Edited 2013-02-03 06:38 (UTC)

[Even though Lancer had closed his eyes, he knows he can't die yet. Not here, not now. He still needs to see Diarmuid off the floor.]

[It hurts like a bitch to move, to make himself sit up when part of his rib cage and chest have been reduced to a bloody pulp, but he does it. As he opens his eyes, though, he can't see Diarmuid anywhere near him.]

Dia...

[He quickly looks around the room and finds the other Servant lying a ways away in a rapidly growing puddle of blood.]

Diarmuid!

[The next moment, forgetting the pain, he's on his feet and dashing over to the other Lancer, knocking aside the clown that was approaching him.]

Hey, are you alright?

[He kneels over, trying to pull Diarmuid up.]

Come on, get up!

[He screams, as loudly as his blood-filled lungs will let him.]

You want these guys to use you as a prop or something?

[Even though Diarmuid isn't moving, he still manages to sling the other Lancer's arm over his shoulders and pull Diarmuid along. Even if he can't save himself, he can still get Diarmuid over to the stairs. He can still use his last bit of prana to heal his friend.]

[But the clowns...those were a major nuisance. Even now, they were surrounding the two, not willing to let their prey escape. Even with Lancer's strength and speed, he can't get away from the clowns that grab onto him.]

[Finally, in the course of that struggle, something heavy smashes into his head (a squeaky hammer, maybe?) and knocks him out for the final time. His body remains standing, holding Diarmuid up, until he finally disappears...]

[~~He'll wake up in bed 24 hours later. Hooray for non-permanent death.~~]

[Diarmuid never hears his roommate's cries. Nor does he feel himself being moved. He's already too far lost to his pain and his memories to know anything besides those memories and once those end...

...so does he.

It's only when he wakes up 24 hours later that his mind has finally returned to the present day. Even though the amount of sleep paralysis he has is short, it really doesn't matter because he has no will to move, though once he can move, Diarmuid does roll his head to the side to check that, yes, his roommate is also in his bed.

So they had both died because of him.

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a shuttered breath to try and hold back the tears that suddenly threaten. He wants to scream, to blame himself, to somehow find a way to make it better.

And he can't. No matter now much he wants to, he just is too tired at the moment. His will is too broken. In some ways, he feels a lot like he had during the experiment. He is a failure. He can't do anything right no matter how he tries. And he has tried, so hard.]

I'm sorry.

[Diarmuid's not sure if his voice is loud enough to be heard by his roommate or if he even wants it to be heard, but he says the words anyway.]

[The moment Lancer wakes up, he feels uneasy. He know that he had probably not made it off the floor alive, but what about Diarmuid?]

[Since this was his second death, he was paralyzed for longer than his roommate was. However, when he hears Diarmuid's voice he feels like giving off a relieved sigh.]

[When he can move, ten minutes after he first heard that voice, he sits up and looks toward Diarmuid's bed. Yep, his roommate is lying in his bed.]

Nah, you don't need to be. Kinda my fault that we didn't make it off that floor.

[His fault to begin with that they were even on that floor.]

You okay now?

[If they both died at that moment, then yes, Diarmuid most likely had all his injuries healed upon resurrection. But what if he had somehow made it off the floor after Lancer died? He's lying so still...was it because of some still-healing wound.]

Edited 2013-02-04 00:11 (UTC)

Really, you should stop worrying so much about me. I'm fine.

[Well, except of course, that he isn't, but mental weakness isn't something his roommate really can help him with. He can't help him with being a failure either.]

I was the one who froze, not you. I'm sure you probably would have made the stairs if it wasn't for me. I have no excuse. I...pushed too hard, I guess. When I saw it, I just couldn't keep back the memories. I was just too tired.

[Diarmuid raises his arm and drops it over his eyes, one leg sliding up into a bend at the same time. It's movement which is something even if it is just a small something.]

What memories?

[He's not even going to comment on the idea of leaving Diarmuid to the beasts while escaping himself.]

Some sort of battle or...

[Wait, there was a boar there. Had it reminded Diarmuid of his death? But Lancer had shielded him from the boar's charge. Temporarily, at the least.]

[At this point, Lancer decides he's taken enough of a rest and hops off his bed. However, a sudden heaviness in his head causes him to stagger, and he has to lean against the bed to keep from falling.]

My first death. That thing looked just like...

[Diarmuid's voice trails off for a few moments as the memories rush back at him. This time, though, he manages to push them back. He laughs darkly to himself when he realizes he can probably do that now only because being dead for 24 hours has given his body some much needed rest.

He's about to start speaking again when he notices our of the corner of his eye how unsteady his roommate seems. Granted, the unsteadiness might just be because of some lingering effects from being dead, but something inside of him says that's not the case.]

Careful there. Keep stumbling around like that and you are going to give us Lancers a bad name. We're suppose to be light on our feet after all.

[He wants to ask straight out if the other man is okay, but he has a feeling that he won't like the answer.]

[He gives his head a quick shake to clear it. Must be the side effects from getting resurrected or something, even though he never noticed such things during his first resurrection.]

What are you talking about? I was just taking a quick check to see if my organs were all in place.

[He walks over to Diarmuid's bed. His roommate seems to be perfectly fine.]

Besides, it's better than being a couch potato.

[It's easier to tell jokes about their current condition than it is to ask further about Diarmuid's first death. Besides, it can hide his desire to laugh at their deaths this time around.]

[Diarmuid had died because the man he called his Master couldn't save him...again.]

[Cu Chulainn had tried hard to save someone important to him, but failed...again.]

[There's something darkly amusing about all of that.]

[The look in Diarmuid's eyes when he rolls them toward his roommate is suppose to be annoyance, but it's more hurt and tired than anything.]

Considering the fact that my not letting myself rest got us into this situation, I think it might be best if I'm a 'couch potato' as you say for a little while. It will be harder to get anyone else killed that way.

Besides...I think I need some time to get my head sorted out. That...wasn't pleasant to remember, let alone feel, again so vividly. I was worried that by not being there I would get people killed...

[Like Kariya.]

...but being there and being so exhausted and mentally weak might just be worse. People can die just as easily that way.

[Like you did.]

I...I can't save everyone, can I? Not even just those I really care about. Not in this place...

...

[He pats Diarmuid's head with one hand, the way he would pet one of Misaya's hounds.]

Go ahead and rest. You deserve it.

[The next question hits a little too deeply. It was a question that Lancer had been too scared to ask himself. Mostly because he doesn't like the possible answer.]

[Connla had died because he lost his temper. Misaya had died twice because he refused to kill her. Diarmuid had died because he had gotten them stuck on the circus floor.]

[But to acknowledge that would be to acknowledge that even the accomplishments of heroes were limited.]

[Then, where does he stand, as one who is called a hero?]

[What reason is there in a world where even heroes who can defy the impossible must acknowledge limitations?]

[It takes a long time before he can get an answer out.]

...Maybe not when you're alone and tired. But for what it's worth, you did save me from those clowns.

[Diarmuid raises an eyebrow at him. Despite the sarcasm that is in the following words, his eyes and face seem to want to believe what his roommate is saying.]

How did I save you? We both died down there. Saving you would have meant not freezing when escape was in our grasp.

[His expression softens.]

Look, I'm pretty messed up right now, but you don't have to sugar coat things for me, okay? I let you down. I'll do better.

[He looks away quickly after saying that, biting his lip to keep back the tears that suddenly wet the corners of his eyes. It's too bad that motion does nothing to push away the emptiness that just started gnawing at his stomach, though.]

What about before that, when I was originally chased by those clowns? Wouldn't have gotten the chance to save you if you didn't come in and save me then.

[He shakes his head.]

And I let you down too.

[If he had just healed Diarmuid with his runes right off the bat, then at least one of them could have survived.]

[Diarmuid sighs, finally rising to sit cross-legged on the bed.]

Stop. Lets not do this. We could go back and forth all night about it being your fault or mine. Why don't we just agree to blame the tower and let it go?

[He pauses a moment, his eyes leaving his roommate's face and focusing on the top of the bed.]

Besides, I...I don't even remember you trying to save me after the first charge where you got hurt. I-

[Here he pauses again, his voice dropping to a whisper.]

I have to admit...I was pretty much gone after you fell. I didn't even see the boar charge me until it was right on me and after that...everything about the tower was just gone. Instead of being there, I was back home feeling myself dying on the hillside, waiting in vain for my lord to help me. I could even hear Oscar and Oisin yelling at him. That was all that was real for me and when I died then...

[Diarmuid closes his eyes, cheeks coloring in shame.]

It was a pitiful way for a knight to lose himself. I'm sorry you got caught up in it.

A Thousand Ways To Say "I'm Sorry."

Re: floor 80

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Re: floor 80

here it comes

Boars...why did it have to be boars???

Because Diarmuid's luck is bad

And so is Cu's.... Hear that snap? Your roomie just broke...

/Puts band-aid on Diarmuid's sanity

I'm thinking he's going to need more than a band-aid, but you get an A for effort...

Gold star you tried

Story of his life...

Re: Story of his life...

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Shall we leave the boys to their well deserved fun?

Oh yes