[Open]

[swordofzero]

Characters: Suzaku and open
Setting: Floor 95 (ball pit), floor 48 (graveyard) and floor 96 (white room)
Format: I'll follow you
Summary: Suzaku has a new job yay for him. He then tries to deal with emotions and fails
Warnings: Angst, bodies, trauma, self destructiveness

[Floor 95] Suzaku had seen plenty of corpses before, caused a few of them to be dead in the first place... caused a lot of them to die...

It wasn't even the first time he had been put to work dragging dead bodies from where they fell, there had been that awful battle after all... the days after Narita had been long ones of dragging bodies from underneath the fallen mountain.

But this was different, the gaudy colourful balls that fell in waterfalls around him only made the job more grim, more crushing.

He had been a soldier so long, had killed so many people. He should be used to it now, but he still mourned each body he pulled up. He didn't even know if they were all residents of the tower or just bodies that had always been there.

He stood on the edge of the stair case and took a deep breath before diving in again.

[Floor 48] Suzaku usually avoided this floor, the rows of graves, empty but the effect on those left behind as painful as if each of them was occupied.

He found the one he was searching for quickly enough and stared at it. Minato Arisato He simply stood there for a moment before bending to place a bullet shattered pocket watch in the grass and flowers growing around it.

"I'm sorry. For everything."

He turned and left the floor, not looking back.

Floor 96 The first time he had been here he had found it strange, the fuzziness in his mind not fading until he was well away from the floor.

But he went back, because sometimes it was best to forget, to not have to replay Diarmuid's words back to him, forget how happy Rolo had looked in the future, forget everything.

He never stayed more than a few hours at first, but soon it got addictive.

Comments

[oathshackledbird]

[The blows are nothing to Diarmuid so he lets them fall until Suzaku calms himself. Only then does he release him.]

Don't be sorry. It's tempting and I once allowed myself the same weakness. It was a mistake, though, and I'm lucky that it's one that the end of the experiment reversed. I don't think you will have that same luck in this case. No one has reported permanent memory loss yet, but it is only a matter of time before it happens I'm guessing.

It's hurts, I know it does, but the pain is better than nothing at all. Believe me. The pain, at least, reminds you that you are still alive. Without it....

[He lets his voice trail off here hoping Suzaku will understand where he's going with that train of thought. He really doesn't want to have to talk about the empty thing he became during the experiment more than necessary.]

[swordofzero]

[He still feels bad for them, but his body reacts with a soldiers instinct. He's just glad it's someone who was not hurt by them.

He wondered what it would be like to forget everything, to not know anything that he had done...

It would be a punishment of sorts, to lose everything, like what he had forced upon Lelouch. But also less painful in the long run.

But he didn't really deserve less painful.] I know. It's selfish of me. I just...

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid smiles, though the smile is strained.]

It's okay. I understand, remember? And it's not selfish. It's human. No matter what you say, you are still human and deserve to be treated as one.

That...thing I became. That wasn't human. Do you really want to risk becoming like I was?

[swordofzero]

[He was still human... sometimes he wondered. That should be more worrying than it was. He started to shrug at the question, like he would if anyone else asked him it. But at the last moment shook his head.] No.

[oathshackledbird]

[The pause and the conflicted look that crosses through Suzaku's eyes worries Diarmuid. For a moment, he is afraid that the boy isn't going to answer the question or even answer yes, so he is relieved when Suzaku answers no.]

Then you have to keep fighting. You can't take the easy way out. It's hard and it's tiring, but in the end it is the only way. Please know I will always be here to help you. Even if all we do is go and spar or kill some monsters.

[No matter how tired he is, Diarmuid will always have time to help one whose pain seems so close to his own.]

[swordofzero]

[Sometimes Suzaku wished he could take the easy way out, for once. But it had never been a choice, and when it had been he had known he had to take the harder route.

But he blinked at Diarmuid, because though he knew the other man saw him at a danger of turning into what he had become, he didn't know why he cared. Why he offered to help. He hadn't known him until they had sparred.] Alright...

Fade to black on hunting? I get the feeling that might do Suzaku more good than talking right now...

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid smiles. The agreement is uncertain, but it is better than nothing.]

How does some monster hunting or sparring sound now? Better than forgetting?

Sounds good to me

[swordofzero]

Monster hunting. [Sparring was... it was too easy to fall into destructive thoughts when sparring.

But it was probably healthier than forgetting, even if more painful.]

[oathshackledbird]

[He nods and motions toward the staircase. They could talk more, but sometimes it is not better to talk more. If Suzaku wants to forget for a little while, fighting monsters is a better way to do it than staying on the floor.]

I will let you chose the floor. If you wish to forget for a while, lets do it in a way that will make those who deserve to suffer, suffer for once.

[swordofzero]

The cavern then.

[Floor seventy four seemed to attract monsters he had noticed, and would probably be frequented by residents as not everyone had explored everywhere yet. If they could make somewhere a little safer while forgetting...]

[oathshackledbird]

[Diarmuid smiles.]

An excellent plan. After you, my friend.

[swordofzero]

[Suzaku didn't smile, he never did but he did lead the way silently.]