Never got to thank him

[warriorscribe]

Characters: Enoch and anyone (attn: a certain other two who received a certain thing)
Setting: Various places throughout the day
Format: I'm starting in prose but I'll match you.
Summary: Enoch has never dealt well with loss...
Warnings: I don't know if grief counts as a warning. Gory details may be brought up in comments?

Room 3-18, 5am

Enoch has been awake all night, kneeling in front of his trunk. How does one sleep after something like that? He's been trying to leave his roommates undisturbed as much as he could, weeping quietly if he couldn't hold it in, occasionally raising his face to the ceiling, mouth open in a silent scream of anguish and despair.

He has three feedback forms in front of him on the trunk, and he's been scratching at one of them the entire time. He had to reach out to those who wouldn't know what it's like, the pain of loss...but he ended up putting more thought into it than he believed he ever would.

When he gets up and leaves the room an hour later, it's with only one of them in hand.


Mailroom(F78), 7am

He checks it every morning, even though there's rarely anything in it. Having a routine helps in a place like this.

But he wasn't expecting what he found in his. He reads the letter he's recieved three times before carefully folding it and putting it in his pocket. He leans on the wall of boxes, rubbing an eye puffy and dark from crying and lack of sleep.

Burn his last words...? He understood, but... He sank down to the floor, a fresh wave of grief bringing tears to eyes he thought he'd cried dry earlier that morning.


Sauna(F77), 7:30am

And what should he notice immediately downstairs but something that seemed out of place to him somehow. It took some moments, punctuated with sniffs to keep himself from crying again, before he looked around and realized where he'd seen it - or where he hadn't.

"I'm sorry..." he says to the first resident he sees, his voice hoarse. "What is this level meant to be?"


Cafeteria(F1), 12:30pm

Enoch seems to have finally found sleep. There's a bowl of tomato soup that seems as if only a quarter of it has been eaten, and Enoch has passed out face-down beside it, spoon still clasped loosely in the hand that hangs at his side. The ends of some of his hair on that side have dipped into the bowl.


Outdoor Forest(F32), 4:30pm

If you saw him in the cafeteria, it's clear he didn't sleep long, considering he's up here now. He's wrapped up in his cloak, standing before a fire. It's a small fire, kindled by whatever he could find; the remnants of a few odd pieces of wood from wherever are visible at the edges of the flame.

He's got that letter out again, and he reads it over and over, mouth moving subtly, but not actually forming the words on the page.

Eventually, he reaches out his hand, and drops the letter into the fire.

Then Enoch kneels, his head bowed and hands clasped, and prays with the intent of being heard for the second time in the tower, for the third time since leaving Earth.

Lord, if you can hear me, if you are alive to hear me, if you have any hold over this world, please see Dax's soul to its rightful place, be it with his ancestors or on to reincarnation, or...elsewhere. If demons should have claim to it, please try to wrest it from them. I am ever your faithful servant. Please answer me, if you can. Please...

He doesn't realize he's shaking and crying until he comes out of this state, and he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, sitting down to watch the flames dance, his face blank and eyes at the meeting point of exhaustion, fear, sorrow, and anger.

Comments

[tohko_amano]

Tohko sighed and nodded.

"..That's true too. But..hopefully, someday, we'll know enough and have enough so that we won't have to rely on Jason anymore."

Tohko didn't see it as a lack of determination or hope. His comment was more or less stating the obvious, reinforcing what they already knew.

Tohko had grieved a little bit..but she was tired of grieving. She couldn't help anyone in despair, and now that she was burdened with a bit more, she would have to rise above it and work at it. It would be easier to help people with a smile.

At least, that's what she thought, anyway.

[warriorscribe]

The man had died last night. Enoch was far from done with grief; in fact he never really was ever done with it. He just worked through it instead of over it.

Part of him doubted anyone could replicate Jason's knowledge without conscious help from the man himself. He seemed the type to keep certain things to himself, without documenting them or passing them on carelessly. He was a greedy man.

"We'll see the opportunities the future holds. For now...for now..." He sighed and shook his head. His thoughts didn't really do a good job of staying coherent, after everything that had happened, and with as little sleep as he'd managed to get for that.

[tohko_amano]

Tohko, however, was the type to usually jump over grief, if she could. Sometimes, she couldn't.

She didn't share the same doubts about replicating Jason's knowledge either. She had read and heard about the man, but she had never seen or spoken to him. She didn't know much about his personality enough to guess what moves he might make.

However, at Enoch's words and his physical reaction, Tohko nodded.

"For now..we have to rest and try to recover. I don't think anyone managed to get much sleep the other day."

The lesson of the day is sleep deprivation sucks.

[warriorscribe]

"'The other day'... Tohko, he died last night." The day seemed long, yes, and the lack of sleep contributed to that. It was probably a sleep-deprived slip of the tongue, but in Enoch's own lack of sleep, it felt like an attempt to trivialize it...

I have felt that lesson way too many times..

[tohko_amano]

Tohko sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest. It was a sleep-deprived slip of the tongue, and everything seemed a bit less..heavy when you were tired. But..she knew how heavy this was. Even though she was managing to keep falling from despair, she knew that.

"I know that..if it sounded like I was trying to make it seem like a light thing to be brushed off, I didn't mean to."

She sighed again.

"I know it's important..and I know it's terrible. That video feed..was gruesome, and the realization that you were believing a lie for six months and that you've lost a humane ally don't go well together."

She had cried, but she..didn't feel like saying that.

"..I guess we're both just exhausted. I don't want to jump at each others throats because of it."

[warriorscribe]

The fact that Tohko had been one of the doubters hadn't crossed his mind until now, so sunk into the shock of the kill, the realization that the phantoms really were everything Gandalf had feared them to be, and the lack of sleep weighing down on him...

He reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. He'd spent the first couple of months believing the world he'd come from wasn't destroyed, too, after all. It was Dax who had convinced him. He hadn't seemed like a liar to Enoch, and while Enoch's kindness could lead him to gullibility, he trusted his instincts about people. He'd...happened to be right.

"I don't either. A lot has happened, and for this to happen on top of everything Ruana and that invader put us through..."

[tohko_amano]

The hand on her shoulder made Tohko pause for a moment. Not because it was bad..but because it was usually the other way around-she putting and arm on his shoulder or hand and trying to help him out. Sure, he had put an arm around her waist one time..but that was still more to help comfort himself, she thought.

..Perhaps it was due to immortality again. That would make sense.

She had heard Dax say that the worlds were destroyed, but at the time, she had thought that he was merely saying it to go with Ruana so that he didn't get killed. How wrong she was..

Tohko nodded. "It's a strain..emotionally and physically. And that's putting it mildly. Too many weights on the camel's back."

[warriorscribe]

It was - physical contact from the right source could be extremely powerful for Enoch. But there were less and less "right" sources over time, so he rarely initiated it with most people. Of course, Tohko had also rarely been the one so openly down that she was the one that needed it.

Displays of emotion weren't signs of weakness in his time; his reluctance to be seen openly crying was less appearing strong, and more the fact that he didn't want to worry people. So when he hurt deeply enough that worrying others didn't cross his mind, like he had so often here, he didn't hold it back.

Ruana didn't seem the calculating type. She seemed too childish, always seeming to do things on a whim. It's why the thought had never crossed Enoch's mind, that Dax had been forced to lie.

"I was looking forward to the peace of his watch after all of this...what will happen without him?"

[tohko_amano]

Tohko was the type to hide her emotional distress under a happy or brave mask when she could, even if that mask was falling to splinters. It wasn't because she was afraid of being thought weak..but because she didn't want to make others worry when she was trying to lift them up and help others out.

Tohko was never quite sure what to make of Ruana sometimes. There as a face that she showed to the residents..but she thought that there were a few hidden aspects of her that were kept off camera for them..but not for the Administrators. How right she was about that..would be proven with time.

"..I'm not sure. Zo may take his place..but I don't think we'll have much rests from one experiment to the next now. Other than that..I don't know."

[warriorscribe]

"Zo... He hasn't shown much skill in running this tower in the past."

Which makes him worry. Will the cycle just skip Dax's place, leaving them with, as Tohko said, no respite between the man who wants to experiment on them, the woman who wants to play with them, and the man who thinks nothing of creating dangerous and harmful "distractions" when he feels he needs them?

[tohko_amano]

At that, Tohko nodded and sighed.

"I know..but it would make sense for Ruana to put him into the rotation now. Of course..I could be wrong."

Hopefully she wasn't though. Better Zo than Jason or Ruana.

[warriorscribe]

"Why do you think she would do so, if he couldn't so much as keep the lights on when he last was left in charge of it? How much training could he be given with only today to prepare?"

...Well, that would make every hypothetical Zo month a very entertaining watch for her, a game in its own right.

"Unless that is her idea."

[tohko_amano]

As Tohko heard Enoch's reply, she couldn't help but think of Matilda's Trunchbull. Ruana was very similar..but much more dangerous and lacking in human empathy and understanding.

"I don't know..maybe he's been training when we haven't been watching..or maybe Ruana is watching and waiting for him to screw up so that she can have more fun. Or..have and excuse to kill him.."

Which was a very horrible and depressing thought.

Oh god the nostalgia...

[warriorscribe]

"They seem fond of each other. I...don't think Ruana is looking for an excuse to kill him."

In their bond, at least, Enoch didn't have any doubts. Ruana didn't seem as if she hid her emotions at all...not even the ones that one should hide. And that smile they'd shared at the wedding was a genuine one.

I'm not the only one who felt it then! ^^;

[tohko_amano]

After dealing with Chia Takeda, an Oba Yozo, Tohko was never quite sure whether the smiles and emotions people sometimes wore were genuine. Her suspicions and worries only grew when Ruana was the subject being discussed. But Tohko simply sighed and nodded.

"..Hopefully she isn't. But..I think she's fond of Zo. He..seems a little..scared of her."

[warriorscribe]

"He is frightened of what she can do, but he seemed at ease around her when nothing could threaten us... It will make any action directly against her difficult, because Zo would protest."

He hoped Zo understood what he meant in his message. It hadn't been in the plan to include it, but it had happened anyway, in his grief and his desperation to do something, anything to reverse what had just happened...

[tohko_amano]

Tohko, of course, had no idea that Enoch had sent a message. But she did nod at what he said, as it did make sense.

"Right..he won't mind us defending ourselves..but he would be upset if we tried to hurt her."

She sighed.

"It's going to make things difficult in the future..but we'll find a way around it..I hope."