Counter Guardian Arturia @ Tower of Animus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
no_longer_a_king) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
towerofanimus2013-02-28 07:18 pm
no_longer_a_king) wrote in towerofanimus2013-02-28 07:18 pm
ITP: Concerning the nature of souls and finding purpose
Characters: Arturia [AU5] and OPEN
Setting: Various, with prompts for floors 82, 12, and 60. After the elevator event, but the timeline is otherwise completely flexible
Format: Prose, please!
Summary: Arturia goes around making sure the people she knows are still alive after seeing what's down stairs, and other sundry things.
Warnings: none as of yet.
[A: Various, possibly combined with other prompts if you like.]
It was still like a blow to the guts.
Their actual status here wasn't what had shaken her so badly. They were souls in an artificial body, made by some form of magic. That didn't phase her because that was essentially what her existence had been from the moment she made that contract on Camlann Hill. It was the true of all Heroic Spirits and familiars like them. It was true of Counter Guardians like herself and Archer.
No, what had shaken her so badly had been seeing the bodies. Arturia had thought she had seen battle so much a mass grave couldn't phase her, but when the bodies are people she knew--multiples of people she knew--she'd wanted to retch. If she hadn't had so much experience, she supposed, she would have thrown up right there. So many people, even if they were just acquaintances, as corpses. She had to make sure that what they saw happen in the great machine was real--that they were truly all right.
That was why she was rushing through the Tower now, trying to find as many familiar faces as she could. Visions of slashing through the Grail-tainted Camelot were playing in the back of her mind, the horror of it, the suffering. She had to be sure those graves were not the reality of now. Had to.
[B: Floor 82; Masquerade of Truth]
Arturia had never gone on this floor before and had mostly observed from the stairs. The party that seemed to go on here at all times never interested her and since she rarely saw someone she recognized, she usually passed it on. Now? After how much she had gone through the last few days? She really did want to be around people. Everyone had moments like those, even people who tried to avoid them as Arturia did.
So she stepped off the stairs, walking to the masked gentleman who acted as a 'bouncer' of sorts to the party. He looked her over for a moment and then wordlessly handed her a mask. He reached out to put it on her, but she waved her hand and took it herself before placing it on.
Then he stepped aside and no sooner had Arturia crossed the threshold than another masked gentleman took her by the hand and began to whisk her across the dance floor. Arturia was graceful and skilled on the battlefield and there had been many a time at court or during some kind of festival or banquet when she had had to dance with Guinevere. It was easy to figure out the steps her partner followed and, while she was certainly no dancer by trade, she did not embarrass herself. it was easy to briefly lose herself and simply forget and by the time her partner released her on the other side of the room after their dance was when Arturia realized something:
She could not recognize anyone here. She had a vague feeling she should, but the thought of who it could be was gone the moment it entered her mind upon looking at the person.
Odd. Must be a trick of the floor.
[C: Floor 60; Industrial Kitchen]
In her more private moments, Arturia tended to find herself lingering in kitchens and thinking. Reminiscing, really. About the Fifth War and Shirou. About how the kitchen had been his domain and, painful as the memories were, it was comforting to think of him at times, of the way he'd insist on how she was a person and not a tool, of how he treated her like a guest in his home. True, his teasing had gotten on her nerves, but it had been a very long time since she'd been Arturia and not King Arthur.
But that was the past. Anything that might have happened with Shirou she could not undo and there was only one part she would ever hope to. Perhaps, if she had made more effort, been less weak, then maybe--maybe--things would be different. Maybe she would not have become the World's Sword. Maybe she would have peacefully gone to her rest if she had stayed her hand that fateful day.
This would probably be her only chance to reminisce for a very long time. Things in the Tower had changed and Arturia had no doubt things were about to get busy. No matter how she failed in the past, there were people here who needed help, who needed saving and she....
Arturia was not sure if she was a knight anymore, but she did know one thing: she could not stand by when people needed help. When people she considered comrades and allies needed help.
And so she went through the kitchen silently saying good-bye to her indulgence of the past and mentally prepared herself for the future.
[D: Floor 12; World Death Projection]
Arturia stood in front of the latest of the projections running, this time the object of focus was a red planet bloated with skyscrapers and vehicles that crossed through the atmosphere like bees in a hive. It stayed like this for a few minutes, the occasional bright flash in the sky as two of the vehicles ran into each other and then, it began to glow.
As with the last projection the glow seemed to fade, the vehicles in the sky making looping zig-zags before crashing to the planets. Buildings fell from the impacts. The nearby sun began to dim and slowly, spreading out from this one world, everything began to go dark until the only source of light in the room was the planet at the center of the show.
"Is this what's happening to the worlds?" she asked allowed as the projection began again--a space station proudly bearing the moniker "UFP: NEW HOPE" the center of it this time. She'd never paid attention to this room before, but after being downstairs and finding out what had happened above, she was getting interested in what, exactly, had destroyed these worlds.
Setting: Various, with prompts for floors 82, 12, and 60. After the elevator event, but the timeline is otherwise completely flexible
Format: Prose, please!
Summary: Arturia goes around making sure the people she knows are still alive after seeing what's down stairs, and other sundry things.
Warnings: none as of yet.
[A: Various, possibly combined with other prompts if you like.]
It was still like a blow to the guts.
Their actual status here wasn't what had shaken her so badly. They were souls in an artificial body, made by some form of magic. That didn't phase her because that was essentially what her existence had been from the moment she made that contract on Camlann Hill. It was the true of all Heroic Spirits and familiars like them. It was true of Counter Guardians like herself and Archer.
No, what had shaken her so badly had been seeing the bodies. Arturia had thought she had seen battle so much a mass grave couldn't phase her, but when the bodies are people she knew--multiples of people she knew--she'd wanted to retch. If she hadn't had so much experience, she supposed, she would have thrown up right there. So many people, even if they were just acquaintances, as corpses. She had to make sure that what they saw happen in the great machine was real--that they were truly all right.
That was why she was rushing through the Tower now, trying to find as many familiar faces as she could. Visions of slashing through the Grail-tainted Camelot were playing in the back of her mind, the horror of it, the suffering. She had to be sure those graves were not the reality of now. Had to.
[B: Floor 82; Masquerade of Truth]
Arturia had never gone on this floor before and had mostly observed from the stairs. The party that seemed to go on here at all times never interested her and since she rarely saw someone she recognized, she usually passed it on. Now? After how much she had gone through the last few days? She really did want to be around people. Everyone had moments like those, even people who tried to avoid them as Arturia did.
So she stepped off the stairs, walking to the masked gentleman who acted as a 'bouncer' of sorts to the party. He looked her over for a moment and then wordlessly handed her a mask. He reached out to put it on her, but she waved her hand and took it herself before placing it on.
Then he stepped aside and no sooner had Arturia crossed the threshold than another masked gentleman took her by the hand and began to whisk her across the dance floor. Arturia was graceful and skilled on the battlefield and there had been many a time at court or during some kind of festival or banquet when she had had to dance with Guinevere. It was easy to figure out the steps her partner followed and, while she was certainly no dancer by trade, she did not embarrass herself. it was easy to briefly lose herself and simply forget and by the time her partner released her on the other side of the room after their dance was when Arturia realized something:
She could not recognize anyone here. She had a vague feeling she should, but the thought of who it could be was gone the moment it entered her mind upon looking at the person.
Odd. Must be a trick of the floor.
[C: Floor 60; Industrial Kitchen]
In her more private moments, Arturia tended to find herself lingering in kitchens and thinking. Reminiscing, really. About the Fifth War and Shirou. About how the kitchen had been his domain and, painful as the memories were, it was comforting to think of him at times, of the way he'd insist on how she was a person and not a tool, of how he treated her like a guest in his home. True, his teasing had gotten on her nerves, but it had been a very long time since she'd been Arturia and not King Arthur.
But that was the past. Anything that might have happened with Shirou she could not undo and there was only one part she would ever hope to. Perhaps, if she had made more effort, been less weak, then maybe--maybe--things would be different. Maybe she would not have become the World's Sword. Maybe she would have peacefully gone to her rest if she had stayed her hand that fateful day.
This would probably be her only chance to reminisce for a very long time. Things in the Tower had changed and Arturia had no doubt things were about to get busy. No matter how she failed in the past, there were people here who needed help, who needed saving and she....
Arturia was not sure if she was a knight anymore, but she did know one thing: she could not stand by when people needed help. When people she considered comrades and allies needed help.
And so she went through the kitchen silently saying good-bye to her indulgence of the past and mentally prepared herself for the future.
[D: Floor 12; World Death Projection]
Arturia stood in front of the latest of the projections running, this time the object of focus was a red planet bloated with skyscrapers and vehicles that crossed through the atmosphere like bees in a hive. It stayed like this for a few minutes, the occasional bright flash in the sky as two of the vehicles ran into each other and then, it began to glow.
As with the last projection the glow seemed to fade, the vehicles in the sky making looping zig-zags before crashing to the planets. Buildings fell from the impacts. The nearby sun began to dim and slowly, spreading out from this one world, everything began to go dark until the only source of light in the room was the planet at the center of the show.
"Is this what's happening to the worlds?" she asked allowed as the projection began again--a space station proudly bearing the moniker "UFP: NEW HOPE" the center of it this time. She'd never paid attention to this room before, but after being downstairs and finding out what had happened above, she was getting interested in what, exactly, had destroyed these worlds.
no subject
--Archer was his own person. She needed to stop reminiscing over a boy who was not here, who she had seen dead. Even if he showed up here, he was not the one she'd known in her long-dead world.
"You know, you would do just as well on that path as I. You had the potential for it if I remember right."
Reminded her so much of herself, at times, being so determined to save every person she saw, even the hardship of realizing that, sometimes, you couldn't save everyone.
"Though, we both know that, knight or no, I have things I need to make up for and--even if the world is gone--I made a vow to be the world's sword, to protect the people of my world. I will not break that vow even now."
Now that she had seen first hand the cruelty of this place. Now that she was slowly gathering information on the worlds' plight. It was strange how easy it was for her to fall into this role without even thinking about it.
She resisted, briefly, the urge to rest a comforting hand on his shoulder. He would not appreciate it, would not take any kind of pity from her, but the emptiness and weariness in his voice went to her heart. Shirou or not, here was a comrade in arms, a fellow Beast of Alaya, and she herself had felt that tiring ache in her bones wishing for her own existence to just end so she might have some rest.
It took a bit of reaching to get her hand on his shoulder and part of her wondered if it was his contract that had made him so tall or if Shirou had been about to have a growth spurt.
"Will you aid me in this? There are not many here I can trust and I.... I've learned it is best to have a brother in arms at your side to help through such a task, rather than the lonely path we must walk."
Her heart pounded in her chest at asking this of him. Would he even consider it if he knew the truth of her past?
no subject
He thought she was done ripping open all his old wounds with every glance, so he moved on. "Yeah, I know. You'll continue upholding your vows, Saber. Even when they're stupid ones based on a false ideal...to you, it isn't false--"
But then she had to touch him like that. He wasn't expecting it. For Saber to touch him as if they were comrades? He might have called them two of a kind, and he might even have believed that much, but to think that she would ask him to fight at her side...that was too much. "Why...?"
She'd already said the why of it, of course. Before she could answer again, he spoke his own reply. "You don't want me at your side, Saber." And he wrested himself free of her gentle grip and stepped back.
Where before his voice had been reserved, resigned in its bleak weariness, now the anger and hatred, all aimed at himself, seethed rampant in it. "Even now, you don't see. You say that I could do well on the path of a hero. You say that! Saber, I followed that path covered in blood I shed myself, and I trod upon countless hearts and the dreams they beat for to do it." The words spilled forth, each one more bitter and charged with self-loathing than the last. "You know how it is, right? To reach that distant ideal, mere people must be sacrificed over and over again. But at least when you did it, you carried everyone's dream in your heart. When I did it, I carried nothing in mine." He was biting off each word now. "'You would do just as well on that path as I'? Hahaha..." His laughter was nearly hysterical.
He took a ragged breath so he could spit out one last conclusion.
"Your wish was a mistake, and you know it now. But your greatest mistake was always your stubborn, stupid refusal to give up protecting Shirou Emiya."
no subject
She did now. Every word and sneer cutting to her heart and she heard it in Shirou's voice, the hysterical laughter so much like her own when they first met. For a brief moment she felt Shirou's small body in her arms again, lifeless and headless, his blood the only thing she could smell in that basement among the decayed and suffering down there. The last expression on his face had been a wide-eyed one of faint surprise, as if even in death he still could not believe this had happened.
"I killed Shirou," she said in a tight, quiet voice, barely able to keep the pain the guilt, all of it at bay. She'd told Archer she would not let him see her break down again and it was a struggle. Why had she asked him to fight at her side? Told him those things? Because he was
He was right. She was foolish. It was foolish to even trycould she do here? Continue running around like a rat in a maze and go crazy along with everyone else? Let herself be completely idle and still and stagnant?
Without another word she turned from him. She was the one in the wrong here, had been the betrayer, the one who committed a crime. It was wrong of her to even ask him to fight at her side when he did not know of her history and she knew he would be hurt. If he wanted to seek her out, she would let him, but for now--
--For now, she could not let him see her pain.
no subject
His eyes widened. "You..." It had to be a mistake, what he'd heard. As much as he'd loathed it, he'd always known that Saber would protect Shirou. As much as he'd wanted her to have a better Master, he'd always known he would have to fight her for it. His memories of what exactly had happened back in his own world were still foggy, but he was certain that Saber had continued to protect Shirou to the end. Then how had this Saber done the opposite?
And why did it feel like a punch in the gut to hear it? Hadn't he just told her what a mistake protecting that boy was?
In his shock, it took him a moment to realize that she was turning away. That she was leaving. It took him another moment to realize how much what she'd just said must have hurt her to admit. And it took him at least another two moments to struggle with the conviction that he could not possibly be good enough to go after her and ease that pain. In the end, he gave up struggling, and he had every intention of turning away, satisfied that he had no right to confront her of all people, but somehow his feet carried him forward to her anyway, and his voice called out, "Saber."
(He had let her fade away full of regret once, so long ago the memory was nothing but a jagged wound in his heart. It seemed he couldn't do so again.)
In that case, he decided, he might as well keep going. "There are yet worlds out there where that boy lives. Keep saving them, and you will save countless worlds where the knight you once were defends him from me without flinching."
no subject
Archer's voice took a few moments to reach her and she paused at the steps as he spoke. Her hand was so tight on the rail that if it weren't for her gloves she'd be able to see how white her knuckles were. It was true, wasn't it? If she saved the worlds then those other iterations of herself would keep saving him. As far as she could tell, she was the only version of Arturia Pendragon who had slain him.
"....You know, Saber and I thought it was funny how she succeeded where you failed," she said, glancing at him over her shoulder. The pain of the corrupted Excalibur being sliced through her chest was a memory she would never forget. It was almost comical the relatively good terms she and Saber were on now.
She looked away again and just barely managed to keep herself from running from his approaching figure. He wanted to speak to her and Archer--Shirou--Archer deserved anything he asked of her.
If he asked her to cut open her own guts with Caliburn, she would do it gladly.
"I apologize. I should not have asked you to fight by my side when I've betrayed even myself. You're right about those ideals being foolish."
And yet he was the one who had not betrayed them in his life, as far as she knew. That was why she felt he could walk that path just as well as she.
no subject
His gaze slanted downwards then in embarrassed irritation. "Hmm. There's no need for you to say such a thing. It's not that I consider you beneath me, Saber." And he still called her that. He couldn't help it. "It's just that I'm not able to save people anymore." He paused. "I say that, but there's one more person I need to save. Well, never mind that. I propose a different way for us to work together. You should look for ways to save everyone here and all the worlds, and I'll look for a way to kill Ruana, so you can do that freely, without a mad idiot like her trying to save us in the wrong ways." He hesitated. "It'd be all right if we worked together in such a way, right?"
no subject
It struck her, almost comically, that this might have been how Lancelot had felt when she offered him only forgiveness when his affair with Guinevere came to light. The desperation for something to come down upon his head, the need for her to say something--anything--to confirm how wicked he felt in his heart.
Maybe if she hadn't been so wrapped up in her own guilt for her deception that had put them in that situation, she would have seen it and given him what he needed to hold his head high once more.
"What makes you so sure I won't betray you as well?" she asked quietly. What made him so sure she wouldn't stab him in the back?
"Would you hate me if I was ever given the choice of a way to save the worlds or to save you?" Why did she suddenly care if he hated her or not?
no subject
A smirk stole onto his face. "Yeah, you could say I would hate you for that. I would hate you if you ever saved me instead of someone else or the worlds, Saber. That's the only way."
But in any other situation--
In any other situation, she'd simply be a star that had burnt out in all the wrong ways. Some hollowed-out part of him might feel grief over that, but how could he hate her for it?
no subject
And what he said was such a Shirou thing to say, for lack of a better phrase. He would hate her if she ever saved him in the place of someone else or the worlds? She had called Shirou foolish for daring to save her, for doing the exact same sort of foolhardy things as she. Something that had been bright and shining just as much as it was incredibly stupid.
Maybe that was why she kept talking. Maybe if she told him the whole story, his tune would change. Maybe she would stop picking out how much like Shirou he was--how much of him she had already seen in Shirou--if only she could get him mad.
"The Grail had enough power to grant a wish at that point and all I did was take a brief moment to consider. I don't even remember swinging Excalibur...."
A deep breath. She refused to let him see her that emotional again. She might be guilty of such a heinous betrayal, but she would have her pride.
"The next thing I knew Shirou's head was on the ground and Excalibur was covered in his blood. I made my wish shortly after and.... I cannot take solace with the knowledge his death had meaning." That a life like his, even if only because it'd been taken so early, had meant something.
no subject
And then the smile vanished, submerged beneath the mask once again. "But that's not how it was for you. However foolish it might be, to you he was someone to protect, and it won't do any good for me to tell you that he's better off dead."
It was true that Archer still had blind spots when it came to Saber, Saber of all people. But there were fewer of them with this Saber. It was hard to close his eyes so willfully when looking into a mirror, after all. "Hah, I get it, though. That's not what you want--you want me to rage at you and your betrayal. But I can't get angry." He hesitated for a fraction of a second, and then suddenly the mask was faltering and the boy she'd betrayed was back in his eyes. "I'm a little disappointed, though." He looked like he didn't even want to be saying this. "You were really close to being saved, weren't you?" He remembered something. He remembered the way the Shirou who had briefly been here in the Tower had spoken of Saber. "And you let it slip through your fingers..."
He sighed. "We are really a pair of hopeless losers, Saber."
And now for horrible foreshadowing
Saving her? What did he even mean by that? Sure, Shirou often spoke of the desire to save her from her fate no matter how many times both she and Rin pointed out how inevitable it was she would die in the past. Her life had been lived and was spent. What was there to save her from? Herself?
Yet Shirou had made fun of her, spoken to Rin instead of her despite being the maiden he actually took, left her alone on the rooftop when she had almost drained herself to nothing fighting Rider. His actions had been so contradictory she did not know what to think of them and then he began to try courting her, to proclaim he loved her and....
....even now, she missed the way he had held her, the way he'd kissed her even if it'd only been brief. It was lucky for her peace of mind that despite how Archer reminded her of him, how hard it was to separate the two of them in her mind, those feelings she had never been sure of definitely did not translate to her brother-in-arms. If they had then she would not have stayed this long to hear him out.
"We are," she said quietly, letting some of the fondness "I don't think either of us can be saved at this point."
She sighed, shaking her head and looking at the ceiling.
"I think, what I want the most in all the worlds.... is to be able to apologize to him. To hear from his own lips however he feels about what I'd done."
Except that was like wanting her wish to be undone: impossible. Not even the Grail could do that.
no subject
Archer shook his head. "You'll never again meet the Shirou Emiya whose head you separated from his shoulders. He died, and then so did the rest of your world. And I can't tell you what he'd say...I never got anything like that close to saving you."
Regret. Simple and powerful regret. That was the only emotion that lingered in those last words. Nor did he explain just what he meant when he said saving.
"So I'd tell you to set aside that wish, but it wouldn't do any good. You hold onto wishes too well when you want to." He was almost smiling, but the expression was sad. "I still say you can save the worlds, though."
no subject
Her hand finally released the railing as she turned to face him fully, shoulders squared despite the emotion in her eyes. Regret. So much regret and 'I should have, would have, could have' running through her mind. Enough regret to mirror his own, the same sort of almost-smile on her face.
If she hadn't hesitated to hear Kotomine out, she would not have swung her sword. If she had realized Shirou was in danger sooner, he would not have even gone down into the basement. If she had not agreed to lay with him one last time the night before, then maybe she would have caught him on the way out the door instead of languishing in bed and convinced him to let her accompany him. Perhaps if she'd had the courage to ask for another kiss that morning, he would not have gone at all.
He thought she could save the worlds? Arturia felt like anything but a savior. Yet all she had left was that need to save everyone around her, no matter how tired it left her, no matter how dark the road became. Even after the end of the world she couldn't see herself doing anything but continuing to walk down that path. It was as ingrained into her as the color of her eyes, the feel of a sword in her hand, or that insufferable lock of hair that never laid flat no matter what she tried.
"We need to save the people here first. After that, then we can see to the worlds. As a few people I know would say: what is there to lose?"
no subject
He met her regret-filled gaze with one of his own. As always, it was like looking into a mirror.
"There's always something more to lose, Saber. What will you do if you have to sacrifice the people here to save the worlds? I know you used to make choices like that. Can you still do it?"
no subject
Her initial instinct was to say 'yes. Of course I would.' as she often had in the past but a tugging on her heart stopped her.
In her mind's eye she saw Rin, proud and hurting and with the potential to rival Merlin himself in talent. She saw John with his Pokemon that wide-toothed grin of his. Yu giving up on her stubbornness and simply picking her up. Zelda's tears at the death of Dax.
The part that hurt the most about the thought is that, unlike those villages she had been forced to sacrifice when there was no other choice, most of the people here would understand. Not all of them, no. But most of them. Not just understand but likely be willing to bare their necks for her sword should just such a situation occur.
How could she sacrifice such noble people? Yet how could she not when the stakes were that high? How could she when their deaths meant the worlds would be destroyed otherwise? How could she make that choice when all her choices in the past only led to ruin and despair and no one saved at all?
Her voice was very small and very troubled when, after a few long moments, she finally said: "I don't know."
For the first time in her life, she truly and utterly hated herself in that moment. Had Shirou's death and the consequences of the Grail affected her so? What had happened to any surety she had before?
no subject
"You're making things even harder on yourself, then," he finally said, his expression now perfectly composed. "Now you have to find a way to save everybody, even those who don't want to be saved." He gestured casually at himself as he said that. "I told you I would hate you if you chose to save me over the worlds, so you've only got that choice left. Save everybody. Of course, I know it isn't possible."
He paused. "But, you know, if anyone can prove me wrong, it's probably you."
no subject
She took a step back toward the stairs, but her eyes were determined now. He believed she had to save everyone? She did not even stop to think of another way the last time. Now?
Arturia would save both the worlds and the tower, for the sake of all worlds.
"I shall do my best not to let you down then, Archer."
That said, she turned and slowly made her way up the stairs. She had things she needed to plan.