towerofanimus

Entry tags:

10

Characters: Shinji Matou & OPEN
Setting: Various floors, dangerous and otherwise, then Room 2-06.
Format: Action preferred, though I'll try to match.
Summary: Rider is gone, and Shinji isn't taking it well.
Warnings: Descriptions of a child's death-by-drowning in Part 2.
Notes: Part 2 takes place the day following Part 1, and is open to both passersby and roommates alike. If tag you into Part 1 without specifying a floor, I'll pick one myself; the only one that is really off limits is Floor 90, for reasons.

part 1 - various floors
[Shinji knows when Rider is gone, of course. He just doesn't accept it. He isn't the most rational, measured person at the best of times, and his circumstances now are obviously not optimal. So, rather than trying to quietly come to terms with her departure, he goes to look for her. He'll find wherever she has run off to sooner or later, he thinks, as though she's still somewhere in the Tower where he can yap at her until she pays attention to him.]

Rider! [He waits briefly, standing in the dormitory hallway. When there's no reply, he calls out again, louder and more agitated now.] Rider!

[And he keeps shouting for her as he stomps around the Tower, his voice growing increasingly demanding as he becomes increasingly desperate. He can be heard calling for her in all sorts of places, since while he starts with floors he is more familiar with and ones that are relatively safe, he soon begins to venture places an unattended eight-year-old really should not be. Mostly, he sticks to floors he thinks or knows would attract Rider—ones with water, or treasure, or that inexplicably smoky barroom—paying no heed to the way he is tiring himself out with all this searching.]

part 2 - room 2-06
[As it turns out, ten minutes is the perfect amount of time for reliving the way you died.]

[The lagoon had been a natural place to check. No one can blame him for going there. It isn't his fault, anyway—the blame lies on Rider, for leaving him in the first place, and those things lurking in the water, those things that had grabbed him before he even had a chance to scream. He can remember the feeling of their strong, wet hands wrapped tight around his wrists and ankles, and the way it felt to thrash as he tried to struggle free of them. But, more than that, he can remember the way it felt when he couldn't free himself. The panicked fear of death, the way water poured into his mouth and down his throat when his lungs desperately tried to suck down air...]

[His legs tremble when he is finally able to move again, but he makes himself stand regardless.]

[He can't take it anymore. As if losing to that pathetic no-name weakling wasn't enough, as if dying wasn't enough, as if being brought to this place only to have everything that made him special taken away from him wasn't enough, now he has been killed, again, by mermaids.]

[He doesn't even care that he's throwing what is undeniably a childish tantrum when he shoves his trunk over. He doesn't care that doing this might break something inside. What did it matter? He died, and now on top of being dead he's alone here, all because his stupid, selfish Servant went and abandoned him. He picks up an upturned item at random, paying no attention to what it is, and throws it at the nearest wall.]

[Unless stopped, he'll be at this until he calms down or tires himself out, and tiring himself out is probably the option that will come first.]

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Why should I tell you?! You just... You just—!

[Whatever Kariya just is left unsaid. Shinji probably doesn't know how he meant to finish that sentence himself. He kicks again, and this time something electronic goes skidding across the floor.]

Rider left me, that—that bitch! [Despite his behavior being what it is, Shinji doesn't use foul language often, or at least not out loud. Now, though, the word slips out without him thinking about it much at all. He's furious about a lot of things right now, and his Servant's departure is high on the list.]

[Kariya watches Shinji. He doesn't know what he just, but he decides not to inquire about that.

He doesn't think getting upset himself would do any good. He remains calm and doesn't talk down to Shinji, doesn't chastise him for his foul language (not that he likes to hear it).]

Sometimes people leave here. I don't think it's their fault, and it happens at random. I'm sure she didn't mean to leave you.

It could be that they go home, or back to wherever they came from.

[Kariya prefers to look on the bright side, in this case.]

What good does that do me?

[It doesn't make any difference to him where she has gone, and especially not when the two of them have already lost and died. All that's important is that she's gone to begin with. Still, it's harder to stay angry when he has another person talking to him calmly and rationally, though he makes a valiant effort.]

If she ever comes back, I'll... I'll make her beg for me to take her back! Maybe I'll forgive her if she gets down on her hands and knees and grovels!

[On some level, he knows that the chances of him successfully getting her to do such are all but zero, but right now he's too wrapped up in his childish fantasy to care.]

I don't know, maybe not much good. [It's only the truth.]

You could ask Ruler to protect you. It's her job to protect Masters without Servants. She used to protect me.

[He lets Shinji be angry. He can understand the anger. He feels angry at times himself--about this place, about the things that happen here--though he's not a child, and he doesn't express it in the same way.]

She might come back. Sometimes people leave and come back again.

I don't need anyone else's protection! Not hers, and not—not anyone's!

[He snaps the reply automatically, even though he knows that isn't true. He doesn't think he has to worry about another Master or Servant bothering him, but this place is more than he can handle. He just doesn't want to admit that, since it's the same as admitting his weakness. Unthinkingly, he runs a hand through his own hair, pulling at it.]

I don't want her to come back. [That isn't good enough. He wants her to still be here, and obviously, she isn't.] And I don't want you trying to pretty up the situation. She's gone, and I'm...

[Alone now? He isn't sure how he meant to finish that sentence, either.]

Everyone here can use protection sometimes, no matter how capable they are. It's no reflection on how strong or smart you are. Even Servants have been killed in the Tower.

[And if a Servant can be killed, they're all vulnerable. Kariya doesn't mean to sugarcoat or to talk down to Shinji. He's already getting the idea that that's the last thing Shinji wants.]

I'm not trying to make things seem better than they are. I know it's hard, when someone leaves. Someone I cared about left. I probably won't ever see her again.

I have a Servant now, and I could ask him to help you, even if you probably don't need that. But just in case.

[That reply finally manages to knock the wind out of his sails, Shinji's shoulders slumping as he huffs. He stares at his scattered possessions a few seconds longer, and then he moves to flop down on his bed, his feet swinging where they hang over its edge.]

Oh, so your Servant shows up right when mine leaves? [It would be childish and irrational to make a connection between the two events and resent whoever Kariya's Servant happens to be. Too bad that, whatever he may say, Shinji is both of those things. He only hesitates a moment before asking,] What kind do you have?

[Kariya is inwardly delighted to see Shinji calm down, but outwardly he remains more or less neutral. He doesn't remark on the scattered possessions or try to pick them up.]

He didn't just show up, he's been here a couple weeks now.

He's Berserker. Or he was. He's not under Mad Enhancement now, so I'm not sure what he counts as. Saber? He has a sword. But maybe he's not in any class anymore.

[He wonders what that's like, to be a Servant without a class... He decides he likes the sound of it. It suits him. He not like the other magi.]

Still. [Huff puff. He isn't happy about it, because that means someone else has something he wants—something he earned and therefore deserves.] Does it matter? If he was summoned as a Berserker, he's a Berserker.

[He's back to sounding condescending, so that's... That's positive?]

I do think it matters if he's not berserk. He doesn't have the same boost of strength, and he can think clearly.

[He supposes he can see both sides of the issue, however, and so he's willing to agree with Shinji.

After all, no matter how different he is, he's still a Master in the War like all the other Masters. Maybe he should ask Lancelot what he thinks about it.]

But maybe you're right. Maybe it doesn't matter. I guess you can call him Berserker, then.

[Yes, it's the same old condescending Shinji who Kariya is coming to know and love.]

That just means he's defective. Isn't that something you should look into fixing?

[He's pretty sure that's how it would work back in the Moon Cell, anyway. A defective Berserker is still a Berserker, and it's something most Masters would try to rectify.]

[In his own way, the suggestion that he try to "correct" Berserker's lack of mad enhancement is friendly advice, though it is of course delivered with a tone that makes his underlying thoughts obvious. And those underlying thoughts are, "Sheesh, if you can't even figure that out, how did you ever get by without me here to help you out?"]

No, he's not defective. [Kariya's surprised to find himself feeling slightly defensive.] I like him better this way. I can actually talk to him. He can still operate as a Servant, and he doesn't drain as much prana.

[Kariya is guilty of thinking of Lancelot as human now, more than as a tool. After all, that's what magi think, isn't it? That Servants are tools? And that's how he'd been treated in his past, as nothing but a pawn. Having become friends with the Lancers, he knows a Servant is more than just a tool.

He makes me sick, when he's like that.

I'm pretty sure the Mad Enhancement is the entire point of the class, so if he doesn't have it, he's defective. [That's just a fact — Kariya can feel however he wants about that defect, even if Shinji thinks his feelings are stupid. Which he does.] Who cares if you can talk to him? I'm pretty sure the point of summoning a Servant isn't to have someone to talk to.

[In fairness, he can see the benefit of the lower prana requirement, but he's also dedicated himself to arguing that Kariya's stance on the matter is wrong and dumb.]

No offense, but you look like you'd get sick if someone breathed on you wrong.

Well, if I'm a defective magus, it makes sense I'd have a defective Servant.

[He tries to say this lightheartedly, though it's something of a grim joke.]

And I like talking to him. There's not even a War to fight here. So I think I'll keep him the way he is. He's still very strong, just the way he is.

I'm fine. I'll be fine. A lot of this is old damage. There are healers who help me.

[He's still weak, but he's stronger than he was.] He makes me a great deal more sick than that. You know Berserker takes more prana than any other Servant.

Edited 2013-03-10 18:30 (UTC)

That's not something to be proud of, but I guess telling you to have some dignity is asking too much.

[For once, it's not a rude, dismissive insult for the sake of being rude and dismissive. Shinji actually seems bothered by that attitude. After all, a Matou magus should have more pride than that, even if he isn't sure whether they're from the same Matou family.]

Yeah, I know. Well, sucks to be you, I guess.

[He doesn't manage to sound quite as flippant as he would like to.]

I do have dignity. My family is... You don't know them, since you're not the same Shinji I knew, but their magecraft isn't something I want to be associated with. Magecraft can be a terrible thing. I'd rather be defective in their eyes. It would mean I was doing something right.

[He speaks to Shinji more or less openly. Even if Shinji isn't really his nephew, Kariya still thinks of him as one, in a way. Just a strange way.

He laughs, a little sadly.]

Yes, it does "suck". It hurts, but I did what I thought was right. So I can't complain now.

How can you say you have dignity? You can't even use your Servant the way it's meant to be used without hurting yourself. You're a joke!

[He isn't quite sure why this bothers him so much. Maybe it offends him that a person like this is using the Matou name, or that someone so weak wants to protect him. Maybe it's just because he can't understand what goes on in Kariya's head in the slightest, or his motivations.]

What you thought was right? Get real. What do you think you're going to do without the power to back it up?

I'll use my Servant the way I want to. I don't have to do things the way the others do.

[He might have been angrier at someone else for saying these things. They're like a childish echo of something Zouken might say. But as it's Shinji saying them, he's able to remain calm, to provide answers.]

He's still the strongest Servant. He's a great Hero. He's strong enough for me to win.

I have power, now. [He glances down at his Command Seals.] I have enough to do what's needed to be done, and that's all I want. Sometimes what's right is more important than anything else. To save someone. That's what matters to me. When you care about someone, you'd do anything for them.

Yeah, real touching—like a couple of fingers to the back of the throat.

[Shinji doesn't understand Kariya's motivations at all. So, he dismisses them entirely. Obviously, if he doesn't think they're valid and worthwhile, they aren't.]

What garbage. You're going to make me sick if you keep it up.

[Sigh. The lack of understanding is mutual. Why is Shinji this way? What would make a child so harsh? It's sad, when he thinks about it.]

I couldn't let someone I cared about continue to suffer without doing anything about it. That's all.

Why did you enter the War?

...Oh, that?

[He tries to sound casual when he speaks, but he's never been very good at playing it cool, no matter what he might think himself. It's even harder to shrug the question off when he's been reminded of his own death as he has. He looks away as he shrugs.]

I just wanted the title. That's all.

That was your wish? You just wanted to win for winning's sake?

[It's odd to him, when the war is so dangerous in his world, when the stakes are so high. To enter for no real reason... But Shinji does sound less than casual, to Kariya's mind.]

Is it really just a game, then, in your world? Or is it something more?

Of course that's why I wanted to win! [He snaps his reply, his voice heated and maybe even a little defensive.] You realize the kind of recognition you'd get for that, right? There's no way I would pass up the chance to show the world how much better I am than the rest of those mouth-breathing cretins!

It's—

[His voice falters for a second, but then he swallows and presses on—except that his cheeks pale and his voice shakes. He's a terrible liar, even—especially—when it comes to something like this.]

Of course it's just a game! Saying you get a wish if you win and die if you lose— I don't know what kind of moron would believe that load of crap.

Right. Because there's only one winner, out of so many. But you're so talented, you shouldn't have to prove yourself to anyone...

[Kariya isn't being condescending. Shinji's obviously very intelligent (if abrasive), as well as talented, if he was able to qualify a contest like that. But then, why is he suddenly upset?

Oh.

Oh no.

Die if you lose. He can hear the tremor in Shinji's voice, and suddenly it all seems clear, though he doesn't know what to do, what the right thing to say is. His voice, when he speaks, is gentle.]

But it wasn't a lie. It was true.

[How could they--or whoever or whatever was responsible--create something so horrible and allow children to play?]

Edited 2013-03-10 22:24 (UTC)

R— Right, naturally! [Though he isn't used to people telling him things like that, and his face colors a little. He isn't sure how else to handle the situation, so he just barrels on like receiving that kind of validation isn't the entire reason he got involved in the Grail War to begin with.] But no one else sees it, so I thought if they had that kind of evidence right in front of their faces, they'd finally have to acknowledge it.

[When Kariya correctly guesses the truth of the matter, Shinji freezes up. His eyes widen, and for a second he only stares at Kariya without speaking.]

That—

[He wants to argue and tell him that isn't true, but it is. Even if he woke up here, he can still remember the way dying felt. He had to watch his digital body disappear bit by bit, knowing that when it was over, he wouldn't wake up in real life again. It was horrifying, and the memory steals his voice again now.]

[He doesn't realize his mouth has started to work again until he hears himself make a distressed noise—a laugh, actually, though it doesn't sound amused at all.]

What does it matter? I'm alive here, so worrying about that is a waste of time.

[Not that he really believes that himself, but he can pretend.]

Edited 2013-03-10 22:50 (UTC)

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