towerofanimus | [ 07 ] ✿✿ [ Open ]

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[ 07 ] ✿✿ [ Open ]

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Dark Rin & YOU!
Setting: Various floors, dormitories. Willing to have her be anywhere so long as there's something "pretty" to take a photo of
Time: Throughout the day
Format: Quick to start, will match
Summary: Rin believes in equivalent exchange and works on repaying a kindness done to her. Later on she finds out what everyone else has found out via terminals ~~because magi and computers GROSS~~ and broods a little
Warnings: Surprisingly a nice post for her, will edit them in if they come up

►►► VARIOUS;
[ When Rin wakes up the morning of the first, she's left a gift as per her request. Surprised as she is to see it, she wastes no time in getting the film inside of the camera and visiting various floors. Rin starts at the top of the tower in her search to take pictures for her uncle, taking caution to travel to floors that he might not be able to due to his condition. The more dangerous the floor? The more likely one is to find Rin there. She shows no fear as she moves through with relative ease and should she happen upon a monster? Well, it's rare these days that a monster can stand up to her and should she meet her match, it takes seconds for her to be free of the danger due to the silent guardian that can be called to her side near instantaneously. Not that she's going to bother him when she's having such a great day admittedly. ]

►►► DORMITORIES;
[ Sometime in the evening, after she's spoken with Saber to find out what this place truly is and what she is herself, Rin can be found lurking in the hallway as though she's waiting for monsters to come for her. Not that they crawled among the dormitory corridors often, but if they were to come looking for her... well, she might greet them happily. ]

If it isn't mine, then why did they stay within me? [ She mutters out loud to herself bitterly. ] Why is it still there too?

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I died. Is that what you're asking because now you know.

[ Rin's annoyance at his persistence fades as quick as it came as she slumps to the floor to rest. ]

I died and found out my body isn't my own.

I don't mean if you died. I mean now with all this new information out.

[He reaches out a little hesitantly to touch her shoulder.]

This is the kind of thing I am worried about. You seem tired, but I get the impression if things were as simple as that you would be resting right now. Do you feel like talking about it?

When I close my eyes, I see things that no one should see. When I sleep, I fall into a trance sometimes and who knows what I do when I'm like that.

[ Not that the former has happened here what with Zouken being dead and all. Just that Rin isn't willing to take that risk. ]

I found a floor that puts me to sleep. I like it there, but I can't go now. [ Not ever since Archer behaved that way. ] You speak of information... just what do you think it is I know? Be wise about it, Lancer. If you knew of someone who was dangerous when provoked, would you give them all the answers? Who knows who is lying to me and who isn't.

[Diarmuid shakes his head sadly.]

I cannot imagine how painful those things are, but using floors like that one or the floor that makes you forget isn't a good way to handle things. It is only temporary and then you grieve all the more when those memories come back or you wake up.

[Despite his concern for her, anger flashes across his eyes when she speaks of lying.]

I. Don't. Lie.

[Except to himself, but that doesn't count.]

And maybe it is foolish of me here, but I try to give others the benefit of the doubt as well unless it is obvious they can't be trusted.

Oh, then what would you have me do? Slip into the way I was before my arrival and kill everyone? I'm sure that would go over well.

[ Pulling up her knees to her chest, she holds onto her legs as she listens to him. ]

I know you don't lie. Many others do.

I don't believe you would do that. If you would, wouldn't you have done so already and spared yourself the pain instead of looking so hard for other ways?

[He looks down, hands curling into fists at his side.]

I just wish I knew how to help more, but I don't. I don't seem to know how to help anyone right now. I'm sorry.

[Diarmuid hates being this weak and not knowing what to do, though it does make him feel a little better that she--for now anyway--seems to believe he won't lie to her.]

Something is wrong with you too, isn't it?

[ Why though? ] Is it because of the souls thing?

[Diarmuid looks at her with startled, almost frightened eyes. The last thing he wants to do is burden her with his problems, but she has just said she knows he doesn't lie...]

It's not the souls thing really. After all, servants are just copies of a soul put into a new body whenever they are wanted. This really isn't so different from that. It's just...everything else that has been going on. Dax, the reveals, the mist....

[He has to force back a shiver when he thinks of what the mist had made him do.]

But yes, I will honestly say there is something wrong with me. My mind...isn't what is was when I first arrived.

Edited 2013-03-05 01:55 (UTC)

Do you wish for a geas?

[ Rin says this knowing well enough that it wasn't something he can take lightly. The determination behind her own gaze refuses to waiver in light of the topic, as she stares him down. ]

To forget.

[Diarmuid closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He is ashamed to admit that there is a part of him that wants to accept her offer--a much bigger part than there should be. What would it be like to finally be free of all of the pain and sorrow and just have a chance to start again?

But that is the easy way out. That is the same path he took to try to ease the pain he'd felt during the experiment in January and no matter how tempting the release is, he doesn't want to do anything that will push him closer to what he had been during that time.

Besides, the tower will just do more of the same and probably break him down again in a short amount of time. No, he has to find a way to deal with this through help from his friends and through his own strength. It is the only way he will be able to continue on in this place.]

No, Lady, that is an offer I must refuse. It might work in the short term, but I suspect it wouldn't be long before the tower broke me again because I never learned how to take care of the pain it cases. It might take a long time and it is going to hurt, but I have to keep trying.

I can do it again.

[ Muttering. ] And again and again and again. I'll do it every day so you don't have to feel any pain. All you'd have to do is trust in me and the things I say.

[ She doesn't lift her head when she speaks choosing instead to nestle her nose between her knees as she rests. If only there was someone who could offer her the same. It was an offer she would hastily accept even if the orders they gave her were to die.

Why can't there be someone who can command her on what to do?

Wouldn't it be easier if there was such a person? Why can't she serve instead of being served? Why do people keep putting her into these positions of power expecting that she'll make all the best decisions?

It pisses her off. When did she ever sign up to be a leader? When did she ever show any decent shred of worth for these fools to believe in her? Why do they believe in her? ]

Well, I can't blame you for not trusting someone like me. [ She's just a husk infested with shadows and vermin. ]

[Diarmuid gives her a soft look and he reaches out to gently touch her face.]

It's not that I don't trust you. You know that. It's just that this place takes advantage of weakness like that. How can I protect you if I am so weak? No, I must do this myself. Please, don't give up on me. I made a promise to you, and I intend to keep it.

[His hand drops down to rub her shoulder. Honestly, he is tempted to pull her into his arms to comfort her, but he's not sure how she will react.]

You don't want to have to babysit me like that anyway, do you? Somehow, I don't think that's what you really want.

[Diarmuid just wishes she would tell him what she does want so he would know better how to help her.]

I'm growing used to it.

[ It comes out softly, but like with all things the snowball continues to accumulate as the words roll off of her tongue. ]

Used to taking care of people. Babysitting others. It isn't fair, you know? No one's cared about me for years and I was alright with that because if I met someone who needed it, I could take care of them. That might distract me from how messed up I was, you know?

[ Sighing as she lowers her head, the anger fading. ] I wasn't expecting every hero I met in this tower to be broken.

Unfortunately, most heroes have several beliefs and values that really help shape who they are. When they come to a place like this, those things are so easily shattered and taken from them leaving them lost and unsure what it is they should be doing. I suppose maybe that is why there are so many of us here. We are such fun little toys to break.

[Diarmuid reaches out and gently traces the side of her face with his fingers.]

I know it might not mean much coming from a broken hero like me, but I do care about you. That is why I want to become stronger in a way the tower can't break. I want to be able to take care of you, not the other way around. You deserve comfort and rest just as much as anyone else.

You speak as though I need that.

[ Rin's head jerks away from his touch as she looks away, a scowl forming along her face. Anytime someone expresses care towards her, it results in the same thing. Every. Time. ]

I don't. That's why so many weak men come to me. They take a look at me and think that I'm nothing more than a broken bird that needs to be returned to a cage.

I'm not anything like that, Lancer. Don't mistake a wolf in sheep's clothing as anything but a wolf. You're too smart for that.

[Diarmuid sighs at her wince, pulling his hand back and shifting to sit, arms crossed on his knees similar to how she is sitting.]

You are most definitely more wolf that sheep. No cage would hold you. That is for certain, but that doesn't mean you still don't need things like rest or comfort. Having even something small to give you comfort or being able to safely rest when you need it--those things make you stronger. Why do you think this place tries so hard to deny us them to us?

Rin. I want to help you, but you need to tell me what you want me to do. I have tried to guess and been told it did nothing but anger you, so please, tell me something. Anything. Do you want me to be someone you can care for or do you want me to help care for you? Is there some middle ground you want instead? I once told you I would follow beside you so we could walk together. That hasn't changed, but sometimes I feel like you are trying to leave me behind. Do you really want me gone?

I...don't want to go.

Sometimes I believe you're only around because a hero needs someone to save and you fools, not just you but so many others, insist on saving me. That isn't a possibility, so the sooner you accept that I'm not a person worth saving, then maybe you can move on to the next task.

[ Closing her eyes, she just tries to relax after that. ] I don't know. There's something wrong.

[Diarmuid closes his eyes tightly for a moment.]

Would it help any for you to know I don't consider myself a hero? I never have. I don't understand why I was recorded to the Throne in the first place. I am just a man who looks out for those he cares about. It is what all people do, or should do anyway.

[He opens his eyes, a slight smirk curling his lips.]

However, I can say without a doubt that I am no quitter. I'm sorry, Rin. You may give up on yourself, but I won't give up on you. I am in no hurry to move onto my next 'task.'

What do you feel is wrong? Is there something I can do to make it right?

That... that doesn't make any sense.

[ She finally speaks after a lengthy pause, one long enough to definitely make the air between the two awkward. ]

You say that you're not a hero, but you are one. Everything you've done in this place so far is heroic in comparison to others and even the demeanor you carry with yourself reeks of it.

Even... you refuse to quit, isn't that a sign of a hero? [ Tilting her head lazily. ] You admit that I'm a task worth keeping your attention on though, don't you?

I have made too many mistakes to be a hero anymore. I have failed too many people. Heroes don't do those things. All that is left is for me to keep trying even if it tears me apart because I genuinely want to help people and I don't know what else to do. I don't know if that is heroic or not. Honestly, I think maybe it's just sad.

[He pauses a moment and then looks her in the eye.]

You are not a task, Rin. You are a person I care about, and yes, I do think you are worthy of keeping my attention. I will do anything I can to help you.

You have a strange definition of a hero.

[ Bluntly said. ] A hero is defined by their past, their history, not what they have done after. Once you're a hero, rarely do you ever fall from that title.

[ Why was he this desperate to help someone of her nature? What was there about her to care for? So many questions and pride kept her from asking them. ]

I don't need help, you know.

[He laughs, though, it's a sad sound.]

Maybe, but does it really matter? Titles are really just things that slow us down.

And I know you don't need help, Little Wolf. Did you not just tell me that? I would still like to help you anyway. Friends do that for each other.

[ Rin and her collection of animal nicknames continues. She sulks a bit at being called a wolf, giving the impression she's more of an angry puppy than anything. ]

I don't know about friends. Are you saying that's what we are?

[He tilts his head at her, smiling slightly.]

Yes, I would say we are friends. Unless...is there something else you want us to be? A different name you would like to apply to our relationship?

W-What... What would you call us if not friends?

[ Rin's not getting tricked into labeling her relationships. ]

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